My Song Of Agony

My Song Of Agony

My Song Of Agony

this is my song of agony
I wish I had understood before
my fault is my fragility and vulnerability
being like a child who had never been protected
as a consequence of all the abuses
I had to endure in my life
without any protection

to be loved and protected is a delight I will never know
I am not any more broken inside
because I have been already shattered to fragments of myself
I am not any more a whole creature
being always cynically exploited by others
the only things to keep me alive is my poetry
which is part of my body and soul

I am poetry, and it is the purest part of me
poetry for pure and naive souls
poetry for creatures who are honestly in love
a pure love that doesn’t betray
love is not just a short sentence
fake love is a successful tool to lure a pure soul
pure love is the most sublime of all feelings
which should not be used to hurt fragile souls
souls who never met kindness, love and compassion

because it is so hard to be me
I am not just a freaky girl for the sake of being “cool”
there are traumas and abuses behind my being a “dark romantic” poet
in an aura of romantic torments and anguishes
being an exotic flower and an unconventional girl
the Israeli Jewish girl with “that Italian” accent

and there is also my loss since two years
which I still feel a lot
not having a father is miserable
not having more chance to have a family
being lonely and alone
no love
no affection
just the coldness of a cynic society

this is my song of agony and pain
living a life made of words, passions and love
love burns me alive
love pierces my heart
I scream in agony
it is the scream of my bleeding heart
and all the stars of the universe collide
merging in a hybrid star
which is inside my heart

I cannot stop loving
I cannot stop dreaming
a transcendental love
without reward
without return.
Esther Elizabeth Racah

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