Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: shadow imagery

  • Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved And Still Alive

    Unloved and still alive
    Burning inside like a bursting candle
    Shunned by the stars
    Forsaken by my own fate
    I wandered in my idyllic imagination
    Careless about the consequences of my quest
    So in silence I remained, keeping my stillness and avoiding any apprehension
    I had been cast away from the realm of certitude
    And I had embraced the illusory world of swoon
    Embracing the unknown was my main aim
    Since I lived with the constant suspense of the unpredictability of the events that would unfold before me

    I saw the traces of shame on the walls of a glorious temple
    Remembering that once upon a time, they were covered with the names of those who once enjoyed privileges and gifts
    Although I saw their shadows fading in the void, I knew that their presence was there
    Underneath the oblivious dusty tapestries and carpets, there were the spirits of disgrace
    How long could that secrecy have been hidden?
    It was a question resonating in my mind
    How could it even have been possible to leave such a precious wall so tainted and hideous?

    A crowd of paid names was pasted onto ephemeral history
    Then, years later, it was peeled away, leaving one of the grand palace walls flayed by adhesive and a code of silence
    Names faded away like ethereal legends erased by the wear and tear of time
    Not even the wear and tear of their fake smiles and affected bows could erase what was obvious even to the marvellous works of that now decayed temple
    I saw but I didn’t forget
    Unloved and still alive
    I was an accidental witness to dreadfulness and grotesqueness
    Everything seemed to be so unreal and absurd I couldn’t even admit it as a bare reality and an ugly truth

    The sky was cloudy and the rain fell all over the magical palace with its infernal caves
    The more I walked erratically, the more I felt like I had lost the old version of myself
    I had drunk the poison of my intuitions that were verified by a harsh reality
    I had become inebriated on a potion that had been offered to me just when I didn’t want it
    And although the ghastliness prevailed, so did I
    I cherished my essence of a drama queen and goddess of darkness
    Since I chose to belong to the unseen world of dark shadows and enigmatic secrets

    Although I was unloved by mortals, I was still alive in various shapes like an ethereal creature of an invisible kingdom
    I had recreated myself from dust and ashes
    While the time slipped away like sand in the wind
    For I became what I could never have imagined
    A lost butterfly in an abyss of turmoil and deceit, overflowing my imagination with illusory chimaeras
    I endured a world of wretchedness and cynicism, facing every horror wrought by mortals
    At the very end, there was never an end
    The decay of the perishable world never ceased, but it persisted inexorably
    And I stared at the stars as the only act of salvation for my lonely and broken heart.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • In The Frosted Rose Garden Of Madness

    In The Frosted Rose Garden Of Madness

    In the frosted rose garden of madness, a place of bliss and delight, prospered in secrecy. Thorns and petals intertwined in a lethal union, merging like sweet poison in the twilight. Snowflakes were falling over me like soft caresses sent by the luminaries. Clouds were numbing me with their alluring charm, casting bad memories away from my mind.

    Everything seemed perfect and deformed. What appeared to be real was just an illusion, and I fed my soul with delusions and glimmering lies. While the flickering of the candlelight created constantly bizarre drawings of shadows on the walls, made of bricks and bones. The wind hushed me, for me to pay attention to some revelation I was supposed to hear.

    The frosted rose garden of madness was my hidden haven of lunacy and spices. Every kind of rose would blossom in it, surrounded by thorns and arrows. The exquisite magnificence of the view contrasted with the scent of death, which was hovering over it like a wraith from the underworld. My madness was the artifice of my descent to a vortex of frenzies and obsessions.

    Storms inside my heart besieged my boldness, and I surrendered to them. Undoubtedly, I was bold enough to face my obliteration, but not enough to accept my burden. Lore and legend taught me the perilous path to oblivion. Thorns and pins pierced my heart as I embraced folly and turmoil.

    I wish I could help myself in this labyrinth of passions and longings. Nonetheless, I was lost permanently in the realm of nowhere and absurdity, where everything could have been granted in every conceivable manner, in darkness and light. The colder I felt, the more the dwelling around me dissolved in a haunting haze of derealization.

    Shadows sighed in despair, and infinity bled into nothingness. Gloomy shades invited me to hush, sealing my lips with crimson sealing wax. My freedom had been traded for eternal doom and toxic chains. I didn’t recognise my frosted rose garden of madness any longer, because it came to be a forsaken ravine.

    Indisputably, my burdens had outlived their purpose. Even the trees and flowers refused to make my acquaintance. I was cast away in the kingdom of desolation and balderdash. I forfeited my voice, and my screams carved words of dismay into my heart.

    I was mesmerised by stupor and dizziness as I crossed the portal to utopias and idylls. I had entered an everlasting dream, where I was ethereal and fragile like a rose tormented by blizzards. In solitude, my collapse epitomised the shattering of my dreams, which disintegrated into ashes and frosty flakes.

    In the frosted rose garden of madness, I fell into a deadly slumber listening to the sound of a deafening silence. I could envision my fantasies as tainted desires of love and decay. Caressing brambles and hibernated roses, I vanished into the marvellous dark mist of the night as if I had never been a mortal creature. I became darkness and light. I became ice and fire.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Burnt Flowers

    Burnt Flowers

    Burnt flowers became ashes of anguish and despair
    Within a realm full of wonders and sorrow
    Snowflakes were melting into stars and flames
    In the liminal space between night and day
    Where the fury of storms encountered the hush of eternity
    And the only melody I could hear was a solemn refrain
    Feeling feverish and mortified at once
    Feeling alive and fading indefinitely
    I began to see glowing flowers in my garden
    Every magnificent blossom trembled in silent anguish
    But I felt a deep delight and bliss
    Reminding myself that I would vanish alone
    In an ocean of sorrow and tears
    Without any consolation
    Without any farewell or elegy

    Once faded away
    I became an obsidian raven
    Insolent and powerful
    Finding my amusement in whispering omens to mortals and sleeping atop withered trees
    I enjoyed being surrounded by the scent of burnt flowers and incense
    My supreme merriment was being caressed by the gleaming flames
    And observing how easily mortals were undone by ruin and dissolution
    I could freely smile in front of their astonished countenances
    Although I had always aimed to be cherished
    Although I had always wanted to be adored
    All that I could attain was only a box of relics and thorns

    Who, indeed, could ever have consoled me?
    Among the shadows surrounding me
    Only a frozen indifference was offered to me in a silver cornucopia
    With shady candles and fragments of seashells
    Sipping sweet poison and bitter elixirs made me a sorceress
    I was detached from the world of ghosts and illusions
    By intentionally becoming a creature of the nether realm
    Although the sky belonged to me as well
    Burning quietly from within to make my existence bearable
    Every pang was a blissful yearning, and my body could perceive its intensity.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Unconditional Quietness

    Unconditional Quietness

    Unconditional quietness numbed me into a slumber that made me regret all my desires and reminded me of my foolishness. I might have forgotten who I was because of a multitude of versions of myself inhabiting my soul.

    I couldn’t clearly see what awaited me, since my fate was hidden beyond a gloomy swamp of illusions and deceptions. A forest of mangroves was discouraging me from advancing. Hence, I was ensnared by their leafy claws.

    I could no longer tell imagination from reality, so profuse were the visions that enthralled me. I felt no fear or panic, nevertheless, I could hear a lullaby of illusions pulling at my heart with silken hooks.

    That hypnotic stillness was concealing my undoing. A dreadful oblivion was awaiting me as I became its adored prey. I had no choice but to become a tiny and fragile creature surrounded by withered flowers and relics of beauty. And so I was cast away and I vanished in dismay.

    All my lost dreams and eagerly guarded treasures resurfaced in the marsh of desolation and turmoil. I had reached the edges of the realm of oblivion.

    So forsaken was I in the chasms of my daydream that I had forgotten the existence of the stars on a majestic winter night. Truly, I had sought too long the sense of my existence, and I had never found it.

    In my unconditional quietness, I had found chaos and tragedy. There wasn’t even a fragment of hope that I would be redeemed by my destiny. I had been cast away by the luminaries that glimmered in all their magnificence.

    The moon hid behind gloomy clouds so thick that it was impossible to ignore their yearning for spells and magical hexes. The sky’s immense shadows touched my swamp, melting in it like ethereal soap bubbles.
    Elisabetta Esthe

  • A Storm Of Tragedies

    A Storm Of Tragedies

    A storm of tragedies suddenly overwhelmed me
    Dragging me into the abyss of despair and surrender
    A delight for my weeping heart that was burning like an inextinguishable flame
    My fate knew no expectation
    No longing was any longer granted to me
    I had been overwhelmed once again
    And I had been forsaken by my own stars
    Rather, I had been retained in shadows and dismay
    Lost in my soliloquies
    I realised that it was all a dreadful dream
    A nightmare in disguise
    And so the eternal night never came to an end
    The sky was invisible to me
    While I was relegated to my secret vault
    In solitude and dismay, I was destined to endure my existence
    Emptiness was swallowing me from within
    As I could hear the sound of my tears collapsing incessantly on the frigid soil
    Anguish didn’t spare my heart, stroking it like a ceaseless dismay
    I knew not what destiny might have reserved for me
    Dread kept my heart in pangs, helpless in its naivety and foolishness
    Even the moon averted its gaze from me
    Whilst a deafening silence surrounded me
    The cold wind of the eternal night could no longer hurt me
    Since I had become a creature of darkness, without longings or expectations
    My downfall had become my reprieve
    I had found delight in discomfort and grief
    My secret refuge was made of dust and bare stones
    My comfort and haven were made of chaos
    Dreaming of starlight and love was only a remote chimeara
    I was no longer the privileged creature of stars and rainbows
    Instead, I belonged to the realm of gloomy skies and vicious traps
    In my frozen loneliness and seclusion
    Therein I was destined to subsist in decadence and sweet melancholy
    With no rescue or transformation
    Pearls and tears were flowing down my face and body
    And I remained therein forever.
    Elisabetta Esther

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