Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: Self-discovery

  • Teardrops In The Desert

    Teardrops In The Desert

    Teardrops in the desert of chaos and vulnerability were striking my face while the imperious sun was staring at me with its searing light, on the verge of overwhelming me.

    The long summer nights allowed me to indulge in extravagant fantasies since I had always been fond of dreams and rainbows. But, nevertheless, I couldn’t help myself from finding the right direction.

    The sun gave its place to the luminaries of the firmament, and I could perceive the feeble light of a lantern far away floating in the enchanted forest of my impossible dreams.

    I became a shadow of the night and I could see the stars in their eyes, as if I were their celestial companion in the lonely nightfall. Teardrops in the desert metamorphosed into sighs and whispers in the deepest night of my life.

    Without hesitation, I was tempted to embrace the chaos which was embedded in my heart, now that every delusional longing had departed from my dwelling. Hence, I strove for a stance on my fate, but I couldn’t see anything in my crystal ball.

    Even the tarot cards refused to spell the truth, although I had interrogated them so many times as the number of stars. My hymns had been cast away from me as punishment for my quest to obtain that certitude that I never acquired.

    Teardrops in the desert beneath my beloved moon flew like impetuous rivers at the sight of the twilight. Might I have been a brilliant star or a shy planet, I knew not. All I knew inside my heart was the sensation of a precarious destiny.

    As invisible as I became and as untouchable as I pretended to be, I melted in the forest of thoughts and fears as an untamed creature of my own realm made of fantastic dreams and fancy illusions.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Time Slipped Like Sand

    Time Slipped Like Sand

    Time slipped like sand in the ocean
    Silence amplified my thoughts
    I got lost
    Wandering endlessly in a quest for forgetfulness and balderdash
    Since the day I surrendered to chaos and oddities
    I’ve never realised the intention of my fate
    Without any concern about my purposes

    Whenever I looked at the sky there was always something missing inside my heart
    Maybe it was
    Perhaps it was not
    Or would I have been destined to oblivion?
    Confused while I was tasting the bitter nectar of awareness
    I didn’t pay any attention to my pathway

    That I was lost I knew not
    All I could perceive was the sight of a crimson aura all around me and a prosperous garden of splendid crimson roses
    Ravens and crows were flying all around me together with magnificent butterflies

    Time slipped like sand
    And there was no mirror where I could see an image of myself
    It was like my countenance was invisible to every silver surface
    Nonetheless, my real delight relied on the trepidation of my slumber
    During which I strove to touch the stars while I was vexed by the gloomy clouds

    Abruptly the mysterious songs of nocturnal birds woke me up
    Did I know where I was?
    I believe not and it didn’t even matter to me
    The foremost commodity was that the time slipped like sand in the emptiness
    I had forgotten the voices of anthropoids and their shadows didn’t bother me anymore
    Fortunately for me

    I was fortunate to discover that I had got lost in the wilderness of my dreams
    Indeed, I didn’t need to follow any path any longer
    For I was now more than ever unburdened from both my past and my future
    The candles of expectation had gone out
    The sparkles of desires and love had been swallowed by the night that whispered my name no more.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Wandering In Oblivion

    Wandering In Oblivion

    Wandering in oblivion with the certitude in my heart that I belonged more to my afflictions than to my desires
    I knew not where my fate was taking me
    The only inevitability I couldn’t avoid was my obsessive quest to follow my dreams
    My fantastic world was all I demanded so impulsively
    And that everlasting flame was glowing intensely into my heart

    I felt betrayed by the time and all the previous events that dragged me into the pit of anguish
    It was real as much as I was breathing, and I couldn’t prevent being overwhelmed
    A huge imaginary mountain was on my chest, for I didn’t realise I had brought such huge exhaustion over and over again for a considerable time, too many times
    Lost and deluded, I chose seclusion as a way to bear that overflowing burden

    So far I wandered that I got lost in mazes and forests, for I was seeking pursuits and chances
    Even though I knew there was no compass guiding me in the infinite darkness of the nights I spent in dizziness and confusion
    Bitter was the dismay that distressed my heart in the loneliest journey of my existence
    Whenever I searched for comfort, I only found sparse, few and far-between hopes for a spark of delight

    The sunlight became bright and dark, creating shadows all over my path, while the moon advanced with pride as the queen of the long nights when my slumber was trembling with fear of the unknown. At last, I could hear the silence whispering presages and tales. Hence, there I was, lonely in my frailty and chaos, never ready for new adventures whilst wandering in oblivion and suspense. I had forgotten all my bygone remembrances as well as my name and my most cherished dreams.

    As long as the moon shone alongside the stars, I could make wishes that shattered at the mountain’s peak. But all fell silent, and I remained in my castle, admiring the splendid panorama before me.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Under Dreams And Enchantments

    Under Dreams And Enchantments

    Under spells and enchantments
    In nightmares I lived my nighttimes
    Surrounded by withered roses
    Dreaming of castles in the aether

    I wandered endlessly in the forest of the realm of oddities and wonders
    Wishing to find the secrets of wisdom and foolishness
    Although I knew that there was no certainty in this perilous path
    Being my fate an ocean of obscure surprises

    Invisible shadows whispered my name and announced my future ventures
    Beautiful ravens followed me like faithful and devoted companions
    And beyond my imagination, that fantastical world manifested in all its frightful marvels

    Under spells and enchantments
    I knew not who I really was
    Surrounded by stone flowers and magic lanterns
    Dreaming of flying dragons beneath the purple moonlight

    Delighted by the company of ancient books and candles
    I embarked on my own journey of knowledge and nonsense
    For I felt a creature of the infinite night
    Devil-may-care, I walked through forsaken aisles in decadent castles

    I felt a tiny speck in an endless infinity
    While admiring the magnificent landscapes the night was offering me
    Beneath a night sky adorned with stars and clouds
    Mesmerised by magic mirrors and crimson roses

    I couldn’t have imagined that I was able to transcend the reality that had limited my fantasy for so long
    But there I was
    Me and my enchanted dreams
    At last
    Under spells and enchantments
    In my own realm of fantasy
    A deliberate victim of my own illusions

    Previously, I had lingered endlessly in the grey zone of hopes and sorrows
    However, I decided to embrace a new transformation
    Detaching from all my previous versions of myself
    Nevermore watching back

    Forever longing for marvellous castles floating in the air in my garden of crimson roses and arcane trees
    Faraway from the abyss of nothingness
    Evermore under spells and enchantments.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • A Spectacular Mirage

    A Spectacular Mirage

    A spectacular mirage manifested before my eyes in a torrid night of discomforts
    Everywhere there was a scalding haze made of phantomatic dreams and delighting chimaeras
    Never a doubt caught me while a storm of nightmares was brewing over the night sky
    And everything was just darkness and infinity

    I only needed to lose myself to discover my real self
    So many times I have climbed insurmountable heights to realise that I had metamorphosed into something totally different
    Like an ethereal shape that would change incessantly without abeyance
    Each time desiring something new

    The different windows of my life had shut and opened
    Disclosing a multitude of scenarios and dreamland
    The sun had conquered me while the moon hid viciously behind a blanket of spectacular stars
    Majestic dreams had always overwhelmed my heart, and I found myself in an ocean of tears and anguish

    Wandering into the forest of bliss and delight
    I had lost myself permanently
    As if I were unable to think and keep sparkles of wisdom in my treasure chest
    Everything was darkness
    Nothing was translucent
    No aid would have reached me in that mayhem
    Every part of my body and heart could feel the great tragedy of existence

    Dreaming of isles and oceans where nothing had sense
    Nor even desiring
    I could feel myself flimsy like a tiny flower carried away by the winds
    At the mercy of the winds and raging storms
    I wandered in confusion, traversing kingdoms and labyrinths
    In a way, I was detached from my longings, and I was eager to embrace new realms and visions

    A spectacular mirage awaited me beyond the shadows of the night sky
    As an enchantment ready to cast a mysterious spell over me
    Not taking care of any concern, I resigned myself to my fate.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • The Shadows Of Solitude

    The Shadows Of Solitude

    The shadows of solitude followed me in my endless journey of self-discovery
    No storm or fog could distract my search for the mysteries that my fate dared to hide from my gaze
    Extravagant fantasies appeared as evanescent chimaeras glowing like stars in the darkness of the night
    Ravens and crows gathered around me, whispering arcana secrets to me, as they already possessed the knowledge reserved for immortal spirits
    Even the rain and wind didn’t encounter an effortless manner to rule that kingdom
    Where inky feathers fell all over me while I saw blank mirrors floating like autumn leaves on a pond

    The shadows of solitude guided me in the deepest night in the midst of the misty forest of my dreams
    I followed the trail enlightened by scattered candelabras and poetry rhymes
    My perseverance was unapologetic and I cared only for my own wonder
    Since the day I decided to abandon my bitter memories and leave them in the swamp of my past
    The majestic and fierce vault of a Gothic cathedral hid the vast starry sky, inducing me to listen to the sumptuous melody of an ancient organ
    I felt dizzy as if under a magic spell that had been cast on me by my most hidden desires

    The dimness of my fears vanished immediately as if they never existed and they couldn’t hurt anymore
    So much glistening light I found in the deepest gloominess
    Guided by my untamed heart ready to embrace every unreachable mirage
    I followed the phantasmic echoes of the nocturnal clouds staring at me in my intricate voyage without a specific destination
    Since the day I had willingly lost myself within the mist of my own dreams
    I was no longer startled by my limits because I decided to become infinite and potent like a lone glistening luminary
    Belonging to eternity
    Perfect in my frailties.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Infinite Stairs Of Waiting

    Infinite Stairs Of Waiting

    Infinite stairs of waiting
    The more I wait, the more I feel trapped in the dungeon of anguish.
    The more I climbed the stairs, the more I tried to ascend,
    the more it seemed I was descending downward with no result.
    All of this made me frustrated
    because I could not reach my goal.

    In my stillness I found myself,
    But at the same time, I lost a part of me.
    It was as if everything I had learned
    I had lost and forgotten,
    and everything I did not know
    I had unconsciously acquired.

    Confused and bewildered in a place of nowhere
    I strived to believe in my dreams but all I could do was fall from the stairs

    It was a game of illusion and reality.
    I had ceased to discern what seemed deception from what was truth.
    Both had blended together.
    It was as if there were no longer any meaning,
    and no longer any need to possess the domain of wisdom and knowledge.
    Everything had shattered into the abyss of ignorance and madness.

    And I proceeded on a thin thread between creation and destruction.
    My perplexities and hopes echoed as if they resounded through enigmatic structures, without meaning and expectations.

    Spirits that I could not discern, that I could not distinguish, whispered to me encouragements to pursue. But every time I fell and plunged into another flight of stairs, they laughed, almost as if to make fun of me — and to mock my inexperience and incompetence.

    In solitude I found myself lost, and there I languished like a creature from other worlds, indulging in my languor and melancholy; I was certain that I was towards myself and my image no longer had reflections in any mirror. The staircase was truly infinite like a steep ascent without end; there was neither a beginning nor an end, everything was an infinite perpetuity of distress and anguish.

    Infinite stairs of waiting were my dwelling for eternity, and there I had to… to… I didn’t know anymore.
    Elisabetta

  • Somewhere In My Dreams

    Somewhere In My Dreams

    Somewhere in my dreams, random thoughts enveloped my mind, and the bitter memories of what I have lost—of my buried treasures—saddened my heart.

    It was as if I had surrendered myself to my own steps, walking down an avenue lined with dead trees, and with closed eyes I had defied the wind, which whispered to me words and secrets I no longer remember.

    Weighted down by my anguish, I could not see a glimmer of light, of hope, that might guide me in a clear and lucid direction. All I could find was only chaos and fear—a dread that tormented me, the fear of never being able to grasp my dreams, of never being able to enclose them within the cage of my heart.

    As much as I longed to cling to life, to my plans and dreams, their manifestations fell into the abyss of emptiness—an abyss that sought to swallow me into its chasm.

    And I remembered all the principles that had been taught to me, shaped like a golden cage in which I was made to live my entire life—bound by rigid conventions, dark as chains coiled around my ankles and wrists, suffocating me like sly ivy twisting about my neck, its soft and slender leaves wrapping my face in a silent, silken strangle.

    No, absolutely not. Stupidity has never belonged to me, nor hypocrisy, nor superficiality. And yet, I have always stood beyond an invisible wall—between myself and other mortals, who have always found me unusual, strange, even impossible to define within their social and mental structures.

    Excessively extreme in my obsessions, in my feelings, in my passions and in my visions. I have always been—and still am—a visionary, a dreamer at the mercy of events that have never truly belonged to me, for even now I find their traces in the vault of my past, like fragments of memories scattered across the sky above my head.

    Somewhere in my dreams, I’ve got lost in the labyrinth of reveries, trying to find myself—but in vain, for, in truth, I have never known myself, and I have never found who I truly am. I have always lived with the illusion of knowing, the illusion that others spoke the truth to me—as if their words were pearls of wisdom, as if they could guide me.

    But in the end, what I found was only an illusion. Only betrayal. My heart has been permanently defiled by the torments of mortals and by the shadowy mirages that have always hindered my path.
    Elisabetta

  • Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled by my own grief
    Like a butterfly pinned to a wall
    I was standing on the cold soil soaked by my own blood
    Among withered flowers infused with the scent of death
    Embracing my misery as it was a bliss for my weak heart

    Slowly unveiling the image behind the shadows hovering high
    I discovered the reflection of my true self in their shrouds
    I cried out loud, running out of tears of despair
    Dressed in the sparkling veil that the luminaries made for me
    And wearing a crown made of thorns and roses

    All the most terrible memories introduced themselves to me
    They appeared like dreadful ghouls and wraiths
    Stabbing me with their sharp daggers
    Reducing me to a relic
    In the presence of crows and dead trees

    I was an empty shell without reflection or shadow
    Whenever I was wondering, it seemed I didn’t leave any trace
    But only blood and thorns, a representation of my miserable existence
    What I was I knew not
    I became an enigma to myself

    I collapsed like a wax sculpture
    As I was an extinguished flame
    With a body stitched by bandages and shattered dreams
    Each thread was a reminder of the pangs carved all over my body
    And my heart was a crushed crystal

    The gleaming moonlight created an aura made of silver
    Spectres were floating over me
    While I was waiting for the stars to guide me
    But no sign was there for me
    Only the deepest darkness and squalid solitude

    The cruel fate had decreed my end with the worst despair of my soul
    All my cries were dispersed by the cold wind of a winter night
    Nothing more was there for me
    I had lost everything dear to me
    And a storm wrapped me in its deadly embrace

    Impaled by my own grief
    I was the embodiment of my own tragedy.
    Elisabetta

  • Blooming Desires

    Blooming Desires

    Blooming desires blossom everywhere around me
    The stars in the sky above me are shining brightly
    My pure heart discloses all the secrets and beauty
    Blissful passions burn my heart like glowing torches

    I became a flower in my own garden of fantasies
    I rule my own realm of dreams and utopias
    And a sweet melody cast the spell over me
    Like a hypnotising hymn of joy and delight

    I feel no poundage of fear and anguish anymore
    I fly free like a wild bird of paradise
    Touching the clouds and stars with my colourful wings
    I say goodbye to the old version of myself broken and deceived

    I smile and cry at the same time
    Repeating all the verses of my poetry to walls and trees
    Declaring my love for the sublime and beauty
    Promising to never break my sacred oath of loyalty to the art of poetry

    I try to reach out to my inner blooming desires
    Quietly embracing my true self for the very first time
    Although it seems like I have lost my resilience
    I find refuge in my fairytale world where I’m a forever princess

    I never let social norms and prejudices shape my life or my essence
    I stand up for my liberty and independence in thinking and living
    Because life is just a short and absurd journey in this odd universe
    Where the absurdities are countless but still oddly enlightening

    I decided to embrace my inner turmoil and chaos
    To become a fantastic oddity rejecting every conformity
    Even though oftentimes it makes me fall into oblivion
    My blooming desires guide me along my path of madness and decay

    I’m a whimsical creature of my own dreams
    I’m a surreal and mystical fairy flying around her bizarre flowers
    Lost in the labyrinth of my absurd imagination
    Where reality ceases to exist and fantasy is the only truth I hold dear inside my heart
    And I dance to the rhythm of my blooming desires and untamed spirit.
    Elisabetta

© Esther Racah 2019-2026. All rights reserved.