Nightmares and sorrow blended in a cloud of illusory bliss in a beautiful and enchanting night of confusion and euphoria. I felt a sense of transience and fragility in my ephemeral existence. Torpor and a desire for amnesia dissolved when madness and absolute sublimity prevailed in their entirety. Lost in the darkness of the night, I began to feel overwhelmed by the immense ocean of life while I was but a frail snowflake, which could have been swallowed by the fantastic void. I had never been able to understand how my heart could be bewildered by a fierce dismay while the nocturnal cold breeze left me feeling drained and listless. Bitter and tragic memories manifested themselves with their unwelcome presence. At least silence could soothe me while the night did increase my anguish, which plunged me into a state of tragic wretchedness, as if my inescapable destiny had decided that dreams could no longer be a privilege of mine. Nightmares and sorrow never left my side and they softly whispered truths to me that I would have liked to bury in the abyss of oblivion. No matter how much I sought to escape that storm of restlessness and melancholy, I always found myself back at the starting point, facing my bitter and cruel anguish. Not even the beauty with which I had surrounded myself had sufficed to save me from that abyss of perdition. And so it was that my dreams were reduced to a heap of decaying rubble that not even the night wind would carry away. Time was racing by like a swollen river, while I stood motionless in a state of torment and contrition, unable to find a way out of that labyrinth of futile anxieties. Lost in the vortex of nightmares and sorrow I let events perpetrate their wickedness. I could never ever forget the day all the dreams of mine fell into abysmal obliteration. There was no longer a sunrise in the eternal realm of darkness and decay.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: loneliness
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Nightmares And Sorrow
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Phantoms And Dreams
Phantoms and dreams were my devoted cronies wherever I was wandering in the darkest hours of the night feeling overwhelmed by ignominious remembrances collected in the world ruled by the evilness of the mortals. For so long, I tried to erase the images my mind pictured for epochs, never doubting my wisdom, even as I stood at the edge of the abyss of oblivion, where everything was lost and vanished into emptiness. Phantoms and dreams followed my perilous path made of traps and betrayals in the disguise of uncontroversial circumstances. No stars could be glimpsed from my point of observation, hence I wandered in dizziness and chaos, since my loyal phantom friends were not capable of signalling me the proper direction. A timeless silence fell all over the gloomy forest like a noiseless symphony that induced me to fall into a deep slumber. A sequence of instants passed swiftly, like a sudden storm, and I found myself nowhere. The more I was aimlessly wandering, the more my mind was filled with nothingness and chaos. It seemed to me to have been losing all that I owned, all at once, and I felt like an empty seashell filled with seawater and sand. All of a sudden I felt seaweed wrapping me up like a marine creature ready to explore the deepest abysses of the oceanic realm. Loneliness no longer took advantage of me because my phantoms and dreams had metamorphosed into magnificent and phantasmagoric chimaeras. At last, all the pangs and anguishes had left my heart, and nothing could have perturbed that state of peaceful bliss, which I discovered in my delightful nightmares. Phantoms and dreams had been replaced by mysterious ghouls and eerie nightmares. Nothing could have awakened me; not even the silver moonlight sparkling over me; not even the glimmering starlight shining in the night sky; for I had become the infinite darkness; eternally.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Restlessness Of The Night
The restlessness of the night never left my quiet chamber adorned with ancient mirrors and candles extinguished by the freezing wind of the darkness.
The silence helped my nightmares discourage my heart from holding dear its long-coveted desires.
Henceforth, I tried not to panic when I realised that I couldn’t find any image of myself in the mirrors of my antique manor.
Not even a portrait was there and each time I tried to perceive my countenance, all I could discover was a box full of sand and decay.
The hours sang an elegy for the passing of the night that was infinite and determined to rule hegemony in the realm of my bizarre fantasies and odd revelations.
Magic dreams were only faraway illusions that had been bestowed to me once again only to be left in the abyss of despair with nothing but my vest full of sand and decay.The restlessness of the night offered me the goblet of eternal torment, alluring me with fairy tales and foolish legends.
I wished to become an invisible creature of the gloomy night, however, I could do nothing but observe my name inscribed on every wall and book that I had encountered.
No importance was given to my will since the day I was born beneath the hollow trees of dismay.
The stars manifested their disregard for me, leaving me in my senseless loneliness, at the mercy of the raging storms that would have swept me away.
In vain, I claimed my liberty from that misfortune, but they came to claim me and all that once was mine, the ghouls from the archaic world of my past misadventures.
Perhaps I could have forgotten the sensations of delight and gentle euphoria.
The restlessness of the night had become the portal to my agony and everlasting grief, which never abandoned my aching heart.
Elisabetta Esther -
Teardrops In The Desert
Teardrops in the desert of chaos and vulnerability were striking my face while the imperious sun was staring at me with its searing light, on the verge of overwhelming me.
The long summer nights allowed me to indulge in extravagant fantasies since I had always been fond of dreams and rainbows. But, nevertheless, I couldn’t help myself from finding the right direction.
The sun gave its place to the luminaries of the firmament, and I could perceive the feeble light of a lantern far away floating in the enchanted forest of my impossible dreams.
I became a shadow of the night and I could see the stars in their eyes, as if I were their celestial companion in the lonely nightfall. Teardrops in the desert metamorphosed into sighs and whispers in the deepest night of my life.
Without hesitation, I was tempted to embrace the chaos which was embedded in my heart, now that every delusional longing had departed from my dwelling. Hence, I strove for a stance on my fate, but I couldn’t see anything in my crystal ball.
Even the tarot cards refused to spell the truth, although I had interrogated them so many times as the number of stars. My hymns had been cast away from me as punishment for my quest to obtain that certitude that I never acquired.
Teardrops in the desert beneath my beloved moon flew like impetuous rivers at the sight of the twilight. Might I have been a brilliant star or a shy planet, I knew not. All I knew inside my heart was the sensation of a precarious destiny.
As invisible as I became and as untouchable as I pretended to be, I melted in the forest of thoughts and fears as an untamed creature of my own realm made of fantastic dreams and fancy illusions.
Elisabetta Esther -
Wandering In Oblivion
Wandering in oblivion with the certitude in my heart that I belonged more to my afflictions than to my desires
I knew not where my fate was taking me
The only inevitability I couldn’t avoid was my obsessive quest to follow my dreams
My fantastic world was all I demanded so impulsively
And that everlasting flame was glowing intensely into my heartI felt betrayed by the time and all the previous events that dragged me into the pit of anguish
It was real as much as I was breathing, and I couldn’t prevent being overwhelmed
A huge imaginary mountain was on my chest, for I didn’t realise I had brought such huge exhaustion over and over again for a considerable time, too many times
Lost and deluded, I chose seclusion as a way to bear that overflowing burdenSo far I wandered that I got lost in mazes and forests, for I was seeking pursuits and chances
Even though I knew there was no compass guiding me in the infinite darkness of the nights I spent in dizziness and confusion
Bitter was the dismay that distressed my heart in the loneliest journey of my existence
Whenever I searched for comfort, I only found sparse, few and far-between hopes for a spark of delightThe sunlight became bright and dark, creating shadows all over my path, while the moon advanced with pride as the queen of the long nights when my slumber was trembling with fear of the unknown. At last, I could hear the silence whispering presages and tales. Hence, there I was, lonely in my frailty and chaos, never ready for new adventures whilst wandering in oblivion and suspense. I had forgotten all my bygone remembrances as well as my name and my most cherished dreams.
As long as the moon shone alongside the stars, I could make wishes that shattered at the mountain’s peak. But all fell silent, and I remained in my castle, admiring the splendid panorama before me.
Elisabetta Esther -
Fantasising In The Realm Of The Night
Fantasising in the realm of the night
Lost in my obliviousness
Bound to my dreams
I discovered lost memories kept far away from my heart
For I was wandering in the inaccessible kingdom of the invisible
Where only dreams and chimaeras could be tangibleI had lost the keys to the portal of fear
And I was facing my delusional quest with no destination
Cast away from society, I lived in solitude and silence
No words could have been used to depict my inner world
Too many times I saw faces without a soul
For myriad seasons, I spent questioning my fateI never found an answer to each of my questions
It seemed the stars were enjoying lying to me
Or maybe it was the treacherous night sky with its copious gloomy clouds that interfered
I knew not
And I will never know
Since the first day of my bleak existence
Dismay was my inner core
Like a rose thorn, always present in my heartNo tumultuous storm or hectic wind could have disrupted that unheavenly stillness
For I was firmly convinced that I could not alter my endless state of invisibility
Dazed and confused as I was
I didn’t count the hours anymore
Time didn’t exist in my kingdom of imagination
Whenever I was fantasising in the realm of the nightNo flower of my dim garden could ever have resisted a secret eclipse
Nor could I refuse to live with those illusions that were mesmerising my heart
Lonely and flimsy was the star dwelling in my soul
The nocturnal birds greeted me as always
For they were my chaotic followers of the darkness
In my journeys through inaccessible forests and forsook meadows
Seeking the ocean waves and the thunder in the tempestuous dusks of the wilderness
To lose and find all the versions of myself
In an infinite expedition to nowhere
Forever
Never ceasing to fantasise in the realm of the night.
Elisabetta Esther -
Strange Empty Anguished
Strange
Empty
Anguished
I wandered through the void, searching for myself
But never finding myself
In the illusion that I too could touch my dreams and bury my fears
Exhausted
Without strength
I tried to reach the infinite
But all I got as a reward was the abyss of my destruction
I could see different fragments of my soul
As if I were made of multiple creatures
Memories echoed as I was overwhelmed by the ocean of absence
Obliterated by my own dreams
Dazed by the night sky where the stars were gleaming ferociously
I lost all purpose in my existence
Wandering aimlessly in the labyrinth of darkness
Where flowers of fear blossomed
While my heart was striving to beat
Since an eternal numbness captivated my senses
Hollow sparks of ineptitude inflamed the candles of my modest dwelling
I could hear them
I could hear my ghastly memories call my name like howls in a fierce storm
No one could perceive them but meStrange
Empty
Anguished
I could not see any horizon anymore
Such was the haze surrounding me
A bizarre peculiarity in a realm with no past or future
The cold blizzard knocked my windows impetuously
An unwelcome and unexpected guest
Among the copious phantoms inhabiting my little insensate world
Where fantasy was endless as well as my infinite dreams
Legends of vanished stars and withered blossoms
I dared no longer to visit those abodes of viciousness
Belonging finally only to my concealed past history
And the night penetrated the old wall stones of my ancient hearth
Depleting me of any power to dissuade myself from falling into illusions
I faded again and again into the darkness of night
As I was a tiny speck of infinity
While the ocean waves touched the luminaries
In a game of shadows and glares.
Elisabetta Esther -
Waiting For My Dreams
Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther -
In The Abyss Of My Thoughts
In the abyss of my thoughts
I felt the shadows of my dark memories
All over my dreams like hunting ghosts
Feeding my fears with their perfidyI felt the chills of my terrible past
Breaking my heart into a myriad of disillusions
I begged my broken mirrors not to bring to life those remembrances
Crowding my nightmares in desolate nights of anguishEverything now seems so different and irreversible
My cries are full of tears of liberation
Even though I cannot escape from the labyrinth of my mind
It feels like my soul aches has become my radianceMy nightmares came to be my companions
I’m unbound from my ancestral ropes
Nevertheless
My soul is overwhelmed with a cloudy trepidationI strive to endure all those ghouls
Surrounding me like unexpected ancestors
Whenever they visit me by day and night
Covering my fragile voice with their scary howlsIn vain, I begged them to definitely vanish
But they came back over and over again
Nothing could prevent them from visiting me
And I struggle to welcome them as welcome guestsIn the abyss of my thoughts
I rely on my hopes to linger like a lost butterfly
While every storm tries to bring me back to the castle of blight
Committed to the solemn oath of silence and forgetfulnessIn vain, I implored all the stars of the night sky to find a haven
Not even the immense ocean waves were willing to listen to my concerns
Whenever my heart aches, it echoes all over the universe
Loneliness evolved into my only safe island of peaceI wished I could continue to live inside my sparkling cloud of illusions
I desired to be the princess of my dream kingdom
However, there I lingered
In the abyss of my thoughts.
Elisabetta Esther -
Entangled In My Own Disquiet
Entangled in my own disquiet
I found myself in a state of confusion
Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
I might have been able to overcome my fears
But I was not capable of escaping the lonelinessThere were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
While my sighs hid tears of griefThinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismayMany times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
But deceptions were always following my trail
I knew no serenity
Instead, I was condemned to wander endlesslyTime didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter nightI felt the discomfort of reality
It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
I lived as a doll locked in an airtight boxNo creature could ever perceive me
No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
No mirror could reflect my imageI was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymoreI had no longing, no desire left
I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
Elisabetta Esther