Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: haunting beauty

  • Crimson Tears

    Crimson Tears

    Crimson tears came from my deep distress
    As I was wandering infinitely until the edges of time
    Despair became my safe dwelling
    And solitude was just a necessity
    For I was unloved and lonely

    In dungeons of grief and sorrow, I found myself
    Depriving myself of solace was my favourite forte
    I soaked in depression until I drowned deep in the abyss of self-destruction
    I chose to live in chaos because I had lost my sanity
    Madness had become my guide and my wisdom

    I nullified my expectations and I indulged in destructive memories
    I drank from the toxic goblet of oblivion
    With the specific purpose to erase my heart
    Was that feasible?
    I knew not

    Unlearning all my knowledge and forgetting who I was
    I had become nothingness
    I had become a shadow of the underworld
    My soul had dissolved in the infinite void
    I could only feel the darkness take possess of my body

    Crimson tears hushed into rivers of blood
    While the incessant storm of the night locked me up
    In the total gloominess and in the most deafening silence
    I had found consolation in obliteration
    A funeral fanfare came to be my hymn of love and my final requiem

    I embraced death, and I faded away
    I was finally the queen of the realm of arcane shadows
    A kingdom where I ruled over the dead and wraiths
    Surrounded by hollow trees and sharp daggers
    And dressed with spider webs and fragments of vestiges

    I wandered through a mist filled with decay and ashes
    Where nothing changed not even the slow crawl of time
    No praises were to be found but only the pang of endings
    I lay beneath the deformed tree branches
    Among roots slick with damp and grave moss
    And the night closed over me like a tombstone.
    Elisabetta

  • Mirrors And Delusions

    Mirrors And Delusions

    Mirrors and delusions surrounded me as I wandered through a labyrinth carved from my own expectations. Each hidden niche kept a secret, and each silent sigh was a vow that dissolved in the emptiness. I strived to hold distant glimpses I could never keep, and the more I yearned, the taller the walls grew.

    Wildflowers whispered legends about betrayal and wickedness. Sadness teardrops fell over me like jet ink, leaving trails of darkness on my uncertain way. Clouds of gloom and sorrow met in the sky, feasting on the ephemeral sense of existence. My silence was my words. I had no needs or ambitions to fulfil any more because my ego was obliterated.

    Hence, it began my passage into the liminal state. My distorted reflection in the mirrors could have been the fruit of my hallucinations or the effective image of myself. Everything could have betrayed me, even myself. There was no longer a sun in the firmament of this realm of lugubrious descent. Where fallacy and degradation ruled.

    Polished crystals shone their glimmer, not to guide, but to deceive as each light was just a false oath, drawing me deeper into the hollow abyss of this maze of madness. Lonely I was never since shadows and ghosts accompanied me whenever I would wander. Their countenances were dreary and appalling.

    Mirrors and delusions hid my truth and plundered my heart of innocence and hope. They filled my route with deceit and cruel traps. I had become invisible and voiceless in their dungeon of decadence and death. I had to surrender to their power and supremacy. I wouldn’t consider myself a wisdom keeper since my insanity grew like a flower among tombstones.

    No more farewell to my dreams, for they no longer belonged to me, but to the nothingness that now bore my name.
    Elisabetta

  • Teardrops Of Expectation

    Teardrops Of Expectation

    Teardrops of expectation accompanied me on my silent nights
    When my solitude was a phantom visiting me during my feverish slumber
    I left the real world because I knew I couldn’t belong to it
    In the end, I was a creature of the darkness
    Craving for mystery and arcane revelations

    I knew not what was expecting me
    The unknown was my gloomy path made of unstable cobblestones and thorns
    I may have desired that my dreams could become true
    Nevertheless, I was the silent muse of sadness and the embodiment of grief
    I stood in the middle of my dark chamber, waiting for a sign

    My mind was full of hallucinations and demise
    I couldn’t find myself and the meaning of my existence
    I was there still like a marble sculpture and my heart was a cold stone
    Nothing could ever break my bones anymore
    I embraced my fears and my doomed fate

    Drops of gold and dust descended from the ancient walls
    It was like even the walls were weeping my anguish
    I became dizzy and weaker like a small petal falling from its flower
    I was not like other mortals because I was an ethereal spirit
    Living in a castle of decay and forsaken vestiges

    Death was part of my being as long as the eternal void surrounded me
    The soft melodies of the past had departed from my reality
    Where I was, the reality was obliterated as well as time
    Despair transformed into a surreal garden of oblivion and madness
    Full of dead spirits and shrieking ghouls

    Teardrops of expectation softly caressed my heart
    As if my waiting were the apex of broken moons dripping onto vacant meadows
    While silent masks bloomed from the soil
    And I dissolved as a nameless ghost into the shadows of forgotten kingdoms
    Beyond every imagination.
    Elisabetta

  • Leaving Myself Behind

    Leaving Myself Behind

    Leaving myself behind
    Through the pains and fears
    Anguish was my ruler
    And I didn’t demand anything
    Hurt was my soul made of pins and blood

    The roars of the demons claiming me echoed in my head
    The castle of doom was my pristine dwelling
    It was made of bones and ashes
    In the gloominess of the midnight

    I was fleeing from death to become decadence
    Leaving everything behind
    My past had crumbled to sand and memories
    Remembrances that followed me wherever I was going

    Disgraceful was my existence and only thorns stroked me
    Black roses were swallowing me like a prey
    Gloaming shadows surrounded me
    Beneath the indifferent gaze of the silvery moon

    I could only hear laments as manifestations of the night
    A mist of sorrow shrouded me like a gloomy cloak
    The cold air was full of decadence
    My heart slowed down at the sound of the drums of mourning

    I wandered beneath the barren heavens
    I had become a ghost clothed in remnants of despair
    I strived to seek refuge and rescue
    But all I could ever feel was the numbness of endless wandering

    The world around me blurred into shadows
    My realm was a graveyard of forsaken dreams
    Where even the stars had eclipsed for eternity
    And the winds sang elegies to my fall

    In this endless procession of sadness
    I was no longer a creature of the light because my heart was deceased
    But I was only a phantom dissolving into a mist
    Forever swallowed by the sorrowful darkness

    Leaving myself behind
    I left a trail of thorns and blood
    My heart was torn apart
    I was just a shadow of the underworld

    My face was carved with tears and scars
    And the paleness of death erased it all
    As if all my agony had faded like dust
    In the end, I vanished into the oblivion of forsaken sorrows.
    Elisabetta

  • The Spell Of The Magic Night

    The Spell Of The Magic Night

    The spell of the magic night bound me to a deadly respite
    A slumber of shadows too deep to escape
    Under the siege of absolute silence
    Dreams whispered legends of ashes and decay

    I was facing all my fears and my subconscious
    It was like opening an ancient chest that long-time remained closed
    Disclosing memories enveloped in dust and grief
    Each emotion was a fragile relic, and each fearful thought was an erratic rhyme

    The consequence of my own darkness dragged me deeper
    As my shadows manifested like abandoned ghosts
    And I became a captive of the stillness
    As I came to be aware that the price of awakening was far too high

    Immobile I remained on my fancy bed
    Expecting my frenzy to embody the shape of one of my visions
    I longed to become an illusion adrift in the aether
    Like divine smoke rising from sacred incense

    My heart was pounding from the sinister noises above me
    It felt as though I lay beneath demoniac clouds
    Where wicked souls wove silent conspiracies against me
    The void inside of my heart consumed me

    I surrendered to the phantoms of my anguishes
    They were no longer my tormentors but silent companions
    In the vastness of my hollow night, my thoughts dissolved like torn silk
    Each thread was lost to sight into the infinite darkness

    I finally ceased to search for who I was
    Since I became a part of that quietude I once feared
    I hovered through each memory of mine
    I had become a vibration surrounded by the velvet darkness

    All that surrounded me turned into a silent garden
    Where hushed sorrow bloomed with invisible petals
    And dreams fell like shadowed snowflakes
    On the altar of my fading spirit

    I wandered like a ghost trapped in a hall of mirrors
    Indeed, I had become a phantom of my own making
    And I eternally remained trapped in my dreams
    Under the spell of the magic night.
    Elisabetta

  • Awaken By Nightmares

    Awaken By Nightmares

    Awaken by nightmares at nightfall
    I surrender to the sense of my fragility and languor
    Condemned to wander perpetually in the forest of darkness
    With no clear direction to follow

    Stroked by the gelid indifference of humankind
    I am lured to the realm of my dreams and delusions
    To avoid facing reality and shun all conformism that brings me down
    Choosing to stop hiding my emotions and let them flow like a winter rainfall

    I decided to live on chimaeras and desires
    Being determined that there is no impossibility
    But everything is possible and feasible
    As long as I belong to the world of dreams

    Awaken by nightmares amid the night
    My will leaves me and I become a paradox and absurdity
    Because madness and folly strive to entangle me in their labyrinth with no escapes
    Where I am bound to the whims of my fancies

    I dissolve into the ethereal and I see that all my visions and dreams are real
    And now the world where I live is magnificent and exquisite
    I don’t feel pain, nor anguish, nor fear
    Everything is beautiful and nonsense as it must be

    When we greet and wish each other Good Morning or Good Evening
    What do we really wish for?
    Do we mean to continue our day as regular and similar to the previous one?
    Or do we aim for something more spectacular and extravagant?

    Most of the people live like monads
    Always connected but disconnected and indifferent
    Always connected but lonely and sad
    They say, “Dress to impress,” but I would rather confirm that people wear masks just to avoid being themselves and exposing their flaws

    Do we keep ourselves alive just to survive or to live?
    I never understood the humankind mindset
    It could be I’m not from this world but from another realm
    Impressive would be to see humans show and manifest their real emotions and impulses
    After all, we should all be awakened by nightmares to live our dreams.
    Elisabetta

  • Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost in my thoughts like a leaf is carried away by the wind
    In my garden of forbidden fruits and poisonous flowers
    Noticing all the colours and scents in their variety
    As I approach them, they reveal their secrets to me

    Memories stroke me like soft petals
    While I dream about the infinity of the universe
    As I explore the city streets among light and darkness
    Contemplating the sublimity of the stars

    In my loneliness, my only companion is my shadow, following me everywhere I go
    And I slowly realised that all my existence had been an illusion
    A delusional dream that enclosed me in a crystal cage
    And enslaved by my obsessions, I strive to survive

    I always find myself thinking about him, even though it has been a while since I last saw him
    His smile and voice made me melt like a snowflake under the sun of his beautiful soul
    Crying because I miss him, although I don’t know him
    Being so far yet so close, I surrender to my senses, bedazzled by love and frightened by the unknown

    I feel like a red flame bird soaring high in the sky
    Reaching for the stars in a firmament of diamonds and corals
    Only to fall down into the dim chasm of my anguish
    Where all my teardrops had created a blustery ocean

    My name is carved in every star as soon as I touch them
    And lost in my thoughts, I wish that my desires may be realised
    Delusional and silly, I’ve always been waiting for blessings and happiness
    Although all that I could see was an empty desert of sad desolation

    Remaining awake and dazzled, I try to realise that all my existence didn’t make any sense
    My unique hope relies on my dreams and illusions
    Therefore, I feel aghast by my disdainful fears and insecurities
    While I get lost in my dangerous thoughts.
    Elisabetta

  • Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed by the emptiness, I strive to survive
    And it seems that I’ve lost everything
    And I feel that I’ve got lost in the obscure abyss of my anguish
    And it’s only my fragility that guides me through the darkness

    The cruel fate threw me into a life of decay and despair
    An existence of invisibility and nonsense
    Where I struggle to be understood and loved
    And solitude rips my heart apart

    Wandering alone in the night
    I lose myself in an infinite myriad of thoughts
    And I try to scream, but there is no way to be heard
    While I lose my mind, falling into the abyss of madness

    Foolish as I am
    Every time, I believe in having found my way
    I only find walls made of gelid stones
    With no doors

    So I stopped to trust my dreams
    Since they are the most deceptive illusions
    Traps made of enchanting flowers and magic spells
    Traps that become my alcoves of salvation

    And I remain an unconscious prisoner of such captivating visions
    And I linger in silence without saying anything anymore
    I forget the sound of my voice to only remember the sound of my sobs
    When despair fractures me in millions of pieces

    The sweet melody of decadence soothes my soul
    I feel only love and anguish
    My heart bleeds teardrops of passion
    Lacerated as it is with a doomed destiny

    Swallowed by the emptiness
    I wander in the dark nights in the labyrinth of my nightmares
    To lie there hopeless and betrayed
    With a mind full of phoney delusions

    Trying to lie to myself
    I became convinced that there are clouds of happiness
    Where I’m valued and remembered
    A phantasmagoria of glowing glare and delight

    Hence, a fraudulent bliss enchained me eternally
    And an inextinguishable flame burns my bleeding heart
    Inflaming my soul with its ethereal fire
    A fire made of emptiness and indifference.
    Elisabetta

  • I Live Of Instants

    I Live Of Instants

    I live of instants that become memories
    Dying in the dark of the mind
    Whenever I encounter a flower, a tree or a cloud
    Slowly melting under the burden of my passions
    I become another drop of a rainstorm that flows through myself

    Glowing stars are witnesses of the insanity of my own dreams
    Faraway chimaeras of a fate that fell apart
    Like a fractured crystal shattered into an infinity of burning flames
    Softly waiting to fade away and never reappear
    So, I do feel the fragility of my essence in the vast darkness that is striving to swallow me

    I acquiesce in the light of solitude and silence
    The abyss of nothingness striving to swallow me
    In its limitless gorge where no sparkle of hope is allowed to be
    And the ephemeral sense of existence is obliterated
    In the magnificent realm of decay

    I live of instants that become a part of me
    In a nostalgic and sweet decadence dwelling in me
    A suspended flower without roots or ground to rely on
    Lonely in the cold atmosphere of my shell
    Where I will always belong for eternity

    I’ve always lived in a surreal reality
    Neither dead nor alive
    Being in abeyance
    Surrounded by dead stories
    And death and blood

    Life was fading into a chamber full of dust of decay
    Sweet decadence was my exquisite dream and comfort
    In a world where I perpetually faded away into wonders and nightmares
    In the illusion of change eventually, embracing the ordinary and expected
    My heart was pounding because of the absence of a thrill

    Sweet was the slumber that wrapped me
    In a celestial aura of avoidance and devastation
    Where all my senses were betrayed by blades and burns
    Embracing sorrow and misery
    Ignored by most as I was an invisible ghost

    I live of instants and memories hidden by the darkness of my soul
    A kingdom of obscurity and decadence
    Where I’m the only beloved ruler
    Gasping and signing once I’ve lost all my tears in the affliction of the night.
    Elisabetta

  • The Ocean of Gloominess

    The Ocean of Gloominess

    The ocean of gloominess stretched before me and beyond any imagination, displaying all its magnificence and supremacy.

    Fears and insecurities became ominous shadows that grew bigger, like intense storms dragging me deep into the abyss of oblivion.

    Freezing was the wind that embraced me with its long, spiky arms like a sweet and sour betrayal that ripped my heart.

    I would embrace non-existence rather than existence as a valley of distress and pain where I don’t find any place of joy and peace.

    Not relying on trust anymore, searching desperately for the truth buried underneath, I laid down on the cold soil, waiting for my eternal slumber to drag me away.

    Teardrops covered my face, freezing under the shapes of crystals and gems, now that nothing would have remained.

    And so, I became a part of that frozen realm where all the trees and flowers were made of insensitive frost.

    Not feeling anything anymore was my source of delight and amusement. I strived to forget all the memories as if I really never existed.

    The ocean of gloominess enticed me with its mystery and illusions, its sovereignty and cruelty.

    The nothingness lured me over and over again till I fell into the snare of the void where I coveted to finish like an ethereal dream of mine.

    Hence, I fainted again in a deadly slumber, a permanent one from which I couldn’t wake anymore, becoming just a frail, glimmering snowflake.

    Fleeting moments became remembrances to be obliterated like sand devoured by the wind. And dread overcame every little sparkle of mirth, leaving me adrift in the eternity of despair.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

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