The Paroxysm Of My Anxieties

The Paroxysm Of My Anxieties

The Paroxysm of my anxieties
Whenever I force myself to forget and forgive
Like an explosion inside my head
Memories hurt me profoundly and harshly
Leaving me astonished
Trying to survive
In such a society
I was guilty, and I am guilty to be pretty
I was responsible, and I am responsible for being a woman
My body and my personality had always been the issues
Since I was provoking and I provoke too much
So many times, I had the shame of myself
So many times, I had to hide inside hideous and baggy clothes
Panicking and freezing
I wish I were born a glowing star
So unreachable and untouchable
In the infinity and sublimity of the universe.
Esther Racah