Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: emptiness

  • Melancholic Discomfort

    Melancholic Discomfort

    Melancholic discomfort was a mirror to my soul. Dead leaves fell with sadness. Sorrow grasped dreams and delight. The abyss of nothingness extended its boundaries. Delusional visions became gloomy shadows. Portals of darkness were sources of uncertainty. Illusion was reality but not anymore. Distances become journeys to surreal realms. Deceitful hopes were invisible traps

    Silence hushed me as an imperious order. There was no prophecy able to entangle my fate. Everything was distorted and hypnotising. Obsessions clutched my heart with nails and quills. The horizon was shrouded in haze. Only darkness was guiding me in a labyrinth of bitterness and revenge. I saw squalor swallowing magnificence. I heard the screams of joy of demented fools. Their claws were embedded in precious paintings

    At night I woke up overwhelmed by the moans of pain and dread. It was the visitation of those who had no voice. So many times, I wished to keep my heart in oblivion. But it was never the case. They came and their poison penetrated into my heart. I kept myself faraway from each one of them. At the end, my dreams had opened my eyes and I saw everything.

    It was too late and too soon. Time had no sense anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything had become a dark nightmare. There was no escape. There was no salvation. I had been punished for having seen too much. Beyond any imagination. As if nature could have welcomed me to another realm. Where I was free from other mediocrity chains.

    The mist enveloped me, as if it wanted to protect me from seeing things that would dishearten and hurt me. I had been shamelessly emulated by horrible ghouls who scrutinised me with envious and treacherous eyes. Copycats who used my lipstick-red shade strove to reproduce my portraits in a grotesque, ridiculous style.

    Mediocrity and corruption wanted me to hush, because I had revealed their appalling secrets. But the wind was my ally and it brought my words to all the domains. My heart has been shattered and devastated. I had become a shell of myself. I couldn’t recognise my countenance in the silvery surface of cynical mirrors. I had no dreams anymore because I had lost any desire to return to my fantastical journey.

    I was just a shell of myself, a ghost devoid of every hope to find the delights in a lugubrious existence. Touching the gelid walls of a house made of memories and bones, I was reminded of the several losses, demises and vaults, which were entangled in my heart. I had lost everything that was very dear to me in an indissoluble manner.

    I felt a melancholic discomfort like sharp nails piercing my heart, and an absence of noise, as if I had already vanished before parting. Long nights expired slowly, as though they didn’t want to leave space for the daylight. I was annoyed at the thought of seeing clumsy and mediocre beings wallowing in a world filled with cornucopias and treasure chests.

    I constantly felt like a creature condemned to see what I didn’t want to see. Squalor, venality, superficiality, and idiocy were served on platters of gold and gems as jewels of admiration and wisdom. I felt so disoriented and emptied of all my desires and dreams that I didn’t even know what I wished to accomplish anymore with my copious dreams in a tragic existence.

    All my anguished thoughts turned into raw, unfiltered words. The sense of deep disappointment had disarmed me and I no longer knew what to do. Countless times I had lost myself and never found that part of me that had faded into oblivion. Lacklustre, shallow, and ostentatious mortals had shamelessly disconcerted me.

    Their grimaces in front of the cameras and idiotic poses had dominated the scene along with their bottles of luxurious perfumes, their exorbitant chocolates, and their sumptuous jewels. I saw marionettes devoid of any decency, which were crowned queens of a fallen kingdom made of corrupted remnants and the dust of wickedness. 

    I sat under a dead tree in the garden of disillusions, I was already exhausted by a profusion of daring adventures, feeling that I was no longer capable of moving forward. I had given up in the face of the devastation and desecration of beauty and art. I didn’t want to be part of that assembly that reeked of disintegration and decay pit.

    But at the same time, I felt helpless because I could not save what had been cruelly torn away from me. My shattered heart stopped beating and turned into a heavy stone that made me fall into the abyss of nightmares. A fatal slumber had captured me, and I wept for the lack of dreams.

    The melancholy of the memories of what I lost overwhelmed me like a stormy sea. I felt helpless in the face of a tsunami of catastrophic events that had infested my life. I didn’t want to know anything anymore. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore. I didn’t want to love anything anymore.

    I locked myself in a refuge of perpetual silence, shunning everything that had damaged and scarred me. Every form of bliss had been relinquished since I had become a shadow in a world that didn’t belong to me any longer. I shunned the realm of degradation and profanity.

    I had embodied all the despairs and struggles that had chased me, now that I was a shadow in a realm of darkness and doom. Dressed in fragments of forgotten beauty, I wandered aimlessly as if fate had abandoned me. A gentle breeze of restlessness and sadness enveloped me, as if to remind me that I still had a heart.

    The hiss of loneliness was the only sound that constantly accompanied me. At the same time, I could not find a horizon or a destination to follow. I had regained myself by losing myself in the void, with the hope of forgetting everything that had erased me. I vanished like an evanescent cloud at twilight just before the eternal night came to announce its hegemony.
    Elisabetta Esther

  • The Infinite Abyss Of Despair

    The Infinite Abyss Of Despair

    The infinite abyss of despair and death
    In an endless tunnel of oblivion and loss
    I’m always there like a bound creature without free will
    I cannot escape from that dungeon deprived of freedom and choice
    Whispering to the rain, I wait for my end to arrive
    So much anxiety and fear crushed my heart into a thousand pieces
    And now I’m just a shadow of myself
    A creature invisible to the multitude who denies my existence
    A noose around my neck tightens almost as if it wants to strangle and annihilate me

    Hence I proceed without trembling towards my endless torment and agony
    In an infinite loop of life and death
    I continuously died to be reborn and I was ceaselessly reborn to die
    Now and forever
    Nowhere and everywhere
    Ensnared by voices that pull me downward — forevermore
    Seeking refuge among cloudy skies and storms
    Seeking salvation among the voiceless creatures of nature

    Wandering at the sound of raindrops and wind gusts
    Under the weight of guilt and unforgiveness
    Followed by the ghosts of those whom I once loved and cherished most
    I ended up in the infinite abyss of despair and misery
    While listening to the echo of my sighs and silent sobs

    Everything emptied my heart into nothingness
    Everything consumed me, reducing me to a voiceless pale phantom with a lifeless soul

    And suddenly obstinate sounds resounded around me
    They reminded me about the fragility of life and joy
    Indeed, everything was destined to decay and perish
    Even the silence in my heart

    The dark emptiness stared at me
    While I mourned endlessly my lost favourite affections
    In an endless funeral with bitter tears and sadness

    So I renounced every reflection of mine
    Living in self-loathing and contempt of my heart
    In the infinite abyss of despair and death
    Elisabetta

  • The Emptiness Within My Mind

    The Emptiness Within My Mind

    The emptiness within my mind
    Is death inside my heart,
    With no golden cage, no precious gems—
    just silence folding round itself,
    no escape, no hope,
    Only absence holding tight.

    Exhausted and devoid of feeling,
    I lay upon the cold earth,
    strewn with withered leaves,
    fallen flowers,
    and shards of abandoned dreams.

    Weeping,
    I heard the intense sound
    of my tears falling
    on leaves shriveled
    by the cold wind of night.

    Nothing remained
    around you,
    around me,
    But only the vague memory
    of those anguishes
    that oppressed me
    and never ceased
    to pursue me.

    I no longer held
    any desire to desire,
    nor to keep
    anything within my heart.

    My heart had ceased
    to be a chest
    of my wishes and whims.

    It was merely
    an empty chest,
    emptied by the fury
    and storms
    that swept over me
    In my wretched existence.

    Not even the stars
    sparkled in the sky
    above my dwelling.

    The heavens refused
    to shine for me.

    Yet they had forsaken me
    to my fate,
    where no hope remained,
    nor even a small flame
    to bring me back to life.

    Whispers and murmurs
    came to me
    In the form of a misty breeze,
    laden with elegies
    and funeral hymns.

    Despair and anguish
    were gifts bestowed upon me,
    like dazzling joys
    that in truth did not shine at all,
    But bound me fast
    In a realm of cruelty,
    wickedness,
    and mercilessness.

    Helpless and fragile,
    like the petals of a well-bloomed flower,
    I could not withstand
    such impetuousness and violence of events,
    so hostile to me—
    like endless storms at sea
    whose fury knows no end.

    The emptiness within my mind
    had become a spirit that subdued me,
    against which I could no longer resist.
    At last, I became part
    of the abyss of oblivion,
    And there I remained for eternity,
    wandering like a cloud
    In a stormy, winter night.
    Elisabetta

  • Nightmares And Visions

    Nightmares And Visions

    Nightmares and visions visited me in the middle of the night, when sleep abandoned me to an otherworldly realm never seen nor imagined.
    The fog had clouded every vision, and I could see nothing but the shadows of faint images—spirits moving around me.

    My light sleep was nothing but a portal to a world where torment awaited me, and my heart was torn apart, again and again, without mercy. My gentle expectations had dissolved into the dark horizon, and I could see them no more.

    Indeed, I had become a creature of darkness, devoid of ambitions and expectations, for in truth what was destined for me was absolute emptiness—the total absence of life, love, and joy.

    How could I have held even the smallest hope of escaping that realm of darkness and despair? I no longer knew what life was—full of light, full of love, of hopes and delights.

    Had I been able to foresee my terrifying fate, I might have fled—perhaps among the clouds or the stars—if they had taken me into their realm.

    I might have been melancholic, perhaps—I don’t know—because at that moment I refused to accept any kind of feeling that my heart wished to embrace within itself. It was as if my heart had been torn from my chest and replaced with thorns.

    Pierced and betrayed by that world full of conventions, hypocrisy, titles, and useless materialism, I fled far away but fell into the trap of the world I myself had created in my visions—and that is why nightmares and visions were my most faithful companions, without whom I could not have survived.

    I breathed my last breath and, sighing, surrendered to the cold, sharp, and cruel embrace of the otherworldly realm.
    Elisabetta

  • Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled By My Own Grief

    Impaled by my own grief
    Like a butterfly pinned to a wall
    I was standing on the cold soil soaked by my own blood
    Among withered flowers infused with the scent of death
    Embracing my misery as it was a bliss for my weak heart

    Slowly unveiling the image behind the shadows hovering high
    I discovered the reflection of my true self in their shrouds
    I cried out loud, running out of tears of despair
    Dressed in the sparkling veil that the luminaries made for me
    And wearing a crown made of thorns and roses

    All the most terrible memories introduced themselves to me
    They appeared like dreadful ghouls and wraiths
    Stabbing me with their sharp daggers
    Reducing me to a relic
    In the presence of crows and dead trees

    I was an empty shell without reflection or shadow
    Whenever I was wondering, it seemed I didn’t leave any trace
    But only blood and thorns, a representation of my miserable existence
    What I was I knew not
    I became an enigma to myself

    I collapsed like a wax sculpture
    As I was an extinguished flame
    With a body stitched by bandages and shattered dreams
    Each thread was a reminder of the pangs carved all over my body
    And my heart was a crushed crystal

    The gleaming moonlight created an aura made of silver
    Spectres were floating over me
    While I was waiting for the stars to guide me
    But no sign was there for me
    Only the deepest darkness and squalid solitude

    The cruel fate had decreed my end with the worst despair of my soul
    All my cries were dispersed by the cold wind of a winter night
    Nothing more was there for me
    I had lost everything dear to me
    And a storm wrapped me in its deadly embrace

    Impaled by my own grief
    I was the embodiment of my own tragedy.
    Elisabetta

  • Endless Despair

    Endless Despair

    Endless despair gripped my heart
    Piercing it with swords and daggers
    Fracturing the path I was walking
    Each step was a struggle against the poundage of my grief and sorrow

    The sky above me was now a dark and endless void
    Where the sun had long since surrendered its passion
    Leaving only the cold embrace of night
    A reminder of obliteration and demise

    Shattered fragments of dreams clung to my soul
    Their edges were sharp and slashed my heart
    Memories of bliss dissolved like smoke
    Vanishing before I could hold them

    I reached for something but nothing remained
    Indeed, my hands met only the emptiness
    A nothingness that mocked every effort of mine
    A silence that devoured my voice

    In the depths of this abyss
    I wondered if escape was even possible
    But I became aware that I was doomed to wander this desolation endlessly
    Forever lost and eternally broken

    Endless despair destroyed my heart
    Crushing it to ashes that the wind scattered into the emptiness
    I sought solace in oblivion’s embrace
    A cold grip that seemed to release me

    Each moment of stillness only exacerbated my misery
    Since even the quietness was full of screams and outcries
    No glimmer of light teased the edges of my sight
    Every beauty and hope vanished as quickly as it appeared in my imagination

    I was left with nothing but a bitter taste of what I could never acquire
    The hours crawled like chains across my heart
    Each tick was a reminder of all I could never reclaim
    The past and the future were both my dungeons of distress

    I remained trapped in a perpetual desperation
    I felt myself dissolving into the night
    As the ghouls of this realm were obliterating what little remained of me
    And I became nothing

    A sigh lost to the wind
    I didn’t know what I was anymore
    I felt forgotten and my spirit was broken
    Relinquished among the shadows of the dead.
    Elisabetta

  • Locked Up In My Fantasies

    Locked Up In My Fantasies

    Locked up in my fantasies
    Aware of my unawareness
    Softly indulging in my pleasant decay
    Falling into the trap of loneliness
    In an existence deprived of love and delight
    My desires and fantasies became the only salvation

    I knew not how long I’d been locked up in my realm
    Lovely dreams visited my feeble slumber
    On the silent nights, protected by the shadows of ghosts
    Waiting for some fallen luminary to glimmer sparkles toward me
    I lingered through eternity
    In the darkness of my mind

    Confused and dismayed I wandered in my loneliness
    Starving delight and merriment
    As I was doomed to a cruel and infamous fate
    Nothing I could have accomplished to change the course of occurrences
    I was chained to a sinking boat
    While hearing the screams of spirits haunting me

    Until my very last day of existence
    The infamous tyranny to which I had been enslaved, had disposed of my life
    My heart was crumbled to dust of decay
    My body was the representation of dread and abuse
    Time was not anymore the master of my life
    As I became part of the realm of the dead

    The sun no longer shone upon me
    Instead, the tempestuous clouds obscured all the stars
    Leaving me sightless for the deep obscurity of the night
    I was not anymore aware of my lugubre surroundings
    Trapped within my own nightmares
    Disregarded by the world outside

    I floated into an endless silence
    Each gust was a sigh fading in the void
    I sought fragments of my sparkling and fleeting dreams
    Where once there was love, now only shadows had remained
    My mind had become a labyrinth of dead fantasies
    I stumbled through the graveyard of shadows

    Chasing glimmers of elation I could never grasp
    As each vision slipped away like grains of sand
    The cold embrace of solitude came to be my only companion
    While I longed for the glimmer of a flame that would never ignite
    The wicked claws of my destiny held me captive
    Tugging at the fabric of my fragile hope

    I still lingered in the darkest of prisons
    Where even the faintest flicker of rebellion was obliterated
    In the end, I was nothing but a fading star
    Falling from the sky of my own illusions
    To be swallowed entirely by the noiseless abyss of darkness
    I was locked up in my fantasies, made of void and oblivion
    Where my dreams dissolved into nothingness.
    Elisabetta

  • Sadness And Longings

    Sadness And Longings

    Sadness and longings waited for me to return to my nocturnal slumber. Whenever I fell into Morpheus’s embrace, surrounded by shadows and silence, I discovered a new realm of deception and darkness.

    Fear and doubts chained me to an existence of emptiness. Time devoured my hopes, and all my delights were destroyed by the storm of oblivion.
    I wandered endlessly through the forest of illusions but could not grasp their ephemeral beauty.

    Each dream I dared to explore turned into ashes and I had become a captive of my own desires, shrouded in the velvet of sorrow and despair. I fled from humankind, seeking solace in solitude. But serenity became a minacious ghoul feeding upon my thoughts.

    My sorrow had become too heavy to behold, and I grew exhausted. I was aware that I couldn’t find any tranquillity inside myself. Throughout my miserable existence, I had been drawn to torches whose fire had burned and bruised me.

    Sadness and longings were devouring my bleeding heart like famished monsters. I fell lifeless on the cold soil in the middle of the wilderness. I couldn’t find any will to live and I no longer knew what I was.

    I lay among the withered roots of dead trees, cradled by a ground that knew my distress too well. The moon scrutinised me with distant apathy, an insensitive witness to my decadence. Not a single echo resounded my name, not even the wind dared unsettle my quiescence.

    I was no longer a real creature or a soul but a doomed shadow. A forgotten rhyme in a poem never uttered. I surrendered to the sleep where no dream could deceive me, and no memory could stab me again.

    My heart was sealed in the hush of eternity. Sadness and longings no longer belonged to me. I was finally free from all anguish, and I could hover like a shadow in the night, surrounded by bleeding roses and dark clouds.
    Elisabetta

  • Trapped By My Dreams

    Trapped By My Dreams

    Trapped by my dreams, I was living exclusively in my eternal slumber
    From which I could not be awakened anymore
    Enchanting siren melodies and terrifying cries bewitched my heart
    The perpetual candles burning close to my bedside had the scent of deception

    I was no longer frightened by life and society
    I felt like the most free and ethereal creature in the universe
    And I ventured to remote islands of phantasmagoria
    Thunders of insanity crashed through my heart

    It seemed that everything was shaking, and a roar erupted
    A fierce and wild cry shattered the stillness of my fantasy
    The sky split open with flashes of burning glare
    As if the universe itself was coercing me to succumb to its chaotic will

    The destruction began its monumental obliteration of all my desires
    I could not cry or scream, for I had become silent
    I was like a hollow vessel lost in its fate while caught in a storm’s violent embrace
    My heart, which once burned with ardent passion, was now a feeble flame twinkling like a dying blaze

    I found myself wandering in the graveyard of my dreams
    My heart was bleeding for all the anguish and grief that filled it
    I got lost among the fragments of my shattered illusions
    While hovering through the ruins of my beliefs and loves

    I remained besieged by the ghosts of my fears in the company of bleeding roses
    I had lost all my beloved treasures, and all that remained to me was just dust of decay
    Condemned to be devoured by the infinite nothingness
    I could not see any of my hallucinations

    I could not hear any of the enchanting whispers that the wind used to bring to me as a messenger
    Forced to be enslaved to death and obliteration
    I was no longer trapped by my dreams
    And I dwelled in an unending state of sorrow.
    Elisabetta

  • Wandering In Dark Chambers

    Wandering In Dark Chambers

    Wandering in dark chambers where the bones of my memories were hung
    I was bound by enchanting spells to be a lost soul in an endless realm of emptiness
    Speechless as I became, I was just a living tragedy
    And darkness was my humble and gloomy dwelling
    Where I could be nobody without pretending to fulfil my wishes

    Definitely, all my desires and dreams were annihilated like extinguished flames
    No shame and delusion could have carved my name in my fate
    Because in the end, I didn’t pay attention to what was happening outside that realm of self-destruction
    No one would have rescued me from that nightmare
    Misery and grief were my relentless shadows, following wherever I was proceeding

    Wandering in dark chambers of agony, I was left to bleed out my very soul
    Enduring the most agonizing of sufferings, betrayed by my ancient illusions
    Silly dreams that once deceived me had become my merciless torturers, from whom I could not flee
    Hiding in the depths of gloom, I avoided crossing others’ paths, limping like a wounded animal,
    after having shed my last tears
    Swaying in uncertainty and restlessness, I lie in decay, as I know that I’m destined to the eternal doom

    Faded visions stroked my heart and I had the certitude that nothing could be more possible but drinking the poison of my own illusions
    My heart is a ravine with a thirst for silent collapse with a collar made of misery and decay
    The tragedy of being was embedded into my essence and I shed tears
    The hushed fate misled me into a maze of dust and decline that I was not aware of
    The untold secrets of my past remained buried underneath the garden of chagrin and preordained to stay forever there
    And I kept wandering in the dark chambers of my unending descent.
    Elisabetta

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