Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: heart
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Waiting For My Dreams
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The Night
The night opens my heart, made of tragedies and memories. Silence remains merely an echo of my anguish.
Sweet is the thought of losing oneself in dreams when they become eternal whispers. The subtle play of revelations and allusions is a gentle kiss of love and passion that time does not disturb.
Light and shadow merge into one another, in an absolute love. The flames of the heart feed on the solitude of the soul beneath the starlight that no longer shines to illuminate, but to recall lost memories.
Endless games between illusion and wonder hide in the darkness of light. My sorrowful and shadowed heart has fallen into the chaos of eternal torpor.
I am a volcano of fire and chaos, surrounded by shadows of anguish and restlessness. My guardians are magical crows and silent hares.
In my solitude, melancholy and confusion are my faithful spectres that never abandon me.
Drowsy and dazed, I find refuge in my silent torpor: the distorted mirrors are the signs of my resignation.
Elisabetta Esther -
Dreams And Chimaeras
Dreams and chimaeras make me forget my worries and anguish.
Surrounded by memories, broken mirrors, and interrupted cries.
I lie languid like a flower stunned by the morning dew.Silence is a sweet melody that distracts me when I no longer understand where life is leading me.
And in the night I hear the sound of loneliness like a sudden omen of abandonment and defeat.The darkness paints imaginary landscapes in my mind.
The sound of the clouds reminds me to forget my name and hang my soul upon the shadows to rest.
Leaden nightmares drag me down into the abyss of despair.Far away I can hear the screams of my fears calling out my name.
So I take the chance to follow their trail in the obsidian forest.
Where I try to find my image in mirrors that whisper to me.Murmurs of pain and betrayal appear to me as shapes of magic bliss.
In my madness, I exist as a free bird of the night.
Closed doors become gates to infinity.
Forever bound to my lack of reality.I live in the surreal chasm to which I will always belong.
Abysm and love blend like mysterious revelations.
They own my heart and my soul eternally.Imagination guides me toward the garden of illusions.
I become the most delusional creature of the realm of shadows.
Love caresses me as gently as a sharp snowflake.My heart is in an everlasting pang.
Foolishness possesses me, as I advance in my wisdom.
What I thought would have destroyed me gave me a spark of demise.I was lost and I was alive at the same time.
As an inanimate doll with a burning heart.
The nothingness stared at me in its boundless ferocity.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Kingdom Of Paradoxes And Absurdities
The kingdom of paradoxes and absurdities was the place where bullying and arrogance reigned supreme, sovereign over vulgarity and stupidity. They wallpapered the walls of every place that held court in such a realm.
Anything that could be imagined was both unreal and real at the same time. It could exist or not exist. Absurdity, however, was the master of the place. Thus, everything my logic deemed possible was tangible and predictable. In truth, it could neither take place nor be actualised in such sovereignty.
I cannot say that I was dreaming, nor can I say that I was awake. In a state of shock and surrender of my ego, I could no longer even discern whether I was daydreaming or hallucinating. All I could say was what my sensations and perceptions made me feel in every part of my soul and heart, in every part of my body.
Although I had firmly decided not to bend to the will of others, not to bow down or worship the conventions imposed on me persistently, I fell into a deadly trap—a kind of imprisonment, a state of captivity from which I could not free myself. Invisible chains that I felt and perceived in my body and heart held dominion over my life and my way of thinking.
My jewellery box had been plundered. All my secrets had been revealed by indiscreet tongues. And my protection had vanished. It was as if I had become a defenceless flower in the midst of a threatening desert.
I had to say goodbye to my version of myself, which was no longer alive. I had to say goodbye to all those visions that had deceived me falsely, when my naivety clouded my sight.
In the kingdom of paradoxes and absurdities, I had to succumb and suffer. I had nowhere else to go. And the more I tried to escape, the more it seemed that this strange land expanded beneath my feet, preventing me from crossing its high and menacing walls. And what could the sky do but watch me, almost mocking me in an indifferent and cynical manner.
Elisabetta -
The Twilight of Ruin
The twilight of ruin decayed among shadows
A magnificent graveyard of dreams and desires
I had to die many times in order to live again
Terrifying statues were starring to me
Their eyes made of thorns carved sorrow on my face
They were the guardians I had buried inside my heartThe dry tree branches were sharp claws trying to clasp me
Their elongated roots reached my gown
Dragging me impetuously towards the secret underworld
As if death reclaimed me as its precious possession
And that stillness so soft and pale was a spell for my final demise
I knew immediately that I was languidly dyingI was a belonging of the realm of death
An eternal flame of doom burned inside my heart
I became an immortal creature of darkness
A dark fairy flying over the garden of withered roses
No passions could be reanimated since they faded away
Blue and grey hues of melancholy tinted my dressI felt a fabulous and decadent flower of the night
I lived an existence of perpetual night and decay
I loved my seclusion and loneliness beneath a gloomy and cloud sky
Shadows and ghosts were my loyal companions
The blades of the rose thorns made me bleed,
kissing my lips
The exquisite scent of coffins lingered in the gloomI was free and ethereal, like the crimson petal of a rose
I was not anymore afraid to lose everything once was my belongings
I was dead and bound to the eternal realm of nothingness
Devoted and loyal to my grief and anguish, I was married to the dark, eternal hush
The echoes of the dead alive clung to me like mourning veils
And I danced, lost beneath the indifferent gaze of the moon at the twilight of ruin.
Elisabetta -
Wandering In Dark Chambers
Wandering in dark chambers where the bones of my memories were hung
I was bound by enchanting spells to be a lost soul in an endless realm of emptiness
Speechless as I became, I was just a living tragedy
And darkness was my humble and gloomy dwelling
Where I could be nobody without pretending to fulfil my wishesDefinitely, all my desires and dreams were annihilated like extinguished flames
No shame and delusion could have carved my name in my fate
Because in the end, I didn’t pay attention to what was happening outside that realm of self-destruction
No one would have rescued me from that nightmare
Misery and grief were my relentless shadows, following wherever I was proceedingWandering in dark chambers of agony, I was left to bleed out my very soul
Enduring the most agonizing of sufferings, betrayed by my ancient illusions
Silly dreams that once deceived me had become my merciless torturers, from whom I could not flee
Hiding in the depths of gloom, I avoided crossing others’ paths, limping like a wounded animal,
after having shed my last tears
Swaying in uncertainty and restlessness, I lie in decay, as I know that I’m destined to the eternal doomFaded visions stroked my heart and I had the certitude that nothing could be more possible but drinking the poison of my own illusions
My heart is a ravine with a thirst for silent collapse with a collar made of misery and decay
The tragedy of being was embedded into my essence and I shed tears
The hushed fate misled me into a maze of dust and decline that I was not aware of
The untold secrets of my past remained buried underneath the garden of chagrin and preordained to stay forever there
And I kept wandering in the dark chambers of my unending descent.
Elisabetta -
The Tides Of Death
The tides of death and despair devour me into their abyss. Intimidated, I let the cold ocean swallow me in its frightening chaos. Humiliation and surrender chained me to the ocean floor; under constraints, I couldn’t escape my doomed fate.
And I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. So much so that I was devoid of my essence and true self
In the midst of emptiness, I was the embodiment of decadence and death. Nothing anymore could have hurt me because I was definitely belonging to the realm of demise.The tides of death transformed me into a creature of the realm of destruction and nothingness. I was a spirit of the dark abysses and my words were made of absolute silence. Betrayed by my dreams, I realised that I had no hope of staying alive and accepting my end.
My heart had stopped beating and I was depleted like a withered rose. Nothing could have revived me and so much I strived to hold and cherish my desires, in the desperate endeavour to conquer my feeble spirit. The marine soil trembled under my faint body and opened into a dreadful gorge.
Terror was the only emotion filling my heart. The distress was so brutal that it tore me apart. All that remained to me was to sing a silent song of desolation and defeat while collapsing under the weight of sorrow. I was all alone in the chasm of darkness and death, and nothing could have saved me.
The tides of death possessed me and I couldn’t rebel against them. I was like a buried flower, dead before it was supposed to die. No tears rescued me from my deep despair. No slumber could have made me feel better. In that perpetual torpor, I was destined to remain for eternity and beyond.
Elisabetta -
Betrayed By My Own Delusions
Betrayed by my own delusions
I imagine being an ethereal fairy in my realm of dreams
Where no creature could ever perturb my heart
And I could cry out my soulVain becomes my attempt to remain wise and sane
Insanity and madness are my new names
I forget my essence to transform into another myself
And in this metamorphosis, I’m the ruler of my own kingdomSilence is my new favourite language
I can touch flowers of emotions whose scent bewitches me
I’m under the enchanting spell that I’ve cast upon myself
I’m a turmoil of love and death, and no storm can prevent me from my intentionsQuietude is my favourite to express myself
I stare at my several reflections in the mirror of disquietude
And I hide behind the magnificence of my exquisite garden of dreams
Where I can fantasise about all my envisioned hallucinationsBecause I adore soaking in the fountain of everlasting passions
As my limitless yearnings for decadence and dissolute emptiness increase at night
During my delightful slumber
When I’m betrayed by my own delusionsLying in my garden of lush and mesmerizing flowers
I forget my name and my essence
And I don’t feel any fear or concern about my fate
Because I belong to the darkness and oblivionThe eternal night with starry skies belongs to me
I become an odd fairy floating freely among her flowers of decay
I identify myself with decadence and extreme love
Because I’m wild and a storm of passionsMelancholy and sadness are my steady companions
From which I can never separate myself
And all my blooming flowers wither and fade away
As soon as I weep for my long-lost innocenceBetrayed by my own delusions
I forget myself and I’m left bewildered
Intoxicated with the poison of my own desires
Lost in the turmoil of my madness and decadence.
Elisabetta -
Ecstatic Beauty
Ecstatic beauty reigned in frenzies and storms
In the castle of dreams, magnificence was shrouded in the mist of mystery
A sanctuary of shining stars and dark shadows
A throne of sagas and lost kingdoms
Where secrets lingered in the silence of forgotten agesListening to the melody of silence under the shadows of an ancient tree
I rose from my slumber, thinking about my crushed dreams
It was like my heart stopped pounding
And I could feel pins of dismay piercing it
Suddenly, I realised that I was a doll made of ragsI was no longer in the material world of reality
I was in a utopia that had the scent of nightmares
The ecstatic beauty of my fantasies was disappearing
Instead, I was surrounded by an overwhelming stillness
While a suffocating silence pressed against my chestThe colourful shades that once tinted my dreams faded into ashen hues
And the aura was filled with regrets
I felt the heft of forgotten longings
As if the very ground beneath me was swallowing every fragment of my soul
The dreams that once ignited my spirit now seemed distant luminariesAll the stars were lost in the vast and endless abyss
And I was alone, surrounded by fears and uncertainties
The cold breeze that was once gentle now howled like an anguished wail
Becoming the messenger of voices that had long since been hushed
I strived to reach for something but I could only grasp the emptinessNo ecstatic beauty was there anymore
Indeed, it was a souvenir of the dreams I could never touch
The darkness stretched endlessly
Wrapping itself around me
A cloak of gloom I could not escapeIn this realm, where no answer could have been found
Only enigmas were echoing in the quietness
And in that startling silence, I realized that my castle of dreams had crumbled to dust
And I was just a forgotten soul left to wander its ruins.
Elisabetta -
The Calmness Of Despair
The calmness of despair filled the firmament
Having despised vanity as a tempest broke
The rain was blowing through the windy clouds
I was not always used to loving dreams
Once known as happiness lapses
I went nowhere for one day
Getting lost in my dreams
Oftentimes falling into a snare of deceit
Empty memories full of tears
An irreverent game of illusions mangled to pieces trust
Sadness stood at the doorway of the street
Among the lies of people staring at itThe calmness of despair was an intense sorrow between life and death
The fear of terror and pain was caught in a mirror
When the darkness obscured the emptiness
A silent ecstasy appeared in my dreams
A light gleam blew upon me like a hectic wind
The storm seemed like a gentle breeze that fades
Grief and pain desired to endure the cold deathless strife
The fury and the howling of the sky dismantled every speck of serenity
Indelebile and invisible amnesia of future mistakes
A silent mystery of undisclosed obsessions hovered
The dizziness of uncontrollable desires fell like frozen raindrops
An obscure fate attempted to escape from fearIn the calmness of despair’s gloom
No thought would have been flung loose
As every idealisation became a crystal inside my heart
And it was impossible to hope and catch a glimpse behind the lids of unconsciousness
None of my perceptions could lead me to deliverance
Being constrained by misunderstanding and obstacles
I had become a mere shadow of my imagination
A creature of darkness and invisibility without mirrors
An infinite dreamscape was soon forgotten in the opalescent darkness
Every time the night shadows fell down in the desert sky
Lost in my dreams to be never found
Whispers and illusions met in a terrible embraceThe calmness of despair in the abyss
New emotions and thoughts had died too fast
As long as time was past
No oracle was allowed to guess
I looked at the future all alone
Before having discovered a labyrinth where I lost myself
And where the pain had healed my wounds
Completely awoken and sunken into a desire for absence
The stillness of anguishes is a melody concealed in the ocean
My dreams were composed of delights and pangs
And everything was captivated by beauty and insanity
Whenever a silent cry faded far away beyond all earthly things.
Esther Elizabeth Racah