Waiting for my dreams to wither like dry flowers
Constantly sinking into the oblivion of sadness and dizziness
Unaware of what could happen to my soul
Having lost every hope to save my dreams
Finding my sweet haven in my darkest grief
Slowly avoiding thinking and surrendering to the course of my vicious fate
I let the ocean waves swallow me into the chasms of unconsciousness
To avoid seeing the reflection of my memories in mirrors of shady dismay
The silence of the night lulled me to a deep slumber where I finally could feel peace and gaiety
My idle heart became a frozen stone full of sand and dust
Whilst I wandered in the desolate forest of my fears
Waiting for my dreams to be my only consolation
For I was aware of the evanescence of the stars gleaming in the night sky
Indeed, every single anguish of mine became a tiny leaf that the cold breeze lifted away from my gaze
So quickly was flowing my existence like a tumultuous river that I lost the sense of time
And I remained therefore languid in a garden without flowers or trees
A garden of darkness and shadows where no mortal could find me
My foremost hideaway in which I could flee the hideous threats from the world of reality
I didn’t pay attention to the consequences of my enchanted illusions
Dread and cynicism accompanied me at every step as unwelcome and unavoidable guests
Secrets were locked within me and only nonsense was guiding me in the eternal gloom of my seclusion
In vain I strove to reach out to the moonlight
Nevertheless, I had been cast away too far
Surrounded by nothing but loneliness and bleakness
I was left crying tears made of madness and turmoil.
Elisabetta Esther
Tag: soul
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Waiting For My Dreams
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The Night
The night opens my heart, made of tragedies and memories. Silence remains merely an echo of my anguish.
Sweet is the thought of losing oneself in dreams when they become eternal whispers. The subtle play of revelations and allusions is a gentle kiss of love and passion that time does not disturb.
Light and shadow merge into one another, in an absolute love. The flames of the heart feed on the solitude of the soul beneath the starlight that no longer shines to illuminate, but to recall lost memories.
Endless games between illusion and wonder hide in the darkness of light. My sorrowful and shadowed heart has fallen into the chaos of eternal torpor.
I am a volcano of fire and chaos, surrounded by shadows of anguish and restlessness. My guardians are magical crows and silent hares.
In my solitude, melancholy and confusion are my faithful spectres that never abandon me.
Drowsy and dazed, I find refuge in my silent torpor: the distorted mirrors are the signs of my resignation.
Elisabetta Esther -
Dreams And Chimaeras
Dreams and chimaeras make me forget my worries and anguish.
Surrounded by memories, broken mirrors, and interrupted cries.
I lie languid like a flower stunned by the morning dew.Silence is a sweet melody that distracts me when I no longer understand where life is leading me.
And in the night I hear the sound of loneliness like a sudden omen of abandonment and defeat.The darkness paints imaginary landscapes in my mind.
The sound of the clouds reminds me to forget my name and hang my soul upon the shadows to rest.
Leaden nightmares drag me down into the abyss of despair.Far away I can hear the screams of my fears calling out my name.
So I take the chance to follow their trail in the obsidian forest.
Where I try to find my image in mirrors that whisper to me.Murmurs of pain and betrayal appear to me as shapes of magic bliss.
In my madness, I exist as a free bird of the night.
Closed doors become gates to infinity.
Forever bound to my lack of reality.I live in the surreal chasm to which I will always belong.
Abysm and love blend like mysterious revelations.
They own my heart and my soul eternally.Imagination guides me toward the garden of illusions.
I become the most delusional creature of the realm of shadows.
Love caresses me as gently as a sharp snowflake.My heart is in an everlasting pang.
Foolishness possesses me, as I advance in my wisdom.
What I thought would have destroyed me gave me a spark of demise.I was lost and I was alive at the same time.
As an inanimate doll with a burning heart.
The nothingness stared at me in its boundless ferocity.
Elisabetta Esther -
The Abyss Of Nothingness
The abyss of nothingness swallowed all my fractured desires
The fear that gripped my heart and that sense of calm, of stability that took hold of my life made me a helpless and insignificant creature, invisible to mortals, yet at the same time the target of their cruelties.How much I wished to be different, to be accepted, and to be treated with great respect for who I truly was. But in truth, my entire life was a series of piercing endurance of inhuman suffering, humiliations, cruelties against me, deceit, mockery, traps, attempts to undermine my being, violence, and all the most barbaric and terrifying acts against my soul and myself.
My life had not been a normal existence—one that no one could have understood. My experience was not a common one. I had lived through a time when my dream had encapsulated me in an ideal, evanescent, and ethereal reality. No one could see me, especially during that period of apparent death. Yes, because for ten long years I had not lived—I had fallen into a deep and fatal dream, isolated from everything and everyone. I had built my own kingdom of dreams and illusions, into which, day by day, I entrusted my very self.
All the hourglasses in my dwelling had come to a halt, and the flow of time had lost all meaning. The disconnection from the truth that surrounded me had become both a tendency and a habit—one that turned into law. Indeed, I had become like a crystal frozen in time, like a statue untouched by its passing. I carried within me that immaterial sense of my heart, trapped in a confining aura.
I no longer cared what society thought, nor what people might perceive of me. And so it remains. For my rarity and my strangeness are imperceptible to any human heart. I was accused of things that never were, of things my heart could not even fathom. Everything had vanished like soap bubbles. Nothing remained—only bitter memories or sorrowful ones that dragged me down into the depths of an untouchable abyss.
Delicate and fragile as I was, I had lost the ability to love, to admire, and to obey mortals. I no longer saw them as similar to me, but rather, I perceived other beings—creatures who had no voice in the human condition—as kindred, as dear to me. And so it was that the abyss of nothingness possessed me, and it will always possess a part of my soul. For I belong to the emptiness and to the darkness.
Elisabetta -
The Kingdom Of Paradoxes And Absurdities
The kingdom of paradoxes and absurdities was the place where bullying and arrogance reigned supreme, sovereign over vulgarity and stupidity. They wallpapered the walls of every place that held court in such a realm.
Anything that could be imagined was both unreal and real at the same time. It could exist or not exist. Absurdity, however, was the master of the place. Thus, everything my logic deemed possible was tangible and predictable. In truth, it could neither take place nor be actualised in such sovereignty.
I cannot say that I was dreaming, nor can I say that I was awake. In a state of shock and surrender of my ego, I could no longer even discern whether I was daydreaming or hallucinating. All I could say was what my sensations and perceptions made me feel in every part of my soul and heart, in every part of my body.
Although I had firmly decided not to bend to the will of others, not to bow down or worship the conventions imposed on me persistently, I fell into a deadly trap—a kind of imprisonment, a state of captivity from which I could not free myself. Invisible chains that I felt and perceived in my body and heart held dominion over my life and my way of thinking.
My jewellery box had been plundered. All my secrets had been revealed by indiscreet tongues. And my protection had vanished. It was as if I had become a defenceless flower in the midst of a threatening desert.
I had to say goodbye to my version of myself, which was no longer alive. I had to say goodbye to all those visions that had deceived me falsely, when my naivety clouded my sight.
In the kingdom of paradoxes and absurdities, I had to succumb and suffer. I had nowhere else to go. And the more I tried to escape, the more it seemed that this strange land expanded beneath my feet, preventing me from crossing its high and menacing walls. And what could the sky do but watch me, almost mocking me in an indifferent and cynical manner.
Elisabetta -
The Magic Beneath Her Smile
The magic beneath her smile
In a hush of varnished sight
Her gaze held mine
She was not senseless
She was enigmatic
A timeless masterpiece
An eternal and sublime beauty
As if she knew everything about me
And all that I hadn’t yet dared to liveSeventeen-seventeen was the arcane message
She whispered to me in the gallery aura
Like a cypher and a vow
A painting is much more than a mirror
It is the reflection of a soul into a thin surface of eternityThe time became nineteen-nineteen
Like wings folding back into the surface of my body
An unlived existence was rising up from between my heart
And it was not a fairytale or a legend
But a secret signal and a door to another worldSurreal fantasies became my realm
And there I lingered silent and astonished
Immobile like a sphinx with staring eyes
Futile as I felt like the moments of bliss I lived in that magic kingdom of beauty and eternity
An exquisite world where my heart beat again joyfullyVanity and ephemeral dreams took me to mysterious places
Where I discovered new oddities and ancient secrets
I wouldn’t be able to understand which spell had been cast on me
I only knew I couldn’t resist the captivating labyrinth of artsThe magic beneath her smile concealed arcane mysteries
It wasn’t a prosaic artwork but a divine splendour
Dressed in centuries of varnish
Hid behind a shining crystal
Surrounded by fragments of timeless magnificence.
Elisabetta -
Leaving Myself Behind
Leaving myself behind
Through the pains and fears
Anguish was my ruler
And I didn’t demand anything
Hurt was my soul made of pins and bloodThe roars of the demons claiming me echoed in my head
The castle of doom was my pristine dwelling
It was made of bones and ashes
In the gloominess of the midnightI was fleeing from death to become decadence
Leaving everything behind
My past had crumbled to sand and memories
Remembrances that followed me wherever I was goingDisgraceful was my existence and only thorns stroked me
Black roses were swallowing me like a prey
Gloaming shadows surrounded me
Beneath the indifferent gaze of the silvery moonI could only hear laments as manifestations of the night
A mist of sorrow shrouded me like a gloomy cloak
The cold air was full of decadence
My heart slowed down at the sound of the drums of mourningI wandered beneath the barren heavens
I had become a ghost clothed in remnants of despair
I strived to seek refuge and rescue
But all I could ever feel was the numbness of endless wanderingThe world around me blurred into shadows
My realm was a graveyard of forsaken dreams
Where even the stars had eclipsed for eternity
And the winds sang elegies to my fallIn this endless procession of sadness
I was no longer a creature of the light because my heart was deceased
But I was only a phantom dissolving into a mist
Forever swallowed by the sorrowful darknessLeaving myself behind
I left a trail of thorns and blood
My heart was torn apart
I was just a shadow of the underworldMy face was carved with tears and scars
And the paleness of death erased it all
As if all my agony had faded like dust
In the end, I vanished into the oblivion of forsaken sorrows.
Elisabetta -
Endless Despair
Endless despair gripped my heart
Piercing it with swords and daggers
Fracturing the path I was walking
Each step was a struggle against the poundage of my grief and sorrowThe sky above me was now a dark and endless void
Where the sun had long since surrendered its passion
Leaving only the cold embrace of night
A reminder of obliteration and demiseShattered fragments of dreams clung to my soul
Their edges were sharp and slashed my heart
Memories of bliss dissolved like smoke
Vanishing before I could hold themI reached for something but nothing remained
Indeed, my hands met only the emptiness
A nothingness that mocked every effort of mine
A silence that devoured my voiceIn the depths of this abyss
I wondered if escape was even possible
But I became aware that I was doomed to wander this desolation endlessly
Forever lost and eternally brokenEndless despair destroyed my heart
Crushing it to ashes that the wind scattered into the emptiness
I sought solace in oblivion’s embrace
A cold grip that seemed to release meEach moment of stillness only exacerbated my misery
Since even the quietness was full of screams and outcries
No glimmer of light teased the edges of my sight
Every beauty and hope vanished as quickly as it appeared in my imaginationI was left with nothing but a bitter taste of what I could never acquire
The hours crawled like chains across my heart
Each tick was a reminder of all I could never reclaim
The past and the future were both my dungeons of distressI remained trapped in a perpetual desperation
I felt myself dissolving into the night
As the ghouls of this realm were obliterating what little remained of me
And I became nothingA sigh lost to the wind
I didn’t know what I was anymore
I felt forgotten and my spirit was broken
Relinquished among the shadows of the dead.
Elisabetta -
Amid Silence And Darkness
Amid silence and darkness
He came cloaked in mystery like a dark shadow that was cast over me
My dreams began when I felt my heart pierced by his sword
I knew not the hour or the season when this dark fairytale happened
His kiss was a smash between lust and deathI fell into an unconscious state of ecstasy and frenzy in my nightly unrest
I never desired and feared something so much
He crept with extreme longing and ghostly strokes
Making me tremble beneath his infernal art
Pleasure and terror twined in my heartI remained enveloped by a towering gloomy cloud
He opened my bosom, grabbing my soul with his pointed fingers
My blood ran down like a crimson river full of chaos and bewilderment
He was staring at me as if he could see my spirit
My incubus was my favourite nightmare and my most dreadful fearI could hear his whispers like bewitching hisses
He had cast a wicked spell over me and I was in a trance
Oblivious of my doomed fate bound to this creature of the night
Suddenly, I felt like a wanderer in an infinite ocean under the influence of a storm
I lost connection with myself and I became a stranger in the mirrorI felt choked by a toxic haze, and poison ran through my veins
I had become a creature of darkness as well
The vicious demon was my only obsession
I transformed into his slave completely subjugated to its enchantments
I was dead as I had become the bride of such an angel of deathAmid silence and darkness
My body had become his altar
And nightmares bloomed like withered flowers
He made me cry tears of ice and flames
I was no longer a mortal
I was a wraith drawn from shadow and sighs.
Elisabetta -
Elegy Of The Withered Roses
Elegy of the withered roses was one of the hymns carved on my book of dreams
Every time I opened it to flee the reality around me, I found myself in another world
A realm of solace and delight but also with dreadful and disquieting hues
Confused and dazzled, I began to proceed on my walk to the fountain of knowledge
The more I wanted to know, the more I was convinced to know lessMy struggle to understand the mystery beyond a legend so dear to me was overwhelmed by the fear of oblivion
As soon as I desired to open the books, decay trapped me in a state of affliction
And nightmares hunted me like prey, wherever I was, in the garden of desolation
What I’ve never seen before appeared in the mirror of my fate
The truth hurt me like a dagger inside my bleeding heartThe doom of desolation and solitude tainted every delight of mine
Although I was fleeing the reality, I couldn’t find any haven where to rest in peace
Sombre clouds overcrowded the night sky, obliterating all the stars
And the moon emerged immense in her startling splendour
As she was chanting the elegy of the withered rosesI couldn’t understand if the shrieks I was hearing were groans of mockery or laments of sorrow
All I could see was shadows embedded in the roots of dead trees
Twisting like tortured souls in the abyss of perpetual despair
Because after all, every dream of mine was a nightmare In the luminous hush of night
Since my heart was just an imperfect relic of impetuous stormsNothing more could have been mended
The rift between the realm of nightmares and longings had outgrown
My castle of hopes and illusions had crumbled to pieces
Its towers dissolved into mist, and its gates were devoured by stillness
I stood in my loneliness surrounded by the debris and clutching dreams that were turned to dust
As if sorrow itself had rewritten the fabric of my heart.
Elisabetta