Undisclosed secrets were kept inside antique grimoires like precious jewels well preserved in inaccessible treasure chests. While I was insensitive to the gripping cold wind of the night surrounding me, I fell into a state of torpor maintaining an absolute stillness. Although I had no particular attitude of letting events overwhelm me, I could not resist the escalation of events my fate decided to divulge to me. Memories drifted slowly through my mind, weighing down my heart like burdens too heavy to bear. That excruciating pain that tormented the deepest recesses of my heart had never left me alone, not even during the deepest sleep. And it was precisely in the deepest darkness that I rediscovered my secret refuge of peace and solitude. No mortal who happened upon those enchanting books would have been able to find—let alone decipher—the undisclosed secrets I myself had inscribed in my magical grimoires. Night became eternal, and I had become a creature of darkness, shunning the prying eyes of humankind, with whom I no longer had any connection. Silently, I listened to the melody of the stars gleaming in the gloomy sky like everlasting flames. The sound of faraway bells evoked spirits that seemed like the shadows of my fears, which had not yet dissolved into nothingness. The anguish I felt plunged me into an ocean of unease and a peculiar kind of mourning that deprived me of all my desires. Those undisclosed secrets I tried to preserve were no longer where I had placed them in the form of arcane symbols; in fact, my grimoires had become blank-page books immersed in the emptiness of oblivion. My memories faded away afterwards as if I were a creature with no past, living in a wintry realm where time had been obliterated. Regrets and disappointments turned my heart to stone, and nothing could touch my sensitive inner self anymore—not even the bitter, permanent loss of my most cherished undisclosed secrets.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: darkness and solitude
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Undisclosed Secrets
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A Storm Of Tragedies
A storm of tragedies suddenly overwhelmed me
Dragging me into the abyss of despair and surrender
A delight for my weeping heart that was burning like an inextinguishable flame
My fate knew no expectation
No longing was any longer granted to me
I had been overwhelmed once again
And I had been forsaken by my own stars
Rather, I had been retained in shadows and dismay
Lost in my soliloquies
I realised that it was all a dreadful dream
A nightmare in disguise
And so the eternal night never came to an end
The sky was invisible to me
While I was relegated to my secret vault
In solitude and dismay, I was destined to endure my existence
Emptiness was swallowing me from within
As I could hear the sound of my tears collapsing incessantly on the frigid soil
Anguish didn’t spare my heart, stroking it like a ceaseless dismay
I knew not what destiny might have reserved for me
Dread kept my heart in pangs, helpless in its naivety and foolishness
Even the moon averted its gaze from me
Whilst a deafening silence surrounded me
The cold wind of the eternal night could no longer hurt me
Since I had become a creature of darkness, without longings or expectations
My downfall had become my reprieve
I had found delight in discomfort and grief
My secret refuge was made of dust and bare stones
My comfort and haven were made of chaos
Dreaming of starlight and love was only a remote chimeara
I was no longer the privileged creature of stars and rainbows
Instead, I belonged to the realm of gloomy skies and vicious traps
In my frozen loneliness and seclusion
Therein I was destined to subsist in decadence and sweet melancholy
With no rescue or transformation
Pearls and tears were flowing down my face and body
And I remained therein forever.
Elisabetta Esther