The Enchanted Manuscript Of Elisabetta Esther

  • Emptiness

    Emptiness

    Emptiness

    I feel an emptiness that depletes my mind
    I cannot find any word to express my weakness
    Trying to express thoughts with words and linking words in sentences
    I’m in a cage of void and numbness
    No one can rescue me but myself
    To free my mind
    My thoughts would follow an order
    And my mind would have the strength to reveal itself
    Indifference and emptiness create a barrier around me
    Prejudices occlude minds and confines individuals
    Thus I find refuge in the literature and poetry
    Although they can deceive me
    They are pleasant dreams and delusions which allow me to endure
    Books are my several worlds I live in
    Several worlds where I can live different experiences
    And where I can meet several characters
    Discovering several places and epochs
    Poetry is my only personal expression where I can be myself
    Sometimes I lose myself in the emptiness of the reality
    Which I push away in the effort to survive
    My sensibility and my sensitivity suffer
    From a painful system that is made of stereotypes and prejudices
    Labels and classifications are the foundation of a hypocrite society
    A society that is ridiculous and absurd
    Sometimes more foolish than a fantasy book
    Hence I find refuge in the emptiness which I feel
    My secret haven in a realm that is made of horror and injustice
    An empire that is built on corruption and deceit
    Where a false smile is worth far more than a sincere sorrow
    Believing in illusion is the only way to survive
    My dungeon is my joyful refuge, where I can protect myself.
    Esther Racah

  • Torn To Pieces

    Torn To Pieces

    Torn To Pieces

    I’ve been torn to pieces
    Hidden in a silent alcove
    I lost my integrity
    The integrity which made me shine like a star
    Now that I’m not anymore a shining star
    I’m a fragment of myself
    A piece whose beauty is lost
    Once a tiny part of a beautiful artwork
    Which is sinking in a vast ocean of despair
    The despair of the uncertainty
    Powerless to escape from this misery
    I disappear into my fantasy
    Where I can refuge
    Like a beautiful and graceful butterfly
    Running from a cruel reality
    Which is like an obscure fortress
    Where a labyrinth traps everything
    A mysterious maze made of isolation and silence
    An imperceptible and invisible fortress
    A fortification that dwells inside the soul
    A snare made of fears and prejudices
    A  lure built on grief and prostration
    I’ve been torn to pieces
    Sad hallucinations find a new stance
    In the disruption of the unconsciousness
    The time ceases to exist
    Futile fears find their realm
    A kingdom of rags and scraps
    The pieces of my soul
    Like the fragments of a shattered shining mirror
    Whose several remnants shine in the moonlight.
    Esther Racah

  • Mrs Dalloway By Virginia Woolf

    Mrs Dalloway By Virginia Woolf

    Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf is her fourth novel and the publication year is 1925. It is a parallel portrayal of this book’s two main characters: Clarissa Dalloway and Septimus Warren Smith. 

    Virginia Woolf and Mrs Dalloway

    Clarissa Dalloway is a rich woman in her fifties, and Septimus Warren Smith is a war veteran. While Septimus struggles to recover from his post-traumatic stress disorder, Clarissa is organising a party, recalling old memories. The happening of the party of Clarissa is simultaneous with the decline of Septimus’s mental conditions. Virginia Woolf expresses a subtle critic of the medical profession and society classism. There is a correlation between the personal experience of the author and the characters of this fictional book. Indeed, Woolf had bipolar disorder, and the suicide theme appears in the novel as anticipation of Virginia’s life end. And of course, the thematic of feminism is present with the contrast between rich and working women. Clarissa is a rich and gracious woman in her fifties who is married. And she recalls memories of herself falling in love with her girlfriend, Sally Seton. Sally is a girl of French descent and with a peculiar personality. Miss Seton is unconventional with a bit of egotism, and she doesn’t follow society’s rules. Clarissa and Sally have a platonic relationship even though both of them married later on. The personality of the writer is split into the characters of Clarissa and Septimus. Indeed, they embody two different aspects of Mrs Woolf’s personality. 

    The torments of Virginia 

    Unquestionably this book reflects some personal aspects of Virginia’s life with all the emotional implications. Virginia Woolf was in a long relationship with the writer Vita Sackville-West starting from 1922. Virginia found generous support in Vita during her struggles with depression. Mrs Woolf had nervous breakdowns during her life, and her depression was getting worse as she was ageing. Depression that culminated in her suicide when she was 59 years old. In the last letter to her husband Leonard, Virginia, was describing her mental issues. She started to hear voices, and she was feeling powerless in front of her terrible disease (as she describes it). And so she decided to stop spoiling her husband life, with this extreme and improper decision. She wrote to her husband that even though he tried to make her happy, her illness prevented her from enjoying her marital life with him. In the character of Septimus, Virginia describes her mental conditions, such as his hallucinations and hearing voices, in particular, the one of Evans, who died during the war. 

    Image by WikiImages from Pixabay

    A hypocrite society 

    In this novel, the society is hypocrite, superficial and insensitive. It is clear when Septimus is under the “cares” of doctor Holmes, who underestimates the gravity of his mental conditions. On the contrary, the doctor puts under pressure the poor Mr Smith, with his daily intrusions in the patient’s house against Mrs Reza Smith’s will, the wife of Septimus. The disillusion in human nature, the feelings of loneliness, desertion, and condemnation from a society that only judge and isolate without helping, fuel the despair of Septimus Smith. He gives up since he cannot bear the judgement of people who, in his believes, wants him dead for social wellbeing. The specialist doctor Bradshaw, well known for mental breakdown cases, prescribes merely a period of rest in a nursing home. The anguish of Septimus was the same as Virginia’s one when she decided that she couldn’t bear living her life anymore. This novel is a subtle accusation against the medical circle described as arrogant, superficial and inhumane. The same superficiality allows Clarissa Dalloway to live in her fake world made of parties and unnamed friends. Indeed, she got to know the suicide of a young man while enjoying her party. In her opinion death were defiance and an attempt to communicate, not feeling any compassion for him. 

    Image by F. Muhammad from Pixabay

    Impressions

    The unusual features of Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf are a reflection of the writer’s polyhedric personality. She was a feminist and a bisexual when bisexuality was unusual and considered a transgression. After the year 1970, her books were an inspiration for the group of feminists. The main themes of this fictional-and-not novel are life, death, love, and mental health. The contrast between the lightness and frivolity of the rich Clarissa and the dramatic struggle of Septimus is the metaphor of Virginia’s two sides. Unusual book but also very tragic, it is a masterwork of English literature. 

  • The Antique Door

    The Antique Door

    The Antique Door

    An antique door was standing in an abandoned castle
    Surrounded by ancient and luxurious vestiges
    While the seasons were dancing alternatively
    This antique door was imperturbable
    With its shy cracks and golden garnishes
    It was standing quietly
    Unaware of the weather’s changes
    Careless about the sun and moon
    Unaffected by the days and nights
    Its imperfections were like embroideries
    This relic was a luscious memory
    The memory of a period that was lost
    Light and dusk were creating beautiful artworks
    Like artists painting on a canvas
    Each day there was a different drawing
    Different attitudes depict the soul with different colours
    The soul is an artwork
    A blank canvas which is ready to be painted
    A painting sometimes may have some crack and imperfection
    Nevertheless, imperfections are beautiful artful conceptions.
    Esther Racah

  • The Abyss Of Memories

    The Abyss Of Memories

    The Abyss Of Memories

    Into the abyss of memories
    I lie inert and motionless
    Here no light can find a place
    Because the darkness is overwhelming
    The frail remembrances of a dusty past
    A past which is a museum of frightening and exquisite paintings
    Each of them portrays a different life instant
    And I lie in this abstract place
    A surrealistic chasm that keeps me captive
    Hoping to find freedom from the abyss of memories
    I laugh and cry
    It doesn’t matter anymore what is real
    Reality seems an illusion of my perceptions
    In the end, I wonder what is illusory and what is real.
    Esther Racah

  • Absolute Silence

    Absolute Silence

    Absolute Silence

    My mind is blank
    My emotions are frozen
    And I remain motionless
    Until the moment I can enjoy the absolute silence
    I don’t need anymore to express myself with words
    Every memory disappears
    And I find myself in a state of peaceful bliss
    I can enjoy the absolute silence
    With no pains and no fears
    No sounds can be perceived
    Now that this bliss seems to be endless
    I don’t feel any disquiet.
    Esther Racah

  • The Vanity Fair Novel

    The Vanity Fair Novel

    Vanity Fair is a satirical novel by the British author William Makepeace Thackeray. In this fictional novel, there is not a hero, and the author uses a first-person narrative. The inspiration came from the opera “The Pilgrim’s Progress” of John Bunyan. Indeed, Thackeray expresses his points of view, philosophical visions, and critics about society. 

    A Novel Without A Hero

    In this novel, there are different main characters. Economic and social statuses are critical in the Vanity Fair society. The society of the British Regency period is under the conscientious analysis of the writer, who adopts a tone, which is satirical, ironic and cynic. In that historical period, merchant companies and banks were growing as well as the East India Company. I have to confess that I found this book very unusual, and I noticed that the reader is never passive. On the contrary, I felt involved with the adventures involving the characters. I had the impression to be in a theatre, suffering and enjoying passionately with most of the characters.

    The Vanity Fair Society

    The vicious and misogynist society of the Regency period in England was very insensitive to women ( I would also add cynic! ). Undoubtedly, a woman was supposed to marry a man who could ensure her financial stability. In this way, she could belong to a high social rank. In Vanity Fair, the unmarried women or “spinsters” can only find despite, pity and solitude. Indeed, this is a society of ageists, conformists and hypocrites. It is a human jungle where people have to fight for their survival. Usually, the winners belong to the wealthy and élitaire class, leaving the poor and pleb in their despair. The most important value is the economic condition of a person and their social status.

    The Adventurer Becky

    In this novel, there is no hero; nevertheless, the naive and honest Amelia could be the heroine of this unusual romance. Amelia embodies all the good traits of the traditional woman of those times. She is so humble, submissive, feminine, good-natured, loyal and naive. Nevertheless, she is not so well-educated and independent, differently from Becky. Vanity Fair is the best place to find the adventurers, who live day by day, improvising like actors without a script. Rebecca or Becky is the queen of an audacious and adventurous life. She is the antithesis of Amelia. Indeed she is amoral, selfish and greedy. Nevertheless, Rebecca is brilliant, beautiful, cultured and very smart. She doesn’t run after moral values. Becky uses people as tools to improve her social status. Moreover, she is nonconformist and shameless. 

    Starting A New Life

    In the first part of Vanity Fair, Amelia Sedley and Rebecca Sharp are the main female characters. They just finished the school at the Miss Pinkerton’s academy for young ladies, on Chiswick Mall. They start a new life, which I would define the real-life once they became two adults. The taste of this novel is bitter and sweet. There is a tragicomedy where nobody wins. Every victory and glorious moment will end up like lifeless creatures at the end of their days. Amelia’s father is a merchant in London, so she belongs to a wealthy family. On the contrary, Becky is the daughter of a late English painter and a French opera-girl. Rebecca is a good singer and dancer. Additionally, she also speaks French fluently, and she embroiders splendidly.

    Rebecca’s Childhood

    Becky had an unfortunate and sad childhood with a father beating the wife and the daughter under the alcohol effects. When he was sober, he was spending his time with other artists in Soho. Hence, Rebecca was meeting different artists in taverns. She used to speak French with her mother, who was from Paris. Rebecca was not a rich girl differently to the other girls of the Pinkerton Academy. The author describes her as a small, pale, sandy-haired girl with bright green eyes. Indeed an attractive, beautiful and clever girl started to be a “woman” when she was eight years old, after her mother’s death. The society “blames” her because she doesn’t belong to a wealthy nor aristocratic family, so she is not entitled to a good match.

    Sedley’s House

    The beginning of a new life for both Amelia and Becky takes place at Sedley’s house. Here Becky starts to practice her alluring arts of a charming actress. Rebecca wants to captivate the attention of Joseph Sedley. Jos is Amelia’s brother and, he is a vain and a selfish boy, who is a real dandy. In Becky’s eyes, he is perfect because he is rich and belongs to a prosperous family. She tries every effort to get involved in a relationship with Jos. Nevertheless, in the end, the boy refuses her, and she leaves Sendley family to embrace a new life. In this period, Amelia, or Emmy, meets again her childhood friend George Osborne, a very handsome, aristocratic and selfish lad. George belongs to a merchant family, which is richer than the Sedley family, and Emmy is genuinely in love with him. Another character is Captain William Dobbin, who is the best friend of George Osborne, and he falls in love with Amelia. 

    At Queen’s Crawley

    After a period at the Sedley’s, Rebecca Sharp moves to her next destination, Crawley’s house, as Sir Pitt Crawley’s two daughters’ governess. Sir Pitt Crawley, is baronet and owner of Queen’s Crawley; and he has two sons, Pitt and Rawdon, from the first marriage, and two daughters, from the second marriage. Becky gets married to Rawdon, who is an officer passing most of his time gambling. In the same period, Amelia gets married to George. Lord Osborne is very stunned and upset because he doesn’t like Amelia with her family.

    Flow Of Events In Vanity Fair

    During the Battle of Waterloo, all the main characters go to Brussels. Jos Sedley escapes, and George dies in the campaign. Becky neglects and hates her child, little Rawdon. Oppositely to Becky, Emmy loves her child, Georgy. The Seidler’s misery forces Amelia to entrust her child to Lord Osborne, who adopts little Georgy. Emmy and Becky’s friendship ends up with many tensions before George’s death, who was in love with Rebecca. Once a widow, Emmy lives in miserable conditions with her parents due to his father’s businesses’ bankruptcy. After her parents’ death, Emmy moves to a better house with her child Georgy and her brother Jos. She makes new acquaintances of the sophisticated world, and she enjoys her new life. Time to time, William Dobbin visits her after he confessed to Amelia that he loved her for twelve years.

    The End Of Vanity Fair

    Once Rawdon repudiates Becky, he will end his days in Coventry Island as governor. The exaggeration of Rebecca’s improper behaviour, flirting with different men, is why her lousy reputation in all aristocrats. Her ambition to be part of the aristocracy ruined her. And it is at this very moment that she experiences rejection and solitude. So Becky travels a lot, moving from one place to another, living in different countries such as France, Germany, Italy, and Belgium. She enjoys her adventurous life meeting several people up to the day she meets Jos Sedley, her first “love”. She convinces him to rescue her from her misery and poverty, and Amelia invites Rebecca to live in her house. The naive Emmy will know once for all that her late husband did not love her, and he was cheating Amelia. And so, for Amelia, this is the turning point in her life, and she abandons her past grief. 

    Some Curiosities

    Some character has a family name related to their nature. For example, sharp can refer to a razor’s sharpness since the men involved romantically with Becky died. Furthermore, sharp in archaic English was a synonym of cheating. Indeed, she cheated different times her husband Rawdon with very wealthy and aristocratic men. In Vanity Fair novel, there is an obsession with lavishness and luxuriance. Indeed, it is crucial belonging to a wealthy and influential family. The primary purpose of women life is to find a rich and respectable husband. Women could work only as governesses and servants. Only a few educated women were embracing the career of the writer. Rebecca is a very erudite woman, but her main goal is to marry a rich and aristocratic man. In her house, she welcomes pleasantly different men, entertaining them like a “showgirl”. Besides singing wonderfully, she knows how to be engaging and charming. 

    Notes

    The Vanity Fair novel is a metaphor of the human vanities, and it’s perfectly suitable in modern times. Happiness and misery can coexist in this picturesque tragicomedy where there is no shortage of twists and turns. An example is when Rawdon finds his wife, Becky, in the company of the wealthy aristocrat Lord Steyne in the middle of the night. The author defines this book as a comic story. Comic as the charade which is staged in one of the several parties organised by Lord Steyne. In this pantomime, the excellent actress Becky (actress in real life and on stage), plays Clytemnestra. Of course, nothing happens by mistake in this vanity parade! Like Clytemnestra, who killed her husband, Becky Sharp is in a certain way related to the death of the beloved Rawdon and Jos. Becky bewitches with her enchanting voice and beauty. Her charisma, self-confidence, culture and intelligence attract men of all ages and social ranks. Nevertheless, she is cold minded, and she knows how to get what she wants.

    At The End

    I would say that the behaviour of Rebecca Sharp reminds me of The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli. In Machiavelli’s opera, we find the sentence “il fine giustifica I mezzi”, which means that the goal justifies the actions. And so it does not matter the way we reach our goals rather the plan itself. Rebecca embodies this “virtue”, which is described by Machiavelli. Indeed, she always achieved her dreams no matter if she used people as puppets. Undeniably, there are so many Rebeccas, both women and men, who don’t care so much about others’ welfare and exploit people viciously, being aware of their selfishness and narcissism.

    Ah! Vanitas Vanitatum! Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied? – Come, children, let us shut up the box and the puppets, for our play is played out. William Makepeace Thackeray. 

  • Poetry

    Poetry

    Poetry

    My poetry is what makes me feel alive
    I’m my own poetry
    A ridiculous assemblage of floating words
    Words that meet and embrace each other
    In a vortex of feelings
    Feelings that are expressionlessly shapeless and unworthy
    I close myself into this microcosm to survive
    To survive all the tragedies which overrun this world
    And I cannot stop to tremble and be afraid of this society
    A society that is made of hypocrisy
    So I feel calm inside my sandcastle, waiting for a change
    A change which is arduous to happen
    I wander happily into the forest of my thoughts
    And I surrender to the harmony of my passions
    My emotions are like musical notes
    They gather together to create a musical score
    A musical score which is made of perceptions
    I’m overwhelmed by my emotions
    Feelings that keep hiding inside myself
    Sadness and melancholy swirl around me like soft feathers
    And they don’t leave me alone
    Now that I abandon my rationality, embracing my sensibility.
    Esther Racah

  • I Can Be Everything I Want

    I Can Be Everything I Want

    I Can Be Everything I Want

    I can be everything I want
    I can be nothing at all
    I want to believe in illusions
    I lose control of my mind like in a dream
    Beyond the bounds of the time
    I can float free in a chaotic ocean
    The waves of a sea which is made of dreams
    The dreams which follow me eternally
    Even in the most profound desolation
    Invisible as I am
    Invisible as I feel to be
    My voice is like the sound of a tiny raindrop
    Falling into the deep and dark ocean
    Nothing matters to me anymore
    My thoughts and my words are insignificant
    Thoughts that cause me to get lost
    I can be everywhere I want
    I can be nowhere at all
    But only in my dreams
    Where I can finally be myself
    Anyone else but me can witness this illusion
    My illusion which I call a dream
    And which allows me to survive.
    Esther Racah

  • A Silent Storm

    A Silent Storm

    A Silent Storm

    A silent storm was brewing 
    I could not remember well
    Since I was dizzy
    It happened to be in a night
    The silence was adorning my room
    And I could hear the sounds of a storm
    Faraway in a non-physical place
    I couldn’t see lightning bolts
    However, I could listen to the thunder
    All that I could sense was my perturbed soul
    So full of dark presages and emotions
    This silent storm was dark and gloomy
    It took possession of me
    I couldn’t describe its intensity
    Since my mind was dazed because of the despair
    Prisoner of my emotions
    I couldn’t say more than I’m writing now
    Sensations blended in a daunting turmoil
    With the impression and fear
    To be swallowed up by a deep and endless sinkhole
    Waiting for a peaceful haven
    I was going to be powerless as a leaf on the wind.
    Esther Racah

© Esther Racah 2019-2026. All rights reserved.