Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: cry

  • I Forgot How To Smile

    I Forgot How To Smile

    I forgot how to smile
    In this world of pain and disguise
    Masks and phantoms are all around
    Barely pretending to unleash the truth
    When mirrors reflect sparkling golden and silver bonds

    I forgot how to be free
    Not falling into beautified traps with magnificent ceilings
    Listening to the real sound of the wind
    Whenever I breathe the fresh air of solitude
    Dizzy and bewildered in a maze of deception and pitfalls

    I forgot how to fly
    And cover my eyes with the leaves of souvenirs
    Forgetting my name and the soil where I walk on
    Nonsense should be my wisdom
    Until I recognise the beauty of invisibility

    Claustrophobic fears deceive me
    Erasing all the strength I own
    Striving to filter the misery in the lake where I drown
    Silently closing my eyes so that I don’t cry anymore
    Choking in a narrow way where I forgot how to scream

    In the ethereal, unending, and eternal quest
    I seclude myself in the abyss of silence and invisibility
    Unconscious and reckless like a crystal in the deepness of the sea
    No shadows or mirrors are my acquaintances
    With no difference between the day and night

    I forgot how to forget
    Whilst fleeting the shallow castles of idiocy and phenomenon
    Waiting for the paper cards to fold and burn in the fire of fairness
    Once more and forever ignoring the ominous dread of depravity
    Standing like a small leaf falling on the cold soil of the oblivion

    I might have forgotten the slumber of my joyful days
    When I lived in the unconsciousness of my thoughts
    Confident that my soul would be delighted forever in the dimness of the betrayal
    Believing that the toxic clasp of doom would have enlightened my life
    Having become captive to a terrible spectre

    I forgot how to smile with a blank mind and closed eyes
    I might have been able to travel far away
    Once and for all, in the idiosyncratic of my imagination
    Deluding myself in glares and wonders
    When after all, I dwell in a dark hollow, I claim to be my fortress.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • In The Darkness Of The Night

    In The Darkness Of The Night

    In the darkness of the night
    The stars shone down on sand walls
    And there shall remain black clouds
    Beneath open flames on a dark sky
    Which set fire to ashes
    The sun shone from over a place above
    In search for every fear in its glare
    Its light slowly descended upon me
    It might still be very cold
    As a dream was born one thousand times

    In the darkness of the night
    The night-at-midnight hesitated
    And I was in the darkness
    It was so loud that words could not depict
    My eyes and my heart were locked
    Although it was still beautiful and sublime
    This dream was never the same
    A shadow burnt my heart
    Each moment the soul was torn
    A desire was claimed for each cry

    In the darkness of the night
    I have discovered my dreams
    I thought they were all unattended
    The dimness endured and stayed
    The memories disappeared in the dawn
    When the sky hung with the stars
    Auburn leaves lit the wind
    The beauty of the glow dwelt in the secret of a dream
    The memories of the tomorrow were gone astray

    In the darkness of the night
    I saw a dream I had to remember
    But it was too late
    And even though the vision came again
    I felt only silence and desolation
    Happiness seemed lost, never to return
    A doomed prospect waited at the gate
    With fluorescent glow and deceitful attire
    Tangled in a shining glass made of illusions
    Life is a moment of sheer consciousness

    In the darkness of the night
    My eyes have no reply
    I wonder and doubt not
    As I break the stage of time
    The secret echoes tingle
    I wonder why I need an end to change
    These scars will alter just for all I know
    The light is known as the glow of the clouds
    The silence has a final touch because there is no one to wait
    Strolling in the sky, I disappear as a faint glimmer of light.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • A Shattered Mirror

    A Shattered Mirror

    A shattered mirror on the door
    I am not so happy
    As I’m afraid
    I know
    My life is in despair
    And I want to think
    Yet alone
    So many beautiful feelings
    The day does not fade in silence
    On the night that was coming
    So deep inside of me

    A shattered mirror
    All life’s dreams are lost
    A fantasy about sadness and rewards
    Forever thought
    The time has been lost and has vanished away
    Nothing may end
    starting another life
    Making a way out of happiness
    Grasping another thoughtless truth
    I can’t see how I feel

    A shattered mirror with no name
    I look towards the dreams
    When I was not there
    A stable cold summer breeze
    It seemed to shine as it gazed at my long chocolate-brown hair
    When the nights were senseless, I was covered in bliss
    And the clock was far and dark
    My hopes were nothing anymore
    Feelingless tears were gone inside of dreams
    A lonely and silent night with empty dreams
    Loud were my hallucinations, like multiple images of sorrow

    A shattered mirror flows through my dream line
    A picture is found again
    I cannot see my reflection
    Birds are silent as they can’t breath
    The breeze through the water runs away to some space
    Flying over life with no desires or pleasures
    The terror of thinking makes me gasp
    Now there was none
    Only a single cloud in the dim night
    The beauty of carved and gloomy trees
    I’ve never appeared to be forgotten

    A shattered mirror
    Like a ghost with a broken smile
    My questions have no experience
    A single cry sank into the silence
    Hoping for new visions of eternity
    I cannot see through my thoughts
    I’m lonely, and I dream
    Staring at my reflection in a broken mirror
    Looking for myself with no speech
    Striving to carry the wind
    making sure that I’m still existing.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • I Will Eventually Disappear Forever

    I Will Eventually Disappear Forever

    I Will Eventually Disappear Forever

    I will eventually disappear forever into the shadows of my past
    I will ultimately fade into those disturbing remembrances
    Which disfigured me from the beginning of time
    My soul will dissolve into nothingness
    I will be a non-entity
    An image without reflections or shadows
    On certain days, I am captive of my grief
    Some type of grief never leaves the soul
    It is a silent pain that makes the heart heavy as a quartz orb
    It is a silent cry in the middle of the night
    So subdued that not even my shadow can hear it
    Anguishes and regrets
    They are so ruthless
    That they cut my soul with their sharp blades
    Life is merciless
    I have to trust only myself
    Many times I had been deceived
    And only disappointment was the result
    Betrayal is a constant reminder of my solitude
    Suffering and delusion
    Nothing else
    Like a wound that never heals
    A broken heart whose countless fragments are scattered in the immensity of the universe
    And there is no longer any amend.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted In A Cold Winter Night

    Exhausted on a cold winter night
    The silence of the darkness is frozen like the sensibility of this society
    My comfort is in nature and art
    My books and poetry are my secret hideout
    Wandering around the wild obscurity of my imaginary forest
    I can travel far away every time I wish
    In my imagination, I promenade in magic gardens
    Where there are colourful and delightful flowers
    And the silver moonlight is reflecting in the lakes
    Wandering farther, I discover hidden woods and marvellous castles
    The beauty of those landscapes are breathtaking
    And I can stroll as far as I wish
    I will be pleased to get lost
    And I will discover new secret places
    Where I can hide and be totally transparent
    Where I am totally invisible like plankton
    I don’t have to pretend to be someone else
    I don’t have to please anyone to get consent and admiration
    I can be myself and free
    No abuses
    No brutalities
    No discriminations
    No fears
    None of them will be in this very secret place
    And I can laugh and cry, paint and write
    The insanity of rationality can ruin every kind of spontaneity and beauty
    Every sigh is the breathing of my mind
    Every teardrop is the ardour of my heart
    My naive emotions can finally galvanise me
    They can call me insane, candid     or eccentric
    I will stop caring about it
    I will stop accepting the humiliations and abuses with gratitude
    And I will stand up for myself fiercely.
    Esther Racah

  • Crying Out In Pain

    Crying Out In Pain

    Crying Out In Pain

    Crying out in pain, losing myself in the dismay
    Butterflies of sorrows strike my face, and my hair
    I wake up crying out in a dark anguish
    My tears fall gently down my face like shining gems
    I let myself be lulled by the waves of the darkness
    As tragic as my fate is, I cannot surrender to grief
    Hopes are illusions that blind my senses and overcome my wisdom
    Nothing is eternal and indissoluble because everything is perishable
    The enclosure of the mind is an unlimited endeavour
    The presence of a cracked mirror whose reflection is a failure
    The languishment of a senseless life once the grief is overwhelming
    Crying out in pain when I lost every expectation
    I fall into the trap of self-abandonment once the astonishment disappears
    And no wishes can replace my anguish of the decline
    Waiting for that resilience that could let me survive
    While the clouds strive to move against the wind
    I remain bound by an immutable chagrin.
    Esther Racah

© Esther Racah 2025. All rights reserved.