Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

The Digital Manuscript of Poetry and Literature by Elisabetta

  • Victimised By My Desires

    Victimised By My Desires

    Victimised by my desires and love
    I try to detach from my heart’s impulses
    But it is useless because I am chained completely
    Like a prey of my own longings, craving for my soul

    I keep believing in my dreams and impossible chimeras
    Never breaking the chain of my own distress
    Trusting love and its cruel games
    A realm of beauty and deception

    Victimised by my desires and obsessions
    I get lost in my dreams where I feel safe and protected
    And I sing my song of love and self-destruction
    As a way to cast a spell over myself over and over again

    Alive and dead
    Happy and sad
    I fade away into the darkness of my life
    Becoming a victim of my emotions and weakness

    Every time that my dreams whisper lies to me
    I feel euphoric and powerful as I’m destined to a perpetual merriment
    Instead, I fall into the profound abyss of misery
    Where I compassionately cry crystal teardrops

    I never stop sighing in this valley of desolation
    As I’m permanently condemned to wander endlessly with no destination
    As I’m permanently condemned to never find peace in my innermost spirit

    Seized by cobwebs of love and impossibilities
    Abducted into secret alcoves of empty vows
    I surmise that my own delusions are real, mistaking them for truths
    And see only exquisite beauty in this world because I want to believe so

    In my dark chamber, I cry and sigh
    In my secret niche, I embrace oblivion
    Aware that nobody, absolutely nobody, thinks about me
    In this senseless existence, deprived of empathy

    Forlorn and disenchanted, I wait for the true love
    Although I’m sure I can feel it, and I can see it as a beautiful vision
    As I’m very foolish and ingenue, losing easily control of my feelings
    And I’m glad to fall into the trap of my longings
    And I’m delighted that I’m victimised by my desires.
    Elisabetta

  • Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed By The Emptiness

    Swallowed by the emptiness, I strive to survive
    And it seems that I’ve lost everything
    And I feel that I’ve got lost in the obscure abyss of my anguish
    And it’s only my fragility that guides me through the darkness

    The cruel fate threw me into a life of decay and despair
    An existence of invisibility and nonsense
    Where I struggle to be understood and loved
    And solitude rips my heart apart

    Wandering alone in the night
    I lose myself in an infinite myriad of thoughts
    And I try to scream, but there is no way to be heard
    While I lose my mind, falling into the abyss of madness

    Foolish as I am
    Every time, I believe in having found my way
    I only find walls made of gelid stones
    With no doors

    So I stopped to trust my dreams
    Since they are the most deceptive illusions
    Traps made of enchanting flowers and magic spells
    Traps that become my alcoves of salvation

    And I remain an unconscious prisoner of such captivating visions
    And I linger in silence without saying anything anymore
    I forget the sound of my voice to only remember the sound of my sobs
    When despair fractures me in millions of pieces

    The sweet melody of decadence soothes my soul
    I feel only love and anguish
    My heart bleeds teardrops of passion
    Lacerated as it is with a doomed destiny

    Swallowed by the emptiness
    I wander in the dark nights in the labyrinth of my nightmares
    To lie there hopeless and betrayed
    With a mind full of phoney delusions

    Trying to lie to myself
    I became convinced that there are clouds of happiness
    Where I’m valued and remembered
    A phantasmagoria of glowing glare and delight

    Hence, a fraudulent bliss enchained me eternally
    And an inextinguishable flame burns my bleeding heart
    Inflaming my soul with its ethereal fire
    A fire made of emptiness and indifference.
    Elisabetta

  • Ethereal Dreams

    Ethereal Dreams

    Ethereal dreams of love and brightness visit me
    During my agitated night slumbers and under the sun and clouds
    Whether it’s raining or the rays of sunshine kiss my lips
    I always wander in my garden of dreams and fantasies

    Unconsciousness takes over my mind and soul
    In a state of trance and darkness
    I abandon my own self to the lust of my desires
    Whenever I fall under the compelling spell of the arcane mysteries of the universe

    Bewitched and mesmerised by the silent storm inside my heart
    I surrender to my senses like a trial flower falling under the weight of a snowflake
    And I submit to my resilient anguish
    Following me in every instant of my life

    Feeling invisible and unseen
    I find my haven in the garden of ethereal dreams
    A secret and mysterious place entirely belonging only to me
    Where I can always manifest all the fantasies of mine

    I release all my worries and fears
    And nothing, nothing can really destroy me
    In my ethereal dreams, I am eternal
    Although invisible to mortal sight

    The spell of chaos surrounds me
    I become a bird of paradise and fly away
    Far away until I can touch the stars
    In the infinite night sky

    Dreaming about the love for my beloved
    I wander in the veil of eternal dusk
    Carrying my obsessions like a crimson flame
    Forever lost in thoughts of him only

    He always dwells in my ethereal dreams
    To never part from me
    Nevermore, for all eternity
    Nevermore, forever and beyond

    The night’s abyss is my solace and shroud
    I dream in darkness, in whispers of decadence
    Foolish as I am, I revel in worshipping him
    For he is my only god to adore

    I forever await him, yearning
    And I cannot bear the hours until our eyes meet again
    Not a second fades without my longing to see him
    As I adore only him
    And he will be permanently in my ethereal dreams.
    Elisabetta

  • Fading Into The Darkness

    Fading Into The Darkness

    Fading into the darkness
    Vanishing into the abyss of decay
    I found myself surrounded by my fears and nightmares
    With no hope to stay alive and survive all the anguish

    I become an ethereal creature falling into the garden of lust
    Where I’m intoxicated by the poisonous and vicious scent of flowers
    Flowers of love and flowers of death
    An obsidian alcove where my passions take form in phantom splendour, doomed to languish with the waning moon

    The most unholy visions come to my mind
    And my heart pounds like the frantic wings of a bat lost in a cathedral’s hollow darkness
    Whilst a pounding rain pierces my heart like sharp daggers

    My silent screams rise into the ethereal void
    Leaving me lonely as I gasp on the ground in my dungeon of solitude and sorrow
    Fading into the darkness of my pangs of love
    I vanish in the mysterious world of my nightmares

    I lost my mind, and my soul belongs to every torment of mine
    I saw all the occurrences of my existence floating in my mind
    Like haunting ghosts stalking me in every hidden thought
    I belonged to my dreads rooted inside my heart like sharp thorns

    My luscious passions and longings bend me
    They break my heart, shattering into thousands of fragments
    I remain totally alone, wandering in the darkness that is killing me
    Like a sweet poison tainting my soul softly and slowly

    The tragicity of my fate condemned me to never lie in rest
    The wild storm inside my heart lacerated me
    And I strived to survive and maintain sanity
    But every spec of wisdom had left me permanently

    Doomed to be a peculiar and ethereal creature
    I was resolute to reside in my own realm of phantasmagoria
    And live there for the rest of my miserable reality
    To forsake forever my pristine mind, once chained in obsessive normality, now unshackled in delirium.
    Elisabetta

  • Sweet Decadence

    Sweet Decadence

    Sweet decadence of instants already vanished
    In the void of my loneliness, I found affliction
    And dust of decay fell over me like an incessant rain
    Whilst I wandered alone in the cold nighttime

    Suddenly, I saw my fears, and anguish gripped me
    Making me captive in its dark dungeon
    Where a sweet decadence waited for me to swallow my soul
    And shattering my heart in infinite fragments of love and pain

    Hence, I sighed, waiting for fate to destroy my dreams and expectations
    A moment of death and transformation
    Like a nocturnal moth morphing into an everlasting flame
    Surrounded by the merciless void of indifference and unbending decree

    The magic touch of the stars stroked my hair
    While I got lost in the labyrinth of my dreams
    Dreams that appeared as nightmares
    Undisclosed secrets of all the forbidden lives I lived

    Drowning in the deep and dark ocean
    Where I kept my fragile and stormy mysteries
    Arcane truths hid underneath my soul
    The sources of my fantasmagorical realm of fantasies

    Sweet decadence became my languid alcove
    My secret world to which I always belonged
    And I will always belong
    My treasure chest was full of dust of decay and anguish

    All the fruits of betrayal poisoned my essence
    Tainting my heart with their ink of blood and darkness
    Subtly whispering lovely words of love and exquisite sweetness
    Entangling me with its chains of silk and gold

    In the garden of my forbidden desires and passions
    Enticed by their spells and mesmerised by the lush of their scent
    I fell into a perpetual slumber, and the death of my wisdom and sanity occurred suddenly
    It was a consequence of the venomous thorns of nocturnal roses

    I closed my eyes to look inside my dreams of sweet decadence and decay
    I segregated myself from the world
    I created my own secret world made of magnificence and beauty
    A realm belonging only and only to me
    My kingdom and heavenly refuge of joy.
    Elisabetta

  • I Live Of Instants

    I Live Of Instants

    I live of instants that become memories
    Dying in the dark of the mind
    Whenever I encounter a flower, a tree or a cloud
    Slowly melting under the burden of my passions
    I become another drop of a rainstorm that flows through myself

    Glowing stars are witnesses of the insanity of my own dreams
    Faraway chimaeras of a fate that fell apart
    Like a fractured crystal shattered into an infinity of burning flames
    Softly waiting to fade away and never reappear
    So, I do feel the fragility of my essence in the vast darkness that is striving to swallow me

    I acquiesce in the light of solitude and silence
    The abyss of nothingness striving to swallow me
    In its limitless gorge where no sparkle of hope is allowed to be
    And the ephemeral sense of existence is obliterated
    In the magnificent realm of decay

    I live of instants that become a part of me
    In a nostalgic and sweet decadence dwelling in me
    A suspended flower without roots or ground to rely on
    Lonely in the cold atmosphere of my shell
    Where I will always belong for eternity

    I’ve always lived in a surreal reality
    Neither dead nor alive
    Being in abeyance
    Surrounded by dead stories
    And death and blood

    Life was fading into a chamber full of dust of decay
    Sweet decadence was my exquisite dream and comfort
    In a world where I perpetually faded away into wonders and nightmares
    In the illusion of change eventually, embracing the ordinary and expected
    My heart was pounding because of the absence of a thrill

    Sweet was the slumber that wrapped me
    In a celestial aura of avoidance and devastation
    Where all my senses were betrayed by blades and burns
    Embracing sorrow and misery
    Ignored by most as I was an invisible ghost

    I live of instants and memories hidden by the darkness of my soul
    A kingdom of obscurity and decadence
    Where I’m the only beloved ruler
    Gasping and signing once I’ve lost all my tears in the affliction of the night.
    Elisabetta

  • A Pang In My Heart

    A Pang In My Heart

    A pang in my heart is stabbing me like a dagger
    A wild storm initiated an endless turmoil
    Like a ritual of initiation that crumples my soul
    And the obsessive feelings of burning love

    Astonished to have lost the ability to control my senses
    Like a nocturnal butterfly doomed to be burnt to flame
    When she is attracted by the betrayal of an innocent flame
    Lost in the darkness of the night

    My will is enslaved to the lust of my senses
    A treacherous journey in the midst of a tempest
    Bewildered and bewitched by a wonderful stranger
    Only destiny knows what will occur in the ethereal world of my dreams

    A mesmerising enchantment captivates me to never let me free
    Wandering in total obscurity with no direction
    Feeling a fever of anguishes and hopes
    While an incessant rain is falling over me

    Unlock doors let me think about you
    As I would love to be there at that precise moment close to you
    Even in silence while I cannot stop crying
    Because I would love us to be immortal lovers

    Time passes but not my love for you
    Whose name is still unknown in my heart
    I wish you could have been reading these verses
    But I have the certitude that you will never read them

    Sobbing and sighing I open the window of chaos
    Embracing my inner tumult and apathetically breathing as I write
    Is there a chance of meeting someone by destiny?
    I always wonder about the reasons, but never about the surprises of life

    I lost hope and I dismissed myself to let stupor dismay me
    While I cannot stop thinking about you
    While I cannot stop loving you
    Even if I’m just an anonymous neighbour of yours

    I only treasure the spare and casual moments I had encountered you
    In real life and in my dreams
    And never forget about you
    While a pang in my heart stabs me deeply.
    Elisabetta

  • I Mystify My Tragedy

    I Mystify My Tragedy

    I mystify my tragedy into my poetry
    I become words and ethereal thoughts
    Delusion is my name since I live of illusions
    While the frozen truth manifests through a stormy wind

    Faraway but not too much, there is my desire
    The object of my obsession and passion
    So close to me and yet a kind of distant
    Hope is my name since I live of wishes

    Call me a visionary and fool
    But my spirit belongs to a storm bounding me
    Like an invisible spiderweb in which I’m a captive
    Sad and lonely, desperate and disheartened

    So I’m writing my poem of self-introspection
    Ready to fall down from a cliff of dreams
    Until I reach the abyss of oblivion and emptiness
    To declare myself a non-living creature striving to exist

    I pretend to appear as a living person
    Not revealing my mighty fantasy and extravagance
    No one calls my name anymore
    Although everyone sees me

    Who can wonder what will be in the fate of the world
    A realm of corruption and confusion
    Where deception is served as the holy truth
    And wisdom under the shape of violence

    I mystify my tragedy into my dreams
    Longings pierce me deeply
    Until I bleed my soul out
    Like an instantaneous rainstorm

    Invisible to everyone
    I wander in the night
    Where darkness and solitude are my solaces
    Probably envisioning everlasting love

    Sombre whispers become numbed sighs
    Nothing to cherish
    Nothing to forget
    Just instants of eternity lost in the infinite void

    Call me when you see me in your dreams
    Although you don’t know my name
    Having seen me as an apparition
    Soft is always the remembrance of you

    Sleeping as the slumber possesses me
    In its chaos and convulsions
    I feel nothing more than a gentle cry
    A cry to suppress my anguish and pang of love.
    Elisabetta

  • Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic thoughts on solitude and self-love
    Duty was the master of my obsessions
    Although I was travelling in an unreachable remote realm
    Where I was not aware that I could have dreamed

    The surprise of being a part of the time and eternity
    But as an invisible and ethereal creature of darkness
    Longing I could manifest all the desires of mine
    Faraway from ambiguous wicked beings

    Enticed by my love and desire for my untouchable beloved
    Who perceived but ignored my passion for him
    Hence, frustration and impossibility separated me
    Keeping me awake at night and a dreamer in the middle of the day

    Whenever I could have the chance to meet him
    I would rejoice in his vision and sometimes voice
    Striving to obtain some quick and volatile attention
    For just a few instants that sounded like an eternity

    Silence and loneliness waited for me
    In every corner of my mind
    Whenever my hope could have been fulfilled
    In my naive dreams

    Waiting was the only option
    Even forever
    As long as I could be there not far from him
    With my heart

    Dreams and illusions are my merriment
    Like a multicoloured lamp enlightening sleepless nights
    While my claustrophobic thoughts trapped my mind
    In a vortex

    Letting the river of life captivate me
    I float like a leaf on the cold waters of fate
    When uncertainty is the ruler of the realm
    Echoing my name

    Words like carved truths on my soul
    Conducting me to my unknown destination
    I become words
    I become memories

    Vanishing in the void
    All that remains of me are my fears and longings
    Cling to my love
    Burning like an inextinguishable flame
    Pure like the blossom of a crimson rose.
    Elisabetta

  • I Lived In Death

    I Lived In Death

    I lived in death, and the death lived in me
    As long as memories were within me
    As long as I relied on my dungeon of darkness and dismay
    The daggers of betrayal stabbed my heart and soul
    Numbing my mind in an eternal slumber for a decade of decay

    Foolishness was my wisdom and guide
    For I forgot my name at a time without the time
    In the eternity of forgetfulness of myself
    Living forcefully without the intention of life
    Doomed to solitude, numbness and death

    And so I wrote my despair and desire for not being any more
    Prisoner of fate and false scenarios
    I pretended to live believing in other truths and myths
    A spell of death and violence was written on my heart
    Still not free from the cage of demise and darkness.

    I lived in death, and the death lived in me
    Trusting the undying spirits of deception
    Captivating my heart and soul like vultures
    Avid of my mystery and innocence
    Having been thrown into a cave with no way out

    Slumber was my only loyal companion in my non-life
    Slammed doors and broken windows and screams the constant guests of my trap
    Explosions and metal dust were falling over my realm of nightmares
    Dreaming of not dreaming anymore forever

    Falling into unloveable harbours of uncertainty
    Being unintentional and detached in my survival
    Nonchalant about the future as I was destined to vanish
    Secrets and memories were pinning me down like a fallen butterfly

    I lived in madness
    Pretending to exist in a phantom reality
    Striving to scream but without success
    I’ve been an embalmed doll, trapped in a glass cage
    Untouched by love.

    My heart and lips have been sealed
    By the pins of sovereignty and hegemony
    Waiting to be forever free I feast upon myself.
    Elisabetta