Tag: hallucinations

  • I Fell In Love With My Demons

    I Fell In Love With My Demons

    I fell in love with my demons, and I wandered alone like a feral creature in the forest, feeling lust every time I tasted blood, suspended in the eternity of darkness. I was haunted and viciously allured by creatures of the night.

    I sought my reflection in broken mirrors adorned with bones and silver. However, I was never capable of seeing my countenance in them. My bed was a coffin, and my only devoted accomplices were evil ghouls and skulls.

    Every night, I drowned in the ocean of tears made of pain and anguish. The only light I could gaze upon was the crimson moonlight staring at me ferociously. As much as I tried to avoid my phobias and nightmares, they constantly terrified me in the shapes of shadows and ghosts.

    I mourned through the endless night over all the despair and distress I could no longer avoid. Exhaustion consumed me entirely. The most agonising fears penetrated my heart with their thorns like prickly brambles.

    I was perpetually entangled in ruinous dismay, and I was ensnared in a web of anguish and obsession. A burning flame overwhelmed my heart, devouring it. I was transformed into a spectre made of fire and frost.

    I fell in love with my nightmares, and I embraced all the pain I was destined to endure. My yearnings were my ruin, and I surrendered to their devastation. I didn’t fight against doom and decay anymore; I became them.

    I took advantage of my secret haven carved in ice and fire. Darkness didn’t scare me any longer, for I was made of gloom and shadows. Absurdity became my norm as I was altered into a complete oddity. I stood as a total aberration before mortal eyes.

    No creature could save me from that deadly and tainted chasm, where I finally embraced my most authentic essence. I fell in love with everlasting harm and obliteration. I rediscovered devotion and bliss in delirium and hallucinations.

    My utmost pleasure was losing my heart, which was impaled to death by the demons I cherished the most. I clasped my madness with a rope made of thorns and hooks. I sprawled on ashes and dust, sinking into an eternal slumber.

    Eternity and death were in me, as well as the steady necessity to sense distress. Pain was an exquisite gift that my evils offered to me. I transmuted to darkness and oblivion. I had no name, and no mirror could reflect my countenance.

    Obsession and tragedy were engraved in my flesh and bones. A deluge of frenzied festered into form, blooming like stone flowers. The eternal night welcomed me and revealed to me all its arcane secrets.

    The sound of solitude rumbled like a menacing roar. The only light shining over me was the crimson moonlight, soaked in remembrances and forbidden oaths. I fell in love with my demons and dismay. Every teardrop of mine became decay.

    Tormented ruins and relics emerged in the graveyard of my deceased dreams. The stars halted to shed light on me. Darkness became eternity and infinity.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • Absolute Despair In The Heart Of The Night

    Absolute Despair In The Heart Of The Night

    Absolute despair in the heart of the night. Struggling, wrapped in the glow of the stars and surrounded by the absolute darkness of the night, in a silence so complete it deafens me and leaves me aghast.

    Caught between a world of dreams and a world of reality in which I cannot find a place, I try to understand my identity, I try to understand what my heart desires, and I try to invent a world where I can live without trauma and without deception.

    Searching for truth in lies and trying to conceal my feelings behind dead trees of complacency. I wander, disoriented, through the labyrinth of my dreams, which sometimes seem nightmares and at other times delightful visions.

    My vanity makes me believe I can attain all that I desire, yet in truth, what I receive is always the opposite of what my heart longs to devour within itself. In vain I invoke the names of the deities of the night, struggling, weeping, and sobbing.

    My voice fades into nothingness, into silence, into the torpor of my restless sleep. It was as if I could almost touch, almost grasp the emptiness with my hands, yet never gather the gems of my yearning.

    Surrounded by the fleetingness of beauty and the decay of my yearning, I let myself go, I let myself go, I surrender completely to my desires, both carnal and spiritual. It is as if a mysticism had engulfed me, rendering my body immaterial.

    Dazzled and dazed by the piercing brightness of the stars, I find myself in an immaterial realm, mystical and dripping with aesthetic lust and paroxysm of beauty.

    I lie in anguish, in the decay of my very own shadow. I am not ashamed to express my wonder, for I regard it as a pure form of admiration and magnificence toward something my heart cannot even grasp.

    Absolute despair in the heart of the night—it was but the fruit of my illusions and hallucinations. Silent, I stood like a marble statue, exposed to the harsh elements of a nocturnal storm.
    Elisabetta

  • My Illusions

    My Illusions

    My illusions concealed the bright stars and the moon. I was sure that I couldn’t rely totally on my perceptions and conceptions of life and dreams. I didn’t know anything, but the only thing I could do was cry in my loneliness on a long night when no stars and no moon were visible to my eyes. All my memories were hanging in my mind like paintings. They were like thunders during a night storm in the ocean whose foundation was made of nightmares and suspiciousness.

    Beneath the shadows of hollow trees, I found my dwelling to rest free from the clouds of anxiety and distress. No glooms of sadness could prevent me from looking at the night sky. Maybe it was just a dream, but I couldn’t avoid staring at the dark and starless firmament. I dared to question my senses, but all that I could obtain was confusion and dizziness. In a realm where everything seemed absurd, odd, and meaningless, I strove to find a sense in my ephemeral existence.

    I had ceased to comprehend what was truth and what was deception. The night with its frightful shadows and wraiths, became my loyal companion, so sweet and lovely. No one could ever separate us, not even for an instant. The magic wisdom of the gift of madness was so sublime and exquisite. Unique was the foolishness of my silent heart. Invisible and abandoned in the quest for my fate, I explored labyrinths and mangroves in the wilderness of my imagination.

    My illusions deceived me repetitively, as I attempted to sugarcoat my lonely desolation, deprived as I was of every solace and comfort. I saw the dirty squalor being put on the sacred altar of devotion and veneration. Mortal souls preferred profanities and obscenities to sublimity, beauty and virtue. The world of mortals was shamefully collapsing in front of my eyes and I preferred to shut myself down in my boundless dungeon of illusions, nightmares, dreams and hallucinations. To never be back to that false and tainted world.
    Elisabetta

  • Haunting Dreams

    Haunting Dreams

    Haunting dreams devoured my mind during my tormented nights
    When the wind didn’t pass through my hair
    And the only sound I could hear was the whisper of the black roses entwined with my hair
    My gaze was staring at the moonless night sky
    Hoping for some star to appear before me
    But I was alone while wandering in the dark forest of my nightmares
    Where no creature or spirit emerged in the thick mist of darkness

    As soon as the moon arose from behind dark clouds
    Its pale glimmer stroked my face like petals of roses
    I felt the shadows surround me while dancing like phantoms
    They touched my gown with their icy claws
    The tragedy of my existence manifested into a dark fantasy
    Decadence became my castle of gloomy phantasmagoria
    Desolation became my alcove where I felt dearly cherished

    I fell in love with my hallucinations
    Trembling with lust and desire despite their gloomy embrace
    Every trace of wisdom had parted from me
    I had drunk from the goblet of insanity and amnesia
    I was finally a creature of the realm of haunting dreams
    Protected in my eternal slumber, I felt secure
    The infinity belonged to me and I was destined to never perish

    Whimsical was my mood and mutable like the wind in the springtime
    Fear didn’t belong to me anymore because I was a part of this macabre kingdom of chimaeras
    Not even my name dared to echo in that sacred silence
    I now dwelled as a requiem in the ravine of eternity
    I was cradled by gloominess and crowned by illusion
    I was no longer alive in my haunting dreams
    A bloom in oblivion and a ghost in the grave of forgotten stars
    Eclipsed by my own dark fantasies, I vanished into the hymn of endless dusk.
    Elisabetta

  • The Realm Of Crimson Roses

    The Realm Of Crimson Roses

    The realm of crimson roses was my treasure
    The secret haven of my desires for extravagant dreams
    The sweet and bewitching scent of the crimson roses drugged me
    It was like I drank the poison of oblivion for the very first time
    And I forgot my essence, bleeding my heart out

    I had visions and hallucinations like I was in an eternal sleep
    I saw beauty and magnificence in every corner of the castle of dreams
    Crying and smiling, I’ve finally found infinite delight in my abyss of anguish
    No pang could frighten me anymore because I was free
    Like a bird flying so high, it could touch the sky

    I belonged to the realm of crimson roses, and my heart was bound to it
    Through invisible chains made of love and death
    No slumber was necessary anymore because I was in a perpetual state of stupor
    Enchanted by a wicked spell cast over me, I could no longer abandon my state of captivity
    I was languidly mesmerised

    I surrendered to a throne of nightmares and dread
    It was made of crimson roses and adorned with long and sharp thorns
    So pointed were their punches pierced my heart
    Making me bleed until I became an ethereal creature of the night
    The pain freed me from fears and insecurities
    And I had not anymore a material body
    After all, I never lived in reality because I was born in the realm of nightmares and madness

    I knew not whether I dreamt or waked
    So dazed was my mind, I could not divine between vision and verity
    The realm of crimson roses could have been a spectre of my imagination
    Enchanting me like a nocturnal lullaby
    It suited my senses and hypnotised my heart
    A fleeting Utopia, born to wither with the dawn.
    Elisabetta

  • Betrayed By My Own Delusions

    Betrayed By My Own Delusions

    Betrayed by my own delusions
    I imagine being an ethereal fairy in my realm of dreams
    Where no creature could ever perturb my heart
    And I could cry out my soul

    Invane becomes my attempt to remain wise and sane
    Insanity and madness are my new names
    I forget my essence to transform into another myself
    And in this metamorphosis, I’m the ruler of my own kingdom

    Silence is my new favourite language
    I can touch flowers of emotions whose scent bewitches me
    I’m under the enchanting spell that I’ve cast upon myself
    I’m a turmoil of love and death, and no storm can prevent me from my intentions

    Quietude is my favourite to express myself
    I stare at my several reflections in the mirror of disquietude
    And I hide behind the magnificence of my exquisite garden of dreams
    Where I can fantasize about all my envisioned hallucinations

    Because I adore soaking in the fountain of everlasting passions
    As my limitless yearnings for decadence and dissolute emptiness increase at night
    During my delightful slumber
    When I’m betrayed by my own delusions

    Lying in my garden of lush and mesmerizing flowers
    I forget my name and my essence
    And I don’t feel any fear or concern about my fate
    Because I belong to the darkness and oblivion

    The eternal night with starred skies belongs to me
    I become an odd fairy floating freely among her flowers of decay
    I identify myself with decadence and extreme love
    Because I’m insane and a storm of passions

    Melancholy and sadness are my steady companions
    From which I can never separate myself
    And all my blooming flowers wither and fade away
    As soon as I weep for my long-lost innocence

    Betrayed by my own delusions
    I forget myself and I’m left bewildered
    Intoxicated with the poison of my own desires
    Lost in the turmoil of my madness and decadence.
    Elisabetta

  • The Mask Of Illusion

    The Mask Of Illusion

    The mask of illusion hid behind an ephemeral mirth
    Whenever I tried to pick the sublime flowers of joy
    Pretending that I could be worthy of happiness and hope

    Only in my dreams, I could see my confined heart
    In a cage made of crystal and gold
    From which it could never be set free
    Because the destiny of my soul was doomed forever to indifference and distress

    That was the reason I fed myself with the poison of illusions
    Illusions hiding behind a mask of conventional pretences
    I’ve always loved lying to myself

    In the rush for survival, I forgot my real name
    Getting lost amidst the euphoric frenzy of fleeting instants
    I did let myself dissolve in the labyrinth of shadows

    The mask of illusion became deformed and heavier
    And underneath it, there was only a haze of darkness
    A void where once upon a time there was a glowing light

    Silence replaced hopes and desires
    And I forgot the sight of truth and reality
    The spell of bitter lies had enchanted me

    Hence, my despair grew deeper in the garden of thorns
    A secret garden where no flower of joy could ever bloom
    The mask of illusion and deceit sunk deep into the cold soil, made of fragments of shattered delusions

    No soul would ever find this kingdom of nowhere
    Impenetrable and invisible to ordinary sight
    This magic realm of enigmas and secrets concealed every untruth and illusion
    Though every fragment of it was woven from fallacies, for all the masks of illusion lay buried beneath

    Surprised no more
    I surrendered to the sweet lullabies coming from each flower
    With the certitude that I was one of my dreams

    Victim of my own hallucinations
    I wandered endlessly through the spectral haze of my illusions
    Surrounded by the decay of faded memories that lingered like lost ghosts
    Never to return to my forsaken reality.
    Elisabetta

  • Supreme Desolation

    Supreme Desolation

    Supreme desolation in an oasis of lifeless dreams,
    Astray of the night and sweet memories of a time when the sun shined on the sky,
    Longings and phobias of a distant past and future melted away,
    In the sour taste of emptiness and darkness.

    Sorrows and grief descended upon the forest of joy and delight,
    Bringing despair and pain as incessant raindrops,
    While vanities vanished like phantoms in the void,
    Faraway from every hope and dream.

    A soft and untamed doom bloomed all over the silent night,
    Wherever a flower of death rose from the gardens of destruction,
    As a chaotic fate would have decided to the frost winds,
    In an abyss of storms and transformations.

    Supreme desolation of monotonous clouds,
    Among the many discoloured horizons of faded lights,
    When the skies are dark and mendacious like dirty lies,
    Betrayal of mischief and mediocrity.

    Hallucinations and nightmares ruled the night,
    Ready to illude and trap the enduring dreamers,
    In the realm of distorted shadows of repetitive and emotionless events,
    Slowly dissolving like snowflakes through the everlasting flames of intemperance.

    Sad fears gave way to hateful revenge,
    In an oblivious reality where silence screamed the loudest,
    Amongst ruins and remnants of lost strives,
    Eclipsed by the weight of forgotten sorrows.

    Within this bleak infinity, whispers and sighs indulged,
    Specs of what once was a chimaera now seeking renewal,
    In the depths of a vicious and relentless aether,
    A flicker of forsakenness, however faint, emerged.

    In the heart of desolation, there lay a spectre,
    A cruel reminder that amidst the gloom, dread endured,
    Though buried in the shadows of despair,
    Its faint glow ensnared the weary and enthusiastic souls in torment.

    The night stretched on, and dreams grew twisted,
    For in the darkest hours, only the abyss waited patiently,
    And from the ashes of anguish and despair,
    No dawn would have risen; only endless obscurity persisted.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • A Shattered Mirror

    A Shattered Mirror

    A shattered mirror on the door
    I am not so happy
    As I’m afraid
    I know
    My life is in despair
    And I want to think
    Yet alone
    So many beautiful feelings
    The day does not fade in silence
    On the night that was coming
    So deep inside of me

    A shattered mirror
    All life’s dreams are lost
    A fantasy about sadness and rewards
    Forever thought
    The time has been lost and has vanished away
    Nothing may end
    starting another life
    Making a way out of happiness
    Grasping another thoughtless truth
    I can’t see how I feel

    A shattered mirror with no name
    I look towards the dreams
    When I was not there
    A stable cold summer breeze
    It seemed to shine as it gazed at my long chocolate-brown hair
    When the nights were senseless, I was covered in bliss
    And the clock was far and dark
    My hopes were nothing anymore
    Feelingless tears were gone inside of dreams
    A lonely and silent night with empty dreams
    Loud were my hallucinations, like multiple images of sorrow

    A shattered mirror flows through my dream line
    A picture is found again
    I cannot see my reflection
    Birds are silent as they can’t breath
    The breeze through the water runs away to some space
    Flying over life with no desires or pleasures
    The terror of thinking makes me gasp
    Now there was none
    Only a single cloud in the dim night
    The beauty of carved and gloomy trees
    I’ve never appeared to be forgotten

    A shattered mirror
    Like a ghost with a broken smile
    My questions have no experience
    A single cry sank into the silence
    Hoping for new visions of eternity
    I cannot see through my thoughts
    I’m lonely, and I dream
    Staring at my reflection in a broken mirror
    Looking for myself with no speech
    Striving to carry the wind
    making sure that I’m still existing.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • The Subliminal Paresis Of My Soul

    The Subliminal Paresis Of My Soul

    The subliminal paresis of my soul
    Oblivion is the poesy of mind
    Vanity and treasures are the paroxysms of nullity
    I began to strive for my hopeless dreams
    Without any intention of conquest
    Disconnected from useless inquiry
    Disintegrated is my soul
    Split in multiple fragments
    In a life hanging by a thread
    The hallucinations devastate me
    Falling into a sunken world
    With the purpose of spoiling every hope of mine
    Transforming constantly into some new shape
    Like an amorphous entity

    The subliminal paresis of my soul
    Shrinking in an unloveable world
    I never felt so nonsensical and translucent
    Like the death inside space
    The universe’s beauty is an image of my thoughts and beliefs
    My spiritual visions are a reflection of the dimness of my imagination
    Nothing but the wisdom of emptiness in the eternity
    Without any proper understanding of the occurrences will happen
    In the needlessness of lives
    Many exquisite moments and memories are forgotten forever
    I will become unknown as I never existed
    Forsaken in a mean destiny
    Time continues to fail inquisitively serene
    Rejecting the day’s eternal night

    The subliminal paresis of my soul
    The blinking of the time passing incessantly
    There is no reason I would not suffer indifference
    Though my mind is pure as well as my heart
    I will always mourn the mediocrity of the material objectification
    That should be a secret of mine
    But I will always express myself until I breathe at the very last
    The truth could be the world’s treasure rather than a shameful blame
    Not too smart enough to sugarcoat the horrid and havoc
    At the end of the eternity
    I will never get lost in another’s perspectives
    As I am changeless and immutable in my perpetual unpredictable disposition
    Nothingness and void are my welcomed companions
    In the darkness of the nights
    When the silence hushes my breath, I shut my eyes, sorrowful.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

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