Tag: loneliness

  • The Mask Of Illusion

    The Mask Of Illusion

    The mask of illusion hid behind an ephemeral mirth
    Whenever I tried to pick the sublime flowers of joy
    Pretending that I could be worthy of happiness and hope

    Only in my dreams, I could see my confined heart
    In a cage made of crystal and gold
    From which it could never be set free
    Because the destiny of my soul was doomed forever to indifference and distress

    That was the reason I fed myself with the poison of illusions
    Illusions hiding behind a mask of conventional pretences
    I’ve always loved lying to myself

    In the rush for survival, I forgot my real name
    Getting lost amidst the euphoric frenzy of fleeting instants
    I did let myself dissolve in the labyrinth of shadows

    The mask of illusion became deformed and heavier
    And underneath it, there was only a haze of darkness
    A void where once upon a time there was a glowing light

    Silence replaced hopes and desires
    And I forgot the sight of truth and reality
    The spell of bitter lies had enchanted me

    Hence, my despair grew deeper in the garden of thorns
    A secret garden where no flower of joy could ever bloom
    The mask of illusion and deceit sunk deep into the cold soil, made of fragments of shattered delusions

    No soul would ever find this kingdom of nowhere
    Impenetrable and invisible to ordinary sight
    This magic realm of enigmas and secrets concealed every untruth and illusion
    Though every fragment of it was woven from fallacies, for all the masks of illusion lay buried beneath

    Surprised no more
    I surrendered to the sweet lullabies coming from each flower
    With the certitude that I was one of my dreams

    Victim of my own hallucinations
    I wandered endlessly through the spectral haze of my illusions
    Surrounded by the decay of faded memories that lingered like lost ghosts
    Never to return to my forsaken reality.
    Elisabetta

  • Shadows Over Me

    Shadows Over Me

    Shadows over me constantly
    Hunting me like terrifying ghouls
    Frightening me to the bones
    With their obsession

    I decided to abandon myself to the sense of defeat
    A defeat due to my cruel fate of being invisible and negligible
    Like a little sparkle of light destined to its descent into the abyss of darkness
    And so, that was me

    I wish extraordinary phantasmagorias would visit me in my dreams
    But even that was impossible
    So much was the misery of my realm of existence
    Being a negligible creature destined to the cold wind of indifference

    Even the possibility of falling in love with a chimaera and an illusion of mine was a failure
    Destined to ominous omens
    While the rays of the pale moonlight stroke my hair
    I descended again into an eternal and deadly slumber

    I couldn’t see anything but a total obscurity
    I couldn’t hear but an absolute silence
    Dim and dreadful shadows descended over me
    And I couldn’t react or move in this ocean of emptiness

    Defeated again and again by a sense of tragic frailty
    I became a shadow myself
    A shadow bound to a world of lies and deception
    With the inability to flee away
    Being hushed up in an abyss of oblivion

    Being forsaken and abandoned to loneliness
    I only found comfort in the numbness and lack of emotions
    After striving to scream
    I faded away like invisible stardust

    Shadows over me grasped my heart to tear it apart
    Feeling a fractured crystal in the inside
    I couldn’t feel any pang or fear because I was myself anguish and dread
    I became a ghost lingering in the world of death and darkness

    Ethereal as I was, I wandered like a frightful spirit of the night
    Chasing every spark of light I could seize, in vain
    For I was doomed to the realm of darkness and oblivion.
    Elisabetta

  • Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost in my thoughts like a leaf is carried away by the wind
    In my garden of forbidden fruits and poisonous flowers
    Noticing all the colours and scents in their variety
    As I approach them, they reveal their secrets to me

    Memories stroke me like soft petals
    While I dream about the infinity of the universe
    As I explore the city streets among light and darkness
    Contemplating the sublimity of the stars

    In my loneliness, my only companion is my shadow, following me everywhere I go
    And I slowly realised that all my existence had been an illusion
    A delusional dream that enclosed me in a crystal cage
    And enslaved by my obsessions, I strive to survive

    I always find myself thinking about him, even though it has been a while since I last saw him
    His smile and voice made me melt like a snowflake under the sun of his beautiful soul
    Crying because I miss him, although I don’t know him
    Being so far yet so close, I surrender to my senses, bedazzled by love and frightened by the unknown

    I feel like a red flame bird soaring high in the sky
    Reaching for the stars in a firmament of diamonds and corals
    Only to fall down into the dim chasm of my anguish
    Where all my teardrops had created a blustery ocean

    My name is carved in every star as soon as I touch them
    And lost in my thoughts, I wish that my desires may be realised
    Delusional and silly, I’ve always been waiting for blessings and happiness
    Although all that I could see was an empty desert of sad desolation

    Remaining awake and dazzled, I try to realise that all my existence didn’t make any sense
    My unique hope relies on my dreams and illusions
    Therefore, I feel aghast by my disdainful fears and insecurities
    While I get lost in my dangerous thoughts.
    Elisabetta

  • Victimised By My Desires

    Victimised By My Desires

    Victimised by my desires and love
    I try to detach from my heart’s impulses
    But it is useless because I am chained completely
    Like a prey of my own longings, craving for my soul

    I keep believing in my dreams and impossible chimeras
    Never breaking the chain of my own distress
    Trusting love and its cruel games
    A realm of beauty and deception

    Victimised by my desires and obsessions
    I get lost in my dreams where I feel safe and protected
    And I sing my song of love and self-destruction
    As a way to cast a spell over myself over and over again

    Alive and dead
    Happy and sad
    I fade away into the darkness of my life
    Becoming a victim of my emotions and weakness

    Every time that my dreams whisper lies to me
    I feel euphoric and powerful as I’m destined to a perpetual merriment
    Instead, I fall into the profound abyss of misery
    Where I compassionately cry crystal teardrops

    I never stop sighing in this valley of desolation
    As I’m permanently condemned to wander endlessly with no destination
    As I’m permanently condemned to never find peace in my innermost spirit

    Seized by cobwebs of love and impossibilities
    Abducted into secret alcoves of empty vows
    I surmise that my own delusions are real, mistaking them for truths
    And see only exquisite beauty in this world because I want to believe so

    In my dark chamber, I cry and sigh
    In my secret niche, I embrace oblivion
    Aware that nobody, absolutely nobody, thinks about me
    In this senseless existence, deprived of empathy

    Forlorn and disenchanted, I wait for the true love
    Although I’m sure I can feel it, and I can see it as a beautiful vision
    As I’m very foolish and ingenue, losing easily control of my feelings
    And I’m glad to fall into the trap of my longings
    And I’m delighted that I’m victimised by my desires.
    Elisabetta

  • Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed by the emptiness, I strive to survive
    And it seems that I’ve lost everything
    And I feel that I’ve got lost in the obscure abyss of my anguish
    And it’s only my fragility that guides me through the darkness

    The cruel fate threw me into a life of decay and despair
    An existence of invisibility and nonsense
    Where I struggle to be understood and loved
    And solitude rips my heart apart

    Wandering alone in the night
    I lose myself in an infinite myriad of thoughts
    And I try to scream, but there is no way to be heard
    While I lose my mind, falling into the abyss of madness

    Foolish as I am
    Every time, I believe in having found my way
    I only find walls made of gelid stones
    With no doors

    So I stopped to trust my dreams
    Since they are the most deceptive illusions
    Traps made of enchanting flowers and magic spells
    Traps that become my alcoves of salvation

    And I remain an unconscious prisoner of such captivating visions
    And I linger in silence without saying anything anymore
    I forget the sound of my voice to only remember the sound of my sobs
    When despair fractures me in millions of pieces

    The sweet melody of decadence soothes my soul
    I feel only love and anguish
    My heart bleeds teardrops of passion
    Lacerated as it is with a doomed destiny

    Swallowed by the emptiness
    I wander in the dark nights in the labyrinth of my nightmares
    To lie there hopeless and betrayed
    With a mind full of phoney delusions

    Trying to lie to myself
    I became convinced that there are clouds of happiness
    Where I’m valued and remembered
    A phantasmagoria of glowing glare and delight

    Hence, a fraudulent bliss enchained me eternally
    And an inextinguishable flame burns my bleeding heart
    Inflaming my soul with its ethereal fire
    A fire made of emptiness and indifference.
    Elisabetta

  • Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic thoughts on solitude and self-love
    Duty was the master of my obsessions
    Although I was travelling in an unreachable remote realm
    Where I was not aware that I could have dreamed

    The surprise of being a part of the time and eternity
    But as an invisible and ethereal creature of darkness
    Longing I could manifest all the desires of mine
    Faraway from ambiguous wicked beings

    Enticed by my love and desire for my untouchable beloved
    Who perceived but ignored my passion for him
    Hence, frustration and impossibility separated me
    Keeping me awake at night and a dreamer in the middle of the day

    Whenever I could have the chance to meet him
    I would rejoice in his vision and sometimes voice
    Striving to obtain some quick and volatile attention
    For just a few instants that sounded like an eternity

    Silence and loneliness waited for me
    In every corner of my mind
    Whenever my hope could have been fulfilled
    In my naive dreams

    Waiting was the only option
    Even forever
    As long as I could be there not far from him
    With my heart

    Dreams and illusions are my merriment
    Like a multicoloured lamp enlightening sleepless nights
    While my claustrophobic thoughts trapped my mind
    In a vortex

    Letting the river of life captivate me
    I float like a leaf on the cold waters of fate
    When uncertainty is the ruler of the realm
    Echoing my name

    Words like carved truths on my soul
    Conducting me to my unknown destination
    I become words
    I become memories

    Vanishing in the void
    All that remains of me are my fears and longings
    Cling to my love
    Burning like an inextinguishable flame
    Pure like the blossom of a crimson rose.
    Elisabetta

  • I Lived In Death

    I Lived In Death

    I lived in death, and the death lived in me
    As long as memories were within me
    As long as I relied on my dungeon of darkness and dismay
    The daggers of betrayal stabbed my heart and soul
    Numbing my mind in an eternal slumber for a decade of decay

    Foolishness was my wisdom and guide
    For I forgot my name at a time without the time
    In the eternity of forgetfulness of myself
    Living forcefully without the intention of life
    Doomed to solitude, numbness and death

    And so I wrote my despair and desire for not being any more
    Prisoner of fate and false scenarios
    I pretended to live believing in other truths and myths
    A spell of death and violence was written on my heart
    Still not free from the cage of demise and darkness.

    I lived in death, and the death lived in me
    Trusting the undying spirits of deception
    Captivating my heart and soul like vultures
    Avid of my mystery and innocence
    Having been thrown into a cave with no way out

    Slumber was my only loyal companion in my non-life
    Slammed doors and broken windows and screams the constant guests of my trap
    Explosions and metal dust were falling over my realm of nightmares
    Dreaming of not dreaming anymore forever

    Falling into unloveable harbours of uncertainty
    Being unintentional and detached in my survival
    Nonchalant about the future as I was destined to vanish
    Secrets and memories were pinning me down like a fallen butterfly

    I lived in madness
    Pretending to exist in a phantom reality
    Striving to scream but without success
    I’ve been an embalmed doll, trapped in a glass cage
    Untouched by love.

    My heart and lips have been sealed
    By the pins of sovereignty and hegemony
    Waiting to be forever free I feast upon myself.
    Elisabetta

  • The Scent of Emptiness

    The Scent of Emptiness

    The scent of emptiness swept through the hollow air like a deadly breeze,
    A gust like a whisper, cold and bare,
    It carried with it, faint and slow,
    The scent of something lost long ago.

    It drifted through rooms, abandoned, still,
    Through spaces void of life or will,
    Where light no longer dared to creep,
    And all that was left remained endless sleep.

    The walls once spoke of ardour and fire,
    Of hearts alive with intense desires,
    But now they crumbled, feeble and frail,
    Their tales of love began to pale.

    The scent of emptiness, it clung,
    A sorrow born of broken things unsung,
    Of merriments lost, of fleeting days,
    Of shadows in forgotten ways.

    What once was rich with scented blooms,
    It now became a house of vacant rooms,
    The echoes fainted, the aura so thin,
    Wanderers felt the dark crawl deep within.

    A withered rose left in a vase,
    Its petals were brown, devoid of grace,
    However, still the scent of old remained,
    A ghost of what it once contained.

    And as ghouls rambled through the dust,
    They felt the weight of brittle rust,
    The scent of emptiness, so sweet,
    It pulled them closer and dragged their feet.

    It chilled the skin, it clawed the mind,
    With memories cruel and unkind,
    A fragrance of despair and fear,
    That pulled the soul ever near.

    In every crevice, every fold,
    The scent of emptiness grew bold,
    It whispered through the cracks of time,
    A lingering perfume of crime.

    For once, these halls were full of life,
    Of joy, of pain, of love and strife,
    Now, nothing stirred but silent dread,
    Where every dream was long since dead.

    Yet something lingered in the gloom,
    A presence watching from the room,
    It smelled the sorrow on the breeze,
    And watched as the shadows froze.

    And in this emptiness, so vast,
    The present faded, the future’s past,
    For nothing lives, and nothing dies,
    In hollow rooms where silence lies.

    The scent of emptiness remained,
    A haunting note, a whispered name,
    And though the world outside may turn,
    Inside, that scent will never burn.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • Desolation and Sadness

    Desolation and Sadness

    Desolation and sadness blossomed in a time when the tree of joy died,
    Before, the winds turned cold and cruel.
    The days were bright, but shadows prospered,
    And silence ruled in every room.

    The flowers once bloomed in glimmering lights,
    Their petals soft, their fragrance sweet,
    But seasons shifted, and they withered,
    As if the soil no longer cared to greet.

    The sky had held a shade of blue,
    A canvas where the clouds would play,
    But soon, it faded into grey,
    As mirth dissolved and dreams decayed.

    There had been a symphony of fondness in every glimmer,
    And love’s embrace was powerful and infallible.
    But hearts grew detached, hands untied,
    Leaving behind an obscure emptiness.

    The roads once bustled with busy steps,
    Crammed with the hum of life’s embrace.
    Now, only memories passed through walls,
    And loneliness had found its realm.

    The ocean once danced beneath the sun,
    Its waves created a melody of endless bliss.
    But now the shores stood bare and cold,
    Untouched by light, untouched by ardour.

    There was a time when longings were alive,
    Their sounds were so pure, their wings so light,
    Nonetheless, soon, their melodies went lost in the darkness,
    Swept away by endless nights.

    The stars had shone like scattered gems,
    Guiding the way through life’s enigmas,
    However, shortly, their light was swallowed whole,
    By darkened skies, their lustre was gone.

    Those who once believed in futures bright,
    With paths that led to beautiful shores.
    They became tired of those dreams that were left lying in the dust,
    Forgotten tales of what once soared.

    There had been smiles and giggles,
    Faded promises of days to arrive.
    But sorrow settled in their place,
    And every gust felt cold and numb.

    The past was filled with tender grace,
    A world untouched by grief’s decay.
    But time moved on, and all that was loved
    It was swept like ash and blown away.

    Desolation and sadness claimed the fields of green,
    Where no more hearts alive could have been chased,
    Indeed, now those fields lay barren, bare,
    Where joy had existed, now misery took its siege.

    The wind that brought hymns of happiness
    Suddenly, it only carried the weight of tears.
    The songs of delight and love
    Fell silent through the passing years.

    There was a remote and ancient time,
    When kindness bloomed like a springtime flower,
    But cruelty’s frost had killed the bloom,
    And shadows stretched with thriving power.

    The sun that warmed every realm
    Fell from the sky in silent grief,
    And all that once was full of life
    Fell prey to time’s relentless thief.

    In the end, only desolation and sadness lingered here,
    Of all things that went lost, of all those dreams that were known.
    Desolation ruled the land,
    And sadness bloomed where hope once grew.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • Unusual Loneliness

    Unusual Loneliness

    Unusual loneliness, like a trap of despair,
    In the silent hollow profundities of melancholy,
    Like waiting for nothing.

    Solitude was a tree in a landscape in black and white,
    Where no bird was seen flying in a cloudy sky,
    With no sun, no stars.

    Gardens of withered flowers, suddenly dead,
    We were cloaked by a cold darkness,
    While the wind silently touched every dead leaf.

    Obsessions and sweet anguishes were the only companions of dreamers,
    Daring to challenge the infinite abyss of darkness,
    In the absence of any comfort and solace.

    The ocean mirrored a void that swallowed the horizon,
    Its waves whispered secrets to no one—
    Each crest fell into oblivion,
    A rhythmic pulse, echoing an empty heart.

    Unusual loneliness became a captivating spell,
    In front of the infinite ocean, unifying with a cloudless sky,
    Neither sunrise nor sunset are allowed to rule.

    Indeed, in the chasm of this desolation,
    There was no cry, no scream to break the spell,
    Only the slow, measured breathing of a realm too tired to weep.

    Beneath the surface, creatures swam in circles,
    Trapped like thoughts repeating,
    Chasing themselves endlessly.

    Until the silence became unbearable,
    Shadows whispered in the void,
    And even the depths withheld their embrace.

    Solitude was a tree in a landscape in black and white,
    Where no bird was seen flying in a cloudy sky,
    With no sun, no stars.

    Unusual loneliness, like a trap of despair,
    In the silent hollow profundities of melancholy,
    Like waiting for nothing.

    Gardens of withered flowers, suddenly dead,
    We were cloaked by a cold darkness,
    While the wind silently touched every dead leaf.

    Obsessions and sweet anguishes were the only companions of dreamers,
    Daring to challenge the infinite abyss of darkness,
    In the absence of any comfort and solace.

    The ocean mirrored a void that swallowed the horizon,
    Its waves whispered secrets to no one—
    Each crest fell into oblivion.

    In the chasm of this desolation, there was no cry,
    No scream to break the spell could be heard,
    Only the slow, measured signing of a realm too tired to weep.

    Unusual loneliness was a strong ruler,
    No fool, no wise could escape its lure,
    In a kingdom of silence, vast and infinite.

    Beneath the surface of the sea, creatures swam in circles,
    Trapped like thoughts repeating,
    Chasing themselves endlessly.

    Until the silence became unbearable,
    And even the depths withheld their embrace,
    Since the darkness was too vast for escape.

    The mountains, once mighty and towering, now seemed worn and hollow,
    Their peaks were erased by time,
    As if they, too, were succumbing to despair.

    Each stone whispered tales of forgotten triumphs,
    Now, only memories lost to the winds of neglect,
    Fading into the silence.

    Unusual loneliness crept like a mist,
    Cold branches wrapping in a deadly twist,
    A silent grip no soul could resist.

    The sky, stretching endlessly, refused to colour the world beneath it.
    It held no promises, no passions,
    Just a blanket of monotonous grey.

    Even the rain, if it dared to fall, would weep in silence.
    There was no place untouched by the chill of loneliness—
    A world where sorrow reigned supreme.

    Every corner, every shadow, echoed the same quiet devastation,
    A symphony composed not of music but of absence,
    Playing to an empty audience.

    Even time itself seemed to crawl, hesitating with each tick,
    As though unsure if it should even continue,
    Caught in its own web of doubts.

    Unusual loneliness haunted the world,
    A wind of shadows, a formless snare,
    Dragging the mortals into its lair.

    Anonymous laments echoed in the distance—faint, deliberate,
    A wanderer perhaps, someone who dared to explore this barren world,
    Searching for something, anything.

    But there was no one else.
    No soul, no companion, no warmth,
    Only the endless cycle of overthinking and the ache of isolation.

    The mind wandered into mazes of memory,
    But even there, the colours had faded,
    And the voices of the past had grown faint.

    A lone figure stood by the shore, gazing into the nothingness of the sea.
    Their reflection, distorted by the gentle ripples of the water,
    Seemed more real than the person.

    Unusual loneliness wore the moon’s facade,
    A ghostly mask in an empty space,
    Draining light, leaving no trace.

    And in this moment, time itself became irrelevant.
    There was no before, no after, only this singular, agonising now,
    An eternal present where nothing changed.

    Where the world, once teeming with life, had become a still frame,
    Frozen in the throes of despair,
    A realm untouched by the hands of time.

    The atmosphere became oppressive, clinging to everything like a second skin,
    Stifling even the thought of escape,
    The dreams laboured to survive in such a world.

    Each sigh was a reminder of the poundage of existence,
    And, in the midst of all this, there was always something strangely awkward—
    Perhaps it was the predictability of the emptiness.

    Unusual loneliness penetrated the stones,
    A shout that hummed when everyone was alone,
    Weaving despair in every bone.

    The knowledge that nothing would bewilder the silence,
    No sudden joy, no sharp pain—just the steady hum of nothing,
    A bleak kind of peace.

    And maybe that was the true curse of this unusual loneliness,
    The temptation to surrender to it fully,
    To embrace the void as one’s own.

    To forget the world beyond,
    For what was the use in resisting when the darkness seemed so welcoming?
    The quiet called out, beckoning for surrender.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah