Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: rape

  • I Want To Embrace My Fears

    I Want To Embrace My Fears

    I Want To Embrace My Fears

    I want to embrace my fears
    Even though I end up crying for so many reasons
    I want to love the pains in my heart

    Sometimes I have the feeling that I am in a ballroom
    With thousands of mirrors covering the walls and ceilings
    Each mirror reflecting a different image of myself

    I have to break every chain of the past that holds me captive
    Every day I am reborn as a new creature who is essentially made of stars
    I wonder how much of myself am I willing to lose to please the conventions

    Every time I write
    I am always scared of overexposing myself
    And anxiety overcomes

    People think I am too weird, complicated and anticonventional
    Just because they don’t understand me
    They cannot see in me anything else than a tropical flower

    Sometimes I am subject to street harassment
    Which is a habit that will never pass as well as the rape culture
    Society normalises and supports sexual objectification and criticisms

    I am a descendent of the witches who weren’t burned.
    Esther Racah

  • I Am Made Of Crimson Roses

    I Am Made Of Crimson Roses

    I Am Made Of Crimson Roses

    I am made of crimson roses
    Crimson like the blood that ran down my thighs
    Each time I have been grabbed
    And each time, my body has been exploited
    My body had always been the trophy of a cheap and crazy hunt
    Treated like a wild animal to be brutally tamed and subjugated
    I had to lose my mind
    I had to lose myself
    To survive that ferocity
    My body has always been guilty
    I was the witch to burn for a sin I never committed
    Hence a part of myself died
    Each time it happened
    Like a violent thunderstorm
    Which inexorable dominates the sky with a destructive force
    Being a “female” like I have always been defined
    Following the zoological nomenclature
    I was supposed to obey and fulfil my duties of slave and prey
    Because I was just a docile doll
    My intellect and my soul were useless furnishings
    As my lips are stained with red wine drops
    I realise that I have been a victim and captive of my foolish naivete
    I have not been able to protect myself
    So much desire I had
    To be loved passionately
    Seeking an ethereal love I couldn’t find.
    Esther Racah

  • My Grief

    My Grief

    My Grief
    I lost my father in October 2019
    Having to cope with grief and loss is complicated
    Almost every day, I struggle with my anguishes
    Vulnerable as I am
    Encounters always took away a part of myself
    People never understood me
    Tears run down my face like sparkling gems
    Strange and mysterious they say about me
    Different could be a word that definitely defines me
    All the time, I faced dreadful beings
    Nothing can give me back what I have lost
    Death of a part of myself had been necessary
    I would have loved to fly away for an indefinite time
    How many times I had to suffer and be sad
    A lot of times, my grief fractured me
    Violence destroys everything day after day
    Exhausted, I built my sandcastles
    But I destroyed them afterwards
    Empathy is what they missed when dealing with me
    Eternal love does not exist since everything decays
    Nobody has ever loved me
    Reasons are impossible to understand
    And I can be sure that
    Perhaps I might rely on my dreams
    Exceedingly hurt emotionally and physically
    Disquietingly grief is all that is left in my heart.

    Esther Elizabeth Racah

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