Beneath the light of a candle
I hid all my sorrows
My crying out loud was the epitome of my shadows
Lying on the wooden soil of my dark chamber
I could listen to the delightful sound of raindrops
My heart had been broken in myriad moments
And I could see it hovering in the sky
Painting the wallpaper with crimson hues
The scent of dragon’s blood incense enveloped me in a thick cloud
I could allow myself to follow my foolish illusions
They have always kept me on the verge of madness
A relentless turmoil would have emptied me endlessly
Fragmenting my soul and transforming it into stardust
I had fallen victim to my own tragedy
Even though I have eluded the burden of grief
All the most beautiful blossoms of my garden had withered
Flowered meadows transformed into a hollow valley of tears and withered rose petals
I had lost all my dearest treasures and a spell was cast over my erratic fate
Crimson and dark shadows were confining me in my infernal dwelling
Haunted by dark memories and vicious obsessions
Where I couldn’t find a sparkle of love and hope
I might have been allowed to see my relentless crypt
There she stood so magnificent and exquisite
A monument to my witlessness and folly
Beneath the light of a candle
I had vanished anonymously
Only glooms and clouds were grieving for me
Under a sky made of glass and pearls
At nightfall
When chimaeras and ghouls gathered
As soon as the moon summoned them
Therefore I had become a creature of the otherworld
A realm of perpetual twilight and wilted leaves
Where wisdom had forever been obliterated
And silence sealed the portal to mortal sight.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: poetic melancholy
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Beneath The Light Of A Candle
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The Shadows Of Shame And Madness
The shadows of shame and madness spread over me like majestic, silent trees
While the wind whispered decadent lullabies to my ears during my deep slumber
I was dreaming and not, since I embodied my illusions in a game of love and hate
I had even forgotten my name and who I really was becoming
I tried to see my reflection in the several mirrors I encountered in my dreams
Each moment I could hold my memories no longer
I was incredibly erratic and mesmerised, although delighted
I sensed the scent of deception in my withered flowers, so full of decadence and broken passionsThe shadows of shame and madness darkened my windowless and hopeless abode
It was as if I had lost the ability to hold on to hopes that had vanished like grains of sand in the wind
And for the first time, I could see the dark clouds as ominous omens
I didn’t want to see because of the fear burning in my heart, bleeding for all the lost love
I had embraced a lugubrious isolation and I had shunned every contact with mortals
A deafening silence was my way to express myself and my feelings
Dark shadows had filled my heart with dismay and disdain
I had ceased to wait for my future tomorrows and I lived in an eternal state of fantasiesIn this realm with no time and orientation, it was like wandering in an endless desert made of dead roses and thorns
Even the cold rain hit me with its icy drops full of vengeance and scorn
As I encountered several versions myself dispersed along my path of dark solitude
The more I knew the truth, the more I wanted to forget
My only desire was to fly free like a bird among clouds and stars
I longed so much to disregard all my dismay and distress
As much as I could forget who I really was, however, I fell deep into the abyss of despair
And the tears of remorse and regret covered my face like a thick veil of anguishI had embodied my own sorrow, and the shadows of shame and madness obscured the sky
I didn’t see the sun or the moon, and the stars had shunned me
I had been forsaken by my own wicked fate
I wandered endlessly to fall in love with my dreams again
I strove to start again as I was never born
Although my heart was on fire like an inextinguishable flame, the burden of exhaustion sank me deep down the chasm of impenetrable and mighty darkness
I had vanished in the emptiness like a withered flower in the stormy wind
And not even the flowers and trees recalled my name
As I was never born.
Elisabetta Esther -
Spells And Dreams
Spells and dreams livened the garden of the night
My words became ghosts, haunting me like tormenting nightmares
Even the frost of the winter night couldn’t have awakened me from my eternal slumberIndeed, I had fallen under the spell of a vicious enchantment
Magic ruled my existence, in the shape of books and arcane tales
I couldn’t avoid attending the alluring visitation that hypnotised me like a magic exhibitionDelightful flowers fell all over me, and my heart was filled with dazzling delight
The night dew doused all the captivating blossoms of my garden
Love would never perish within my heart, as I embodied my untamed passionsSpells and dreams visited every night of mine
They came in the guise of phantoms and demons, though they were not always nightmares
It was a surprising and astonishing fairy taleI slowly succumbed to the spirits’ enticing allure
For I was naïve and oblivious of the consequences
I let these haunting creatures follow me and enfold me with all their mightAnd even if it was mere foolishness, my fate was entangled with darkness and doom
I was strangely joyous about this bizarre and painful outcome
Merriment and wisdom faded away, supplanted by perils and follyI chose to devote myself entirely to a realm where my heart was all flames and storms
Where rose thorns pierced me with silent and merciless severity, like feathers of torment
This garden of mine was no longer a wonderlandAll the flowers had turned garnet
They drained life from my heart, and I grew weaker and weaker
I faded from my own folly, consumed by my desires and chasing meaningless longingsThe stars had already been eclipsed by the tempestuous sky
The shadow prevailed in a bleak and ominous stillness
I was surrounded by the fierce wraiths of gloom
Their indifferent gazes traced the collapse of my heart
And in deafening silence, I remained within my sorrow.
Elisabetta Esther -
Burnt Flowers
Burnt flowers became ashes of anguish and despair
Within a realm full of wonders and sorrow
Snowflakes were melting into stars and flames
In the liminal space between night and day
Where the fury of storms encountered the hush of eternity
And the only melody I could hear was a solemn refrain
Feeling feverish and mortified at once
Feeling alive and fading indefinitely
I began to see glowing flowers in my garden
Every magnificent blossom trembled in silent anguish
But I felt a deep delight and bliss
Reminding myself that I would vanish alone
In an ocean of sorrow and tears
Without any consolation
Without any farewell or elegyOnce faded away
I became an obsidian raven
Insolent and powerful
Finding my amusement in whispering omens to mortals and sleeping atop withered trees
I enjoyed being surrounded by the scent of burnt flowers and incense
My supreme merriment was being caressed by the gleaming flames
And observing how easily mortals were undone by ruin and dissolution
I could freely smile in front of their astonished countenances
Although I had always aimed to be cherished
Although I had always wanted to be adored
All that I could attain was only a box of relics and thornsWho, indeed, could ever have consoled me?
Among the shadows surrounding me
Only a frozen indifference was offered to me in a silver cornucopia
With shady candles and fragments of seashells
Sipping sweet poison and bitter elixirs made me a sorceress
I was detached from the world of ghosts and illusions
By intentionally becoming a creature of the nether realm
Although the sky belonged to me as well
Burning quietly from within to make my existence bearable
Every pang was a blissful yearning, and my body could perceive its intensity.
Elisabetta Esther -
A Storm Of Tragedies
A storm of tragedies suddenly overwhelmed me
Dragging me into the abyss of despair and surrender
A delight for my weeping heart that was burning like an inextinguishable flame
My fate knew no expectation
No longing was any longer granted to me
I had been overwhelmed once again
And I had been forsaken by my own stars
Rather, I had been retained in shadows and dismay
Lost in my soliloquies
I realised that it was all a dreadful dream
A nightmare in disguise
And so the eternal night never came to an end
The sky was invisible to me
While I was relegated to my secret vault
In solitude and dismay, I was destined to endure my existence
Emptiness was swallowing me from within
As I could hear the sound of my tears collapsing incessantly on the frigid soil
Anguish didn’t spare my heart, stroking it like a ceaseless dismay
I knew not what destiny might have reserved for me
Dread kept my heart in pangs, helpless in its naivety and foolishness
Even the moon averted its gaze from me
Whilst a deafening silence surrounded me
The cold wind of the eternal night could no longer hurt me
Since I had become a creature of darkness, without longings or expectations
My downfall had become my reprieve
I had found delight in discomfort and grief
My secret refuge was made of dust and bare stones
My comfort and haven were made of chaos
Dreaming of starlight and love was only a remote chimeara
I was no longer the privileged creature of stars and rainbows
Instead, I belonged to the realm of gloomy skies and vicious traps
In my frozen loneliness and seclusion
Therein I was destined to subsist in decadence and sweet melancholy
With no rescue or transformation
Pearls and tears were flowing down my face and body
And I remained therein forever.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Collapse Of My Haunted Illusions
The collapse of my haunted illusions began the night of my fall into the dark chasm of my fears, where I was tormented by relentless thorns and shadows that pierced my heart until its light slowly faded.
My soul was burning fiercely, and I could hear the screams of my dreams, alive and breathing, willing to get the last essence of my foolishness. I bore tormented scars cherishing my grief and sorrow. All in the while of my transformation and decay.
I was reborn and perished oftentimes, as long as my heart was struck by the many thunders of madness and self-deception. Everything could have obliterated me in the valley of despair and grief.
I was bound to the chains of the deserted version of myself and obscure presages. The fate surrendered at the sight of the tower of my solitude, where I was the only captive in the presence of wraiths made of tragic illusions.
My tragedy was an everlasting and bright gift, like a hidden treasure. I knew not what could be expected beyond the several doors that kept me locked up. I could have cried all night long and no phantom would have heard me.
My tears were pearls descended on my neck like graceful raindrops, glimmering on my skin. While obsessive fears were swallowing my soul, and as much as I might run, they hunted me wherever I wandered during my endless bleak nights.
Loneliness was retaining me as a creature of its own realm. And the steadiness of silence besieged my delusional abode. My heart, subdued in sorrow, cast faint shadows that traced sacred shapes upon the frigid soil.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Path Of Perdition And Chimaeras
The path of perdition and chimaeras had become the centre of my past existence
Having lost myself a million times and having found a new version of myself each time
I was a creature of transformation and a cyclic universe
So cast astray I was that I couldn’t recognise myself oftentimes
It’s too difficult to define and confine ourselves in a label and a box
Definitely, I never succeed in such a task differently from other mortalsI was made of fractures and wholeness
I was made of sadness and merriment
I was made of splendour and decay
I was made of beauty and darkness
I was made of shells and the ocean
I was made of the infinite and starsNevertheless, I came to a point of no return
Where I couldn’t go back or appear under the previous shape
I had become a new creature belonging to the realm of transformation and death
My pitiful soul was just a dead star that had fallen from the night skyI couldn’t recognise myself even if I did desire it so much
All the mirrors in front of me seemed black as soon as I stared at their sleek surfaces
Oh, the pathetic anguish I was feeling in my heart!
Nothing could have alleviated it!
A stone flower was inside myself
While I’ve got lost in the labyrinth of thoughts and fearsAnd now I was resting on my dried and pale tears made of dust
Everything appeared so lousy and loud to my delicate eyes
The world that the mortals had built was too much for me
And I felt an evanescent feeling of despair and painThe path of perdition and chimaeras could have been the product of my imagination
Or maybe it was just one of my several hallucinations that haunted my dreams
I will never know it!
Elisabetta -
The Emptiness Within My Mind
The emptiness within my mind
Is death inside my heart,
With no golden cage, no precious gems—
just silence folding round itself,
no escape, no hope,
Only absence holding tight.Exhausted and devoid of feeling,
I lay upon the cold earth,
strewn with withered leaves,
fallen flowers,
and shards of abandoned dreams.Weeping,
I heard the intense sound
of my tears falling
on leaves shriveled
by the cold wind of night.Nothing remained
around you,
around me,
But only the vague memory
of those anguishes
that oppressed me
and never ceased
to pursue me.I no longer held
any desire to desire,
nor to keep
anything within my heart.My heart had ceased
to be a chest
of my wishes and whims.It was merely
an empty chest,
emptied by the fury
and storms
that swept over me
In my wretched existence.Not even the stars
sparkled in the sky
above my dwelling.The heavens refused
to shine for me.Yet they had forsaken me
to my fate,
where no hope remained,
nor even a small flame
to bring me back to life.Whispers and murmurs
came to me
In the form of a misty breeze,
laden with elegies
and funeral hymns.Despair and anguish
were gifts bestowed upon me,
like dazzling joys
that in truth did not shine at all,
But bound me fast
In a realm of cruelty,
wickedness,
and mercilessness.Helpless and fragile,
like the petals of a well-bloomed flower,
I could not withstand
such impetuousness and violence of events,
so hostile to me—
like endless storms at sea
whose fury knows no end.The emptiness within my mind
had become a spirit that subdued me,
against which I could no longer resist.
At last, I became part
of the abyss of oblivion,
And there I remained for eternity,
wandering like a cloud
In a stormy, winter night.
Elisabetta -
Nightmares And Visions
Nightmares and visions visited me in the middle of the night, when sleep abandoned me to an otherworldly realm never seen nor imagined.
The fog had clouded every vision, and I could see nothing but the shadows of faint images—spirits moving around me.My light sleep was nothing but a portal to a world where torment awaited me, and my heart was torn apart, again and again, without mercy. My gentle expectations had dissolved into the dark horizon, and I could see them no more.
Indeed, I had become a creature of darkness, devoid of ambitions and expectations, for in truth what was destined for me was absolute emptiness—the total absence of life, love, and joy.
How could I have held even the smallest hope of escaping that realm of darkness and despair? I no longer knew what life was—full of light, full of love, of hopes and delights.
Had I been able to foresee my terrifying fate, I might have fled—perhaps among the clouds or the stars—if they had taken me into their realm.
I might have been melancholic, perhaps—I don’t know—because at that moment I refused to accept any kind of feeling that my heart wished to embrace within itself. It was as if my heart had been torn from my chest and replaced with thorns.
Pierced and betrayed by that world full of conventions, hypocrisy, titles, and useless materialism, I fled far away but fell into the trap of the world I myself had created in my visions—and that is why nightmares and visions were my most faithful companions, without whom I could not have survived.
I breathed my last breath and, sighing, surrendered to the cold, sharp, and cruel embrace of the otherworldly realm.
Elisabetta -
Quiet Mourning
Quiet mourning
Waiting for a sight
In the silence of the night
When I forget to be a mortal
Renouncing every earthy property
In my deep slumber of sorrow and despair
Forgetfulness is welcome in my heart
As long as I can breathQuiet mourning
Like the one of a creature made of marble
In the middle of the wilderness
Abandoned to my fate
As nobody would dare to pay attention
As I become a wandering spirit of the nightAs I dream, everything is surreal
And I own only my loneliness and misery
Having burnt every desire and expectation of mine
I get ready for my burial in the garden of disgraceHaving lost so much
Left with castles of sand and decay
I left illusions to guide me into the realm of deceptionWandering aimlessly
I didn’t find myself
I lost my heart being laid to rest in the graveyard of memories
I was dead
I had no desire to be among the mortals who betrayed and plundered me
With their ugly depravity and hideous horriblenessI deserted all of them
I fled the world of banality and deceit
Not interested anymore
I aimed to new realms and wisdomHovering among shadows and ghosts
I embraced my quiet mourning
My stillness that made of grief and distrust
Conscious that everything was destined for an endMerit and prices were far away
As I was cast astray by the brutal chance
In the silent cemetery of lost hopes.
Elisabetta