Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: melancholic poetry

  • Entangled In My Own Disquiet

    Entangled In My Own Disquiet

    Entangled in my own disquiet
    I found myself in a state of confusion
    Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
    I might have been able to overcome my fears
    But I was not capable of escaping the loneliness

    There were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
    Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
    And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
    While my sighs hid tears of grief

    Thinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
    I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
    Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismay

    Many times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
    But deceptions were always following my trail
    I knew no serenity
    Instead, I was condemned to wander endlessly

    Time didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
    I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
    And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter night

    I felt the discomfort of reality
    It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
    I lived as a doll locked in an airtight box

    No creature could ever perceive me
    No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
    No mirror could reflect my image

    I was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
    Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
    I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
    Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymore

    I had no longing, no desire left
    I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
    I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
    Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
    Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Love Like A Sweet Poison

    Love Like A Sweet Poison

    Love like a sweet poison seeped into the heart, and time no longer existed in the realm of the eternal night. Passion burned as an everlasting flame and it altered into eternal desire.

    A tenacious devotion was rooted in a ground made of ice and stardust. And I stood among crimson roses and the nocturnal mist, under the sight of an eerie moon.

    The darkness enveloped me like a sumptuous dress wrapped around me. The faraway shadows of anguish and dread were chasing me like ominous ghouls.

    I was seeking ghosts that reminded me of lost loves while wandering accompanied by my madness as the only chaperone.

    No pang could ever touch me anymore since I’ve been depleted of my heart that was standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, beating loudly like an incessant cry.

    My only way to exist was to roam erratically without any guidance. I was already a creature of the world of darkness. I had altered a myriad times in numerous ways.

    I had definitely forsaken the world of mortals, with whom I never felt any affinity. I didn’t mind losing myself in that tremendous labyrinth.

    As far as I could proceed, I felt the nothingness swallowing me with delight. A storm had subjugated me and shattered my being.

    Not even a speck of myself had been kept by the frozen soil, because a whirlwind had stolen my essence. I was held captive by the abyss of darkness and there were no expectations or delusions.

    I finally remembered as a long-lost memory that time no longer existed, when love seeped into the heart like a sweet poison. It burned slowly, transforming into eternal desire.

    And there I lay down underneath the soil soaked with ice and flames with my heart standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, dreaming fearlessly and ceaselessly like a funerary elegy.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Beneath The Light Of A Candle

    Beneath The Light Of A Candle

    Beneath the light of a candle
    I hid all my sorrows
    My crying out loud was the epitome of my shadows
    Lying on the wooden soil of my dark chamber
    I could listen to the delightful sound of raindrops
    My heart had been broken in myriad moments
    And I could see it hovering in the sky
    Painting the wallpaper with crimson hues
    The scent of dragon’s blood incense enveloped me in a thick cloud
    I could allow myself to follow my foolish illusions
    They have always kept me on the verge of madness
    A relentless turmoil would have emptied me endlessly
    Fragmenting my soul and transforming it into stardust
    I had fallen victim to my own tragedy
    Even though I have eluded the burden of grief
    All the most beautiful blossoms of my garden had withered
    Flowered meadows transformed into a hollow valley of tears and withered rose petals
    I had lost all my dearest treasures and a spell was cast over my erratic fate
    Crimson and dark shadows were confining me in my infernal dwelling
    Haunted by dark memories and vicious obsessions
    Where I couldn’t find a sparkle of love and hope
    I might have been allowed to see my relentless crypt
    There she stood so magnificent and exquisite
    A monument to my witlessness and folly
    Beneath the light of a candle
    I had vanished anonymously
    Only glooms and clouds were grieving for me
    Under a sky made of glass and pearls
    At nightfall
    When chimaeras and ghouls gathered
    As soon as the moon summoned them
    Therefore I had become a creature of the otherworld
    A realm of perpetual twilight and wilted leaves
    Where wisdom had forever been obliterated
    And silence sealed the portal to mortal sight.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved and still alive
    Burning inside like a bursting candle
    Shunned by the stars
    Forsaken by my own fate
    I wandered in my idyllic imagination
    Careless about the consequences of my quest
    So in silence I remained, keeping my stillness and avoiding any apprehension
    I had been cast away from the realm of certitude
    And I had embraced the illusory world of swoon
    Embracing the unknown was my main aim
    Since I lived with the constant suspense of the unpredictability of the events that would unfold before me

    I saw the traces of shame on the walls of a glorious temple
    Remembering that once upon a time, they were covered with the names of those who once enjoyed privileges and gifts
    Although I saw their shadows fading in the void, I knew that their presence was there
    Underneath the oblivious dusty tapestries and carpets, there were the spirits of disgrace
    How long could that secrecy have been hidden?
    It was a question resonating in my mind
    How could it even have been possible to leave such a precious wall so tainted and hideous?

    A crowd of paid names was pasted onto ephemeral history
    Then, years later, it was peeled away, leaving one of the grand palace walls flayed by adhesive and a code of silence
    Names faded away like ethereal legends erased by the wear and tear of time
    Not even the wear and tear of their fake smiles and affected bows could erase what was obvious even to the marvellous works of that now decayed temple
    I saw but I didn’t forget
    Unloved and still alive
    I was an accidental witness to dreadfulness and grotesqueness
    Everything seemed to be so unreal and absurd I couldn’t even admit it as a bare reality and an ugly truth

    The sky was cloudy and the rain fell all over the magical palace with its infernal caves
    The more I walked erratically, the more I felt like I had lost the old version of myself
    I had drunk the poison of my intuitions that were verified by a harsh reality
    I had become inebriated on a potion that had been offered to me just when I didn’t want it
    And although the ghastliness prevailed, so did I
    I cherished my essence of a drama queen and goddess of darkness
    Since I chose to belong to the unseen world of dark shadows and enigmatic secrets

    Although I was unloved by mortals, I was still alive in various shapes like an ethereal creature of an invisible kingdom
    I had recreated myself from dust and ashes
    While the time slipped away like sand in the wind
    For I became what I could never have imagined
    A lost butterfly in an abyss of turmoil and deceit, overflowing my imagination with illusory chimaeras
    I endured a world of wretchedness and cynicism, facing every horror wrought by mortals
    At the very end, there was never an end
    The decay of the perishable world never ceased, but it persisted inexorably
    And I stared at the stars as the only act of salvation for my lonely and broken heart.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • The Shadows Of Shame And Madness

    The Shadows Of Shame And Madness

    The shadows of shame and madness spread over me like majestic, silent trees
    While the wind whispered decadent lullabies to my ears during my deep slumber
    I was dreaming and not, since I embodied my illusions in a game of love and hate
    I had even forgotten my name and who I really was becoming
    I tried to see my reflection in the several mirrors I encountered in my dreams
    Each moment I could hold my memories no longer
    I was incredibly erratic and mesmerised, although delighted
    I sensed the scent of deception in my withered flowers, so full of decadence and broken passions

    The shadows of shame and madness darkened my windowless and hopeless abode
    It was as if I had lost the ability to hold on to hopes that had vanished like grains of sand in the wind
    And for the first time, I could see the dark clouds as ominous omens
    I didn’t want to see because of the fear burning in my heart, bleeding for all the lost love
    I had embraced a lugubrious isolation and I had shunned every contact with mortals
    A deafening silence was my way to express myself and my feelings
    Dark shadows had filled my heart with dismay and disdain
    I had ceased to wait for my future tomorrows and I lived in an eternal state of fantasies

    In this realm with no time and orientation, it was like wandering in an endless desert made of dead roses and thorns
    Even the cold rain hit me with its icy drops full of vengeance and scorn
    As I encountered several versions myself dispersed along my path of dark solitude
    The more I knew the truth, the more I wanted to forget
    My only desire was to fly free like a bird among clouds and stars
    I longed so much to disregard all my dismay and distress
    As much as I could forget who I really was, however, I fell deep into the abyss of despair
    And the tears of remorse and regret covered my face like a thick veil of anguish

    I had embodied my own sorrow, and the shadows of shame and madness obscured the sky
    I didn’t see the sun or the moon, and the stars had shunned me
    I had been forsaken by my own wicked fate
    I wandered endlessly to fall in love with my dreams again
    I strove to start again as I was never born
    Although my heart was on fire like an inextinguishable flame, the burden of exhaustion sank me deep down the chasm of impenetrable and mighty darkness
    I had vanished in the emptiness like a withered flower in the stormy wind
    And not even the flowers and trees recalled my name
    As I was never born.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • A Storm Of Tragedies

    A Storm Of Tragedies

    A storm of tragedies suddenly overwhelmed me
    Dragging me into the abyss of despair and surrender
    A delight for my weeping heart that was burning like an inextinguishable flame
    My fate knew no expectation
    No longing was any longer granted to me
    I had been overwhelmed once again
    And I had been forsaken by my own stars
    Rather, I had been retained in shadows and dismay
    Lost in my soliloquies
    I realised that it was all a dreadful dream
    A nightmare in disguise
    And so the eternal night never came to an end
    The sky was invisible to me
    While I was relegated to my secret vault
    In solitude and dismay, I was destined to endure my existence
    Emptiness was swallowing me from within
    As I could hear the sound of my tears collapsing incessantly on the frigid soil
    Anguish didn’t spare my heart, stroking it like a ceaseless dismay
    I knew not what destiny might have reserved for me
    Dread kept my heart in pangs, helpless in its naivety and foolishness
    Even the moon averted its gaze from me
    Whilst a deafening silence surrounded me
    The cold wind of the eternal night could no longer hurt me
    Since I had become a creature of darkness, without longings or expectations
    My downfall had become my reprieve
    I had found delight in discomfort and grief
    My secret refuge was made of dust and bare stones
    My comfort and haven were made of chaos
    Dreaming of starlight and love was only a remote chimeara
    I was no longer the privileged creature of stars and rainbows
    Instead, I belonged to the realm of gloomy skies and vicious traps
    In my frozen loneliness and seclusion
    Therein I was destined to subsist in decadence and sweet melancholy
    With no rescue or transformation
    Pearls and tears were flowing down my face and body
    And I remained therein forever.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • The Collapse Of My Haunted Illusions

    The Collapse Of My Haunted Illusions

    The collapse of my haunted illusions began the night of my fall into the dark chasm of my fears, where I was tormented by relentless thorns and shadows that pierced my heart until its light slowly faded.

    My soul was burning fiercely, and I could hear the screams of my dreams, alive and breathing, willing to get the last essence of my foolishness. I bore tormented scars cherishing my grief and sorrow. All in the while of my transformation and decay.

    I was reborn and perished oftentimes, as long as my heart was struck by the many thunders of madness and self-deception. Everything could have obliterated me in the valley of despair and grief.

    I was bound to the chains of the deserted version of myself and obscure presages. The fate surrendered at the sight of the tower of my solitude, where I was the only captive in the presence of wraiths made of tragic illusions.

    My tragedy was an everlasting and bright gift, like a hidden treasure. I knew not what could be expected beyond the several doors that kept me locked up. I could have cried all night long and no phantom would have heard me.

    My tears were pearls descended on my neck like graceful raindrops, glimmering on my skin. While obsessive fears were swallowing my soul, and as much as I might run, they hunted me wherever I wandered during my endless bleak nights.

    Loneliness was retaining me as a creature of its own realm. And the steadiness of silence besieged my delusional abode. My heart, subdued in sorrow, cast faint shadows that traced sacred shapes upon the frigid soil.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Dreams Of Oblivion

    Dreams Of Oblivion

    Dreams of oblivion darkened my sleep.
    They were like palliatives for my searing pain,
    numbing my heart and soothing—
    If only for a moment—
    My spasms of fear.

    My disappointments had become like cobwebs woven inside my heart,
    darkening every joy, even the smallest.
    Ultimately, I had not chosen my fate,
    and I groped in the dark uncertainty,
    trying to understand where I was and who I was.

    The disdain and aloofness that oozed from the faces of mortals who had crossed my miserable existence
    had transformed me into a silent, sombre shadow
    whose image did not appear in any mirror.

    In my dreams of oblivion and madness, mediocre monsters that sought to tear me apart
    appeared menacingly in the realm I tried to protect and keep as mine.
    Their intrusion was truly an act of violence.
    Their intent to destroy me was the source of my fears.

    Ancient dusty clocks tolled the time, which always seemed the same.
    The dust of decay and sorrow fell upon me like a heavy rain,
    covering me completely and turning me into an invisible shell.

    Watchful and evanescent veils covered me, so as not to show me the harsh reality whose injustice and squalor could have tainted the integrity of my heart. And my attempt to awaken from that stupor mixed with despair was in vain.

    I was about to become oblivion.
    I was about to become my dreams.
    I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
    almost invisible and nonexistent,
    that no mortal of the common reality
    could have seen with their limited gaze
    shrouded in prejudice.
    I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
    almost invisible and nonexistent,
    that no mortal of the common reality
    could have seen with their limited gaze
    shrouded in prejudice.

    Perhaps I myself was an illusion,
    perhaps I had become a utopia or a chimaera.
    The devastating pain had transformed me
    and erased every trace of my mortality.
    Elisabetta

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