Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: abuse

  • The Cold Humiliation

    The Cold Humiliation

    The Cold Humiliation

    The cold humiliation
    The freezing of my body
    My body like a dead leaf
    In pain and humiliation
    Amid blood and shreds
    I wanted to forget
    I tried to wash away the shame
    I never spoke
    The silence was my way to pretend that nothing happened
    And that I deserved it
    As a punishment for my submission
    A silent acceptance of the pain and desecration
    The blood was like the quiet lament of my body
    Violated and shredded in pieces
    Beauty and femininity as frailty
    The desire to be outside a violated body
    The dream to fly far away from this physical world
    The pain became the awareness of low self-esteem
    I’m exposing myself, showing my pain
    My weakness and disgrace are my witnesses
    I’m not afraid of being judged
    Afflicted by mortification
    I was, and I am broken
    Torn to shreds
    The cry of pain is a loud echo
    Which is always inside me.
    Esther Racah

  • Dead Roses

    Dead Roses

    Dead Roses

    Like dead roses falling on the cold soil on a winter morning
    I was plundered and deprived of everything I owned and cherished
    My purity and innocence were trampled with impunity
    My freedom and priceless worth were shuttered
    Everything I dreamt of was just an illusion
    I opened my eyes, and an unrevealed reality was waiting for me
    Solitude and silence taught me more than words and books
    Finally, I understood that losing myself was the biggest mistake of my life
    My virtues and values were always with me
    And nobody would have been able to take them away from me
    The self-love and confidence in myself were hidden inside an invisible treasure chest
    My innocence never went lost because I never lost my real integrity
    A treasure that no one can steal
    Life showed me how not to be whenever I encountered miserable and abusive beings
    I fell down, and I lost, and I cried in pain and despair
    In the deepest solitude and anguish, I never lost my real self and merit
    What others were trying to take away from me trying to despoil me
    It always remained inside me
    But I didn’t know it up to the moment I found myself in the abyss of the torments and distress
    I finally realised that I didn’t need what I’ve always desired
    And that I was in charge of my life and my inner well-being
    I feared solitude, but it saved me and taught me how much strong and powerful I can be
    No matter what happens
    I learned how to never give up on myself.
    Esther Racah

  • My Guilt

    My Guilt

    My Guilt

    I lived many lives
    As many as it’s possible
    I’ve visited so many places
    Different countries with different cultures
    I met so many people I can barely remember
    However, sometimes I’ve made terrible encounters
    With usurpers exploiting my innocence and beauty
    They were emotional predators and abusers
    My guilt was my beauty
    My guilt was my uniqueness
    My guilt was my innocence
    My guilt was my naiveness
    I  trusted them
    I’ve been torn apart
    Without apology
    Without pity
    Without humanity
    Without morality
    In their opinion, those were the ways to love
    The abuses were standing behind a fake effigy of love
    A love made of crimson and sinister tones
    A love made of manipulations
    A love made of abuses
    A love made of pains
    Being my soul and my body ripped to pieces
    I feel a survivor and a relic of my old self.
    Esther Racah

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