I Forgot How To Smile

I forgot how to smile
In this world of pain and disguise
Masks and phantoms are all around
Barely pretending to unleash the truth
When mirrors reflect sparkling golden and silver bonds

I forgot how to be free
Not falling into beautified traps with magnificent ceilings
Listening to the real sound of the wind
Whenever I breathe the fresh air of solitude
Dizzy and bewildered in a maze of deception and pitfalls

I forgot how to fly
And cover my eyes with the leaves of souvenirs
Forgetting my name and the soil where I walk on
Nonsense should be my wisdom
Until I recognise the beauty of invisibility

Claustrophobic fears deceive me
Erasing all the strength I own
Striving to filter the misery in the lake where I drown
Silently closing my eyes so that I don’t cry anymore
Choking in a narrow way where I forgot how to scream

In the ethereal, unending, and eternal quest
I seclude myself in the abyss of silence and invisibility
Unconscious and reckless like a crystal in the deepness of the sea
No shadows or mirrors are my acquaintances
With no difference between the day and night

I forgot how to forget
Whilst fleeting the shallow castles of idiocy and phenomenon
Waiting for the paper cards to fold and burn in the fire of fairness
Once more and forever ignoring the ominous dread of depravity
Standing like a small leaf falling on the cold soil of the oblivion

I might have forgotten the slumber of my joyful days
When I lived in the unconsciousness of my thoughts
Confident that my soul would be delighted forever in the dimness of the betrayal
Believing that the toxic clasp of doom would have enlightened my life
Having become captive to a terrible spectre

I forgot how to smile with a blank mind and closed eyes
I might have been able to travel far away
Once and for all, in the idiosyncratic of my imagination
Deluding myself in glares and wonders
When after all, I dwell in a dark hollow, I claim to be my fortress.
Esther Elizabeth Racah

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