A shallow melancholy caught me in the labyrinth of torment and insomnia. My heart was pierced and disheartened by senseless whirlwinds of despair and anguish. I didn’t know where I was headed, but I could only feel a tremendous intimidation inside myself. A vast, gloomy shadow couldn’t allow me to see beyond the horizon. I had no destination, and it seemed that I had no free choice to escape from that doomed fate of mine. The haze was so dense, and the night was so dark that I couldn’t find any portal to allow me to leave. I screamed to the stars, but they refused to listen to my voice, and I was cast away from their gaze for eternity. The everlasting darkness granted me the utmost agony, and sorrow lulled me to a deadly slumber. So much I cherished my dreams, nevertheless, they vanished into the ashes of decay. Solitude and loneliness had spellbound me with their sombre and mournful enchantment. In a mystic aura, I was viscously bound to a magical realm of lost spirits and wicked wraiths, which whispered their laments to my ears. I knew not who I had become and what my name was. So much confused and chaotic was the state of my heart that it sank deeply into the abyss of devastation. I fell into ecstasy and bliss, enjoying my obliteration and every cut inflicted upon my body. Wounded and frantic, I shed tears of pleasure and delight. My sobs and sighs broke the solemn silence that was my most loyal companion in that kingdom of death and mortification. Frenzy squished me, and madness shattered my heart. I embraced the bitter emptiness, hovering like an ethereal creature in search of witchy dungeons and secret forests. And there were no beginnings nor ends in the domain of the shallow melancholy. I remained suspended from ropes, which led me into my perpetual descent. And I lay there, claimed by the hereafter.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: melancholy
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A Shallow Melancholy
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Seeking Dreams
Seeking dreams in nowhere on a winter night with no stars but only a mystical fog and gloomy clouds. Not even a bird was flying in the leaden and dark sky. Only the clouds were gazing at me like curious observers, and the wind whispered legends of despair to me.
I signed and dreamed of ocean floors paved with diamonds and stars. I fantasised about mermaids lost in submerged islands, and snow-capped waterfalls on remote cliffs. Time faded away when I was dreaming. Not even the impetuous cold rain could distract me from my nightdreaming.
Foolishness never abandoned me, while I was consumed by my passionate longings, which brought me to the edge of the universe. Wonderful darkness enticed me, and I summoned my own demons and spirits, surrounded by exquisite midnight flowers.
Folly and wisdom accompanied me in my everlasting journey to my hellish descent. Though I have visited heavens and abysses, boundless valleys and inaccessible mountains, I have always ended up at the very same point of origin, namely my ancient abyss of despair.
Seeking dreams in nowhere on a frosty night with no glimmering lights but only a ghostly haze and dismal shadows. No living creature crept close to me, but only wraiths and eerie ghouls, which kept following me in every abode and realm I dwelled in.
I foresaw my decay and the obliteration of all my dreams that I had sought for so long in vain. Drowning in the emptiness and losing my heart, that was a nightmare of mine, an incubus visiting my slumber. Arcane verses, evoking a magic spell, were carved on my body.
Scarlet flowers adorned my hair that flowed on my face, while my tears of sorrow soaked the frozen soil. Nightmares and thorns poisoned my never-ending nights, tainting the sky with chaos. Numbed and mesmerised by swirling griefs that never hesitated to tarnish my keenness, I softly succumbed to my unavoidable demise.
While seeking dreams, I harboured enemies in my soul, harming myself with obsessions that left scars all over my body. I had to renounce being myself and let the darkness swallow all my desires. In a realm of liminality, I was cast away and forced to endure agony.
Abandoned in my dismay, I found no solace but to metamorphose into sadness. I became what I had feared the most, the very thing that had damaged my heart. I ended up in loneliness and madness, seeing my own reflection staring back at me in fractured and disfigured mirrors.
Elisabetta Esther -
An Evanescent Bliss
An evanescent bliss came to me in my nocturnal dreams. It was like a bright flame that burned my heart, and I cherished it as a precious jewel. Although I knew it was just an ephemeral fantasy, it was my only treasure to live for. Until the day when my mirrors fractured, and truth became a deception.
So much dismay was inside my trial bones that I couldn’t realise I was still alive. Nevertheless, I wasn’t able to admit my loss. I was still willing to embrace illusions and to ignore forgery. And, at the end, I saw everything that was lying behind my imagination.
In a decrepit and dusty attic, I found chests of ambrosial delights laced with poison. They were there, on purpose, just to attract attention, but their intent was lethal. They were glad to offer delightful winks of bliss and joy in exchange for souls.
I lost my euphoria, and every thrill of ecstasy faded away. My mirrors revealed hidden secrets to my heart. I had to encounter my dreads, and the truth I didn’t wish to disclose. Candies tasted bitter and toxic. My blood was tainted with venom and revenge. Turmoil devoured my heart and turned my blood into a scarlet curse.
My misery transformed into chaos and resentment. I embodied the dungeon in which I was secluded. I became a victim of my own naivety, and it was too late to remove those poisoned, sharp daggers from my heart. What had teased me at first was now haunting me nastily.
I had to touch the emptiness to feel the darkness inside me. Dreadful enchantments enticed me like familiar spells. I sank into the abyss of sadness and desired my own self-destruction. Grief was engraved in my heart, and I completely forgot every kind of evanescent bliss.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Graveyard Of My Luscious Flowers
The graveyard of my luscious flowers appeared in all its majesty and magnificence, hiding arcane secrets and alluring spells of lost loves that were now just a scatter of dust and blood. My wicked heart had dragged me into the abyss of dismay where I had been pierced lusciously by devilish ghouls.
In the certitude that no creature loved me but all that I could cherish was the despised portrait of my dreams, which had been buried alive in the graveyard of my luscious flowers. Sweet funeral melodies floated like a gentle winter breeze, making me melt like a snowflake under the sun.
I huddled among the gravestones looking, for a trace of one of my flowers but I searched in vain because I found only slimy earth and ice. I could see shadows peeking out from the dry branches of dead trees, whose roots were soaked in despair and bones.
An exquisite storm ripped me apart and stole my shattered heart, along with all my desires and dreams. I dared to chase all the stars of the night sky; nevertheless, I couldn’t find them because they were not there for me. I had altered into an ethereal entity. I wasn’t alive. I wasn’t dead.
I fantasised about pointed shining swords and crimson incense, whenever a demon would seize me like a disposable porcelain doll. I wasn’t made of blood and bones anymore. I was a metaphysical creature made of turmoil and madness. Instead of a heart, I had an iron-made coffin.
I embraced the realm of death and depravity, and like a fierce ghost, I hunted treasure chests with hearts locked inside. Because, I yearned for love and passion, like a flower in the desert craved water. I was an everlasting flame, and I was a frosty blizzard.
I enjoyed being a wicked sorceress, ready to cast evil spells, and finding delight in my graveyard, confiding in my crows, skulls, and crimson roses. I amused myself by tasting sweet and bitter poisons and sipping the blood of my mortal prey. I swallowed nonsense and fire beneath the deep garnet moonlight.
I was disdain and love. I was death and life. I was darkness and light. I was lust and virginity. I was madness and wisdom. I was corruption and purity. I was horror and beauty. I was cruelty and virtue. Everything lingered within me, and nothingness swirled like a tempest inside me as well.
I was charred alive because of my foolish and insatiable lusts. Having no blood, flesh or bones, I was made only of fire and ice. Instead of a heart, I had an abyss of frenzy. My fondness for torture and stupor was infinite, like the oblivion of the universe.
The graveyard of my luscious flowers was my agony and my bliss. All my blood had been splattered upon the stormy wind and all my bones had been reduced to ashes. My soul belonged entirely to the magical realm of demons and witches, and embracing the doom became my only dream.
Elisabetta Esther -
My Enchanted Nights
My enchanted nights perished one by one, like creatures dying and being reborn, melting into a single, unique, and everlasting night. I fell in love, time and again, with monsters in the guise of magnificent and exquisite angels. I spent my endless nights casting spells and magic upon mortal souls.
I felt mad and sore as my heart was pounding in all its fury, like a winter storm at full might. My scorched heart had been repeatedly stabbed and torn to pieces. I cried and screamed in vain into the emptiness of the nocturnal sky, where I couldn’t see any stars.
I was dressed in dismay and grief, while the shadows of my beloved darkness wrapped me in their ethereal veil, begging all the ghosts of my imaginary realm to set me free from all the anguish and pangs I was condemned to hold in my bleeding heart.
In my enchanted nights, I was intoxicated by poison potions and magic spells, wondering if there was some way to flee my infamous fate, unsure as I felt myself in that absolute silence that enveloped me inexorably.
Distracted by enchanting melodies and disruptive rhymes that echoed in my mind, I became a part of the magical maelstrom that dragged me into the abyss of swoon and oblivion. I had transformed into a creature that refused the order of the mortal world.
My enchanted nights imbued me with chaos and stardust, inducing me to fall apart and renounce all the dreams I had once made an oath to. So much was I steeped in poison and witchcraft that I had forsaken my promises.
I had always been cursed by dreadful premonitions, as I was doomed to perish in decay and obliteration. My bygone, enchanted nights, made of glimmering luminaries, were nothing but faraway reveries.
Elisabetta Esther -
Sparkles Of Sadness
Sparkles of sadness manifested in the gloomy forest of my dreams. Lulled by a torpor of defeat and annihilation, I attempted to traverse a place unknown to me, with astonishment and wonder, yet, at the same time, with a heart steeped in sadness.
Although the silver moon illuminated this unknown and dark forest, the further I proceeded, the more it seemed that I was losing myself in oblivion and in the abyss of my fears and uncertainties, for it was there that I was rooted; my heart was torn by a sense of suspension into the void.
Indeed, I was overwhelmed by my nightmares, which slowly revealed themselves in the shapes of ghosts and wraiths, as I proceeded along my uncertain path without a clear destination. My gentle pains, which scourged my heart and disturbed my mind, rendered me powerless in the face of such apparitions.
Even unwillingly, I had fallen victim to a vicious and infamous game of which I was not the author. And I could not even, powerless as I was, awaken from that deadly torpor, which was destroying me every night, as the wind consumes even the most unyielding rock.
However much I struggled to oppose the oblivion that sought to annihilate me and erase my name, I could find no hold, no aid that might pull me out of that condition of misery and decay. My heart was lacerated and bled all my hopes like a raging cascade.
Suffering and pain were the only faithful companions that followed me everywhere. In this realm of sepulchral silence and sighs of souls that could find no peace, I remained still, awaiting my demise.
Bloodless, exhausted, I could no longer proceed and I fell beneath the weight of my own anguish, as if it were made of gigantic, menacing clouds bearing down upon me. And thus I vanished, leaving nothing but a trail of sparkles of sadness and blood, as if I had never been born, as if no one had ever known that I had existed.
Elisabetta Esther -
My Delight Was My Demise
My delight was my demise. My greed, so bitter and dark, gripped my heart, crushing it with all its essence, and all my most secret desires crumbled like shards of crystal upon the frozen, sorrowful ground. Alas, misery had destined me to be its sacrificial victim. And yes, I had no escape from my cruel fate.
However much I loved love and the delights of an existence made of dreams and gentle flowers. Reneged by mortals and secluded within my dark and comfortless crypt, I sought refuge in my fantasy, pursuing with my withered soul, steeped in sorrow, all my most hidden and forbidden desires.
I wept and shed as many tears as there are drops in the infinite ocean that stretched far away from me, since I was not granted the privilege of beholding it from my dark alcove. Nor was I allowed to see the stars, ever again in my lugubrious existence—such was my fatal destiny.
My only companion was my perpetual candle, which illuminated my lugubrious space, merely to remind me of my misery, my finitude, and my impotence. Ghosts of the past spied on me, casting shadows upon the decrepit walls, dilapidated by the storms.
The echo of my sighs reached the stars, which gazed at me with cynicism and indifference, as if I were unworthy of their affection, while dark and menacing clouds reminded me of my defeat. While scattered feelings bounced within my torn and bloodless heart.
Threatening shadows embodied my fears and my most turbid secrets, which I would never have been able to reveal to any soul. And so, between resignation and funerary torpor, I lay inert, as though I were a stone statue. In all my fragility and in all my vulnerability, I knew that what awaited me was nothing but the destruction of my heart, my essence, my very self—total obliteration and oblivion. They were my final destination.
Elisabetta Esther -
Infinity And Phantasmagoric Fantasies
Infinity and phantasmagoric fantasies were my kingdom of dust and decay
A divine refuge where I could fly freely like a fairy
When the storm of fears and dismay came upon me
I craved love and devotion like a thirsty blossom seeking the rain
Nevertheless, what I could find were silver daggers and poison ampoules
Silence was the only sound I could hear in my lonely and endless nights
My beating heart was full of spells and illusions, trying to fill the void with silly desires
Although I had whispered my secrets to the luminaries glimmering in the night firmamentI could listen to the time ticking as it slipped like heavy raindrops
The flickering candlelight kept me warm while my heart sank in the gelid ocean of sorrow
For I was exiled to an evanescent world
Where everything was ephemeral and illusory
And as much as I could cling to false hopes, nowhere was destined to ever become my beloved alcove
For I was fated to wander evermore without any guidance or aim
Quaffing poisoned potions, I fed my soul with venom and fire
Perceiving my descent into the chasm of self-destruction
Having become a fierce sorceress ready for any kind of dangerLost lyrics echoed in my mind as if they were fragments of my memories
The suspense of my fragility made me shiver like a frosty draught
I got lost in my dreams, dreaming of infinity and phantasmagoric fantasies
For I was a dream myself, mesmerised by the beauty of my own imagination
Shunning the bitter truth that my broken mirrors insisted on screaming at me
All along, I was made of illusions, even though my broken heart persisted in loving chimaeras and ghosts.
Sinking into the infinite abyss of nothingness.
Elisabetta Esther -
Entangled In My Own Disquiet
Entangled in my own disquiet
I find myself in a state of confusion
Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
I might have been able to overcome my fears
But I was not capable of escaping the lonelinessThere were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
While my sighs hid tears of griefThinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of destruction
Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismayMany times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
But deceptions were always following my trail
I knew no serenity
Instead, I was condemned to wander endlesslyTime didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter nightI felt the discomfort of existing
It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
I lived as a doll locked in an airtight boxNo creature could ever perceive me
No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
No mirror could reflect my imageI was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymoreI had no longing, no desire left
I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
Elisabetta Esther -
The Night
The night opens my heart, made of tragedies and memories. Silence remains merely an echo of my anguish.
Sweet is the thought of losing oneself in dreams when they become eternal whispers. The subtle play of revelations and allusions is a gentle kiss of love and passion that time does not disturb.
Light and shadow merge into one another, in an absolute love. The flames of the heart feed on the solitude of the soul beneath the starlight that no longer shines to illuminate, but to recall lost memories.
Endless games between illusion and wonder hide in the darkness of light. My sorrowful and shadowed heart has fallen into the chaos of eternal torpor.
I am a volcano of fire and chaos, surrounded by shadows of anguish and restlessness. My guardians are magical crows and silent hares.
In my solitude, melancholy and confusion are my faithful spectres that never abandon me.
Drowsy and dazed, I find refuge in my silent torpor: the distorted mirrors are the signs of my resignation.
Elisabetta Esther