Esther Racah Writer & Literary Blogger

Tag: melancholy

  • The Gaze Of My Heart

    The Gaze Of My Heart

    The gaze of my heart follows passions
    Like a moth entranced by the moon’s wicked glow
    Hovering through the realms of fire and shadow
    Where longings bloom in silent anguish

    It ignores wisdom, and it doesn’t fear any abyss
    Drawn to forbidden dreams and extravagant art
    My heart gleams at the verge of madness
    And it sculpts sorrow into an artwork of dark

    Through secret passageways of velvet dusk
    Where dreams entwine with heartbreaking sighs
    The gaze of my heart will never falter
    Even when a desire bleeds and dies

    Striving to forget the bruises of love and devotion
    Still, my heart never ceases to beat
    Even amid the wildest storm of life
    It bleeds but rises from the ashes of sorrow

    My heart drifts through shadows, refusing to break
    Carrying the weight of memories yet still seeking passion
    Bound by the chains of the past, yearning only to fly
    My heart weeps beneath the moon, longing for release

    Nonetheless, the night holds me captive
    I became a prisoner of grief and anguish
    And each tear of mine is a dream lost in the cold and silent air
    As I seek consolation and solace that I cannot find

    I reach through the darkness, yearning to touch the stars
    But they gleam and vanish in the infinite sky
    While the night conceals its secrets, shrouded in despair
    Like the fleeting touch of a dream that never could become tangible

    A gelid breeze of illusions hits me
    Whispering me only cruel and fleeting promises
    Trying to chase them, I end up in the emptiness
    My endless pursuit is a vacant seizure

    My heart becomes a frail ship adrift in an ocean of delusions
    Trembling at each dark shadow towering over it like a giant wave
    I search for meaningful signs in the endless nights
    Although the stars don’t gleam anymore for me

    In this abyss of sorrow, I remain
    Finding no rest
    The gaze of my heart loses its sight
    And the echo of my distressed soul is suppressed for eternity.
    Elisabetta

  • My Heart Is Made Of Ink

    My Heart Is Made Of Ink

    My heart is made of ink and blood
    My heart is made of fantasy and dreams
    Surreal place of celestial beauty and stars
    An enigmatic and impenetrable domain

    A realm where thoughts are tangled in fragile webs
    And spectral creatures swirl beneath the silvery light of forsaken moons
    While silent winds carry tales from ancient fables
    Under a sky brushed with infinite hues

    In this realm, I am both adrift and entwined
    My heart is bound to the ink that flows through my veins
    My entire body is blooming like a flower of rhymes
    Where verses unfurl from my petals and thorns

    A world tempest of emotions surges in my heart
    Crumbling my essence into the dust of decay
    Carving elegies upon the hollow firmament
    Where no stars are allowed to shine

    The constellation of startling stars dissolves into the abyss of emptiness
    The obscure chasm that stretches in front of me
    Alluring me in its terrifying emptiness to swallow my soul
    While letters are dripping from my fingers like midnight raindrops

    I became part of the eternity of the abyssal night
    I am no longer bound by shapes or names,
    I dissolve into the void of eternity,
    Like a tiny snowflake lost in the stillness of oblivion

    My desires are fading into the marrow of the darkness
    Within the silence, mysterious secrets are engraved in the bones of dreadful shadows
    And unspoken ballads are waiting to be unconcealed
    An inextinguishable flame is burning and flickering within the core of twilight

    I am drowning in the deep abysm
    Although even in the most profound darkness, ink still flows like blood from my heart
    And my insolent utterances burn against the void
    A ghostly glimmer where stars once shone

    My heart is made of ink and darkness
    My heart is a requiem of dreams and sorrows
    A secret alcove veiled by the mist of silent elegies.
    Elisabetta

  • The Thorns Of Anguish

    The Thorns Of Anguish

    The thorns of anguish pierced my heart
    Making it bleed in dismay
    In a distressing struggle in my sleepless nights

    I wouldn’t feel any pleasure anymore
    In this short existence of mine
    And the only certitude remained was a frantic dream

    A foolish dream made of many other dreams
    A multitude of hallucinations
    Ready to make me feel a joyful fool

    I’m not of this world of homologated humans
    I’m made of dreams and illusions
    I’m not a human at all, being an ethereal creature of the night

    Hiding under the blankets of my bed
    I pretend to be the queen of my realm of ether and chaos
    Avoiding to accept reality and its social conventions

    I write because I feel there is no other way to express my inner world
    In trivial and merry moments of my life

    Oftentimes, I wouldn’t feel any pleasure anymore
    Nor sadness, nor dread, nor longings
    For I had become nothing more than a spirit

    I floated endlessly through the enchanted woods
    Among elves and fairies whispering me secrets
    While I was feeling blissful and bewildered at the same time

    The thorns of anguish pierced my heart again and again
    Until the last drop of blood would drip on the cold soil
    In my secret garden of dreams and nightmares

    In my arcane heaven, illusions bloomed alongside despair
    And I would have become an impalpable and gloomy shadow
    Incapable of feeling sorrow and mirth

    I had forgotten the hypocrisy of the disowned reality
    Because I was so much lost in my metaphysical realm
    An intricate labyrinth created by my own mind

    I became a phantom bound to an endless twilight
    I was a creature of eternal dusk
    Fading into the hush of the night mist

    The moon cast silver woes
    In my everlasting fantasy
    Forever dissolved in nothingness.
    Elisabetta

  • Extraordinary Phantasmagorias

    Extraordinary Phantasmagorias

    Extraordinary phantasmagorias came to visit me in my dreams
    In the realm of marvel and delusion
    Where everything was possible
    I could finally find myself, pretending to be a fictitious apparition

    A sordid trepidation captured my attention
    Instead of enjoying the glowing light of my dreams
    I became a frail and ethereal soul submitted to a brutal destiny
    As in an ocean storm, I surrendered to the fury of an enraged chasm

    Slowly I sunk into the deep abyss of the infinite universe
    No matter how I could have strived to keep myself alive
    The abysm swallowed me, claiming me as a creature of his own
    Therefore, my sobs and cries could not rescue me

    My extraordinary phantasmagorias forsook me
    As I was not anymore a creature of their realm
    Indeed, I became a spirit of the tormented Stygian tenebrosity
    Where I was not so privileged to desire beauty and magnificence

    Nonsense was my only escapism
    Madness was my only way to endure such a startling world
    As if I wished to disguise my anguish under the impression of delirious mirth and illusory bliss
    After all, I preferred to foolish myself rather than embrace the cruel misery of reality

    Although I aimed to succeed in my perseverance and wisdom
    I have let my fatuity win and take over my mind and heart
    A captive of my own abyss, I wandered endlessly,
    Lulled by the whispers of my shattered illusions.

    Not even the wind of intemperance welcomed my weepings
    And yet no soul could hear my restless sorrows
    Time became a fantasy and an endless ritual
    As I drifted through the labyrinth of forgotten dreams

    All that survived was a remote hymn of defeated longings,
    Fading into the eternal night,
    While I dissolved into the silence of my own despair.
    Elisabetta

  • Awaken By Nightmares

    Awaken By Nightmares

    Awaken by nightmares at nightfall
    I surrender to the sense of my fragility and languor
    Condemned to wander perpetually in the forest of darkness
    With no clear direction to follow

    Stroked by the gelid indifference of humankind
    I am lured to the realm of my dreams and delusions
    To avoid facing reality and shun all conformism that brings me down
    Choosing to stop hiding my emotions and let them flow like a winter rainfall

    I decided to live on chimaeras and desires
    Being determined that there is no impossibility
    But everything is possible and feasible
    As long as I belong to the world of dreams

    Awaken by nightmares amid the night
    My will leaves me and I become a paradox and absurdity
    Because madness and folly strive to entangle me in their labyrinth with no escapes
    Where I am bound to the whims of my fancies

    I dissolve into the ethereal and I see that all my visions and dreams are real
    And now the world where I live is magnificent and exquisite
    I don’t feel pain, nor anguish, nor fear
    Everything is beautiful and nonsense as it must be

    When we greet and wish each other Good Morning or Good Evening
    What do we really wish for?
    Do we mean to continue our day as regular and similar to the previous one?
    Or do we aim for something more spectacular and extravagant?

    Most of the people live like monads
    Always connected but disconnected and indifferent
    Always connected but lonely and sad
    They say, “Dress to impress,” but I would rather confirm that people wear masks just to avoid being themselves and exposing their flaws

    Do we keep ourselves alive just to survive or to live?
    I never understood the humankind mindset
    It could be I’m not from this world but from another realm
    Impressive would be to see humans show and manifest their real emotions and impulses
    After all, we should all be awakened by nightmares to live our dreams.
    Elisabetta

  • Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost In My Thoughts

    Lost in my thoughts like a leaf is carried away by the wind
    In my garden of forbidden fruits and poisonous flowers
    Noticing all the colours and scents in their variety
    As I approach them, they reveal their secrets to me

    Memories stroke me like soft petals
    While I dream about the infinity of the universe
    As I explore the city streets among light and darkness
    Contemplating the sublimity of the stars

    In my loneliness, my only companion is my shadow, following me everywhere I go
    And I slowly realised that all my existence had been an illusion
    A delusional dream that enclosed me in a crystal cage
    And enslaved by my obsessions, I strive to survive

    I always find myself thinking about him, even though it has been a while since I last saw him
    His smile and voice made me melt like a snowflake under the sun of his beautiful soul
    Crying because I miss him, although I don’t know him
    Being so far yet so close, I surrender to my senses, bedazzled by love and frightened by the unknown

    I feel like a red flame bird soaring high in the sky
    Reaching for the stars in a firmament of diamonds and corals
    Only to fall down into the dim chasm of my anguish
    Where all my teardrops had created a blustery ocean

    My name is carved in every star as soon as I touch them
    And lost in my thoughts, I wish that my desires may be realised
    Delusional and silly, I’ve always been waiting for blessings and happiness
    Although all that I could see was an empty desert of sad desolation

    Remaining awake and dazzled, I try to realise that all my existence didn’t make any sense
    My unique hope relies on my dreams and illusions
    Therefore, I feel aghast by my disdainful fears and insecurities
    While I get lost in my dangerous thoughts.
    Elisabetta

  • I Mystify My Tragedy

    I Mystify My Tragedy

    I mystify my tragedy into my poetry
    I become words and ethereal thoughts
    Delusion is my name since I live of illusions
    While the frozen truth manifests through a stormy wind

    Faraway but not too much, there is my desire
    The object of my obsession and passion
    So close to me and yet a kind of distant
    Hope is my name since I live of wishes

    Call me a visionary and fool
    But my spirit belongs to a storm bounding me
    Like an invisible spiderweb in which I’m a captive
    Sad and lonely, desperate and disheartened

    So I’m writing my poem of self-introspection
    Ready to fall down from a cliff of dreams
    Until I reach the abyss of oblivion and emptiness
    To declare myself a non-living creature striving to exist

    I pretend to appear as a living person
    Not revealing my mighty fantasy and extravagance
    No one calls my name anymore
    Although everyone sees me

    Who can wonder what will be in the fate of the world
    A realm of corruption and confusion
    Where deception is served as the holy truth
    And wisdom under the shape of violence

    I mystify my tragedy into my dreams
    Longings pierce me deeply
    Until I bleed my soul out
    Like an instantaneous rainstorm

    Invisible to everyone
    I wander in the night
    Where darkness and solitude are my solaces
    Probably envisioning everlasting love

    Sombre whispers become numbed sighs
    Nothing to cherish
    Nothing to forget
    Just instants of eternity lost in the infinite void

    Call me when you see me in your dreams
    Although you don’t know my name
    Having seen me as an apparition
    Soft is always the remembrance of you

    Sleeping as the slumber possesses me
    In its chaos and convulsions
    I feel nothing more than a gentle cry
    A cry to suppress my anguish and pang of love.
    Elisabetta

  • Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic Thoughts

    Claustrophobic thoughts on solitude and self-love
    Duty was the master of my obsessions
    Although I was travelling in an unreachable remote realm
    Where I was not aware that I could have dreamed

    The surprise of being a part of the time and eternity
    But as an invisible and ethereal creature of darkness
    Longing I could manifest all the desires of mine
    Faraway from ambiguous wicked beings

    Enticed by my love and desire for my untouchable beloved
    Who perceived but ignored my passion for him
    Hence, frustration and impossibility separated me
    Keeping me awake at night and a dreamer in the middle of the day

    Whenever I could have the chance to meet him
    I would rejoice in his vision and sometimes voice
    Striving to obtain some quick and volatile attention
    For just a few instants that sounded like an eternity

    Silence and loneliness waited for me
    In every corner of my mind
    Whenever my hope could have been fulfilled
    In my naive dreams

    Waiting was the only option
    Even forever
    As long as I could be there not far from him
    With my heart

    Dreams and illusions are my merriment
    Like a multicoloured lamp enlightening sleepless nights
    While my claustrophobic thoughts trapped my mind
    In a vortex

    Letting the river of life captivate me
    I float like a leaf on the cold waters of fate
    When uncertainty is the ruler of the realm
    Echoing my name

    Words like carved truths on my soul
    Conducting me to my unknown destination
    I become words
    I become memories

    Vanishing in the void
    All that remains of me are my fears and longings
    Cling to my love
    Burning like an inextinguishable flame
    Pure like the blossom of a crimson rose.
    Elisabetta

  • The Ocean of Gloominess

    The Ocean of Gloominess

    The ocean of gloominess stretched before me and beyond any imagination, displaying all its magnificence and supremacy.

    Fears and insecurities became ominous shadows that grew bigger, like intense storms dragging me deep into the abyss of oblivion.

    Freezing was the wind that embraced me with its long, spiky arms like a sweet and sour betrayal that ripped my heart.

    I would embrace non-existence rather than existence as a valley of distress and pain where I don’t find any place of joy and peace.

    Not relying on trust anymore, searching desperately for the truth buried underneath, I laid down on the cold soil, waiting for my eternal slumber to drag me away.

    Teardrops covered my face, freezing under the shapes of crystals and gems, now that nothing would have remained.

    And so, I became a part of that frozen realm where all the trees and flowers were made of insensitive frost.

    Not feeling anything anymore was my source of delight and amusement. I strived to forget all the memories as if I really never existed.

    The ocean of gloominess enticed me with its mystery and illusions, its sovereignty and cruelty.

    The nothingness lured me over and over again till I fell into the snare of the void where I coveted to finish like an ethereal dream of mine.

    Hence, I fainted again in a deadly slumber, a permanent one from which I couldn’t wake anymore, becoming just a frail, glimmering snowflake.

    Fleeting moments became remembrances to be obliterated like sand devoured by the wind. And dread overcame every little sparkle of mirth, leaving me adrift in the eternity of despair.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah

  • The Eternal Night

    The Eternal Night

    The eternal night within myself was sombre and mysterious,
    Like an obscure, vast, nocturnal ocean welcoming the starless night sky,
    A dark sky diving down into the sea depths.

    Obsessive was the wind hissing ominously against me,
    And in the same time, pushing me inside that frightening water realm,
    Where I was very driven to jump and disappear forever.

    Alone and lonely, I remained on the brink of the precipice,
    From where I heard a captivating spell of death and delight,
    Forgetting about every endeavour to endure a ruthless existence.

    I became the night, and the darkness pierced me like a sharp, poisoned arrow,
    Ready to be destroyed like a fragile crystal flower,
    With the awareness that I would become a part of the infinite void.

    And an absolute silence lit the memories within myself,
    Condemning me to relive my past,
    A realm I’ve always sought to escape.

    The void opened its maw, revealing itself a chasm of legends and glooms,
    Summoning me with its enchanting spell, recalling all I had lost,
    A dirge was sung by several faceless mirrors of sorrow and despair.

    Each remembrance burned like a fading flame,
    Illuminating instants that I dared not revisit,
    Although they lived like unbidden guests inside the darkness of my soul.

    I strived to stay away from that endless obscurity,
    Trembling as soon as its cold grasp reached and touched me,
    Provoking disturbing sensations and visions within me as fragments of life shattered into countless pieces.

    The waves below surged like spectral wraiths,
    Touching, pulling, claiming me as their own belonging,
    Promising delight and mirth in the depths of nothingness.

    I lingered suspended in that ethereal dwelling between life and death,
    Between the yearning to vanish,
    And the curse of perpetual souvenirs.
    Esther Elizabeth Racah