Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: agony

  • Teardrops Of Blood

    Teardrops Of Blood

    Teardrops of blood descended on my cheeks like timid waterfalls
    While the cold freeze of a winter night stroked me
    A memento of my mortality and fragility
    Like dancing leaves falling from trees under the influence of an extravagant wind

    Since the day my evil fate threw me into a world of misery
    I escaped from reality to find myself in the realm of bizarre dreams and odd nightmares
    I had found myself living in a new world
    A place of ghostly apparitions and utopias

    Burning flowers became sparkling torches, guiding me in my journey
    In this labyrinth of darkness, I felt so overwhelmed that I could feel the scent of death
    The demise was waiting for me as if I couldn’t commit any mistake
    And I had to drink from the cup of poison that the oblivion offered me

    I became intoxicated by illusions and deceptions
    I started to believe every lie whispered to my heart
    And I bled all my soul out, crying teardrops of blood
    Random thoughts captured my mind, and it was like I was the captive of my own insanity

    I became the representation of sorrow and decay
    Not alive anymore, I was a wanderer of the underworld
    I didn’t belong anymore to the material reality
    I was an ethereal spirit of the darkness

    I became my own shadow and guide on an unknown route
    Not even the stars or the moon were there to lead the way for me
    I started to mourn myself because I knew my fate was doomed
    And death was there to wait for me

    In solitude and anguish, my teardrops of blood were my only comfort
    Poisoned and dazzled as I was, there was no resolution to my senseless disorder
    Madness had me as a captive in its cursed dungeon
    Surrounded by the skulls of those who perished from folly and frenzy.
    Elisabetta

  • The Thorns Of Velvet

    The Thorns Of Velvet

    The thorns of velvet were wrapped around
    My wounds carved deeply by shattered dreams
    I let them pierce my pale skin
    For even agony was made to gleam
    When it was dressed in languid depravity

    And in the silence, I strove to find my voice
    A quiet murmur made of fractured hopes
    Siren chants echoed through the hollowed air
    Melodies of lost embrace faded like prayers
    The shadows held me in their cold clasp

    In my disquiet, I’ve searched for refuge
    The thorns of velvet had pierced my heart
    A heart possessed by madness and trepidation
    I wore my sorrow like a luxurious gown
    Its silver threads were laced tight with resignation

    A requiem was bound to the cadence of my own damnation
    I danced alone in hallways of misery
    Each step of mine was a silent scream upon the marbled grief
    My shadows vanished like faint smoke
    Entangled with dismal sighs so fleeting and ephemeral

    The stars wept silently on their hollow frame
    Their gleaming gaze was a mirror to my plight
    I bore the poundage of all my disgraces with aching grace
    I became a ghost adorned in tattered garments
    All the glow within my heart dissolved into the dust of decay

    I never ceased to wander through endless nights
    Longing for sunrises and sunsets while chained to my realm of darkness
    Since the night when the sky was veiled in forsaken memories
    And the moon with the stars were witnesses to my irreversible descent
    I called out to the void in vain because my doomed fate was sealed in immortal shadiness

    In this realm of infinite dusk, I looked for insights and wisdom
    But all that I could have found was madness and torment
    Surrounded by raven and crimson roses, I surrendered to the supremacy of the kingdom of collapse
    Where all the mirrors were broken in an everlasting candlelit aura
    While the thorns of velvet made me bleed
    All my dreams died, leaving me to wither in the ashes of my own despair.
    Elisabetta

  • Lost In My Hallucinations

    Lost In My Hallucinations

    Lost in my hallucinations, seeking insanity and self-destruction. I made of self-loathing my eternal anthem and favourite melody. Listening to the noise of the light of the sun when it hit the petals of my flowers, I followed my own shadow in the green meadow of hope. Kneeling down I strove to protect myself from all that dazzling gleaming since I was made of darkness and decadence.

    Lies and illusions were the source of life for my soul which sought exclusively the sweet poison of deception. Wandering beneath a sad sky deprived of stars and moon, I couldn’t take control of my fears and turmoils, I forgot my name although it was carved on every stone I trampled on. Wildly led by my shattered hopes, I roamed astray into the wilderness of aborted dreams.

    Lost in my hallucinations, I was searching for myself and the sense of life while teardrops were marking imprints on my face. Memories sounded like melodies in my ears I couldn’t avoid facing them because they were like a thick cloud enfolding my heart. And words came to my mind like thunders in the middle of the night. The silent stillness soothed me slowly in my insomnia.

    I knew not what I was really and I never saw my reflection on any mirror. I was a stranger to myself and I never met any other creatures like me. I was utterly cast away, lost in the tides of my own desolation, wondering if I ever could have been different. The scent of death enticed me to follow a trail leading into an abyss of despair, where I could embrace my complete obliteration.

    Having lost my wisdom, I discovered a new shape of fictitious reality enticed to the absurd realm of fantasy. There I was not alive anymore but doomed to inexhaustible agony, where fortune frayed like a worn-out thread spun from the hands of forgotten deities. I was the manifestation of decline and defeat.
    Elisabetta

  • Wandering In Dark Chambers

    Wandering In Dark Chambers

    Wandering in dark chambers where the bones of my memories were hung
    I was bound by enchanting spells to be a lost soul in an endless realm of emptiness
    Speechless as I became, I was just a living tragedy
    And darkness was my humble and gloomy dwelling
    Where I could be nobody without pretending to fulfil my wishes

    Definitely, all my desires and dreams were annihilated like extinguished flames
    No shame and delusion could have carved my name in my fate
    Because in the end, I didn’t pay attention to what was happening outside that realm of self-destruction
    No one would have rescued me from that nightmare
    Misery and grief were my relentless shadows, following wherever I was proceeding

    Wandering in dark chambers of agony, I was left to bleed out my very soul
    Enduring the most agonizing of sufferings, betrayed by my ancient illusions
    Silly dreams that once deceived me had become my merciless torturers, from whom I could not flee
    Hiding in the depths of gloom, I avoided crossing others’ paths, limping like a wounded animal,
    after having shed my last tears
    Swaying in uncertainty and restlessness, I lie in decay, as I know that I’m destined to the eternal doom

    Faded visions stroked my heart and I had the certitude that nothing could be more possible but drinking the poison of my own illusions
    My heart is a ravine with a thirst for silent collapse with a collar made of misery and decay
    The tragedy of being was embedded into my essence and I shed tears
    The hushed fate misled me into a maze of dust and decline that I was not aware of
    The untold secrets of my past remained buried underneath the garden of chagrin and preordained to stay forever there
    And I kept wandering in the dark chambers of my unending descent.
    Elisabetta

  • Torments Are My Delight

    Torments Are My Delight

    Torments are my delight and bliss
    I love to feel a pang piercing my heart
    I love to pine for love devotionally
    I live only in my dreams like a fairy
    Flying lightly from one flower to another one

    I’m an ethereal creature belonging to phantasmagorias
    I’m a little spirit of the night
    My heart is avid of passions and desires
    In my secret garden of lush and extravagance
    Torments are my solace and mirth

    My fate is a turmoil of unknown chaos
    Not paying attention to my fears
    I live carelessly as every day is my last day
    My senses are intoxicated by the scent of extravagant flowers
    And let my body surrender to lust in my haven of lush

    I wear an exquisite and magnificent gown made of tragedy
    My ethereal wings carry me everywhere I wish
    In sadness, I find refuge under the shadows of ancient trees
    In joy, I relish pursuing my dreams of oddities
    Safety is not my favourite word in the dictionary because I adore nightmares

    Every night, I crave to be consumed by the passion of my darkest fantasies
    In the darkness, I burn with the desire to be pierced by agony
    Gloomy shadows whisper my name, enticing me closer
    As I feel an ecstatic pain, I hesitate to surrender
    I’m so lost in the euphoria of torment’s kiss

    Each sigh of mine is like a melody of forbidden delights
    When pleasure and pain entwine in an endless embrace
    I welcome the darkness as its touches are so exquisite and deep
    I become a creature made of fire and fiery lust
    A blaze burns my heart at every stroke

    Every kiss carves a searing scar of longing on my skin
    As a reminder of the desires consuming me whole
    And in the flames, I’m reborn like a blooming blossom
    Torments are my delight and I surrender to the sweet agony of my lusts.
    Elisabetta

  • The Yellow Rose

    The Yellow Rose

    The yellow rose is my beloved flower
    She watches over me like a star in a dream
    She is always there for me, listening to me
    I love my yellow rose, and she loves me

    In my loneliness, I shun every human shape
    My only refuges are poetry, literature, art and flowers
    I am so overwhelmed by life that I cannot comprehend the sense of my fate
    And so, I abandon myself to decadence and beauty

    Daydreaming is one of my favourite solaces
    I can fly whenever I wish with my imagination
    Avoiding facing a reality and a society I don’t understand
    Feeling always different from others
    I cannot avoid to fall into the valley of despair

    My yellow rose watches over me like a guardian angel
    She is actually my angel, and I protects me from nightmares
    In my secret and hidden garden made of secrets and enigmas
    Where I can lose control of my emotions and be myself

    Panic spasms shake me in my slumber, surrounded by the darkest darkness
    And I can barely breathe, feeling invisible chains around my neck
    And a poundage on my body like an enormous demon of the night
    A ghoul that afflicts my heart with its sharp spear

    The sound of the night birds awakes me in my bed
    And I don’t see anymore my yellow rose that was just an illusion
    A beautiful delusional vision of my subconscious
    I’m all alone again and nothing can protect me anymore

    All my life has been a majestic nightmare
    A nightmare made of violence and survival
    An agony made of horror and demise
    Where there was no place for dreams and hopes
    
    Being voiceless and invisible has been always my reality
    In an existence where I never wanted to be alive
    Being but a doll, half alive and half dead
    A manipulated and deceived doll

    The yellow was my deliverance and the only companion I had
    But she never existed, for she was the fruit of my illusions
    She was the shining star I had always dreamed of
    And forgetting about this life
    I continue to dream because I’m only made of dreams and stars.
    Elisabetta

  • The Cage of Unending Nightmares

    The Cage of Unending Nightmares

    The cage of unending nightmares,
    Enclosed within a prison of steel,
    A soul once bright faced a dark ordeal.
    Nightmares surged from every seam,
    Shattering the remnants of a dream.

    Bars of dread, shadows’ clasp,
    Held fast within the cage’s grasp.
    Each night, a canvas of frightful scenes,
    Painted with horrors and broken dreams.

    Faces twisted in agony,
    Haunted the cage with chilling glee.
    The air was thick with a mournful moan,
    A prison where the mind stood alone.

    Screams echoed through the hollow night,
    As phantoms danced in the pale moonlight.
    Each breath a shudder, steeped in fear,
    Each heartbeat echoed despair near.

    The cage’s walls, once firm and strong,
    Felt the weight of the suffering throng.
    Restlessness took hold, creeping in,
    As nightmares spun their haunting spin.

    The nights grew longer, shadows tall,
    Each one an echo of a desperate call.
    In the darkness, sanity frayed,
    As the soul’s hope began to fade.

    Each fleeting dream dissolved into black,
    In the cage’s grip, there was no going back.
    Freedom was but a distant scream,
    Lost in the heart of a shattered dream.

    Through endless nights of searing pain,
    The soul endured but felt the strain.
    The cage of nightmares, a ceaseless snare,
    Held captive in its cruel lair.

    In the silence that followed, a sombre truth,
    A reminder of lost youth.
    The cage’s shadows left their mark,
    A testament to dreams gone dark.

    The iron bars, a grim embrace,
    Marked the soul’s forsaken space.
    In the stillness, memories weep,
    Their echoes haunt the cage’s keep.

    Within the silence, dread lingers still,
    A ghostly reminder of fate’s cruel will.
    The cage’s shadows left their scar,
    A cruel remnant of dreams afar.

    In the aftermath, a solemn truth,
    A reminder of lost youth.
    The cage’s shadows left their mark,
    A testament to dreams gone dark.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • The Melancholy Of Abandoned Hopes

    The Melancholy Of Abandoned Hopes

    The melancholy of abandoned hopes,
    In the abyss of the night, where shadows softly crept, dwelled the realm of sorrow and wept,
    Underneath the moon’s pale and ghostly glow,
    While the whispering woes of the night winds blew.

    Sorrow’s realm dwelled in the shadows and hid in the abyss of the night,
    Where secrets slept among ancient ruins of failed dreams,
    Ivy grew so thick to lurk the sorrow of abandoned and sick illusions,
    Once-bright ambitions now faded and torn.

    Hope lay buried in silence, where it was once born,
    In the emptiness and void of senses, now haunting and cold,
    Reverberating through halls where bliss and peace once strolled,
    Whose walls, now crumbling, spoke of days gone by.

    When hearts were full and spirits high,
    In the broken windows, only reflections of despair,
    Glimpsed spirits and ghouls who lingered, forever ensnared in hollowed traps of disdain,
    Their eyes, like sunken wells, devoid of light, told of battles lost in endless nights of death.

    The aether became thick with whispers of unkept promises,
    Of futures once envisioned, now silently swept away,
    By wild storms with hurling winds of mournful cruelty,
    Ghostly sighs carrying remnants of gloomy cries.

    Beneath the withered trees, where no sunlight dared to tread,
    Lay the remnants of fantasies, now cold and dead,
    The branches twisted with an agony within,
    Reached out in silent torments to the void they were in.

    In this sombre place, where hope had lost its way,
    Each step echoed the grief of past times,
    The path was dark, lined with ashes of despair,
    Leading to a chasm of obliviousness laying bare.

    In the crevasse of infinite melancholy, where abandonment reigned,
    The heartbeats slowed, bound by invisible chains,
    For in the land where wishes were left behind,
    Only the sorrow of shadows could be found.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • A Soft Agony Of Despair

    A Soft Agony Of Despair

    A soft agony of despair permeated the dreams in the middle of the darkness,
    Once, every hope was reproached by soliloquies of envy and suspicion.
    Lonely nights indulged in nightmares and visions,
    And the sublime eternity astonished every frame of unawareness.

    Dismay draped in shadows became a cloak of despair and solitude,
    And in the depths of the soul, it lingered, unaware.
    Echoes of silence blended into a harmony of woe,
    In the heart’s darkest corners, it persisted to flourish.

    Beneath the weight of sorrow, the expectations did lose their way,
    Strayed in the labyrinth of doubts with no determined directions.
    Each sigh struggled in the midst of anguish,
    But a glimmer of light was kept alive amidst the darkness.

    Every flicker of devotion burnt bright,
    Guiding unconscious blazes through arduous paths of defeat,
    In the nightfall, where shadows swirled in delight,
    Amid a maze of chaos and bitterness of sorrow.

    Promenade of darkness and ephemeral chaos scattered throughout the garden of shadows and delights.
    In the realm where time hesitated to flow,
    Each dream whispered in the night,
    And every instant kept intangible memories.

    Falling apart languidly as every dream became a nightmare,
    In the shadows of doubt, lost hopes wandered, unaware.
    Seeking solace in the silence, with no guiding flare,
    Just the haunting echoes of unspoken despair.

    Gleaming reveries of forsaken revelations were sealed in a secret vault,
    Untouched by the stardust, in the abyss of forgotten truths.
    Lost amidst the cosmos, where time’s flow halted,
    Echoes of a distant past, shrouded in celestial mysteries.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • The Agony Of Uncertainty

    The Agony Of Uncertainty

    The agony of uncertainty is my dwelling
    It was all I had written on a mirror
    A long sequence of characters
    Which I used to write
    And nothing further
    Forever and never
    I have been lost
    Striving to remember my name and my story
    Since I was born with a great devotion to art
    Such joy should be life
    Once everything has been forgotten with time

    The agony of uncertainty is a tree in the sea
    Where it is possible to be merry
    A moment has come to bear a perceived memory
    Like dreams repeatedly created and destroyed
    Each season and new year
    The time is past and never hides
    Torments are shortened by days and nights
    To avoid suffering and distress
    I might become pleased as I would pretend
    My past life never existed
    Becoming something imaginary

    The agony of uncertainty is a dark forest
    Where the wounds never disappear
    Only memories can unfold
    Looking onward and writing my dreams
    And all those unconcealed secrets
    That the soul keeps as the deepest memories
    The nightmares of the heart are lost in the dark
    The fate of dark stars is entwined in indifference
    The gloom of endless thoughts of sorrow
    Lost forever in a silent emptiness
    Which never dies

    The agony of uncertainty and pain
    Thereupon I move forward through the long desert of death
    Reaching more intention and joy
    My thoughts are made of fears
    Bleeding each time, I became wiser
    No hope was found in the devotion of love
    Instants of lust in the deepest silence
    Fretting about the decay of every bliss
    Dread should last forever in death
    When everything is lost
    The truth is the door of a new consciousness

    The agony of uncertainty and delight
    Always shining in an infinite reality
    My heart is truly sacred
    Beyond deception and mendacity
    Seeking the truth as an insight
    When no choice is granted
    The tears, like fright, lit the earth
    The grief within my soul is still alive
    I should not always be afraid
    Gifted with patience to keep
    My soul is bound to be naive.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

© Esther Racah 2025. All rights reserved.