Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: loss
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Waiting For My Dreams
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Sparkles Of Sadness
Sparkles of sadness manifested in the gloomy forest of my dreams. Lulled by a torpor of defeat and annihilation, I attempted to traverse a place unknown to me, with astonishment and wonder, yet, at the same time, with a heart steeped in sadness.
Although the silver moon illuminated this unknown and dark forest, the further I proceeded, the more it seemed that I was losing myself in oblivion and in the abyss of my fears and uncertainties, for it was there that I was rooted; my heart was torn by a sense of suspension into the void.
Indeed, I was overwhelmed by my nightmares, which slowly revealed themselves in the shapes of ghosts and wraiths, as I proceeded along my uncertain path without a clear destination. My gentle pains, which scourged my heart and disturbed my mind, rendered me powerless in the face of such apparitions.
Even unwillingly, I had fallen victim to a vicious and infamous game of which I was not the author. And I could not even, powerless as I was, awaken from that fatal torpor, which was defeating me every night, as well as the wind consumes even the most unyielding rock.
However much I struggled to oppose the oblivion that sought to obliterate me and erase my name, I could find no hold, no aid that might pull me out of those circumstances of affliction and decay. My heart was lacerated and it shed all my hopes like a raging cascade.
Weeping and pain were the only faithful companions that followed me everywhere. In this realm of sepulchral silence and the sighs of souls that could find no peace, I remained still, awaiting my metamorphosis.
Ghostly and drowsy, I could no longer proceed and I fell beneath the weight of my own anguish, as if it were made of gigantic, menacing clouds bearing down upon me. And thus I vanished, leaving nothing but a trail of sparkles of sadness and scarlet petals, as if I had never been born, as if no one had ever known that I had existed.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Infinite Abyss Of Despair
The infinite abyss of despair and death
In an endless tunnel of oblivion and loss
I’m always there like a bound creature without free will
I cannot escape from that dungeon deprived of freedom and choice
Whispering to the rain, I wait for my end to arrive
So much anxiety and fear crushed my heart into a thousand pieces
And now I’m just a shadow of myself
A creature invisible to the multitude who denies my existence
A noose around my neck tightens almost as if it wants to strangle and annihilate meHence I proceed without trembling towards my endless torment and agony
In an infinite loop of life and death
I continuously died to be reborn and I was ceaselessly reborn to die
Now and forever
Nowhere and everywhere
Ensnared by voices that pull me downward — forevermore
Seeking refuge among cloudy skies and storms
Seeking salvation among the voiceless creatures of natureWandering at the sound of raindrops and wind gusts
Under the weight of guilt and unforgiveness
Followed by the ghosts of those whom I once loved and cherished most
I ended up in the infinite abyss of despair and misery
While listening to the echo of my sighs and silent sobsEverything emptied my heart into nothingness
Everything consumed me, reducing me to a voiceless pale phantom with a lifeless soulAnd suddenly obstinate sounds resounded around me
They reminded me about the fragility of life and joy
Indeed, everything was destined to decay and perish
Even the silence in my heartThe dark emptiness stared at me
While I mourned endlessly my lost favourite affections
In an endless funeral with bitter tears and sadnessSo I renounced every reflection of mine
Living in self-loathing and contempt of my heart
In the infinite abyss of despair and death
Elisabetta -
Infinite Stairs Of Waiting
Infinite stairs of waiting
The more I wait, the more I feel trapped in the dungeon of anguish.
The more I climbed the stairs, the more I tried to ascend,
the more it seemed I was descending downward with no result.
All of this made me frustrated
because I could not reach my goal.In my stillness I found myself,
But at the same time, I lost a part of me.
It was as if everything I had learned
I had lost and forgotten,
and everything I did not know
I had unconsciously acquired.Confused and bewildered in a place of nowhere
I strived to believe in my dreams but all I could do was fall from the stairsIt was a game of illusion and reality.
I had ceased to discern what seemed deception from what was truth.
Both had blended together.
It was as if there were no longer any meaning,
and no longer any need to possess the domain of wisdom and knowledge.
Everything had shattered into the abyss of ignorance and madness.And I proceeded on a thin thread between creation and destruction.
My perplexities and hopes echoed as if they resounded through enigmatic structures, without meaning and expectations.Spirits that I could not discern, that I could not distinguish, whispered to me encouragements to pursue. But every time I fell and plunged into another flight of stairs, they laughed, almost as if to make fun of me — and to mock my inexperience and incompetence.
In solitude I found myself lost, and there I languished like a creature from other worlds, indulging in my languor and melancholy; I was certain that I was towards myself and my image no longer had reflections in any mirror. The staircase was truly infinite like a steep ascent without end; there was neither a beginning nor an end, everything was an infinite perpetuity of distress and anguish.
Infinite stairs of waiting were my dwelling for eternity, and there I had to… to… I didn’t know anymore.
Elisabetta -
The Emptiness Within My Mind
The emptiness within my mind
Is death inside my heart,
With no golden cage, no precious gems—
just silence folding round itself,
no escape, no hope,
Only absence holding tight.Exhausted and devoid of feeling,
I lay upon the cold earth,
strewn with withered leaves,
fallen flowers,
and shards of abandoned dreams.Weeping,
I heard the intense sound
of my tears falling
on leaves shriveled
by the cold wind of night.Nothing remained
around you,
around me,
But only the vague memory
of those anguishes
that oppressed me
and never ceased
to pursue me.I no longer held
any desire to desire,
nor to keep
anything within my heart.My heart had ceased
to be a chest
of my wishes and whims.It was merely
an empty chest,
emptied by the fury
and storms
that swept over me
In my wretched existence.Not even the stars
sparkled in the sky
above my dwelling.The heavens refused
to shine for me.Yet they had forsaken me
to my fate,
where no hope remained,
nor even a small flame
to bring me back to life.Whispers and murmurs
came to me
In the form of a misty breeze,
laden with elegies
and funeral hymns.Despair and anguish
were gifts bestowed upon me,
like dazzling joys
that in truth did not shine at all,
But bound me fast
In a realm of cruelty,
wickedness,
and mercilessness.Helpless and fragile,
like the petals of a well-bloomed flower,
I could not withstand
such impetuousness and violence of events,
so hostile to me—
like endless storms at sea
whose fury knows no end.The emptiness within my mind
had become a spirit that subdued me,
against which I could no longer resist.
At last, I became part
of the abyss of oblivion,
And there I remained for eternity,
wandering like a cloud
In a stormy, winter night.
Elisabetta -
Crimson Tears
Crimson tears came from my deep distress
As I was wandering infinitely until the edges of time
Despair became my safe dwelling
And solitude was just a necessity
For I was unloved and lonelyIn dungeons of grief and sorrow, I found myself
Depriving myself of solace was my favourite forte
I soaked in depression until I drowned deep in the abyss of self-destruction
I chose to live in chaos because I had lost my sanity
Madness had become my guide and my wisdomI nullified my expectations and I indulged in destructive memories
I drank from the toxic goblet of oblivion
With the specific purpose to erase my heart
Was that feasible?
I knew notUnlearning all my knowledge and forgetting who I was
I had become nothingness
I had become a shadow of the underworld
My soul had dissolved in the infinite void
I could only feel the darkness take possess of my bodyCrimson tears hushed into rivers of blood
While the incessant storm of the night locked me up
In the total gloominess and in the most deafening silence
I had found consolation in obliteration
A funeral fanfare came to be my hymn of love and my final requiemI embraced death, and I faded away
I was finally the queen of the realm of arcane shadows
A kingdom where I ruled over the dead and wraiths
Surrounded by hollow trees and sharp daggers
And dressed with spider webs and fragments of vestigesI wandered through a mist filled with decay and ashes
Where nothing changed not even the slow crawl of time
No praises were to be found but only the pang of endings
I lay beneath the deformed tree branches
Among roots slick with damp and grave moss
And the night closed over me like a tombstone.
Elisabetta -
Impaled By My Own Grief
Impaled by my own grief
Like a butterfly pinned to a wall
I was standing on the cold soil soaked by my own blood
Among withered flowers infused with the scent of death
Embracing my misery as it was a bliss for my weak heartSlowly unveiling the image behind the shadows hovering high
I discovered the reflection of my true self in their shrouds
I cried out loud, running out of tears of despair
Dressed in the sparkling veil that the luminaries made for me
And wearing a crown made of thorns and rosesAll the most terrible memories introduced themselves to me
They appeared like dreadful ghouls and wraiths
Stabbing me with their sharp daggers
Reducing me to a relic
In the presence of crows and dead treesI was an empty shell without reflection or shadow
Whenever I was wondering, it seemed I didn’t leave any trace
But only blood and thorns, a representation of my miserable existence
What I was I knew not
I became an enigma to myselfI collapsed like a wax sculpture
As I was an extinguished flame
With a body stitched by bandages and shattered dreams
Each thread was a reminder of the pangs carved all over my body
And my heart was a crushed crystalThe gleaming moonlight created an aura made of silver
Spectres were floating over me
While I was waiting for the stars to guide me
But no sign was there for me
Only the deepest darkness and squalid solitudeThe cruel fate had decreed my end with the worst despair of my soul
All my cries were dispersed by the cold wind of a winter night
Nothing more was there for me
I had lost everything dear to me
And a storm wrapped me in its deadly embraceImpaled by my own grief
I was the embodiment of my own tragedy.
Elisabetta -
Leaving Myself Behind
Leaving myself behind
Through the pains and fears
Anguish was my ruler
And I didn’t demand anything
Hurt was my soul made of pins and bloodThe roars of the demons claiming me echoed in my head
The castle of doom was my pristine dwelling
It was made of bones and ashes
In the gloominess of the midnightI was fleeing from death to become decadence
Leaving everything behind
My past had crumbled to sand and memories
Remembrances that followed me wherever I was goingDisgraceful was my existence and only thorns stroked me
Black roses were swallowing me like a prey
Gloaming shadows surrounded me
Beneath the indifferent gaze of the silvery moonI could only hear laments as manifestations of the night
A mist of sorrow shrouded me like a gloomy cloak
The cold air was full of decadence
My heart slowed down at the sound of the drums of mourningI wandered beneath the barren heavens
I had become a ghost clothed in remnants of despair
I strived to seek refuge and rescue
But all I could ever feel was the numbness of endless wanderingThe world around me blurred into shadows
My realm was a graveyard of forsaken dreams
Where even the stars had eclipsed for eternity
And the winds sang elegies to my fallIn this endless procession of sadness
I was no longer a creature of the light because my heart was deceased
But I was only a phantom dissolving into a mist
Forever swallowed by the sorrowful darknessLeaving myself behind
I left a trail of thorns and blood
My heart was torn apart
I was just a shadow of the underworldMy face was carved with tears and scars
And the paleness of death erased it all
As if all my agony had faded like dust
In the end, I vanished into the oblivion of forsaken sorrows.
Elisabetta -
Endless Despair
Endless despair gripped my heart
Piercing it with swords and daggers
Fracturing the path I was walking
Each step was a struggle against the poundage of my grief and sorrowThe sky above me was now a dark and endless void
Where the sun had long since surrendered its passion
Leaving only the cold embrace of night
A reminder of obliteration and demiseShattered fragments of dreams clung to my soul
Their edges were sharp and slashed my heart
Memories of bliss dissolved like smoke
Vanishing before I could hold themI reached for something but nothing remained
Indeed, my hands met only the emptiness
A nothingness that mocked every effort of mine
A silence that devoured my voiceIn the depths of this abyss
I wondered if escape was even possible
But I became aware that I was doomed to wander this desolation endlessly
Forever lost and eternally brokenEndless despair destroyed my heart
Crushing it to ashes that the wind scattered into the emptiness
I sought solace in oblivion’s embrace
A cold grip that seemed to release meEach moment of stillness only exacerbated my misery
Since even the quietness was full of screams and outcries
No glimmer of light teased the edges of my sight
Every beauty and hope vanished as quickly as it appeared in my imaginationI was left with nothing but a bitter taste of what I could never acquire
The hours crawled like chains across my heart
Each tick was a reminder of all I could never reclaim
The past and the future were both my dungeons of distressI remained trapped in a perpetual desperation
I felt myself dissolving into the night
As the ghouls of this realm were obliterating what little remained of me
And I became nothingA sigh lost to the wind
I didn’t know what I was anymore
I felt forgotten and my spirit was broken
Relinquished among the shadows of the dead.
Elisabetta -
I Belong To The Nightmares
I belong to the nightmares and the nightmares belong to me
As long as my heart still beats I will be a creature of the darkness
Anguish and distress are the reflections of me in every mirror I encounter
I have no name but my past is an abyss of obliteration
I have a dread of existing because I belong to death
I possess the gift of scorn and indifference because nobody ever loved me
I’ve always been despised and estranged by every shadow of this world
I don’t belong to anyone not even to myself
I belong to darkness and death
Having lost all those treasures I’ve cherished so dearly
Now I’m left with nothing but the dust of decay
My bones and blood and heart belong to the underworld of death
A realm that despises every miserable being parading their ridiculous triumphs with vain and frivolous prideI belong to the nightmares and the dungeons of madness
I never follow the trail of soulless being of this material world
I stand alone in my misery and proudly away from everyone
I don’t need anyone belonging to humankind because I feel only rejection
I’m a shadow of the night and my heart belongs to whom is not anymore with me
I sealed my heart with ancient crimson wax made of my blood and tears
Pride no longer belong to my ethereal sphere, where I decided to enclose myself to avoid the corruption of falsity and hollowness
The silence that I chose to embrace is deeper than a grave
In my sanctuary reserved for the broken and cursed spirits
I despise the sunlight, and I devote my fetish to darkness
In my veins flow only blood made of sorrows and black ink
I have become the manifestation of all my screams that nobody ever heard.
Elisabetta