Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: Inner Turmoil

  • The Golden Mirage

    The Golden Mirage

    The golden mirage appeared in front of me
    I couldn’t perceive if I were dreaming or awake
    But I could sense the magnificence of my vision
    As I forgot all my anxieties and fears, I proceeded on my path
    The deception of my fantasy could have betrayed me
    Because it felt so tangible and discernible

    I chased delusions and I couldn’t discern between reality and dream
    I had lost all my purposes, wandering without any directions
    My unintentional existence was a chimera
    Just a delusional journey destined to end in the valley of desolation
    In that barren stillness, I couldn’t find any awareness or hope
    My delusional adventure conducted me into the abyss of despair

    I had lost everything and the enchanting, tainted spell transformed into a ruin
    Distorted reflections of myself shimmered in giant golden mirrors
    Sparkling in all their lush illusion beneath the silent stare of the stars
    Every dream that blossomed in my imagination became a stone flower
    Everything I ever desired was reduced to crumbles of dust
    I felt the awareness that I had fallen victim to my own betrayal

    Every piece of my heart had been burned like an inextinguishable flame
    Wicked ghouls watched me from afar, sending me missives imbued with scorn and disdain
    While a defending silence resounded all over the surreal realm of gold and darkness
    Where absurdities and oddities governed as capricious rulers
    In this kingdom of gilded trees and silver moons, there were no directions or tickling clocks
    Everything seemed inert but also topsy-turvy

    My sleepless sanity surrendered to madness
    Overwhelmed by the outrage of my own fractured mind
    I wept behind a veil made of ephemeral lies
    The stars conspired against me, singing enigmas and riddles I couldn’t solve
    Making me feel dizzy and desperate
    I was a powerless creature in the realm of the golden mirage
    I had become a mirage myself.
    Elisabetta

  • Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled by my own grief
    Like a butterfly pinned to a wall
    I was standing on the cold soil soaked by my own blood
    Among withered flowers infused with the scent of death
    Embracing my misery as it was a bliss for my weak heart

    Slowly unveiling the image behind the shadows hovering high
    I discovered the reflection of my true self in their shrouds
    I cried out loud, running out of tears of despair
    Dressed in the sparkling veil that the luminaries made for me
    And wearing a crown made of thorns and roses

    All the most terrible memories introduced themselves to me
    They appeared like dreadful ghouls and wraiths
    Stabbing me with their sharp daggers
    Reducing me to a relic
    In the presence of crows and dead trees

    I was an empty shell without reflection or shadow
    Whenever I was wondering, it seemed I didn’t leave any trace
    But only blood and thorns, a representation of my miserable existence
    What I was I knew not
    I became an enigma to myself

    I collapsed like a wax sculpture
    As I was an extinguished flame
    With a body stitched by bandages and shattered dreams
    Each thread was a reminder of the pangs carved all over my body
    And my heart was a crushed crystal

    The gleaming moonlight created an aura made of silver
    Spectres were floating over me
    While I was waiting for the stars to guide me
    But no sign was there for me
    Only the deepest darkness and squalid solitude

    The cruel fate had decreed my end with the worst despair of my soul
    All my cries were dispersed by the cold wind of a winter night
    Nothing more was there for me
    I had lost everything dear to me
    And a storm wrapped me in its deadly embrace

    Impaled by my own grief
    I was the embodiment of my own tragedy.
    Elisabetta

  • The Shadows Of Affliction

    The Shadows Of Affliction

    The shadows of affliction hunted me in the night
    They awakened me in the middle of my slumber
    Like a fever that gripped my body with its sharp claws
    It always left me crying on my bed with a bleeding heart
    Submerged in my teardrops I kept my soul wide open
    As if I could get more dazed than the night before

    Echoes of my lost dreams resounded in my obscure chamber
    They made me feel like a withered flower with no hopes
    I was left, astray in the wasteland of silence
    As I was a forgotten spirit, I wandered among the ruins of my soul
    The abyss of void yelled my name to reclaim me as its beloved possession
    Because nothing more could have saved me

    If I could have erased all my distressing memories
    I would have lived a bearable existence in peace and calm
    Instead, I was doomed to eternal misery and the spasms of death
    I couldn’t find any key to the door that was keeping me locked in my struggle
    So many thoughts and fears were overcrowding my mind that I couldn’t tell
    I felt overwhelmed and dizzy as I was wandering in an endless maze without guides

    The shadows of affliction were cast over me like ominous ghosts
    I stood immobile since panic had grasped my heart
    The frosty breeze of the night froze my bones
    And every mirror I encountered never reflected my authentic image
    I didn’t remember my name anymore, and my purposes
    Climbing ivy curled like serpents, entwining me in veins of sorrow and silence

    From the instant I died, I was buried beneath layers of anguish as a captive of the underworld
    Chained to cry and despair amid the indifference of stars
    And the moonless night sky offered no comfort
    I had chosen to hide in the darkness and never reveal myself to the light
    With nothing left but a lifeless heart
    I had become one of the shadows of affliction.
    Elisabetta

  • Lost In My Hallucinations

    Lost In My Hallucinations

    Lost in my hallucinations, seeking insanity and self-destruction. I made of self-loathing my eternal anthem and favourite melody. Listening to the noise of the light of the sun when it hit the petals of my flowers, I followed my own shadow in the green meadow of hope. Kneeling down I strove to protect myself from all that dazzling gleaming since I was made of darkness and decadence.

    Lies and illusions were the source of life for my soul which sought exclusively the sweet poison of deception. Wandering beneath a sad sky deprived of stars and moon, I couldn’t take control of my fears and turmoils, I forgot my name although it was carved on every stone I trampled on. Wildly led by my shattered hopes, I roamed astray into the wilderness of aborted dreams.

    Lost in my hallucinations, I was searching for myself and the sense of life while teardrops were marking imprints on my face. Memories sounded like melodies in my ears I couldn’t avoid facing them because they were like a thick cloud enfolding my heart. And words came to my mind like thunders in the middle of the night. The silent stillness soothed me slowly in my insomnia.

    I knew not what I was really and I never saw my reflection on any mirror. I was a stranger to myself and I never met any other creatures like me. I was utterly cast away, lost in the tides of my own desolation, wondering if I ever could have been different. The scent of death enticed me to follow a trail leading into an abyss of despair, where I could embrace my complete obliteration.

    Having lost my wisdom, I discovered a new shape of fictitious reality enticed to the absurd realm of fantasy. There I was not alive anymore but doomed to inexhaustible agony, where fortune frayed like a worn-out thread spun from the hands of forgotten deities. I was the manifestation of decline and defeat.
    Elisabetta

  • The Betrayal of the Darkness

    The Betrayal of the Darkness

    The Betrayal of the Darkness
    by Esther Elizabeth Racah

    The betrayal of the darkness settled deep in the air,
    Where shadows deceived with their treacherous grace.
    Darkness, once a velvet cloak, soft and kind,
    Now rends the night, leaving a chilling trace.
    Once a companion in the silent hours,
    Now, it festers in corners unseen,
    The mist no longer caresses with gentleness,
    But coils with intent, cold and keen.

    Where light once danced on edges faint,
    Now, only the dimmest echoes remain.
    Each flicker is caught, held in a snare,
    Trapped in the betrayal of the darkness’ silent despair.
    The candles burn low, their flames thin and weak,
    Their glow is a promise they cannot keep.
    For the dark, once a sanctuary still,
    Now mocks with a cruel, foreboding thrill.

    The mist is no longer a veil of peace,
    But a trickster, shifting with every breath.
    Its weight presses down on every thought,
    Whispering of the betrayal of the darkness and death.
    The ground beneath trembles with dread,
    As if it, too, feels the shadow’s spread.
    Each step taken is a step in vain,
    For the night has claimed all within its reign.

    What was once hidden in a gentle embrace,
    Now, it splits the soul with a sharpened edge.
    The night, no longer a place to rest,
    Has become a realm of the heart’s unrest.
    The betrayal of the darkness cuts so deep,
    Leaving wounds that remain unseen.
    For the darkness was more than just the night;
    It was a promise of something more,
    But now that promise is undone,
    And the soul is left adrift, forlorn.

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