Beneath the light of a candle
I hid all my sorrows
My crying out loud was the epitome of my shadows
Lying on the wooden soil of my dark chamber
I could listen to the delightful sound of raindrops
My heart had been broken in myriad moments
And I could see it hovering in the sky
Painting the wallpaper with crimson hues
The scent of dragon’s blood incense enveloped me in a thick cloud
I could allow myself to follow my foolish illusions
They have always kept me on the verge of madness
A relentless turmoil would have emptied me endlessly
Fragmenting my soul and transforming it into stardust
I had fallen victim to my own tragedy
Even though I have eluded the burden of grief
All the most beautiful blossoms of my garden had withered
Flowered meadows transformed into a hollow valley of tears and withered rose petals
I had lost all my dearest treasures and a spell was cast over my erratic fate
Crimson and dark shadows were confining me in my infernal dwelling
Haunted by dark memories and vicious obsessions
Where I couldn’t find a sparkle of love and hope
I might have been allowed to see my relentless crypt
There she stood so magnificent and exquisite
A monument to my witlessness and folly
Beneath the light of a candle
I had vanished anonymously
Only glooms and clouds were grieving for me
Under a sky made of glass and pearls
At nightfall
When chimaeras and ghouls gathered
As soon as the moon summoned them
Therefore I had become a creature of the otherworld
A realm of perpetual twilight and wilted leaves
Where wisdom had forever been obliterated
And silence sealed the portal to mortal sight.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: poetic despair
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Beneath The Light Of A Candle
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Burnt Flowers
Burnt flowers became ashes of anguish and despair
Within a realm full of wonders and sorrow
Snowflakes were melting into stars and flames
In the liminal space between night and day
Where the fury of storms encountered the hush of eternity
And the only melody I could hear was a solemn refrain
Feeling feverish and mortified at once
Feeling alive and fading indefinitely
I began to see glowing flowers in my garden
Every magnificent blossom trembled in silent anguish
But I felt a deep delight and bliss
Reminding myself that I would vanish alone
In an ocean of sorrow and tears
Without any consolation
Without any farewell or elegyOnce faded away
I became an obsidian raven
Insolent and powerful
Finding my amusement in whispering omens to mortals and sleeping atop withered trees
I enjoyed being surrounded by the scent of burnt flowers and incense
My supreme merriment was being caressed by the gleaming flames
And observing how easily mortals were undone by ruin and dissolution
I could freely smile in front of their astonished countenances
Although I had always aimed to be cherished
Although I had always wanted to be adored
All that I could attain was only a box of relics and thornsWho, indeed, could ever have consoled me?
Among the shadows surrounding me
Only a frozen indifference was offered to me in a silver cornucopia
With shady candles and fragments of seashells
Sipping sweet poison and bitter elixirs made me a sorceress
I was detached from the world of ghosts and illusions
By intentionally becoming a creature of the nether realm
Although the sky belonged to me as well
Burning quietly from within to make my existence bearable
Every pang was a blissful yearning, and my body could perceive its intensity.
Elisabetta Esther -
A Storm Of Tragedies
A storm of tragedies suddenly overwhelmed me
Dragging me into the abyss of despair and surrender
A delight for my weeping heart that was burning like an inextinguishable flame
My fate knew no expectation
No longing was any longer granted to me
I had been overwhelmed once again
And I had been forsaken by my own stars
Rather, I had been retained in shadows and dismay
Lost in my soliloquies
I realised that it was all a dreadful dream
A nightmare in disguise
And so the eternal night never came to an end
The sky was invisible to me
While I was relegated to my secret vault
In solitude and dismay, I was destined to endure my existence
Emptiness was swallowing me from within
As I could hear the sound of my tears collapsing incessantly on the frigid soil
Anguish didn’t spare my heart, stroking it like a ceaseless dismay
I knew not what destiny might have reserved for me
Dread kept my heart in pangs, helpless in its naivety and foolishness
Even the moon averted its gaze from me
Whilst a deafening silence surrounded me
The cold wind of the eternal night could no longer hurt me
Since I had become a creature of darkness, without longings or expectations
My downfall had become my reprieve
I had found delight in discomfort and grief
My secret refuge was made of dust and bare stones
My comfort and haven were made of chaos
Dreaming of starlight and love was only a remote chimeara
I was no longer the privileged creature of stars and rainbows
Instead, I belonged to the realm of gloomy skies and vicious traps
In my frozen loneliness and seclusion
Therein I was destined to subsist in decadence and sweet melancholy
With no rescue or transformation
Pearls and tears were flowing down my face and body
And I remained therein forever.
Elisabetta Esther -
Dreams Of Oblivion
Dreams of oblivion darkened my sleep.
They were like palliatives for my searing pain,
numbing my heart and soothing—
If only for a moment—
My spasms of fear.My disappointments had become like cobwebs woven inside my heart,
darkening every joy, even the smallest.
Ultimately, I had not chosen my fate,
and I groped in the dark uncertainty,
trying to understand where I was and who I was.The disdain and aloofness that oozed from the faces of mortals who had crossed my miserable existence
had transformed me into a silent, sombre shadow
whose image did not appear in any mirror.In my dreams of oblivion and madness, mediocre monsters that sought to tear me apart
appeared menacingly in the realm I tried to protect and keep as mine.
Their intrusion was truly an act of violence.
Their intent to destroy me was the source of my fears.Ancient dusty clocks tolled the time, which always seemed the same.
The dust of decay and sorrow fell upon me like a heavy rain,
covering me completely and turning me into an invisible shell.Watchful and evanescent veils covered me, so as not to show me the harsh reality whose injustice and squalor could have tainted the integrity of my heart. And my attempt to awaken from that stupor mixed with despair was in vain.
I was about to become oblivion.
I was about to become my dreams.
I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
almost invisible and nonexistent,
that no mortal of the common reality
could have seen with their limited gaze
shrouded in prejudice.
I was about to become an ephemeral, evanescent creature,
almost invisible and nonexistent,
that no mortal of the common reality
could have seen with their limited gaze
shrouded in prejudice.Perhaps I myself was an illusion,
perhaps I had become a utopia or a chimaera.
The devastating pain had transformed me
and erased every trace of my mortality.
Elisabetta -
Mournful Shadows
In the stillness of the night, the sky was stormy and overcrowded with lightning and thunder. Rain was pouring down, and the wind was impetuous.
The exquisite scent of rainwater perfumed my small chamber from which I glimpsed the dark and stormy landscape.
Chaos and order alternated in my bleak soul, full of grief. A piercing funereal pain had gripped my entire essence.
Intrusive thoughts and faded hopes crowded my mind as if they were unwelcome intruders, not invited by me.
Joy and darkness unfolded like buds in my soul, becoming thorny briars that wounded my heart and tore apart my being.
The bright sun, dethroned in the sky by great threatening and dark clouds in a midsummer storm, was no longer on my visual horizon, making me reflect on my bleak and mortal fate, which condemned me to a sense of perpetual anguish.
It was as if I had lost the ability to express all that I felt in my heart, the most hidden secrets and concealed truths that I had never been able to reveal to any mortal.
My fragility had become my only resource—my shattering into pieces and severing from the source of life, from every source of life—had made me like a dead flower in a solitary valley, where a majestic and deserted tower saw its reflection in a ridiculous, nearly nonexistent pond.
My fragility had become my only resource—my shattering into pieces and severing from the source of life, from every source of life—had made me like a dead flower in a solitary valley, where a majestic and deserted tower saw its reflection in a ridiculous, nearly nonexistent pond.
Mournful shadows ruled over me.
They were the ones who decided my path and my fate.
They were invisible, yet present—and immensely powerful.
I felt like a doll, a puppet, at the mercy of their whimsical desires and decisions.And so I perished,
by the hand of my own fears,
by the hand of my own funeral anguish,
And I became a mournful shadow myself,
No different from the others.
Elisabetta -
The Well Of Phantom Wishes
The well of phantom wishes
Was the well of my disappointments
Of all those illusions
That had deceived me
In a malevolent way
With their allure
And their way of
Misleading me
With fake smiles and phrases
Like lines from a script
But in truth, it was all fake
Every single thing
And every
One I had known, glimpsed
Were nothing but
Delusional
Realities
Beneath
A deception
A cruel deception
That dragged me down
Into that well
So deep and so dark
That I could not glimpse
Any
Vision
Any hopeMy tears were of no use, nor was my despair.
My broken heart had shattered, like a crystal or stone ornament,
its translucence and splendour reduced to dust and fragments,
soiled by the cold ground, soaked in mud and decadent filth.
That beauty I had once cherished within me
had turned into a twisted transfiguration of my own reflection.What remained in my hands was dust and decay.
I closed my eyes, and silence shrouded my thoughts,
making them vague and fleeting like dark shadows
that moved around me but I could never reach.One of my silver bracelets that shone like stars broke,
and through its fractures, you could read my life’s illness,
My malaise of living, my melancholic soul
that had no peace and could find no place of salvation,
lost among the clouds that darkened my mind.The pain was raining down on me like one of those cold and biting winter rains.
Almost as if it wanted to scratch me and leave marks like painful and distressing memories that followed me wherever I went at any time.My sighs and sobs were mystified by that funeral silence of the endless night which had neither beginning nor end, and which wrapped me in its dark and misty cloak, almost to intoxicate me with its gloom and make me forget my infinite pain.
Elisabetta -
Devoured By My Own Dismay
Devoured by my own dismay
Crying in the middle of the night
Feeling the sharp points of the daggers impaling my heart
Fainted behind my shadow
Forced to live
Devoted to death
Striving for darkness and the underworldDevoured by my own regrets
Chains of anguish that bond me to my death chamber
Where I hid behind the veil of sorrow and blood
Like a magnificent statue of sorrow veiling her countenanceI melt in the haze of the night to become invisible
I become the night and the solitude
Just a creature of the underworld
The realm of destruction and death
Transformation mutes me in infinite shapes and entitiesDevoured by my own dismay
I linger in my own fantasies
Sometimes they are my nightmares and they want to obliterate me
Sometimes they are my fears and anxieties
Chaining me to my dungeon of anguishSlowly the rain falls over me
Stroking my face as to accompany me in my garden of loneness
I surrender to my madness and turmoil
I have no power anymore
I lost everything to be left with dust and decayMy heart is stitched and bleeding
Buried inside a coffin in the graveyard of memories
In the cemetery of those I lost permanentlyAnd time seemed to stop at the very moment my grief began to be alive
Interrupting my life and slicing me into fragments and pieces of flesh and blood
To be relegated to a poky fate
Tucked behind time’s dusty drapes.
Elisabetta -
Crimson Tears
Crimson tears came from my deep distress
As I was wandering infinitely until the edges of time
Despair became my safe dwelling
And solitude was just a necessity
For I was unloved and lonelyIn dungeons of grief and sorrow, I found myself
Depriving myself of solace was my favourite forte
I soaked in depression until I drowned deep in the abyss of self-destruction
I chose to live in chaos because I had lost my sanity
Madness had become my guide and my wisdomI nullified my expectations and I indulged in destructive memories
I drank from the toxic goblet of oblivion
With the specific purpose to erase my heart
Was that feasible?
I knew notUnlearning all my knowledge and forgetting who I was
I had become nothingness
I had become a shadow of the underworld
My soul had dissolved in the infinite void
I could only feel the darkness take possess of my bodyCrimson tears hushed into rivers of blood
While the incessant storm of the night locked me up
In the total gloominess and in the most deafening silence
I had found consolation in obliteration
A funeral fanfare came to be my hymn of love and my final requiemI embraced death, and I faded away
I was finally the queen of the realm of arcane shadows
A kingdom where I ruled over the dead and wraiths
Surrounded by hollow trees and sharp daggers
And dressed with spider webs and fragments of vestigesI wandered through a mist filled with decay and ashes
Where nothing changed not even the slow crawl of time
No praises were to be found but only the pang of endings
I lay beneath the deformed tree branches
Among roots slick with damp and grave moss
And the night closed over me like a tombstone.
Elisabetta -
Thunders Of Delirium
Thunders of delirium amid a storm of stars and wonders devastated the stillness where the void once slumbered. Fantasies wept in spirals of vorticose ashes of dreams, fading in the darkness of the night. Leaving me bewildered and dazed.
Utopias bloomed like ghostly wounds across the firmament, while shards of stardust hovered in mourning. Eternity sobbed in silent despair while I wandered through the debris of vanished realms, becoming a solitary phantom made of stardust.
No quiet dwelling was secured as I seemed to respite from a storm of turmoil and madness. It seemed as if I were on the edge of a tremendous maelstrom. A terrible vortex ready to swallow and obliterate me. The doomed fate had decided.
Desolation turned out to be an endless abyss where darkness lingered forever. Visions faded, turning into tangible nightmares. Darkness and lights carved memories into my heart, and I found myself in an enchanted realm.
Longings and magnificence adorned my golden ash hair with ivy and thorns. The stars seemed to call my name disrupting the absolute silence that hibernated every melody. I was made of dreams and thorns. I was made of ashes and gilded stars.
Softly the wind whispered to me about ancient legends and castles built with sand and deception. They melted under the burden of neglected hopes, and I was left on the border of delusion and dispiritedness.
There were no beginnings to me, just reverberations hovering like phantom wings, that swept me through vestiges of lost glare. I was not looking to be rescued but I just lay in the remote dark. And I vanished, slowly, into the silence of eternity.
Thunders of delirium distressed me once more, not to revive me but to deprive me of my soul as I dissolved into the hush beyond dreams.
Elisabetta -
An Ephemeral Idyll
An ephemeral idyll in twilight’s veil,
Where the thorns of desires pierced the night,
A fleeting glimpse of beauty frail,
Was lost among the shadows’ lair.The roses bloomed with bloodstained hue,
Their petals fell like crimson rain,
Dew-kissed thorns that pierced anew,
As night descended, devouring day.A lover’s touch, so ghostly cold,
Clung to the echoes left behind,
Their sighs, a tale once brightly told,
Faded like mist in moonlight’s bind.The willows wept by waters dark,
Their branches sighed with ancient grief,
The stars above, distant sparks,
Were dimmed by time, a cruel thief.A shattered mirror cast no light,
Its broken shards, a jagged fate,
Reflected the face of endless nights,
The past and the present—disintegrated.And in this fictitious realm, where phantoms eerily relished,
A feast unveiled, both endearing and grim,
For beauty, fleeting as it was, soon vanished,
A fading hymn at twilight’s brim.A voice called out from realms unknown,
A murmur laced with sorrow’s heft,
And though the heart remained a stone,
It shivered at the hint of death.The dawn arrived, too pale, too late,
To chase away that mournful dream,
For joy and sorrow shared their fate,
Entwined within the midnight scheme.The petals decayed, the stars were gone,
The lover’s ghost, now lost to time,
An idyll lived, then swiftly drawn,
Into a dusk without a rhyme.And in that hour, so cold, so still,
The roses sighed, then faded away,
An ephemeral idyll was killed,
And darkness claimed its final prey.
Esther Elizabeth Racah