Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

The Silent Manuscript By Lisa

  • My Illusions

    My Illusions

    My illusions concealed the bright stars and the moon. I was sure that I couldn’t rely totally on my perceptions and conceptions of life and dreams. I didn’t know anything, but the only thing I could do was cry in my loneliness on a long night when no stars and no moon were visible to my eyes. All my memories were hanging in my mind like paintings. They were like thunders during a night storm in the ocean whose foundation was made of nightmares and suspiciousness.

    Beneath the shadows of hollow trees, I found my dwelling to rest free from the clouds of anxiety and distress. No glooms of sadness could prevent me from looking at the night sky. Maybe it was just a dream, but I couldn’t avoid staring at the dark and starless firmament. I dared to question my senses, but all that I could obtain was confusion and dizziness. In a realm where everything seemed absurd, odd, and meaningless, I strove to find a sense in my ephemeral existence.

    I had ceased to comprehend what was truth and what was deception. The night with its frightful shadows and wraiths, became my loyal companion, so sweet and lovely. No one could ever separate us, not even for an instant. The magic wisdom of the gift of madness was so sublime and exquisite. Unique was the foolishness of my silent heart. Invisible and abandoned in the quest for my fate, I explored labyrinths and mangroves in the wilderness of my imagination.

    My illusions deceived me repetitively, as I attempted to sugarcoat my lonely desolation, deprived as I was of every solace and comfort. I saw the dirty squalor being put on the sacred altar of devotion and veneration. Mortal souls preferred profanities and obscenities to sublimity, beauty and virtue. The world of mortals was shamefully collapsing in front of my eyes and I preferred to shut myself down in my boundless dungeon of illusions, nightmares, dreams and hallucinations. To never be back to that false and tainted world.
    Elisabetta

  • So It Was A Night

    So It Was A Night

    So it was a night a lonely light where the sky was covered in clouds and all the shades of blue
    surrounded by silent statues whose stares seemed looking at me but in reality, they just didn’t see me. My loneliness was my only dwelling to create another version of myself. I was crying tears of blood, shame and regret. I felt confused, and at the same time, I had the certitude that I would never belong to the world of mortals. I accepted the fact that I never understood and accepted the worldly rules and conventions as I was a creature of my own.

    It was just night when I realised all the decadence of my existence like an ancient statue living off the ancient memories of its previous life without any hesitation and doubt. And so I approached the mirror of my soul where I couldn’t see any image reflected. It was like I was without the soul, and it was because my heart was too broken to be alive. Being always surrounded by beauty and decay I realised my demise. I strived to accept my ephemeral  dimension and abide by being invisible like a small stone in a huge ocean of confusion.

    I knew that every delight and joy did not belong to me, but only sorrow and distress. All I could do was dream. Dreaming and lamenting my miserable life was my delight.  I felt like in a cage, an invisible cage that just made me imperceptible to the sight of everyone. I was just a shadow, a spirit of the night of the terminal darkness where only other ghosts and spirits could perceive my presence. So I was condemned ultimately to a place between dream and death. I was not sure that I was alive. I could not understand since I got lost in the labyrinth of my fate.

    So it was a night, an eternal night. There was no more sunrise or sundown. The sun vanished in the emptiness, and the horizon was so dark that it seemed to be made as an abyss of gloominess. I wondered terminally without finding a refuge of hope and happiness. Tired as I was, and exhausted from my life, I had to face my condition as irreversible and doomed. So it was a night, my eternal night the end of my suffering, and the beginning of the perpetual void. Deprived of light and desire.
    Elisabetta

  • Mirrors And Dreams

    Mirrors And Dreams

    Mirrors and dreams appeared to me as I drank from the inception of the stormy night, where silence curdled into ink, and every word I swallowed appeared as a curse in my blood.

    The moon kissed my shadow, not with clemency but with remembrance. What I lost I buried in decay. What I loved I burned in darkness. Mirrors and dreams were just mere illusions.

    Silent visions visited me in my eternal nightmares as I never awakened from that realm of madness and phantasmagoria. In loneliness and unconsciousness, I wandered into the garden of desires.

    Untruthful chimaeras were my chaperones as I delighted myself in ethereal merriments and beauty. I lived in delusional fantasies as I forgot the feeling of fear.

    I only existed in poems and hymns to share my love and obsessions. Softly, the nocturnal breeze stroked my face, and I could hear a solemn and funereal melody.

    I felt invisible and ethereal, as if no mortal could have been able to perceive my presence. Indeed, I had become a spirit of the darkness; I was the shadow of my soul.

    Although my everlasting passion for the sublime and beauty never left my heart, I felt the aches and pangs of a withered flowered. Seeking stability in my rooted insanity, I had renounced the world of reality forever.

    The heartless fate had decided its decree to condemn me to the underworld and abandon every vestige of my past existence. Surrounded by mirrors and dreams, I surrendered to my hallucinations.

    The wraiths that chased me were the evocations of my terrible memories. They strived to cast a spell on me to constrain me in the dungeon of death and blood. Where no tree and no flower ever saw life.

    No mirror could recall me, no dream dared claim me.
    Elisabetta

  • Crimson Tears

    Crimson Tears

    Crimson tears came from my deep distress
    As I was wandering infinitely until the edges of time
    Despair became my safe dwelling
    And solitude was just a necessity
    For I was unloved and lonely

    In dungeons of grief and sorrow, I found myself
    Depriving myself of solace was my favourite forte
    I soaked in depression until I drowned deep in the abyss of self-destruction
    I chose to live in chaos because I had lost my sanity
    Madness had become my guide and my wisdom

    I nullified my expectations and I indulged in destructive memories
    I drank from the toxic goblet of oblivion
    With the specific purpose to erase my heart
    Was that feasible?
    I knew not

    Unlearning all my knowledge and forgetting who I was
    I had become nothingness
    I had become a shadow of the underworld
    My soul had dissolved in the infinite void
    I could only feel the darkness take possess of my body

    Crimson tears hushed into rivers of blood
    While the incessant storm of the night locked me up
    In the total gloominess and in the most deafening silence
    I had found consolation in obliteration
    A funeral fanfare came to be my hymn of love and my final requiem

    I embraced death, and I faded away
    I was finally the queen of the realm of arcane shadows
    A kingdom where I ruled over the dead and wraiths
    Surrounded by hollow trees and sharp daggers
    And dressed with spider webs and fragments of vestiges

    I wandered through a mist filled with decay and ashes
    Where nothing changed not even the slow crawl of time
    No praises were to be found but only the pang of endings
    I lay beneath the deformed tree branches
    Among roots slick with damp and grave moss
    And the night closed over me like a tombstone.
    Elisabetta

  • Spellbound And Intoxicated

    Spellbound And Intoxicated

    Spellbound and intoxicated
    I wandered in a wild forest
    Inhabited by ghosts
    Not of dead hearts
    But of the doomed and forgotten ones

    Their voices were sighs in the trees
    Their eyes gleamed in the moss
    And their sorrow dripped
    From the petals of midnight flowers
    Like poisonous nectar to feed the enemies

    I wandered while sensing the memory’s weight
    Adorned with spider webs
    Against yesterday’s wind
    Regret clung to my lips
    Like the ghost of a kiss

    The forest did not frighten me
    It welcomed me
    It claimed me
    It taught me the arcane
    Secrets of those who linger
    Between moments

    And so I remained
    Spellbound and intoxicated
    A ghost among ghosts
    Forever wandering
    Where the living dare not dream

    My bleeding heart
    Just a stone
    My tortured body
    A survivor of wicked spells
    Absolute silence, a cordial companion

    Who was I?
    What had I become?
    I couldn’t find peace
    Not even for an instant
    I was devoured by a sense of anguish

    Distress and fear bit me
    With their sharp teeth
    Like daggers piercing my flesh
    I was stabbed by an invisible misery
    Which turned me into the representation of decadence

    They called me the suffering spirit
    Sighing and crying
    I was a river of sorrow
    Perceiving the invisible and intangible realm
    I had never felt so confused

    Detached from mortal reality
    I strived to fly to my peaceful dreams
    So I did let my unconsciousness drive me Wherever my imagination could wander far away

    Was I allowed to dream?
    I could not know
    I will never know
    So unstable, timeless and spaceless place
    Where destruction ruled over everything

    Self-destruction was my ruler
    I never met careless happiness
    In my miserable existence
    Nightmares welcomed me
    In their ethereal world 

    Spellbound and intoxicated
    I was just the shadow of myself
    A mere illusion.
    Elisabetta

  • Mirrors And Delusions

    Mirrors And Delusions

    Mirrors and delusions surrounded me as I wandered through a labyrinth carved from my own expectations. Each hidden niche kept a secret, and each silent sigh was a vow that dissolved in the emptiness. I strived to hold distant glimpses I could never keep, and the more I yearned, the taller the walls grew.

    Wildflowers whispered legends about betrayal and wickedness. Sadness teardrops fell over me like jet ink, leaving trails of darkness on my uncertain way. Clouds of gloom and sorrow met in the sky, feasting on the ephemeral sense of existence. My silence was my words. I had no needs or ambitions to fulfil any more because my ego was obliterated.

    Hence, it began my passage into the liminal state. My distorted reflection in the mirrors could have been the fruit of my hallucinations or the effective image of myself. Everything could have betrayed me, even myself. There was no longer a sun in the firmament of this realm of lugubrious descent. Where fallacy and degradation ruled.

    Polished crystals shone their glimmer, not to guide, but to deceive as each light was just a false oath, drawing me deeper into the hollow abyss of this maze of madness. Lonely I was never since shadows and ghosts accompanied me whenever I would wander. Their countenances were dreary and appalling.

    Mirrors and delusions hid my truth and plundered my heart of innocence and hope. They filled my route with deceit and cruel traps. I had become invisible and voiceless in their dungeon of decadence and death. I had to surrender to their power and supremacy. I wouldn’t consider myself a wisdom keeper since my insanity grew like a flower among tombstones.

    No more farewell to my dreams, for they no longer belonged to me, but to the nothingness that now bore my name.
    Elisabetta

  • Thunders Of Delirium

    Thunders Of Delirium

    Thunders of delirium amid a storm of stars and wonders devastated the stillness where the void once slumbered. Fantasies wept in spirals of vorticose ashes of dreams, fading in the darkness of the night. Leaving me bewildered and dazed.

    Utopias bloomed like ghostly wounds across the firmament, while shards of stardust hovered in mourning. Eternity sobbed in silent despair while I wandered through the debris of vanished realms, becoming a solitary phantom made of stardust.

    No quiet dwelling was secured as I seemed to respite from a storm of turmoil and madness. It seemed as if I were on the edge of a tremendous maelstrom. A terrible vortex ready to swallow and obliterate me. The doomed fate had decided.

    Desolation turned out to be an endless abyss where darkness lingered forever. Visions faded, turning into tangible nightmares. Darkness and lights carved memories into my heart, and I found myself in an enchanted realm.

    Longings and magnificence adorned my golden ash hair with ivy and thorns. The stars seemed to call my name disrupting the absolute silence that hibernated every melody. I was made of dreams and thorns. I was made of ashes and gilded stars.

    Softly the wind whispered to me about ancient legends and castles built with sand and deception. They melted under the burden of neglected hopes, and I was left on the border of delusion and dispiritedness.

    There were no beginnings to me, just reverberations hovering like phantom wings, that swept me through vestiges of lost glare. I was not looking to be rescued but I just lay in the remote dark. And I vanished, slowly, into the silence of eternity.

    Thunders of delirium distressed me once more, not to revive me but to deprive me of my soul as I dissolved into the hush beyond dreams.
    Elisabetta

  • I Want To Be Like The Sea

    I Want To Be Like The Sea

    I want to be like the sea
    I want to be like the wind
    I want to be like the leaves floating free in the mist
    I want to fly away into a dream.
    Elisabetta

  • A Heart Of Stone

    A Heart Of Stone

    A heart of stone and blood was mine in the afterlife
    In my underworld abode full of evanescent masks and weeping phantoms
    A magic tower of spells touching the sky and the metallic moons
    Surrounded by soft clouds and dead trees

    Each mask whispered terrible secrets to me
    While smiling like court jesters inside the unbreakable walls of my castle
    A castle made of bones and blood of my enemies
    Beneath the shining firmament visited by the moons with many countenances

    I was the queen of the tragic world of pity and descend
    My decadence made a throne for me, carved in sorrow
    And there I lingered, dressed in shining sparkles and moonlight
    My gown was forged with threads of sighs and desires

    My gown was the manifestation of sighs and desires
    Eerie candles with their trembling flames cast light upon my visions
    Longings coiled like serpents made of smoke
    The walls wept decayed memories and each mirror was a doorway to arcane mysteries

    My absolute silence was a hymn to all I had lost
    The moons grieved the weight of my dismay
    An eternal ghost similar to myself waited for me beyond my crystal windows
    Ruins and beauty crowned me their sovereign

    My destiny was engraved in shadow and starlight
    I wandered in the labyrinth of forsaken fortunes
    I felt that the ancient soil trembled beneath my steps
    My heart was still carved from stone, seeking solace in vain

    I couldn’t break free from the chains of my own sorrow
    Although I reached for my reflection in the mirror
    And I knew that this was the fate I had chosen
    I knew I belonged to the occult underworld as an ethereal creature of darkness.
    Elisabetta

  • The Golden Mirage

    The Golden Mirage

    The golden mirage appeared in front of me
    I couldn’t perceive if I were dreaming or awake
    But I could sense the magnificence of my vision
    As I forgot all my anxieties and fears, I proceeded on my path
    The deception of my fantasy could have betrayed me
    Because it felt so tangible and discernible

    I chased delusions and I couldn’t discern between reality and dream
    I had lost all my purposes, wandering without any directions
    My unintentional existence was a chimera
    Just a delusional journey destined to end in the valley of desolation
    In that barren stillness, I couldn’t find any awareness or hope
    My delusional adventure conducted me into the abyss of despair

    I had lost everything and the enchanting, tainted spell transformed into a ruin
    Distorted reflections of myself shimmered in giant golden mirrors
    Sparkling in all their lush illusion beneath the silent stare of the stars
    Every dream that blossomed in my imagination became a stone flower
    Everything I ever desired was reduced to crumbles of dust
    I felt the awareness that I had fallen victim to my own betrayal

    Every piece of my heart had been burned like an inextinguishable flame
    Wicked ghouls watched me from afar, sending me missives imbued with scorn and disdain
    While a defending silence resounded all over the surreal realm of gold and darkness
    Where absurdities and oddities governed as capricious rulers
    In this kingdom of gilded trees and silver moons, there were no directions or tickling clocks
    Everything seemed inert but also topsy-turvy

    My sleepless sanity surrendered to madness
    Overwhelmed by the outrage of my own fractured mind
    I wept behind a veil made of ephemeral lies
    The stars conspired against me, singing enigmas and riddles I couldn’t solve
    Making me feel dizzy and desperate
    I was a powerless creature in the realm of the golden mirage
    I had become a mirage myself.
    Elisabetta

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