Mortification And Delirium

Mortification and delirium
My guardian demons
They came to rescue me
During a dreadful slumber
I felt frozen hooks all over me
It was magical and startling
Nevertheless, the fear came to me
I was wandering, lonely and vulnerable
They were hunting me in the dead of night
I could hear their steps behind me
But I couldn’t discern a shadow from a glimmering star
As the clouds had overwhelmed the night sky
And the moon had vanished quietly

Wherever I attempted to proceed
I couldn’t find any portal to flee that abode
My gown, adorned with blood and snow, had accompanied me
The creatures of the underworld traced my every movement
It seemed to me that I was mesmerised and hypnotised by their spells
While a massive chain of hooks and pins entwined my body like a metallic vine
I was an evanescent creature, falling apart into the abyss of decay and despair
Under the indifferent gaze of the stars, cold and leaden

The soft snowflakes were falling all over me
Kissing my scorched and slashed skin
Bleeding and sobbing, I had to face my fears and my cruel fate
No refuge was granted to me
No lovely embrace was going to welcome me
I had lost all my hopes, and my longings were reduced to ashes
I was condemned to wander endlessly in an abyss of doom
Where I disappeared completely, and no memories of my existence were left
Mortification and delirium were no longer my guardian demons, but the ominous and frightening flanks of myself

How could I have deceived myself so recklessly?
How could I have allowed myself to surrender to death?
It was so brutal to admit that I had died ominously
And moreover, that my name had been erased from the mortal realm
My wishes of self-destruction had come true unexpectedly
I was ensnared by the monsters I had birthed within myself
They swallowed my heart each time I was overwhelmed by a passion
I had become the creator of my own downfall
Each flame of desire had transformed into a sharp dagger, piercing me with devout cruelty
Nothing could have been stopped anymore
I was condemned and obliterated.
Elisabetta Esther