Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: madness
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Waiting For My Dreams
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Entangled In My Own Disquiet
Entangled in my own disquiet
I found myself in a state of confusion
Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
I might have been able to overcome my fears
But I was not capable of escaping the lonelinessThere were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
While my sighs hid tears of griefThinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismayMany times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
But deceptions were always following my trail
I knew no serenity
Instead, I was condemned to wander endlesslyTime didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter nightI felt the discomfort of reality
It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
I lived as a doll locked in an airtight boxNo creature could ever perceive me
No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
No mirror could reflect my imageI was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymoreI had no longing, no desire left
I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
Elisabetta Esther -
Love Like A Sweet Poison
Love like a sweet poison seeped into the heart, and time no longer existed in the realm of the eternal night. Passion burned as an everlasting flame and it altered into eternal desire.
A tenacious devotion was rooted in a ground made of ice and stardust. And I stood among crimson roses and the nocturnal mist, under the sight of an eerie moon.
The darkness enveloped me like a sumptuous dress wrapped around me. The faraway shadows of anguish and dread were chasing me like ominous ghouls.
I was seeking ghosts that reminded me of lost loves while wandering accompanied by my madness as the only chaperone.
No pang could ever touch me anymore since I’ve been depleted of my heart that was standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, beating loudly like an incessant cry.
My only way to exist was to roam erratically without any guidance. I was already a creature of the world of darkness. I had altered a myriad times in numerous ways.
I had definitely forsaken the world of mortals, with whom I never felt any affinity. I didn’t mind losing myself in that tremendous labyrinth.
As far as I could proceed, I felt the nothingness swallowing me with delight. A storm had subjugated me and shattered my being.
Not even a speck of myself had been kept by the frozen soil, because a whirlwind had stolen my essence. I was held captive by the abyss of darkness and there were no expectations or delusions.
I finally remembered as a long-lost memory that time no longer existed, when love seeped into the heart like a sweet poison. It burned slowly, transforming into eternal desire.
And there I lay down underneath the soil soaked with ice and flames with my heart standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, dreaming fearlessly and ceaselessly like a funerary elegy.
Elisabetta Esther -
Upon The Petals Of Intoxicating Beauty
Upon the petals of intoxicating beauty, as if it were a marvellous flower, I found my haven of love and dreams. I lost touch with my wisdom and embraced my unconscious desires. Passionate as I was, perpetual flames scorched my heart, where all my most audacious secrets were embalmed.
The winter storm came suddenly, and it made all my flowers fade to a haze of stardust. Love and dreams rumbled in my heart like thunderbolts. In stupor and wonder, I fell into an eternal slumber, in which I couldn’t suffer or feel despair. Frozen and benumbed, I became a part of a realm beyond time and space.
Among stars and clouds, I could see the rainbow of my derealization. I was inflamed and frightened by my own trepidations. I attempted to convey my liberty from past chains, as they strove to bring me down into the abyss of misery. What could I have been in other realities I knew not, while I was lost in broken remembrances.
The frigid breeze unleashed remembrances and released ancient phantoms from my early past. A vortex of emotions stirred inside me, emptying me of all my enigmas. I wished I could understand what was happening in that very moment. Nevertheless, stupor and hallucinations kept me from wisdom and sanity.
I felt innocent and fierce, although a bitter dread attempted to fill my heart with infinite emptiness and anguish. I celebrated my resentful loneliness as a treasured gift very dear to me. Every feeling overwhelmed me, and I kept freezing. Every cherished devotion made me hide in the most remote haven.
I started to talk to mirrors even when they were broken. Each mirror whispered words I didn’t wish to utter or hear. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t remember my past, since I had lost all connection to past ghouls. I couldn’t find out who I was and where I was. None of my questions had ever found their answer.
Upon the petals of intoxicating beauty, as if it were a poison spell, I found my demise and eternal doom. My fragility induced me to weep, and I screamed into the darkness of the inexhaustible night. My tears engraved every pang upon my face, running down like garnet streams.
Thorns and brambles wrapped themselves around me delightfully, making me rejoice with euphoria and bliss. In the ecstasy of contrition and mortification, I found my utmost merriment. Lying helpless and disconsolate, I followed the trails of my reveries, hoping in vain to remember my name.
I dreamed of exquisite flowers and sweet poisons. I fantasised about petals of intoxicating beauty, until dark shadows dragged me into the abyss of obliteration. I might have been cast into a realm of demise, where spirits and underworld creatures offered me festive and joyful torments.
In dizziness and elation, I was struck by magical starlight and thunder. Upon the petals of intoxicating beauty, as if it were a marvellous flower, I was defeated and cast away. And lost in the labyrinth of my souvenirs, I could no longer distinguish delusional fantasies from my own ruin.
Elisabetta Esther -
Whimsical Chimaeras
Whimsical chimaeras blossomed in my garden of extravagant flowers and frantic trees. When the silent valley of dreams was crammed with forbidden hopes, the stars never hesitated to shine. In my delusional fantasy and secret inner world, I could be free from mortal dogmas, made of aberrant rules.
Many nights I have wandered, embracing my silliness and bizarre turmoil. Foolishness was my only state of mind, and every portal could unlock for me. I wept, and I sighed, as if it were my only way to express myself. The cold night wind hushed my aching heart, filling it with fear and torment.
The snow painted the soil with white crystalline hues, while my slumber had kept my heart from aching more copiously. I had lost the capability to listen to melodies, but all that I could hear was a fanfare chanting demise and downfall. My whimsical chimaeras had transformed into shadows and darkness.
I had become a stranger in my own realm, which I couldn’t recognise any longer at all. I felt like I was deprived of all my delusional dreams, which I considered my only comfort and sweet haven. No candied flowers or chocolate-coated leaves prospered in my garden, which was now nothing but a land of frost and thorns.
The reality had transmuted into a sharp sword, depriving me of every longing, for I had lost my strength to escape from that snare of descent. Melancholia burnt my heart, altering it into an everlasting torch. I encountered no compassion or tenderness, but pointed hooks of indifference and hatred.
My heart was wrapped in thorns and quills, and it suffered copiously. Unbearable pangs crossed my body, inflicted by misery and dismay. Shallowness was prevailing, and what appeared noisier and phonier had replaced what was pure and magnificent.
Darkness, together with the moon and the stars, was a cynical witness to every single occurrence. Silence had sealed my lips, and I was no longer able to utter a single sound. Definitely, my whimsical chimaeras were just a remote memory of my shattered mind.
I was burying my dreams and my hope a long time ago, and fell victim to my delusional fantasies and absurd expectations. I was conscious of my decadence and that I would soon embrace my final demise. In that exquisite garden of bygone flowers, I lay in wait for my very last moment of mortal essence.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Garden Of Oblivion
The garden of oblivion became my secret hideaway, where I could fall into total despair, crying out all my disillusionments. A garden of frozen flowers and broken mirrors unfolded before me. Fragments of shattered mirrors sundered my heart into crystal shards, which the moonlight illuminated with all its splendour.
I was a forsaken creature lost in my trail of lost passions and abandoned to my loneliness. I wandered like a dead soul without any aim to survive since I had lost all my treasures and nothing more was important to cherish. So, cast away from the other worlds, I sought haven in this surreal realm of my own invention.
Love was a perfect stranger to me since my past existences, when utopian trees and flowers surrounded me all the time with their intoxicating scents and bright colours, leaving sweet caresses in my heart. In this period of shadows, I have become just a relic of myself.
I wandered astray through labyrinths inhabited by ghosts and wraiths, whose claws, merciless as daggers, clasped my dreams. My turmoil rose each night quickly, as soon as I stared into the gloomy emptiness of the ocean and screamed at it with all my untamed acrimony.
Wandering infinitely among shards of capricious desires and withered flowers, in the realm of shadows and dismay, was all that remained to me. I was a part of that world of doom and oblivion, although all that I desired was to be in an idyllic kingdom of delights and sparkling luminaries.
The garden of oblivion claimed me like one of its creatures, having lost my heart, which had disappeared into the abyss of oblivion, while I cried tears made of grief and sorrow. My tragic fate had deprived me of everything, and no longing was evermore granted to me.
Elisabetta Esther -
Dreams And Chimaeras
Dreams and chimaeras make me forget my worries and anguish.
Surrounded by memories, broken mirrors, and interrupted cries.
I lie languid like a flower stunned by the morning dew.Silence is a sweet melody that distracts me when I no longer understand where life is leading me.
And in the night I hear the sound of loneliness like a sudden omen of abandonment and defeat.The darkness paints imaginary landscapes in my mind.
The sound of the clouds reminds me to forget my name and hang my soul upon the shadows to rest.
Leaden nightmares drag me down into the abyss of despair.Far away I can hear the screams of my fears calling out my name.
So I take the chance to follow their trail in the obsidian forest.
Where I try to find my image in mirrors that whisper to me.Murmurs of pain and betrayal appear to me as shapes of magic bliss.
In my madness, I exist as a free bird of the night.
Closed doors become gates to infinity.
Forever bound to my lack of reality.I live in the surreal chasm to which I will always belong.
Abysm and love blend like mysterious revelations.
They own my heart and my soul eternally.Imagination guides me toward the garden of illusions.
I become the most delusional creature of the realm of shadows.
Love caresses me as gently as a sharp snowflake.My heart is in an everlasting pang.
Foolishness possesses me, as I advance in my wisdom.
What I thought would have destroyed me gave me a spark of demise.I was lost and I was alive at the same time.
As an inanimate doll with a burning heart.
The nothingness stared at me in its boundless ferocity.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Realm Of Absurdities And Contradictions
The realm of absurdities and contradictions
A world of pure bliss and madness
Where dreams get lost and illusions blossom like flowers
And in the abyss of despair and fear,
The anguish held me trapped by their chains,
With which they cruelly clung to me
In their realm of darkness and madness.
I, with all my heart, sought a successful way,
a means to survive those unjust torments,
But in my hands, I could not find
a path of salvation and hope.The chasm before me made me glimpse my death.
My future was marked as if my time were numbered,
as if I could not enjoy the small moments
That touched my mind,
because of torment and the certainty of perishing
overwhelmed my heart and clouded my mind.Shadows surrounded my figure as if they could confine me
to a territory that belonged to them,
scrutinising me with their cold and cynical gazes,
Speaking a language I did not understand
and whispering legends whose secrets I would never know.The sound of footsteps following me
brought to mind all those dreadful encounters
whose wickedness tore away a part
of my veil of innocence and integrity.The sound of out-of-tune music boxes and grotesque melodies
created images of folly and paradoxes,
for I found myself in the realm of absurdities and contradictions
where beauty was usurped by horror
and where integrity was usurped by corruption.In this realm of hanging trees and hieratic statues,
fires and flames burned unquenched
like the brilliant stars in the sky
whirling swiftly in the firmament above me,
illuminating the dry, hooked branches
of a twisted tree beneath whose shadow I had lain.Absurdity had become the sovereign of my fate.
I was now at the mercy of capricious winds and rather contradictory events,
Just as my miserable existence was entirely controversial.
Elisabetta -
Infinite Stairs Of Waiting
Infinite stairs of waiting
The more I wait, the more I feel trapped in the dungeon of anguish.
The more I climbed the stairs, the more I tried to ascend,
the more it seemed I was descending downward with no result.
All of this made me frustrated
because I could not reach my goal.In my stillness I found myself,
But at the same time, I lost a part of me.
It was as if everything I had learned
I had lost and forgotten,
and everything I did not know
I had unconsciously acquired.Confused and bewildered in a place of nowhere
I strived to believe in my dreams but all I could do was fall from the stairsIt was a game of illusion and reality.
I had ceased to discern what seemed deception from what was truth.
Both had blended together.
It was as if there were no longer any meaning,
and no longer any need to possess the domain of wisdom and knowledge.
Everything had shattered into the abyss of ignorance and madness.And I proceeded on a thin thread between creation and destruction.
My perplexities and hopes echoed as if they resounded through enigmatic structures, without meaning and expectations.Spirits that I could not discern, that I could not distinguish, whispered to me encouragements to pursue. But every time I fell and plunged into another flight of stairs, they laughed, almost as if to make fun of me — and to mock my inexperience and incompetence.
In solitude I found myself lost, and there I languished like a creature from other worlds, indulging in my languor and melancholy; I was certain that I was towards myself and my image no longer had reflections in any mirror. The staircase was truly infinite like a steep ascent without end; there was neither a beginning nor an end, everything was an infinite perpetuity of distress and anguish.
Infinite stairs of waiting were my dwelling for eternity, and there I had to… to… I didn’t know anymore.
Elisabetta -
The Oracle Of The Withered Roots
The oracle of the withered roots stood silent above me,
As I wandered beneath a sky split by its eye
While silence whispered thunders and nightmares,
And the origins of the world gnarled like a bone-stuffed monster
Its speech was in a tongue older than rot.They called it the oracle,
The tree that remembered all betrayals,
and fed on forgotten truths.Around it, ash-walkers and crawling fates
circled around the blue flame of judgment,
and I, unnamed, felt the mark sear through my skin,
As slashes that revealed my defeat and destruction.All kinds of nasty creatures surrounded me as I was their potential prey,
They were ready to violate and devour me,
They were there to rip my heart apart into infinite fragments of dreams.Each tree was the custodian of skulls and arcane rituals,
As they moved forward their sacred flame,
A blaze blue like the deepest abyss of solitude.Tempted to adore this blue flame or this blue fire by all these creatures that at times seemed obsessed by it, at times frightened.
From these spirits and monsters, I could perceive fears and enthusiasts and enthusiasms that alternated in their life, which could not be called joyful, gentle, or even glad.The oracle of the withered roots gazed through its curious and overbearing eye, trying to peer into my heart, but in vain. My soul was a labyrinth of torments and delights, and being unable to discern its true essence, it grew angry with me and condemned me to a restless and uneasy life, to wander in search of myself.
The skulls smiled at me with their grin,
which seemed more like a mockery,
as if to say: “Soon enough, you too shall join our kingdom.”The other winged creatures brushed past me
With their curious, cunning eyes,as if to urge me to leap
into the abyss of the unknown —At first, it appeared to be a small pond,
in truth, it concealed a chasm of nothingness.
Elisabetta