Phantoms and dreams were my devoted cronies wherever I was wandering in the darkest hours of the night feeling overwhelmed by ignominious remembrances collected in the world ruled by the evilness of the mortals. For so long, I tried to erase the images my mind pictured for epochs, never doubting my wisdom, even as I stood at the edge of the abyss of oblivion, where everything was lost and vanished into emptiness. Phantoms and dreams followed my perilous path made of traps and betrayals in the disguise of uncontroversial circumstances. No stars could be glimpsed from my point of observation, hence I wandered in dizziness and chaos, since my loyal phantom friends were not capable of signalling me the proper direction. A timeless silence fell all over the gloomy forest like a noiseless symphony that induced me to fall into a deep slumber. A sequence of instants passed swiftly, like a sudden storm, and I found myself nowhere. The more I was aimlessly wandering, the more my mind was filled with nothingness and chaos. It seemed to me to have been losing all that I owned, all at once, and I felt like an empty seashell filled with seawater and sand. All of a sudden I felt seaweed wrapping me up like a marine creature ready to explore the deepest abysses of the oceanic realm. Loneliness no longer took advantage of me because my phantoms and dreams had metamorphosed into magnificent and phantasmagoric chimaeras. At last, all the pangs and anguishes had left my heart, and nothing could have perturbed that state of peaceful bliss, which I discovered in my delightful nightmares. Phantoms and dreams had been replaced by mysterious ghouls and eerie nightmares. Nothing could have awakened me; not even the silver moonlight sparkling over me; not even the glimmering starlight shining in the night sky; for I had become the infinite darkness; eternally.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: dreamscape
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Phantoms And Dreams
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Teardrops In The Desert
Teardrops in the desert of chaos and vulnerability were striking my face while the imperious sun was staring at me with its searing light, on the verge of overwhelming me.
The long summer nights allowed me to indulge in extravagant fantasies since I had always been fond of dreams and rainbows. But, nevertheless, I couldn’t help myself from finding the right direction.
The sun gave its place to the luminaries of the firmament, and I could perceive the feeble light of a lantern far away floating in the enchanted forest of my impossible dreams.
I became a shadow of the night and I could see the stars in their eyes, as if I were their celestial companion in the lonely nightfall. Teardrops in the desert metamorphosed into sighs and whispers in the deepest night of my life.
Without hesitation, I was tempted to embrace the chaos which was embedded in my heart, now that every delusional longing had departed from my dwelling. Hence, I strove for a stance on my fate, but I couldn’t see anything in my crystal ball.
Even the tarot cards refused to spell the truth, although I had interrogated them so many times as the number of stars. My hymns had been cast away from me as punishment for my quest to obtain that certitude that I never acquired.
Teardrops in the desert beneath my beloved moon flew like impetuous rivers at the sight of the twilight. Might I have been a brilliant star or a shy planet, I knew not. All I knew inside my heart was the sensation of a precarious destiny.
As invisible as I became and as untouchable as I pretended to be, I melted in the forest of thoughts and fears as an untamed creature of my own realm made of fantastic dreams and fancy illusions.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Shadows Of My Dreams
The shadows of my dreams vanished in the emptiness of the night when silence dared to whisper obstreperous secrets.
So much I coveted to let my fantasy free and untamed that I was willing to let the night sky overwhelm me with its mysterious beauty and fearlessness.
An enchanted castle was my invisible dwelling where I could play hide and seek with the stars. At the same time, the silver moonlight shone through the crystal chandelier of my empty house.
The light hid behind the dark shadows, and everything seemed more blurred and phantasmagorical
The further my imagination travelled, the greater was the confusion that ruled my heart, and finally I was finding leisure while obscured by magnificent clouds
It seemed to live in the realm of dreams and illusions with no quest for a destination, and no interest in a time-bound domain of decrees
Time had fallen into oblivion, and nonsense became wisdom, for I was no longer obliged to follow the restrictions of shallow humans
I was the ruler, and I allowed myself to surrender to the shadows of my dreams as if I were unaware of any consequences
A realm made of shadows and dreams had become my cherished abode where I could sense protection and immortality
No mortal could harm me anymore or spoil my treasured dreams because I had by then become out of their reach
Could I have endured those ephemeral circumstances? I knew not, since I had chosen to live in obliviousness to immerse myself in the ocean of bliss
The night was a valley of tranquillity, and the silence encouraged me to overcome my fear of being unsteady
Unquestionably, unsteadiness had become my inevitability, and the infinity of the night’s darkness welcomed me in its majestic embrace, full of the shadows of dreams.
Elisabetta Esther -
A Spectacular Mirage
A spectacular mirage manifested before my eyes in a torrid night of discomforts
Everywhere there was a scalding haze made of phantomatic dreams and delighting chimaeras
Never a doubt caught me while a storm of nightmares was brewing over the night sky
And everything was just darkness and infinityI only needed to lose myself to discover my real self
So many times I have climbed insurmountable heights to realise that I had metamorphosed into something totally different
Like an ethereal shape that would change incessantly without abeyance
Each time desiring something newThe different windows of my life had shut and opened
Disclosing a multitude of scenarios and dreamland
The sun had conquered me while the moon hid viciously behind a blanket of spectacular stars
Majestic dreams had always overwhelmed my heart, and I found myself in an ocean of tears and anguishWandering into the forest of bliss and delight
I had lost myself permanently
As if I were unable to think and keep sparkles of wisdom in my treasure chest
Everything was darkness
Nothing was translucent
No aid would have reached me in that mayhem
Every part of my body and heart could feel the great tragedy of existenceDreaming of isles and oceans where nothing had sense
Nor even desiring
I could feel myself flimsy like a tiny flower carried away by the winds
At the mercy of the winds and raging storms
I wandered in confusion, traversing kingdoms and labyrinths
In a way, I was detached from my longings, and I was eager to embrace new realms and visionsA spectacular mirage awaited me beyond the shadows of the night sky
As an enchantment ready to cast a mysterious spell over me
Not taking care of any concern, I resigned myself to my fate.
Elisabetta Esther -
Beyond The Starry Sky
Beyond the starry sky of the night, there was a realm of rainbows and glistening chimaeras
Where I fled secretly every time I felt the weight of reality heavy like a hefty anchor on my chest
All that I wished for myself was to be free like an ethereal flying creature, and possess the privilege to greet the stars and their gloomy companions, the clouds
Rain fell all over me, leaving a bitter taste of shadows and darkness
While I was wandering free and untamed
Wherever I could find a spark of oddity and chaos
Following the trail of my illusions that might have caused me to lose myselfI knew not the purpose of my bizarre journey in the realm of dreams and desires
Beyond the starry sky, I could only fall in love with my own chimaeras, blossoming like flowers from my infinite fantasy
I lived exclusively in my imagination, and c I could avoid embracing my detachment from the factual world, made of cynicism and wickedness
I didn’t consider myself part of the empirical world of humans, where dreams were locked up in cold and rusty chests
Far from my heart and essence, the earthly inhabitants were standing like remote beings
I wouldn’t ever allow them to touch my aura with their staresBeyond the starry sky, the night manifested itself as a magnificent and daunting expanse of darkness
I wished so much I could be made of darkness and stars
And live endlessly like an ethereal, ephemeral and evanescent creature hovering over the nocturnal ocean
Although the stars and the moon shone so bright to illuminate the whole sky
Making everything seem radiant and like a fairy taleBeyond the starry sky, I had found my magic dwelling
Where darkness and starlight entwined as one
And every chimaera kept a fragment of my soul through the infinite abyss of eternity.
Elisabetta Esther -
Stars And Nightmares
Stars and nightmares alternated in the sky of my imagination
Unconscious, as I had been captivated by my nocturnal slumber
In weariness and freedom from anguish and fears
I felt like I was wandering in an endless labyrinth
Aimlessly seeking a direction or a sign
Nevertheless, I couldn’t release myself from that intricate situation
Although I was not afraid or concerned about my situation
I longed for tranquillity and stability, but I knew I couldn’t hold them in my fantastical existence
Now that the only things I could own were stars and nightmares
Nothing more for the instant I dreamed inStars and nightmares waited for me as loyal custodians of my illusional world
No distress could arm my resolute desire for infinite nights of impetuous fantasies hidden underneath a pile of regrets and expectations
Labradorite stones and precious gems with gold and silver wrapped around my arm like tempting ivies
Since I couldn’t avoid being myself in front of the mirror of life
I indulged in hiding behind the meadows of avoidance every time I refused to stare at my soul
Solitude had happened a long time ago when I fled the kingdom of sordid mortals
For I was a creature of the infinite abyss of darknessStars and nightmares had vanished from my dreams now that I’ve become more sceptical, and no candlestick or magic stone could grab my attention anymore
Even the sound of thunderstorms didn’t concern me
In my bizarre life of secrecy and balderdash, everything could have been possible and impossible at the same time
Because the pendulum of that realm had ceased to function, and no clock was willing to help me in that disorienting wilderness
In a gleaming darkness made of dreams, nightmares, hope and anguish, I merged with my deceitful daydreams
In an infinite loop of delight and bliss, despite the dread hiding beneath.
Elisabetta Esther -
Fantasising In The Realm Of The Night
Fantasising in the realm of the night
Lost in my obliviousness
Bound to my dreams
I discovered lost memories kept far away from my heart
For I was wandering in the inaccessible kingdom of the invisible
Where only dreams and chimaeras could be tangibleI had lost the keys to the portal of fear
And I was facing my delusional quest with no destination
Cast away from society, I lived in solitude and silence
No words could have been used to depict my inner world
Too many times I saw faces without a soul
For myriad seasons, I spent questioning my fateI never found an answer to each of my questions
It seemed the stars were enjoying lying to me
Or maybe it was the treacherous night sky with its copious gloomy clouds that interfered
I knew not
And I will never know
Since the first day of my bleak existence
Dismay was my inner core
Like a rose thorn, always present in my heartNo tumultuous storm or hectic wind could have disrupted that unheavenly stillness
For I was firmly convinced that I could not alter my endless state of invisibility
Dazed and confused as I was
I didn’t count the hours anymore
Time didn’t exist in my kingdom of imagination
Whenever I was fantasising in the realm of the nightNo flower of my dim garden could ever have resisted a secret eclipse
Nor could I refuse to live with those illusions that were mesmerising my heart
Lonely and flimsy was the star dwelling in my soul
The nocturnal birds greeted me as always
For they were my chaotic followers of the darkness
In my journeys through inaccessible forests and forsook meadows
Seeking the ocean waves and the thunder in the tempestuous dusks of the wilderness
To lose and find all the versions of myself
In an infinite expedition to nowhere
Forever
Never ceasing to fantasise in the realm of the night.
Elisabetta Esther -
In The Abyss Of My Thoughts
In the abyss of my thoughts
I felt the shadows of my dark memories
All over my dreams like hunting ghosts
Feeding my fears with their perfidyI felt the chills of my terrible past
Breaking my heart into a myriad of disillusions
I begged my broken mirrors not to bring to life those remembrances
Crowding my nightmares in desolate nights of anguishEverything now seems so different and irreversible
My cries are full of tears of liberation
Even though I cannot escape from the labyrinth of my mind
It feels like my soul aches has become my radianceMy nightmares came to be my companions
I’m unbound from my ancestral ropes
Nevertheless
My soul is overwhelmed with a cloudy trepidationI strive to endure all those ghouls
Surrounding me like unexpected ancestors
Whenever they visit me by day and night
Covering my fragile voice with their scary howlsIn vain, I begged them to definitely vanish
But they came back over and over again
Nothing could prevent them from visiting me
And I struggle to welcome them as welcome guestsIn the abyss of my thoughts
I rely on my hopes to linger like a lost butterfly
While every storm tries to bring me back to the castle of blight
Committed to the solemn oath of silence and forgetfulnessIn vain, I implored all the stars of the night sky to find a haven
Not even the immense ocean waves were willing to listen to my concerns
Whenever my heart aches, it echoes all over the universe
Loneliness evolved into my only safe island of peaceI wished I could continue to live inside my sparkling cloud of illusions
I desired to be the princess of my dream kingdom
However, there I lingered
In the abyss of my thoughts.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Abyss Of Nothingness
The abyss of nothingness swallowed all my fractured desires
The fear that gripped my heart and that sense of calm, of stability that took hold of my life made me a helpless and insignificant creature, invisible to mortals, yet at the same time the target of their cruelties.How much I wished to be different, to be accepted, and to be treated with great respect for who I truly was. But in truth, my entire life was a series of piercing endurance of inhuman suffering, humiliations, cruelties against me, deceit, mockery, traps, attempts to undermine my being, violence, and all the most barbaric and terrifying acts against my soul and myself.
My life had not been a normal existence—one that no one could have understood. My experience was not a common one. I had lived through a time when my dream had encapsulated me in an ideal, evanescent, and ethereal reality. No one could see me, especially during that period of apparent death. Yes, because for ten long years I had not lived—I had fallen into a deep and fatal dream, isolated from everything and everyone. I had built my own kingdom of dreams and illusions, into which, day by day, I entrusted my very self.
All the hourglasses in my dwelling had come to a halt, and the flow of time had lost all meaning. The disconnection from the truth that surrounded me had become both a tendency and a habit—one that turned into law. Indeed, I had become like a crystal frozen in time, like a statue untouched by its passing. I carried within me that immaterial sense of my heart, trapped in a confining aura.
I no longer cared what society thought, nor what people might perceive of me. And so it remains. For my rarity and my strangeness are imperceptible to any human heart. I was accused of things that never were, of things my heart could not even fathom. Everything had vanished like soap bubbles. Nothing remained—only bitter memories or sorrowful ones that dragged me down into the depths of an untouchable abyss.
Delicate and fragile as I was, I had lost the ability to love, to admire, and to obey mortals. I no longer saw them as similar to me, but rather, I perceived other beings—creatures who had no voice in the human condition—as kindred, as dear to me. And so it was that the abyss of nothingness possessed me, and it will always possess a part of my soul. For I belong to the emptiness and to the darkness.
Elisabetta -
Dreams Of Oblivion
Dreams of oblivion darkened my sleep.
They were like palliatives for my searing pain,
numbing my heart and soothing—
If only for a moment—
My spasms of fear.My disappointments had become like cobwebs woven inside my heart,
darkening every joy, even the smallest.
Ultimately, I had not chosen my fate,
and I groped in the dark uncertainty,
trying to understand where I was and who I was.The disdain and aloofness that oozed from the faces of mortals who had crossed my miserable existence
had transformed me into a silent, sombre shadow
whose image did not appear in any mirror.In my dreams of oblivion and madness, mediocre monsters that sought to tear me apart
appeared menacingly in the realm I tried to protect and keep as mine.
Their intrusion was truly an act of violence.
Their intent to destroy me was the source of my fears.Ancient dusty clocks tolled the time, which always seemed the same.
The dust of decay and sorrow fell upon me like a heavy rain,
covering me completely and turning me into an invisible shell.Watchful and evanescent veils covered me, so as not to show me the harsh reality whose injustice and squalor could have tainted the integrity of my heart. And my attempt to awaken from that stupor mixed with despair was in vain.
I was about to become oblivion.
I was about to become my dreams.
I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
almost invisible and nonexistent,
that no mortal of the common reality
could have seen with their limited gaze
shrouded in prejudice.
I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
almost invisible and nonexistent,
that no mortal of the common reality
could have seen with their limited gaze
shrouded in prejudice.Perhaps I myself was an illusion,
perhaps I had become a utopia or a chimaera.
The devastating pain had transformed me
and erased every trace of my mortality.
Elisabetta