Tag: heart
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A Burnt Life
A Burnt Life
A burnt life has left me behind
Shallow emotions would be forgotten
Grief would leave a mark in my heart
Because of all the traumas I had to bear all life
It is suggested to be insensitive in this existence
Because they would not understand all the damages left in my mind and heart
They would see me just as a body without a soul
I was just a high-grade intelligent entity with a bunch of degrees
All the suffering and agonies were buried in the deepest place of my soul
I was too sensitive, too unusual, too brilliant
Hence I had to do much more than others
I always had to be the perfect role model
Nevertheless, I was all alone in my anguishes
There was no empathy
There was no connection
And it was as if the sky had suddenly fallen on me, and the stars were burning out
In the secrecy of the dark despair, I was left alone, and pains were stabbing my heart like tiny sharp daggers
I always had as loyal companions my books
Being lonely, it was the only refuge where I would spend hours
Archaeology, Physics, Biology, Literature and Philosophy were my favourite topics
And I would enjoy reading in English, Italian and French
A burnt life without escapes entrapped me for a long time
Leaving me with scars and awful remembrances.
Esther Racah -
Like A Porcelain Doll
Like A Porcelain Doll
And it was like in a nightmare
While I was lying inert on a cold bed like a porcelain doll
I could not conceive why those things happened for a reason
Maybe I was too naive to realise such closeness
Perhaps I was too childish to protect myself
Letting the submission paralyse my mind
It never mattered who I really was
It never mattered what I really desired
Because the most important thing was social etiquette and fulfilled other’s desires
I had to embellish myself like a porcelain doll
I had to smile with my elegant dresses and impeccable makeup devotedly
Some pretty bow in my long blond hair and a sumptuous dress as a daily routineI was empty, and I could not find myself
Being constantly busy to be submissive and amiable
Exhausted and broken
I was never good enough
And then, I had to lose myself
Becoming who I was expected to be
The echo of my silence was loud in my mind
The only place where I was feeling safe
Respect and love were remote chimaeras
The coldness around me was freezing my heart
My feelings being trapped in a desperate endeavour to be loved
And trying to piece together scattered fragments of myself.
Esther Racah
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An Inextinguishable Flame
An Inextinguishable Flame
It burns me inside like an inextinguishable flame
The desire for unpredictability and unexpectedness
Passions and dreams induce me to explore my unconsciousness
My fragility and my vulnerability are the shadows of my dismay
The more I know about myself, the more I want to embrace the obliviousness
The more I learn, the more I become doubtful
Whenever I embrace the risk of losing what I care about the most in life
Persistent aches grasp my heart, and I abandon myself to the madness of my senses.
Esther Racah
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Dust And Deception
Dust And Deception
Dust and deception is all I have left
Everything I built became dust
Everything I dreamt of became a deception
Nothing remains in my heart
Which is aiming to gleam like the stars in the night
Blank is my mind like the dark void
Which is not able to rebuild a castle made of dreams
Disquiet is my mind so engaged in anxiety and haste
As soon as I perceive the light of a new hope
It crumbles to pieces like a crystal bowl
Hence suspended in a spasmodic expectation
I am lured to the cynicism as a peeled orange
Which will wither with the time
And while I am captivated by regrets and discomforts
Life flies like a rushing torrent amid a quiet forest.
Esther Racah -
Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night
Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night
Exhausted on a cold winter night
The silence of the darkness is frozen like the sensibility of this society
My comfort is in nature and art
My books and poetry are my secret hideout
Wandering around the wild obscurity of my imaginary forest
I can travel far away every time I wish
In my imagination, I promenade in magic gardens
Where there are colourful and delightful flowers
And the silver moonlight is reflecting in the lakes
Wandering farther, I discover hidden woods and marvellous castles
The beauty of those landscapes are breathtaking
And I can stroll as far as I wish
I will be pleased to get lost
And I will discover new secret places
Where I can hide and be totally transparent
Where I am totally invisible like plankton
I don’t have to pretend to be someone else
I don’t have to please anyone to get consent and admiration
I can be myself and free
No abuses
No brutalities
No discriminations
No fears
None of them will be in this very secret place
And I can laugh and cry, paint and write
The insanity of rationality can ruin every kind of spontaneity and beauty
Every sigh is the breathing of my mind
Every teardrop is the ardour of my heart
My naive emotions can finally galvanise me
They can call me insane, candid or eccentric
I will stop caring about it
I will stop accepting the humiliations and abuses with gratitude
And I will stand up for myself fiercely.
Esther Racah
