The Calmness Of Despair

The calmness of despair filled the firmament
Having despised vanity as a tempest broke
The rain was blowing through the windy clouds
I was not always used to loving dreams
Once known as happiness lapses
I went nowhere for one day
Getting lost in my dreams
Oftentimes falling into a snare of deceit
Empty memories full of tears
An irreverent game of illusions mangled to pieces trust
Sadness stood at the doorway of the street
Among the lies of people staring at it

The calmness of despair was an intense sorrow between life and death
The fear of terror and pain was caught in a mirror
When the darkness obscured the emptiness
A silent ecstasy appeared in my dreams
A light gleam blew upon me like a hectic wind
The storm seemed like a gentle breeze that fades
Grief and pain desired to endure the cold deathless strife
The fury and the howling of the sky dismantled every speck of serenity
Indelebile and invisible amnesia of future mistakes
A silent mystery of undisclosed obsessions hovered
The dizziness of uncontrollable desires fell like frozen raindrops
An obscure fate attempted to escape from fear

In the calmness of despair’s gloom
No thought would have been flung loose
As every idealisation became a crystal inside my heart
And it was impossible to hope and catch a glimpse behind the lids of unconsciousness
None of my perceptions could lead me to deliverance
Being constrained by misunderstanding and obstacles
I had become a mere shadow of my imagination
A creature of darkness and invisibility without mirrors
An infinite dreamscape was soon forgotten in the opalescent darkness
Every time the night shadows fell down in the desert sky
Lost in my dreams to be never found
Whispers and illusions met in a terrible embrace

The calmness of despair in the abyss
New emotions and thoughts had died too fast
As long as time was past
No oracle was allowed to guess
I looked at the future all alone
Before having discovered a labyrinth where I lost myself
And where the pain had healed my wounds
Completely awoken and sunken into a desire for absence
The stillness of anguishes is a melody concealed in the ocean
My dreams were composed of delights and pangs
And everything was captivated by beauty and insanity
Whenever a silent cry faded far away beyond all earthly things.
Esther Elizabeth Racah

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