The Cold Humiliation
The cold humiliation
The freezing of my body
My body like a dead leaf
In pain and humiliation
Amid blood and shreds
I wanted to forget
I tried to wash away the shame
I never spoke
The silence was my way to pretend that nothing happened
And that I deserved it
As a punishment for my submission
A silent acceptance of the pain and desecration
The blood was like the quiet lament of my body
Violated and shredded in pieces
Beauty and femininity as frailty
The desire to be outside a violated body
The dream to fly far away from this physical world
The pain became the awareness of low self-esteem
I’m exposing myself, showing my pain
My weakness and disgrace are my witnesses
I’m not afraid of being judged
Afflicted by mortification
I was, and I am broken
Torn to shreds
The cry of pain is a loud echo
Which is always inside me.
Esther Racah