My Grief

My Grief
I lost my father in October 2019
Having to cope with grief and loss is complicated
Almost every day, I struggle with my anguishes
Vulnerable as I am
Encounters always took away a part of myself
People never understood me
Tears run down my face like sparkling gems
Strange and mysterious they say about me
Different could be a word that definitely defines me
All the time, I faced dreadful beings
Nothing can give me back what I have lost
Death of a part of myself had been necessary
I would have loved to fly away for an indefinite time
How many times I had to suffer and be sad
A lot of times, my grief fractured me
Violence destroys everything day after day
Exhausted, I built my sandcastles
But I destroyed them afterwards
Empathy is what they missed when dealing with me
Eternal love does not exist since everything decays
Nobody has ever loved me
Reasons are impossible to understand
And I can be sure that
Perhaps I might rely on my dreams
Exceedingly hurt emotionally and physically
Disquietingly grief is all that is left in my heart.

Esther Elizabeth Racah