Phantoms and dreams were my devoted cronies wherever I was wandering in the darkest hours of the night feeling overwhelmed by ignominious remembrances collected in the world ruled by the evilness of the mortals. For so long, I tried to erase the images my mind pictured for epochs, never doubting my wisdom, even as I stood at the edge of the abyss of oblivion, where everything was lost and vanished into emptiness. Phantoms and dreams followed my perilous path made of traps and betrayals in the disguise of uncontroversial circumstances. No stars could be glimpsed from my point of observation, hence I wandered in dizziness and chaos, since my loyal phantom friends were not capable of signalling me the proper direction. A timeless silence fell all over the gloomy forest like a noiseless symphony that induced me to fall into a deep slumber. A sequence of instants passed swiftly, like a sudden storm, and I found myself nowhere. The more I was aimlessly wandering, the more my mind was filled with nothingness and chaos. It seemed to me to have been losing all that I owned, all at once, and I felt like an empty seashell filled with seawater and sand. All of a sudden I felt seaweed wrapping me up like a marine creature ready to explore the deepest abysses of the oceanic realm. Loneliness no longer took advantage of me because my phantoms and dreams had metamorphosed into magnificent and phantasmagoric chimaeras. At last, all the pangs and anguishes had left my heart, and nothing could have perturbed that state of peaceful bliss, which I discovered in my delightful nightmares. Phantoms and dreams had been replaced by mysterious ghouls and eerie nightmares. Nothing could have awakened me; not even the silver moonlight sparkling over me; not even the glimmering starlight shining in the night sky; for I had become the infinite darkness; eternally.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: melancholy
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Phantoms And Dreams
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Teardrops In The Desert
Teardrops in the desert of chaos and vulnerability were striking my face while the imperious sun was staring at me with its searing light, on the verge of overwhelming me.
The long summer nights allowed me to indulge in extravagant fantasies since I had always been fond of dreams and rainbows. But, nevertheless, I couldn’t help myself from finding the right direction.
The sun gave its place to the luminaries of the firmament, and I could perceive the feeble light of a lantern far away floating in the enchanted forest of my impossible dreams.
I became a shadow of the night and I could see the stars in their eyes, as if I were their celestial companion in the lonely nightfall. Teardrops in the desert metamorphosed into sighs and whispers in the deepest night of my life.
Without hesitation, I was tempted to embrace the chaos which was embedded in my heart, now that every delusional longing had departed from my dwelling. Hence, I strove for a stance on my fate, but I couldn’t see anything in my crystal ball.
Even the tarot cards refused to spell the truth, although I had interrogated them so many times as the number of stars. My hymns had been cast away from me as punishment for my quest to obtain that certitude that I never acquired.
Teardrops in the desert beneath my beloved moon flew like impetuous rivers at the sight of the twilight. Might I have been a brilliant star or a shy planet, I knew not. All I knew inside my heart was the sensation of a precarious destiny.
As invisible as I became and as untouchable as I pretended to be, I melted in the forest of thoughts and fears as an untamed creature of my own realm made of fantastic dreams and fancy illusions.
Elisabetta Esther -
Stars And Nightmares
Stars and nightmares alternated in the sky of my imagination
Unconscious, as I had been captivated by my nocturnal slumber
In weariness and freedom from anguish and fears
I felt like I was wandering in an endless labyrinth
Aimlessly seeking a direction or a sign
Nevertheless, I couldn’t release myself from that intricate situation
Although I was not afraid or concerned about my situation
I longed for tranquillity and stability, but I knew I couldn’t hold them in my fantastical existence
Now that the only things I could own were stars and nightmares
Nothing more for the instant I dreamed inStars and nightmares waited for me as loyal custodians of my illusional world
No distress could arm my resolute desire for infinite nights of impetuous fantasies hidden underneath a pile of regrets and expectations
Labradorite stones and precious gems with gold and silver wrapped around my arm like tempting ivies
Since I couldn’t avoid being myself in front of the mirror of life
I indulged in hiding behind the meadows of avoidance every time I refused to stare at my soul
Solitude had happened a long time ago when I fled the kingdom of sordid mortals
For I was a creature of the infinite abyss of darknessStars and nightmares had vanished from my dreams now that I’ve become more sceptical, and no candlestick or magic stone could grab my attention anymore
Even the sound of thunderstorms didn’t concern me
In my bizarre life of secrecy and balderdash, everything could have been possible and impossible at the same time
Because the pendulum of that realm had ceased to function, and no clock was willing to help me in that disorienting wilderness
In a gleaming darkness made of dreams, nightmares, hope and anguish, I merged with my deceitful daydreams
In an infinite loop of delight and bliss, despite the dread hiding beneath.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Shadows Of Solitude
The shadows of solitude followed me in my endless journey of self-discovery
No storm or fog could distract my search for the mysteries that my fate dared to hide from my gaze
Extravagant fantasies appeared as evanescent chimaeras glowing like stars in the darkness of the night
Ravens and crows gathered around me, whispering arcana secrets to me, as they already possessed the knowledge reserved for immortal spirits
Even the rain and wind didn’t encounter an effortless manner to rule that kingdom
Where inky feathers fell all over me while I saw blank mirrors floating like autumn leaves on a pondThe shadows of solitude guided me in the deepest night in the midst of the misty forest of my dreams
I followed the trail enlightened by scattered candelabras and poetry rhymes
My perseverance was unapologetic and I cared only for my own wonder
Since the day I decided to abandon my bitter memories and leave them in the swamp of my past
The majestic and fierce vault of a Gothic cathedral hid the vast starry sky, inducing me to listen to the sumptuous melody of an ancient organ
I felt dizzy as if under a magic spell that had been cast on me by my most hidden desiresThe dimness of my fears vanished immediately as if they never existed and they couldn’t hurt anymore
So much glistening light I found in the deepest gloominess
Guided by my untamed heart ready to embrace every unreachable mirage
I followed the phantasmic echoes of the nocturnal clouds staring at me in my intricate voyage without a specific destination
Since the day I had willingly lost myself within the mist of my own dreams
I was no longer startled by my limits because I decided to become infinite and potent like a lone glistening luminary
Belonging to eternity
Perfect in my frailties.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Night Lies Over Me
The night lies over me like an immense quilted blanket of stars and gloomy clouds
Sweet are the whispers of my dreams that welcome me into their magical alcove
Lost in the depths of my imagination
I continue to wander in the night
Unaware of my fate, I am blindfolded on my uncertain path
Letting the disquiet burn in my heart as if I were a candle in a storm
I wait for the thorns to turn into feathers in my secret garden of mystery
Everything is concealed from my eyes
And I wake up in the haze and turmoil
In front of me only emptiness and the scent of fear
How long could I have fed myself on the illusion of my dreams?
I know not as long as the clouds obscured the stars
I covet fondly the freedom of birds lingering in the firmament
I struggle intensely to catch a glimpse of withered flowers and evanescent butterflies
And the night lies over me again like a layered shroud
Quietly the wind whispers legends and enchantments
Taking me into the fantastic realm of chimaeras and the overworld
Where no mortal soul could be conceived
Since only fabulous creatures inhabit my fantasy
Loneliness surrounds me and hushes my eagerness to lose myself easily in the maze of foolishness
I sense my dreams as the only reality where I am my tangible self
An ocean filled with delusions and empty shells attempts to swallow my awareness
The exquisite scent of roses and magnolias cannot rescue me any longer
Since the oblivion of the night’s desires takes hold of me
It was too late for me to redeem my heart
In the solitude of the dusk
When everything seemed so painfully calm
Alas, could I finally find myself in the lost abyss of my ineptitude?
I sigh and dream
No further wisdom enlightens my vision
Now that the night lies over me.
Elisabetta Esther -
Waiting For My Dreams
Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther -
Castaway’s Desires
Castaway’s desires enticed me in the long winter nights, when the frozen branches of hollow trees caressed me softly, as they needed to approach my body.
The scent of burning candles devoured my enthusiasm and reminded me only of my hopeless misery. An everlasting burning desire strove to swallow my heart greedily like an invisible demon.
My insensitive inertia shattered my soul into pieces and I let the devastation take advantage of me. I was born to dissolve and to perish an infinite number of times in endless ways.
Frenzy and turmoil were my loyal guides like flaming torches in the deepest darkness, and they offered me their improper wisdom. I felt alive only because I embodied the distress that consumed me, leaving me in flames.
Indeed, it was true that scorching passion sometimes might have let me fall in love with things that destroyed, and that was what penetrated every part of me.
I was made of fire and glaze surrounded by the cold mist of my dark chamber where dimly lit candles were my only merriment.
The sweet screams of the night recalled to me who I really was. Obsession carved my vein instilling a tainted poison instead of blood. I became a creature of the realm of shadows and wraiths.
I was consumed by my own fantasies and foolish hallucinations. I had become the queen of frenzy among my lost memories of worlds which I once belonged to.
No mortal entity could see me because I was visible only to creatures of my own. There was no transformation in my staticity.
I could perceive the manifestation of my own tempest, like a tiny vessel in a stormy sea. Lost in the labyrinth of my dreams and dread, I was unable to discover the existence beyond time.
The great mystery of seeking my reflection in the immense mirror of life made me realise my nothingness. There was no end and there was no beginning but merely a vague silence clinging to me like luscious ivy.
Elisabetta Esther -
Entangled In My Own Disquiet
Entangled in my own disquiet
I found myself in a state of confusion
Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
I might have been able to overcome my fears
But I was not capable of escaping the lonelinessThere were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
While my sighs hid tears of griefThinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismayMany times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
But deceptions were always following my trail
I knew no serenity
Instead, I was condemned to wander endlesslyTime didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter nightI felt the discomfort of reality
It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
I lived as a doll locked in an airtight boxNo creature could ever perceive me
No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
No mirror could reflect my imageI was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymoreI had no longing, no desire left
I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
Elisabetta Esther -
Phantasmagoric Fantasies
Phantasmagoric fantasies were my kingdom of infinity and eternity
A divine refuge where I could fly freely like a fairy
Whenever the storms of fear and dismay came upon meI craved love and devotion like a thirsty blossom seeking the rain
Nevertheless, what I could find were relics of forgotten treasures and vessels of mystery
Silence was the only sound I could hear during my lonely and endless nightsMy beating heart was full of spells and illusions, trying to fill the void with silly desires
Although I had whispered my secrets to the luminaries glimmering in the night firmament
I could listen to the time ticking as it slipped like heavy raindropsThe flickering candlelight kept me warm while my heart sank in the gelid ocean of sorrow
For I was exiled to an evanescent world
Where everything was ephemeral and illusoryAs much as I clung to false hopes, nowhere was destined to ever become my beloved secluded niche
For I was fated to wander evermore without any guidance or aimQuaffing arcane potions, I fed my soul with darkness and fire
Perceiving my slow descent into the chasm of oblivion
I became a fierce sorceress willing to face any kind of hazardLost lyrics echoed in my mind as if they were fragments of my memories
The suspense of my fragility made me shiver like a delicate flower under the touch of a frosty wind
I got lost in phantasmagoric fantasies woven in my dreamsFor I was a dream myself, mesmerised by the beauty of my own imagination
Shunning the bitter truth that my broken mirrors insisted on revealing to meI had always been made of illusions, even though my broken heart persisted in loving chimaeras and ghosts, sinking into the infinite abyss of nothingness.
Elisabetta Esther -
Melancholic Discomfort
Melancholic discomfort was a mirror to my soul. Dead leaves fell with sadness. Sorrow grasped dreams and delight. The abyss of nothingness extended its boundaries. Delusional visions became gloomy shadows. Portals of darkness were sources of uncertainty. Illusion was reality but not anymore. Distances become journeys to surreal realms. Deceitful hopes were invisible traps
Silence hushed me as an imperious order. There was no prophecy able to entangle my fate. Everything was distorted and hypnotising. Obsessions clutched my heart with nails and quills. The horizon was shrouded in haze. Only darkness was guiding me in a labyrinth of bitterness and revenge. I saw squalor swallowing magnificence. I heard the screams of joy of demented fools. Their claws were embedded in precious paintings
At night I woke up overwhelmed by the moans of pain and dread. It was the visitation of those who had no voice. So many times, I wished to keep my heart in oblivion. But it was never the case. They came and their poison penetrated into my heart. I kept myself faraway from each one of them. At the end, my dreams had opened my eyes and I saw everything.
It was too late and too soon. Time had no sense anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything had become a dark nightmare. There was no escape. There was no salvation. I had been punished for having seen too much. Beyond any imagination. As if nature could have welcomed me to another realm. Where I was free from other mediocrity chains.
The mist enveloped me, as if it wanted to protect me from seeing things that would dishearten and hurt me. I had been shamelessly emulated by horrible ghouls who scrutinised me with envious and treacherous eyes. Copycats who used my lipstick-red shade strove to reproduce my portraits in a grotesque, ridiculous style.
Mediocrity and corruption wanted me to hush, because I had revealed their appalling secrets. But the wind was my ally and it brought my words to all the domains. My heart has been shattered and devastated. I had become a shell of myself. I couldn’t recognise my countenance in the silvery surface of cynical mirrors. I had no dreams anymore because I had lost any desire to return to my fantastical journey.
I was just a shell of myself, a ghost devoid of every hope to find the delights in a lugubrious existence. Touching the gelid walls of a house made of memories and bones, I was reminded of the several losses, demises and vaults, which were entangled in my heart. I had lost everything that was very dear to me in an indissoluble manner.
I felt a melancholic discomfort like sharp nails piercing my heart, and an absence of noise, as if I had already vanished before parting. Long nights expired slowly, as though they didn’t want to leave space for the daylight. I was annoyed at the thought of seeing clumsy and mediocre beings wallowing in a world filled with cornucopias and treasure chests.
I constantly felt like a creature condemned to see what I didn’t want to see. Squalor, venality, superficiality, and idiocy were served on platters of gold and gems as jewels of admiration and wisdom. I felt so disoriented and emptied of all my desires and dreams that I didn’t even know what I wished to accomplish anymore with my copious dreams in a tragic existence.
All my anguished thoughts turned into raw, unfiltered words. The sense of deep disappointment had disarmed me and I no longer knew what to do. Countless times I had lost myself and never found that part of me that had faded into oblivion. Lacklustre, shallow, and ostentatious mortals had shamelessly disconcerted me.
Their grimaces in front of the cameras and idiotic poses had dominated the scene along with their bottles of luxurious perfumes, their exorbitant chocolates, and their sumptuous jewels. I saw marionettes devoid of any decency, which were crowned queens of a fallen kingdom made of corrupted remnants and the dust of wickedness. 
I sat under a dead tree in the garden of disillusions, I was already exhausted by a profusion of daring adventures, feeling that I was no longer capable of moving forward. I had given up in the face of the devastation and desecration of beauty and art. I didn’t want to be part of that assembly that reeked of disintegration and decay pit.
But at the same time, I felt helpless because I could not save what had been cruelly torn away from me. My shattered heart stopped beating and turned into a heavy stone that made me fall into the abyss of nightmares. A fatal slumber had captured me, and I wept for the lack of dreams.
The melancholy of the memories of what I lost overwhelmed me like a stormy sea. I felt helpless in the face of a tsunami of catastrophic events that had infested my life. I didn’t want to know anything anymore. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore. I didn’t want to love anything anymore.
I locked myself in a refuge of perpetual silence, shunning everything that had damaged and scarred me. Every form of bliss had been relinquished since I had become a shadow in a world that didn’t belong to me any longer. I shunned the realm of degradation and profanity.
I had embodied all the despairs and struggles that had chased me, now that I was a shadow in a realm of darkness and doom. Dressed in fragments of forgotten beauty, I wandered aimlessly as if fate had abandoned me. A gentle breeze of restlessness and sadness enveloped me, as if to remind me that I still had a heart.
The hiss of loneliness was the only sound that constantly accompanied me. At the same time, I could not find a horizon or a destination to follow. I had regained myself by losing myself in the void, with the hope of forgetting everything that had erased me. I vanished like an evanescent cloud at twilight just before the eternal night came to announce its hegemony.
Elisabetta Esther