Tag: mind

  • A Burnt Life

    A Burnt Life

    A Burnt Life

    A burnt life has left me behind
    Shallow emotions would be forgotten
    Grief would leave a mark in my heart
    Because of all the traumas I had to bear all life
    It is suggested to be insensitive in this existence
    Because they would not understand all the damages left in my mind and heart
    They would see me just as a body without a soul
    I was just a high-grade intelligent entity with a bunch of degrees
    All the suffering and agonies were buried in the deepest place of my soul
    I was too sensitive, too unusual, too brilliant
    Hence I had to do much more than others
    I always had to be the perfect role model
    Nevertheless, I was all alone in my anguishes
    There was no empathy
    There was no connection
    And it was as if the sky had suddenly fallen on me, and the stars were burning out
    In the secrecy of the dark despair, I was left alone, and pains were stabbing my heart like tiny sharp daggers
    I always had as loyal companions my books
    Being lonely, it was the only refuge where I would spend hours
    Archaeology, Physics, Biology, Literature and Philosophy were my favourite topics
    And I would enjoy reading in English, Italian and French
    A burnt life without escapes entrapped me for a long time
    Leaving me with scars and awful remembrances.

    Esther Racah

  • Like A Porcelain Doll

    Like A Porcelain Doll

    Like A Porcelain Doll

    And it was like in a nightmare
    While I was lying inert on a cold bed like a porcelain doll
    I could not conceive why those things happened for a reason
    Maybe I was too naive to realise such closeness
    Perhaps I was too childish to protect myself
    Letting the submission paralyse my mind

    It never mattered who I really was
    It never mattered what I really desired
    Because the most important thing was social etiquette and fulfilled other’s desires
    I had to embellish myself like a porcelain doll
    I had to smile with my elegant dresses and impeccable makeup devotedly
    Some pretty bow in my long blond hair and a sumptuous dress as a daily routine

    I was empty, and I could not find myself
    Being constantly busy to be submissive and amiable
    Exhausted and broken
    I was never good enough
    And then, I had to lose myself
    Becoming who I was expected to be

    The echo of my silence was loud in my mind
    The only place where I was feeling safe
    Respect and love were remote chimaeras
    The coldness around me was freezing my heart
    My feelings being trapped in a desperate endeavour to be loved
    And trying to piece together scattered fragments of myself.
    Esther Racah

  • Dust And Deception

    Dust And Deception

    Dust And Deception

    Dust and deception is all I have left
    Everything I built became dust
    Everything I dreamt of became a deception
    Nothing remains in my heart
    Which is aiming to gleam like the stars in the night
    Blank is my mind like the dark void
    Which is not able to rebuild a castle made of dreams
    Disquiet is my mind so engaged in anxiety and haste
    As soon as I perceive the light of a new hope
    It crumbles to pieces like a crystal bowl
    Hence suspended in a spasmodic expectation
    I am lured to the cynicism as a peeled orange
    Which will wither with the time
    And while I am captivated by regrets and discomforts
    Life flies like a rushing torrent amid a quiet forest.
    Esther Racah

  • Waiting The Night

    Waiting The Night

    Waiting The Night

    Waiting the night with its dark awareness
    The fog descends, dimming the lights and colours
    Restless is my mind wandering in the abstraction
    A whirlpool of nightmares entraps me
    Bound with all disquiet and eagerness
    My mood swings like the several shades of the sky
    Infinite is the darkness keeping majestic secrets
    Hollow is my soul as I lose myself in the wilderness of sorrow
    More than ever, I can rely on my senses of chaos and fear
    Not at all aware of my blank destiny
    Hopes and dreams fade away at the sight of consciousness
    Life is abstractly away like a gleaming star in the universe
    I persist in becoming who I can be
    I persevere in fleeing my obligations and duties
    My soul is dark as the deepest night
    My mind is a victim of a cruel bewilderment
    Floating in the sea of the uncertainty
    I strive to survive, anchoring myself to the beauty of art.
    Esther Racah

  • Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted on a cold winter night
    The silence of the darkness is frozen like the sensibility of this society
    My comfort is in nature and art
    My books and poetry are my secret hideout
    Wandering around the wild obscurity of my imaginary forest
    I can travel far away every time I wish
    In my imagination, I promenade in magic gardens
    Where there are colourful and delightful flowers
    And the silver moonlight is reflecting in the lakes
    Wandering farther, I discover hidden woods and marvellous castles
    The beauty of those landscapes are breathtaking
    And I can stroll as far as I wish
    I will be pleased to get lost
    And I will discover new secret places
    Where I can hide and be totally transparent
    Where I am totally invisible like plankton
    I don’t have to pretend to be someone else
    I don’t have to please anyone to get consent and admiration
    I can be myself and free
    No abuses
    No brutalities
    No discriminations
    No fears
    None of them will be in this very secret place
    And I can laugh and cry, paint and write
    The insanity of rationality can ruin every kind of spontaneity and beauty
    Every sigh is the breathing of my mind
    Every teardrop is the ardour of my heart
    My naive emotions can finally galvanise me
    They can call me insane, candid
     or eccentric
    I will stop caring about it
    I will stop accepting the humiliations and abuses with gratitude
    And I will stand up for myself fiercely.
    Esther Racah

  • Thoughts

    Thoughts

    Thoughts

    Unlimited and Endless
    Thoughts overflow my mind
    Surprisingly the past becomes the present
    And the present becomes the past 

    All in an instant

    All in a dream

    Suddenly disappearing like foggy clouds

    My thoughts fly away, leaving me confused and amused

    Like leaves departing from their trees

    My impressions pass through my mind swirling away

    Mistakes, illusions, nightmares, and dreams dance together in my mind

    And I lose the sense of reality 

    Happy and sad 

    Hopeful and disillusioned

    I stand passively waiting for the next mistake or maybe success

    The silence is too loud, and it confuses me

    Astonished and dazed, I find myself in the same place

    Like a pebble bouncing on the water
    I lurch from thought to thought.
    Esther Racah

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