Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: despair
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Waiting For My Dreams
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In The Abyss Of My Thoughts
In the abyss of my thoughts
I felt the shadows of my dark memories
All over my dreams like hunting ghosts
Feeding my fears with their perfidyI felt the chills of my terrible past
Breaking my heart into a myriad of disillusions
I begged my broken mirrors not to bring to life those remembrances
Crowding my nightmares in desolate nights of anguishEverything now seems so different and irreversible
My cries are full of tears of liberation
Even though I cannot escape from the labyrinth of my mind
It feels like my soul aches has become my radianceMy nightmares came to be my companions
I’m unbound from my ancestral ropes
Nevertheless
My soul is overwhelmed with a cloudy trepidationI strive to endure all those ghouls
Surrounding me like unexpected ancestors
Whenever they visit me by day and night
Covering my fragile voice with their scary howlsIn vain, I begged them to definitely vanish
But they came back over and over again
Nothing could prevent them from visiting me
And I struggle to welcome them as welcome guestsIn the abyss of my thoughts
I rely on my hopes to linger like a lost butterfly
While every storm tries to bring me back to the castle of blight
Committed to the solemn oath of silence and forgetfulnessIn vain, I implored all the stars of the night sky to find a haven
Not even the immense ocean waves were willing to listen to my concerns
Whenever my heart aches, it echoes all over the universe
Loneliness evolved into my only safe island of peaceI wished I could continue to live inside my sparkling cloud of illusions
I desired to be the princess of my dream kingdom
However, there I lingered
In the abyss of my thoughts.
Elisabetta Esther -
Castaway’s Desires
Castaway’s desires enticed me in the long winter nights, when the frozen branches of hollow trees caressed me softly, as they needed to approach my body.
The scent of burning candles devoured my enthusiasm and reminded me only of my hopeless misery. An everlasting burning desire strove to swallow my heart greedily like an invisible demon.
My insensitive inertia shattered my soul into pieces and I let the devastation take advantage of me. I was born to dissolve and to perish an infinite number of times in endless ways.
Frenzy and turmoil were my loyal guides like flaming torches in the deepest darkness, and they offered me their improper wisdom. I felt alive only because I embodied the distress that consumed me, leaving me in flames.
Indeed, it was true that scorching passion sometimes might have let me fall in love with things that destroyed, and that was what penetrated every part of me.
I was made of fire and glaze surrounded by the cold mist of my dark chamber where dimly lit candles were my only merriment.
The sweet screams of the night recalled to me who I really was. Obsession carved my vein instilling a tainted poison instead of blood. I became a creature of the realm of shadows and wraiths.
I was consumed by my own fantasies and foolish hallucinations. I had become the queen of frenzy among my lost memories of worlds which I once belonged to.
No mortal entity could see me because I was visible only to creatures of my own. There was no transformation in my staticity.
I could perceive the manifestation of my own tempest, like a tiny vessel in a stormy sea. Lost in the labyrinth of my dreams and dread, I was unable to discover the existence beyond time.
The great mystery of seeking my reflection in the immense mirror of life made me realise my nothingness. There was no end and there was no beginning but merely a vague silence clinging to me like luscious ivy.
Elisabetta Esther -
Entangled In My Own Disquiet
Entangled in my own disquiet
I found myself in a state of confusion
Collapsing into a vortex of chaos and despair
I might have been able to overcome my fears
But I was not capable of escaping the lonelinessThere were no mirrors in my secret dwelling
Where candles and shadows were my loyal confidantes
And an absolute silence was soothing me like a soft lullaby
While my sighs hid tears of griefThinking of myself as a tiny leaf in an immense ocean
I was surrendered to fate, ready to be swallowed up in the abyss of oblivion
Lost in a turmoil of obsessions and dismayMany times I wished to escape from the labyrinth of my fantasies
But deceptions were always following my trail
I knew no serenity
Instead, I was condemned to wander endlesslyTime didn’t know me as I existed in a surreal dimension
I belonged to the realm of darkness and obliteration
And I was a victim of the impetuous winds of the long winter nightI felt the discomfort of reality
It was like wearing a sumptuous dress made of thorns and quills
I lived as a doll locked in an airtight boxNo creature could ever perceive me
No creature could ever hear my sobs and sighs
No mirror could reflect my imageI was inevitably entangled in my own disquiet
Although the stillness around me pacified my soul
I didn’t feel any urgency to rescue myself
Indeed, my drowsy heart couldn’t perceive anything anymoreI had no longing, no desire left
I’ve never been in the garden of devotion and love
I’ve always been shrouded in clouds of invisibility
Always surrounded by candles and spiderwebs
Lost in a cloud of incense and blooming night flowers
Elisabetta Esther -
Love Like A Sweet Poison
Love like a sweet poison seeped into the heart, and time no longer existed in the realm of the eternal night. Passion burned as an everlasting flame and it altered into eternal desire.
A tenacious devotion was rooted in a ground made of ice and stardust. And I stood among crimson roses and the nocturnal mist, under the sight of an eerie moon.
The darkness enveloped me like a sumptuous dress wrapped around me. The faraway shadows of anguish and dread were chasing me like ominous ghouls.
I was seeking ghosts that reminded me of lost loves while wandering accompanied by my madness as the only chaperone.
No pang could ever touch me anymore since I’ve been depleted of my heart that was standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, beating loudly like an incessant cry.
My only way to exist was to roam erratically without any guidance. I was already a creature of the world of darkness. I had altered a myriad times in numerous ways.
I had definitely forsaken the world of mortals, with whom I never felt any affinity. I didn’t mind losing myself in that tremendous labyrinth.
As far as I could proceed, I felt the nothingness swallowing me with delight. A storm had subjugated me and shattered my being.
Not even a speck of myself had been kept by the frozen soil, because a whirlwind had stolen my essence. I was held captive by the abyss of darkness and there were no expectations or delusions.
I finally remembered as a long-lost memory that time no longer existed, when love seeped into the heart like a sweet poison. It burned slowly, transforming into eternal desire.
And there I lay down underneath the soil soaked with ice and flames with my heart standing on a dry branch of a dead tree, dreaming fearlessly and ceaselessly like a funerary elegy.
Elisabetta Esther -
Fluster And Frenzy
Fluster and frenzy
My guardian ghouls
They came to rescue me
During a dreadful slumber
I felt frozen shadows all over me
It was magical and startling
Nevertheless, the fear came to me
I was wandering, lonely and vulnerable
They were chasing me in the dead of night
I could hear their steps behind me
But I couldn’t discern a shadow from a glimmering star
As the clouds had overwhelmed the night sky
While the moon had vanished quietlyWherever I attempted to proceed
I couldn’t find a portal through which to flee from that abode
My gown, adorned with crimson roses and snow, looked after me silently
The creatures of the underworld traced my every movement
It seemed to me that I was mesmerised by their spells
While a chain of thorns entwined my body like a metallic vine
I was an evanescent creature, dissolving into the abyss of decay and despair
Under the indifferent gaze of the stars, cold and leadenSoft snowflakes were falling all over me
Kissing my weary and fragile skin
Trembling and sobbing, I had to face my fears and my merciless fate
No refuge was granted to me
No lovely embrace was going to welcome me
I had lost all my hopes, and my longings were reduced to ashes
I was condemned to wander endlessly in an abyss of gloom
Where I completely vanished, and no memories of my existence were left
Fluster and frenzy were no longer my guardian demons, but the ominous and frightening facets of myselfHow could I have deceived myself so recklessly?
How could I have allowed myself to surrender to demise?
It was so vicious to admit that I had sunk into oblivion ominously
Moreover, my name had been erased from the mortal realm
My longing for oblivion had unexpectedly taken shape
I was ensnared by the oddities I had forged within myself
They swallowed my heart each time I was overwhelmed by an intense passion
I had become the creator of my own descent
Each flame of desire had turned into a thorn of yearning, binding me with devout cruelty
Nothing could have been halted anymore
I was destined to obliteration.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Shadows Of Shame And Madness
The shadows of shame and madness spread over me like majestic, silent trees
While the wind whispered decadent lullabies to my ears during my deep slumber
I was dreaming and not, since I embodied my illusions in a game of love and hate
I had even forgotten my name and who I really was becoming
I tried to see my reflection in the several mirrors I encountered in my dreams
Each moment I could hold my memories no longer
I was incredibly erratic and mesmerised, although delighted
I sensed the scent of deception in my withered flowers, so full of decadence and broken passionsThe shadows of shame and madness darkened my windowless and hopeless abode
It was as if I had lost the ability to hold on to hopes that had vanished like grains of sand in the wind
And for the first time, I could see the dark clouds as ominous omens
I didn’t want to see because of the fear burning in my heart, bleeding for all the lost love
I had embraced a lugubrious isolation and I had shunned every contact with mortals
A deafening silence was my way to express myself and my feelings
Dark shadows had filled my heart with dismay and disdain
I had ceased to wait for my future tomorrows and I lived in an eternal state of fantasiesIn this realm with no time and orientation, it was like wandering in an endless desert made of dead roses and thorns
Even the cold rain hit me with its icy drops full of vengeance and scorn
As I encountered several versions myself dispersed along my path of dark solitude
The more I knew the truth, the more I wanted to forget
My only desire was to fly free like a bird among clouds and stars
I longed so much to disregard all my dismay and distress
As much as I could forget who I really was, however, I fell deep into the abyss of despair
And the tears of remorse and regret covered my face like a thick veil of anguishI had embodied my own sorrow, and the shadows of shame and madness obscured the sky
I didn’t see the sun or the moon, and the stars had shunned me
I had been forsaken by my own wicked fate
I wandered endlessly to fall in love with my dreams again
I strove to start again as I was never born
Although my heart was on fire like an inextinguishable flame, the burden of exhaustion sank me deep down the chasm of impenetrable and mighty darkness
I had vanished in the emptiness like a withered flower in the stormy wind
And not even the flowers and trees recalled my name
As I was never born.
Elisabetta Esther -
Ensnared In My Own Obsessions
Ensnared in my own obsessions, tricked by my own illusions, I wandered, lost in the abyss of my fantasies. Nightmares were lulling me to sleep on a winter night, while soft whispers were revealing terrible truths to me.
Time was slow like my heartbeat. I couldn’t cope with my anguish. It was a massive pain that devoured my heart constantly and slowly. Slow was the time. Slow was the consistency of all my pangs inflicted on me.
Far away, I couldn’t perceive any clear horizon because respite was cast away from me. I could have cried; I could have screamed; I could have broken free from every cruel distress, no mortal soul would have ever noticed it, in the realm of sugary masquerades and coffee goblets.
Overwhelmed by the sense of oblivion and nothingness, I begged my fate to make me forget my bitter and sad memories, in an attempt to save myself from destruction. Teardrops of crystal ran across my face until they fell into darkness in the absolute silence of the eternal night.
And I finally sipped the very last drop from my toxic goblet. I could feel my heart fracture in all its power, and my body shake with bliss and delight. I embodied my decay fiercely, and flames engulfed me impetuously.
Shadows captured me viciously with their menacing claws, ripping my heart to fierce sparkles of passion. Shivers of euphoria and panic coursed through my mind, and my body was under the influence of a magic spell.
The void claimed me as if I were a creature of its tragic realm. That immortal doom seized me in a dungeon where no starlight could penetrate. I hesitated and sighed in the midst of the nocturnal haze, which hid the deception of my dreams.
Ensnared by my own obsessions, fooled by my own delusions, I strolled in the chasm of my daydreams, although I was confused. I couldn’t feel loneliness anymore because of my imagination. I couldn’t discern anymore what was real and what was not.
I strove to feel calm and so much wished to be a star glowing in the sky among clouds and moons.
I aimed to be infinity and emptiness. My heart became a labyrinth of frenzy and murkiness. I was longing to be taken away from my hallucinations.And I wailed to the firmament a multitude of times over, though I knew that no creature was willing to hear my laments. Wicked ghosts cast a spell over me, mesmerising me, and I surrendered to their shadiness, mistaking it for deliverance.
Elisabetta Esther -
A Shallow Melancholy
A shallow melancholy caught me in the labyrinth of torment and insomnia. My heart was pierced and disheartened by senseless whirlwinds of despair and anguish.
I didn’t know where I was headed, but I could only feel a tremendous intimidation inside myself. A vast, gloomy shadow wouldn’t allow me to see beyond the horizon.
I had no destination, and it seemed that I had no free choice to escape from that doomed fate of mine. The haze was so dense, and the night was so dark that I couldn’t find any portal to allow me to escape.
I screamed to the stars, but they refused to listen to my voice, and I was cast away from their gaze for eternity. The everlasting darkness granted me the utmost agony, and sorrow lulled me to a fatal slumber.
Although I cherished my dreams, they vanished into the ashes of decay. Solitude and loneliness had spellbound me with their sombre and mournful enchantment.
In a mystic aura, I was viscously bound to a magical realm of lost spirits and wicked wraiths, which whispered their laments to my ears.
I knew not who I had become and what my name was. So much confused and chaotic was the state of my heart that it sank deeply into the abyss of havoc.
I fell into ecstasy and bliss, enjoying my decay and every pang bestowed upon my heart. Hurt and frantic, I shed tears of bliss and elation.
My sobs and sighs broke the solemn silence that remained my most loyal companion in that kingdom of demise and chagrin.
Frenzy distressed me, and turmoil shattered my heart. I embraced the bitter emptiness, hovering like an ethereal creature in search of magic vaults and secret forests.
And there were no beginnings nor ends in the domain of the shallow melancholy. I dangled from spectral threads that drew me into my perpetual disintegration. And I lay there, claimed by the hereafter.
Elisabetta Esther -
Wonderful Darkness
Wonderful darkness in the midst of my dreams shrouded me in its velvety dark veil, inlaid with stars and crescent moons. I was frightened to lose myself in the infinite void in front of me. Chaos enthralled me, as I was cast out of every solace, and I made acquaintance with demons and nightmares.
I was everything, and I was nothing. I was infinite, and I was confined. No shapes or colours could define me, as I had lost my primordial impression. A festive creature had announced to me a decadent fate to me, leaving me withered flowers and branches covered with thorns. Although hesitation grasped me, I was determined to embrace the defiant distress that confined me in a dungeon of tears and vexations.
Sweet dreams became dreadful nightmares whenever I was beset by tainted slumber. Candles were burning in the night haze, while I listened to the roars of fierce thunder. My tense heart fainted as it bestowed every drop of its essence to impatient and greedy spirits. In confusion and silence, I remained still like a frozen sculpture.
I had severed all empathy for my past self. Decline was my inevitable destiny, and I sank deeper and deeper into the abyss of despair. Skeletons of memories claimed me from their otherworldly home. Ethereal flames adorned me like a fiery crown. In my eternal dream, I was flying free like a butterfly on a spring morning.
Nonetheless, what was expected was a storm of wrath and demise. Wonderful darkness had entangled me in a quagmire filled with ghosts and howls. My heart was viciously tormented, fractured and torn to pieces. I couldn’t find a shadow willing to grant me even a fragment of marvel.
The firmament hid the stars’ bright glow beneath dark and threatening clouds, and I acquiesced to my fate. Evanescent shadows wrapped me with their mysterious soliloquies. I traversed my last portal without any hope of return. My name was obliterated, and my heart was swallowed by wonderful darkness. Through loss, vexation, and oblivion, I was consecrated to the eternal and infinite night.
Elisabetta Esther