The Castle Of Ghosts

The castle of ghosts was the fortress of my fears and anguish.
The castle of ghosts also held my deepest terrors within its walls.
It rose majestic and formidable on winter nights of solitude and storm,
yet stood equally clear on silent, warm summer evenings.
There was no season in which I could not glimpse it on the horizon—
Each time I surrendered to my dreams
and let my subconscious strike my heart,
unlocking a secret chest filled with arcane mysteries
and precious jewels.

The voices I heard were those of malevolent spectres,
intent on robbing me of my joy and my imagination.
They sought to annihilate and utterly destroy
all my dreams and visions—deemed by them mere madness—
when in truth they were the very essence of my being,
The essence of my heart, secretly nourishing my fantasies,
those fantasies brimming with hope and desire,
With stars and dawns yet to come.

I could no longer entrust my secrets to any human soul,
After all the harm had poured upon me like icy rain
On a tempestuous night,
while countless daggers and arrows pierced my heart and body—
as if I were born and destined
to a life woven with anguish, grief, powerlessness, and wretchedness.

My heart was entangled in brambles,
whose sharp thorns made it bleed perpetually,
draining all the vital, creative energy I harboured within—
leaving me a bloodless creature,
devoid of impulses to guide me forward
Along my dark and uncertain path,
where every step was like a fragile, slender thread,
ready to snap under its own frailty.

Survived invisible storms,
silent battles no one ever saw,
I carried within me an armour of ash,
hardened by time
between fleeting shadows and light.

The castle of ghosts was, in truth, the castle of my surviving selves—
versions forged through countless traumas, abuses,
and dreadful events that cast down my soul, my heart, and my body,
to the point where I died many times over,
only to be reborn as a new person each time.

And now I had grown accustomed to losing all that I possessed
only to gain something else—
Something that would grant me another identity,
another name,
and another heart.
Lisa