Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: existential poetry

  • Fantasising In The Realm Of The Night

    Fantasising In The Realm Of The Night

    Fantasising in the realm of the night
    Lost in my obliviousness
    Bound to my dreams
    I discovered lost memories kept far away from my heart
    For I was wandering in the inaccessible kingdom of the invisible
    Where only dreams and chimaeras could be tangible

    I had lost the keys to the portal of fear
    And I was facing my delusional quest with no destination
    Cast away from society, I lived in solitude and silence
    No words could have been used to depict my inner world
    Too many times I saw faces without a soul
    For myriad seasons, I spent questioning my fate

    I never found an answer to each of my questions
    It seemed the stars were enjoying lying to me
    Or maybe it was the treacherous night sky with its copious gloomy clouds that interfered
    I knew not
    And I will never know
    Since the first day of my bleak existence
    Dismay was my inner core
    Like a rose thorn, always present in my heart

    No tumultuous storm or hectic wind could have disrupted that unheavenly stillness
    For I was firmly convinced that I could not alter my endless state of invisibility
    Dazed and confused as I was
    I didn’t count the hours anymore
    Time didn’t exist in my kingdom of imagination
    Whenever I was fantasising in the realm of the night

    No flower of my dim garden could ever have resisted a secret eclipse
    Nor could I refuse to live with those illusions that were mesmerising my heart
    Lonely and flimsy was the star dwelling in my soul
    The nocturnal birds greeted me as always
    For they were my chaotic followers of the darkness
    In my journeys through inaccessible forests and forsook meadows
    Seeking the ocean waves and the thunder in the tempestuous dusks of the wilderness
    To lose and find all the versions of myself
    In an infinite expedition to nowhere
    Forever
    Never ceasing to fantasise in the realm of the night.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • A Storm Of Forsaken Longings

    A Storm Of Forsaken Longings

    A storm of forsaken longings overwhelmed my humble slumber in a torrid night
    I lost myself in the garden of daring dreams
    I proceeded to embrace my transformation
    I became a creature of the night and the custodian of the most secret enigmas of the stars
    So dazzlingly dark the night sky had become
    That I forgot every dream of mine
    A lullaby enchanted me and I dared not feel any anguish
    Unaware of what wisdom could have taught me
    While I lived on the scent of the flowers of illusion
    Willing to come to be a bloom blushing under the moonlight

    A storm of forsaken longings appeared in my night dreams
    As if I were bound to an endless labyrinth of delusional enthusiasm
    Whenever a bitter apprehension emerged like a ghost, it made me feel like a seashell made of sand and wind
    Under the influence of all the whims of my unsteady fate
    Hence, I felt the urge to embrace my chaos and vulnerability
    Although I was fragile like a snowflake
    I never ceased to endure the challenges of my destiny
    So much I had coveted to take a look at the crystal orb retaining all the riddles of my future
    That I wished to be a witch ruling the realms of the sea and sky

    I had always questioned all the mirrors encountered in my quest to discover my true self
    I really yearned to catch a glimpse of my real image
    But I have never been allowed to rest my gaze on those silver surfaces
    I had become a mystery to myself
    I never made an acquaintance with my soul
    And my heart could have known more than me what I truthfully was
    Even when the ocean breeze had whispered my name, I couldn’t understand what the great mystery of existence was.
    I felt infinite and finite at the same time.
    An everlasting flame embodied my passions, which not even the most fierce storm could ever extinguish.
    No forsaken longings.
    Only crimson roses blooming under a starry sky.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Strange Empty Anguished

    Strange Empty Anguished

    Strange
    Empty
    Anguished
    I wandered through the void, searching for myself
    But never finding myself
    In the illusion that I too could touch my dreams and bury my fears
    Exhausted
    Without strength
    I tried to reach the infinite
    But all I got as a reward was the abyss of my destruction
    I could see different fragments of my soul
    As if I were made of multiple creatures
    Memories echoed as I was overwhelmed by the ocean of absence
    Obliterated by my own dreams
    Dazed by the night sky where the stars were gleaming ferociously
    I lost all purpose in my existence
    Wandering aimlessly in the labyrinth of darkness
    Where flowers of fear blossomed
    While my heart was striving to beat
    Since an eternal numbness captivated my senses
    Hollow sparks of ineptitude inflamed the candles of my modest dwelling
    I could hear them
    I could hear my ghastly memories call my name like howls in a fierce storm
    No one could perceive them but me

    Strange
    Empty
    Anguished
    I could not see any horizon anymore
    Such was the haze surrounding me
    A bizarre peculiarity in a realm with no past or future
    The cold blizzard knocked my windows impetuously
    An unwelcome and unexpected guest
    Among the copious phantoms inhabiting my little insensate world
    Where fantasy was endless as well as my infinite dreams
    Legends of vanished stars and withered blossoms
    I dared no longer to visit those abodes of viciousness
    Belonging finally only to my concealed past history
    And the night penetrated the old wall stones of my ancient hearth
    Depleting me of any power to dissuade myself from falling into illusions
    I faded again and again into the darkness of night
    As I was a tiny speck of infinity
    While the ocean waves touched the luminaries
    In a game of shadows and glares.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Castaway’s Desires

    Castaway’s Desires

    Castaway’s desires enticed me in the long winter nights, when the frozen branches of hollow trees caressed me softly, as they needed to approach my body.

    The scent of burning candles devoured my enthusiasm and reminded me only of my hopeless misery. An everlasting burning desire strove to swallow my heart greedily like an invisible demon.

    My insensitive inertia shattered my soul into pieces and I let the devastation take advantage of me. I was born to dissolve and to perish an infinite number of times in endless ways.

    Frenzy and turmoil were my loyal guides like flaming torches in the deepest darkness, and they offered me their improper wisdom. I felt alive only because I embodied the distress that consumed me, leaving me in flames.

    Indeed, it was true that scorching passion sometimes might have let me fall in love with things that destroyed, and that was what penetrated every part of me.

    I was made of fire and glaze surrounded by the cold mist of my dark chamber where dimly lit candles were my only merriment.

    The sweet screams of the night recalled to me who I really was. Obsession carved my vein instilling a tainted poison instead of blood. I became a creature of the realm of shadows and wraiths.

    I was consumed by my own fantasies and foolish hallucinations. I had become the queen of frenzy among my lost memories of worlds which I once belonged to.

    No mortal entity could see me because I was visible only to creatures of my own. There was no transformation in my staticity.

    I could perceive the manifestation of my own tempest, like a tiny vessel in a stormy sea. Lost in the labyrinth of my dreams and dread, I was unable to discover the existence beyond time.

    The great mystery of seeking my reflection in the immense mirror of life made me realise my nothingness. There was no end and there was no beginning but merely a vague silence clinging to me like luscious ivy.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Entangled In My Own Disquiet

    Entangled In My Own Disquiet

    Entangled in my own disquiet
    I found myself in a state of confusion
    Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
    I might have been able to overcome my fears
    But I was not capable of escaping the loneliness

    There were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
    Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
    And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
    While my sighs hid tears of grief

    Thinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
    I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
    Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismay

    Many times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
    But deceptions were always following my trail
    I knew no serenity
    Instead, I was condemned to wander endlessly

    Time didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
    I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
    And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter night

    I felt the discomfort of reality
    It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
    I lived as a doll locked in an airtight box

    No creature could ever perceive me
    No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
    No mirror could reflect my image

    I was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
    Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
    I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
    Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymore

    I had no longing, no desire left
    I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
    I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
    Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
    Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Love Like A Sweet Poison

    Love Like A Sweet Poison

    Love like a sweet poison seeped into the heart, and time no longer existed in the realm of the eternal night. Passion burned as an everlasting flame and it altered into eternal desire.

    A tenacious devotion was rooted in a ground made of ice and stardust. And I stood among crimson roses and the nocturnal mist, under the sight of an eerie moon.

    The darkness enveloped me like a sumptuous dress wrapped around me. The faraway shadows of anguish and dread were chasing me like ominous ghouls.

    I was seeking ghosts that reminded me of lost loves while wandering accompanied by my madness as the only chaperone.

    No pang could ever touch me anymore since I’ve been depleted of my heart that was standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, beating loudly like an incessant cry.

    My only way to exist was to roam erratically without any guidance. I was already a creature of the world of darkness. I had altered a myriad times in numerous ways.

    I had definitely forsaken the world of mortals, with whom I never felt any affinity. I didn’t mind losing myself in that tremendous labyrinth.

    As far as I could proceed, I felt the nothingness swallowing me with delight. A storm had subjugated me and shattered my being.

    Not even a speck of myself had been kept by the frozen soil, because a whirlwind had stolen my essence. I was held captive by the abyss of darkness and there were no expectations or delusions.

    I finally remembered as a long-lost memory that time no longer existed, when love seeped into the heart like a sweet poison. It burned slowly, transforming into eternal desire.

    And there I lay down underneath the soil soaked with ice and flames with my heart standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, dreaming fearlessly and ceaselessly like a funerary elegy.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Beneath The Light Of A Candle

    Beneath The Light Of A Candle

    Beneath the light of a candle
    I hid all my sorrows
    My crying out loud was the epitome of my shadows
    Lying on the wooden soil of my dark chamber
    I could listen to the delightful sound of raindrops
    My heart had been broken in myriad moments
    And I could see it hovering in the sky
    Painting the wallpaper with crimson hues
    The scent of dragon’s blood incense enveloped me in a thick cloud
    I could allow myself to follow my foolish illusions
    They have always kept me on the verge of madness
    A relentless turmoil would have emptied me endlessly
    Fragmenting my soul and transforming it into stardust
    I had fallen victim to my own tragedy
    Even though I have eluded the burden of grief
    All the most beautiful blossoms of my garden had withered
    Flowered meadows transformed into a hollow valley of tears and withered rose petals
    I had lost all my dearest treasures and a spell was cast over my erratic fate
    Crimson and dark shadows were confining me in my infernal dwelling
    Haunted by dark memories and vicious obsessions
    Where I couldn’t find a sparkle of love and hope
    I might have been allowed to see my relentless crypt
    There she stood so magnificent and exquisite
    A monument to my witlessness and folly
    Beneath the light of a candle
    I had vanished anonymously
    Only glooms and clouds were grieving for me
    Under a sky made of glass and pearls
    At nightfall
    When chimaeras and ghouls gathered
    As soon as the moon summoned them
    Therefore I had become a creature of the otherworld
    A realm of perpetual twilight and wilted leaves
    Where wisdom had forever been obliterated
    And silence sealed the portal to mortal sight.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Fluster And Frenzy

    Fluster And Frenzy

    Fluster and frenzy
    My guardian ghouls
    They came to rescue me
    During a dreadful slumber
    I felt frozen shadows all over me
    It was magical and startling
    Nevertheless, the fear came to me
    I was wandering, lonely and vulnerable
    They were chasing me in the dead of night
    I could hear their steps behind me
    But I couldn’t discern a shadow from a glimmering star
    As the clouds had overwhelmed the night sky
    While the moon had vanished quietly

    Wherever I attempted to proceed
    I couldn’t find a portal through which to flee from that abode
    My gown, adorned with crimson roses and snow, looked after me silently
    The creatures of the underworld traced my every movement
    It seemed to me that I was mesmerised by their spells
    While a chain of thorns entwined my body like a metallic vine
    I was an evanescent creature, dissolving into the abyss of decay and despair
    Under the indifferent gaze of the stars, cold and leaden

    Soft snowflakes were falling all over me
    Kissing my weary and fragile skin
    Trembling and sobbing, I had to face my fears and my merciless fate
    No refuge was granted to me
    No lovely embrace was going to welcome me
    I had lost all my hopes, and my longings were reduced to ashes
    I was condemned to wander endlessly in an abyss of gloom
    Where I completely vanished, and no memories of my existence were left
    Fluster and frenzy were no longer my guardian demons, but the ominous and frightening facets of myself

    How could I have deceived myself so recklessly?
    How could I have allowed myself to surrender to demise?
    It was so vicious to admit that I had sunk into oblivion ominously
    Moreover, my name had been erased from the mortal realm
    My longing for oblivion had unexpectedly taken shape
    I was ensnared by the oddities I had forged within myself
    They swallowed my heart each time I was overwhelmed by an intense passion
    I had become the creator of my own descent
    Each flame of desire had turned into a thorn of yearning, binding me with devout cruelty
    Nothing could have been halted anymore
    I was destined to obliteration.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Phantasmagoric Fantasies

    Phantasmagoric Fantasies

    Phantasmagoric fantasies were my kingdom of infinity and eternity
    A divine refuge where I could fly freely like a fairy
    Whenever the storms of fear and dismay came upon me

    I craved love and devotion like a thirsty blossom seeking the rain
    Nevertheless, what I could find were relics of forgotten treasures and vessels of mystery
    Silence was the only sound I could hear during my lonely and endless nights

    My beating heart was full of spells and illusions, trying to fill the void with silly desires
    Although I had whispered my secrets to the luminaries glimmering in the night firmament
    I could listen to the time ticking as it slipped like heavy raindrops

    The flickering candlelight kept me warm while my heart sank in the gelid ocean of sorrow
    For I was exiled to an evanescent world
    Where everything was ephemeral and illusory

    As much as I clung to false hopes, nowhere was destined to ever become my beloved secluded niche
    For I was fated to wander evermore without any guidance or aim

    Quaffing arcane potions, I fed my soul with darkness and fire
    Perceiving my slow descent into the chasm of oblivion
    I became a fierce sorceress willing to face any kind of hazard

    Lost lyrics echoed in my mind as if they were fragments of my memories
    The suspense of my fragility made me shiver like a delicate flower under the touch of a frosty wind
    I got lost in phantasmagoric fantasies woven in my dreams

    For I was a dream myself, mesmerised by the beauty of my own imagination
    Shunning the bitter truth that my broken mirrors insisted on revealing to me

    I had always been made of illusions, even though my broken heart persisted in loving chimaeras and ghosts, sinking into the infinite abyss of nothingness.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved and still alive
    Burning inside like a bursting candle
    Shunned by the stars
    Forsaken by my own fate
    I wandered in my idyllic imagination
    Careless about the consequences of my quest
    So in silence I remained, keeping my stillness and avoiding any apprehension
    I had been cast away from the realm of certitude
    And I had embraced the illusory world of swoon
    Embracing the unknown was my main aim
    Since I lived with the constant suspense of the unpredictability of the events that would unfold before me

    I saw the traces of shame on the walls of a glorious temple
    Remembering that once upon a time, they were covered with the names of those who once enjoyed privileges and gifts
    Although I saw their shadows fading in the void, I knew that their presence was there
    Underneath the oblivious dusty tapestries and carpets, there were the spirits of disgrace
    How long could that secrecy have been hidden?
    It was a question resonating in my mind
    How could it even have been possible to leave such a precious wall so tainted and hideous?

    A crowd of paid names was pasted onto ephemeral history
    Then, years later, it was peeled away, leaving one of the grand palace walls flayed by adhesive and a code of silence
    Names faded away like ethereal legends erased by the wear and tear of time
    Not even the wear and tear of their fake smiles and affected bows could erase what was obvious even to the marvellous works of that now decayed temple
    I saw but I didn’t forget
    Unloved and still alive
    I was an accidental witness to dreadfulness and grotesqueness
    Everything seemed to be so unreal and absurd I couldn’t even admit it as a bare reality and an ugly truth

    The sky was cloudy and the rain fell all over the magical palace with its infernal caves
    The more I walked erratically, the more I felt like I had lost the old version of myself
    I had drunk the poison of my intuitions that were verified by a harsh reality
    I had become inebriated on a potion that had been offered to me just when I didn’t want it
    And although the ghastliness prevailed, so did I
    I cherished my essence of a drama queen and goddess of darkness
    Since I chose to belong to the unseen world of dark shadows and enigmatic secrets

    Although I was unloved by mortals, I was still alive in various shapes like an ethereal creature of an invisible kingdom
    I had recreated myself from dust and ashes
    While the time slipped away like sand in the wind
    For I became what I could never have imagined
    A lost butterfly in an abyss of turmoil and deceit, overflowing my imagination with illusory chimaeras
    I endured a world of wretchedness and cynicism, facing every horror wrought by mortals
    At the very end, there was never an end
    The decay of the perishable world never ceased, but it persisted inexorably
    And I stared at the stars as the only act of salvation for my lonely and broken heart.
    Elisabetta Esther

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