The shadows of shame and madness spread over me like majestic, silent trees
While the wind whispered decadent lullabies to my ears during my deep slumber
I was dreaming and not, since I embodied my illusions in a game of love and hate
I had even forgotten my name and who I really was becoming
I tried to see my reflection in the several mirrors I encountered in my dreams
Each moment I could hold my memories no longer
I was incredibly erratic and mesmerised, although delighted
I sensed the scent of deception in my withered flowers, so full of decadence and broken passions
The shadows of shame and madness darkened my windowless and hopeless abode
It was as if I had lost the ability to hold on to hopes that had vanished like grains of sand in the wind
And for the first time, I could see the dark clouds as ominous omens
I didn’t want to see because of the fear burning in my heart, bleeding for all the lost love
I had embraced a lugubrious isolation and I had shunned every contact with mortals
A deafening silence was my way to express myself and my feelings
Dark shadows had filled my heart with dismay and disdain
I had ceased to wait for my future tomorrows and I lived in an eternal state of fantasies
In this realm with no time and orientation, it was like wandering in an endless desert made of dead roses and thorns
Even the cold rain hit me with its icy drops full of vengeance and scorn
As I encountered several versions myself dispersed along my path of dark solitude
The more I knew the truth, the more I wanted to forget
My only desire was to fly free like a bird among clouds and stars
I longed so much to disregard all my dismay and distress
As much as I could forget who I really was, however, I fell deep into the abyss of despair
And the tears of remorse and regret covered my face like a thick veil of anguish
I had embodied my own sorrow, and the shadows of shame and madness obscured the sky
I didn’t see the sun or the moon, and the stars had shunned me
I had been forsaken by my own wicked fate
I wandered endlessly to fall in love with my dreams again
I strove to start again as I was never born
Although my heart was on fire like an inextinguishable flame, the burden of exhaustion sank me deep down the chasm of impenetrable and mighty darkness
I had vanished in the emptiness like a withered flower in the stormy wind
And not even the flowers and trees recalled my name
As I was never born.
Elisabetta Esther